The Divine Heart

by Danielle R. Mani

  “We’re just trying to get some answers,” Rob adds.

  “I hope you understand that I can’t say too much, not until I speak with someone at social services.” Tina folds her hands tightly and furrows her brow. She seems like the type of lady who likes to do things by the book.

  “I understand,” I say with my head to my chin.

  “Isn’t there anything you can tell us?” Rob asks. He looks at Tina with a glint of desperation in his eyes.

  “What would you like to know?” Tina asks sounding defeated. I guess even older women aren’t immune to Rob’s charming ways.

  “How is she?” I ask. At the moment, this seems to be the only question that matters.

  Tina locks eyes with me for a moment, then looks down at her hands. “I’m afraid she’s not doing very well.”

  “What’s wrong? What is it?” I cry.

  “She hasn’t spoken since she heard about the passing of her sister. The poor little thing. She lost her father first, then her mother, and now her sister.”

  “Is she seeing a doctor or someone who can help?” Rob asks.

  “She’s been visited by lots of doctors, but no one has been able to get through to her. That’s why when you mentioned you may be her sister, I thought you may just be the medicine she needs.”

  “Mrs. King, may I see her?”

  “I don’t know. The child has been through so much already. I would hate to have you meet with her and then it turns out…”

  “I understand, but I won’t even need to speak to her. Please – I’d just like to see her.” I feel my eyes begin to twitch. I bite down, hard, on my bottom lip.

  Tina pauses a moment and gives a long hard stare. I think, despite her better judgment, she trusts me. “She’s upstairs in her room. Please, I’ll let you see her but only for a moment.”

  “Thank you,” I sigh.

  “I’ll wait here,” Rob says. “If that’s okay with you?” He darts his eyes toward Tina.

  “You have an honest face.” She smiles. “We’ll be right back.”

  I follow Tina upstairs. The first door on the right is open. Tina stops and peeks inside, waves her hand for me to follow. I lean over her shoulder and see a little girl sitting at a small table beside an open window. She has crayons and paper spread out in front of her but she just stares out the window.

  “It’s this way every day. If we move her away from the window, she’ll just stare at the wall, television, anything to avoid eye contact. No one seems to be able to get through to her.”

  “She looks so sad.” I sniff.

  “It’s unfortunate that such a young girl has had to endure so much grief. You know she was in that terrible accident that took her sister’s life. Even though I know it doesn’t make sense, I believe she feels guilty for some reason.”

  “Guilty? Why?” I whisper.

  “I don’t know. Maybe because she is the only one in that car who survived.” Tina looks at Lily with saddened watery eyes.

  “Mrs. King, thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.” I turn to leave.

  “Where are you going?” she asks.

  “There is something I need to do, but I promise you I will be back. Please tell Lily that everything is going to be okay.”

  ***

  On the way back from seeing Lily, I hardly say two words to Rob. My mind is going in a million different directions. I think Rob understands that I need time to be alone with my thoughts because he doesn’t say much either. I love that there are never awkward, uncomfortable silences between us.

  After arriving home, I sit on the couch and just think about the best way to tell Kate about Lily and Cas. As I hear her key open the front door, I quickly gather my thoughts.

  “Elle, is that you?”

  “Hi,” I mumble as I think about what I need to say. I could start from the beginning and tell all that’s happened since the transplant, but I’m not sure if I’m willing to wait that long.

  Kate throws her purse on the entry table and pulls off her shoes. She steps into the living room and plops down on the couch, looking completely exhausted. “I am beat. I think I’ve driven all around the tri-state area today, looking at houses.” I walk over and have a seat next to her. “So, how are you feeling?” She exhales loudly.

  “Fine,” I say dryly.

  “I was thinking of ordering dinner from that new Greek place on the corner. Maybe we can split a Spanakopita and Souvlaki. How’s that sound—”

  “Mom,” I interrupt, “we need to talk.”

  “Sure, honey.” Her voice turns serious. “What’s up?”

  “I found out some news today. Actually, I found out a few things that we need to talk about.” I move in closer to her and watch as she creases her brow, something she does when she’s worried.

  “Okay, what’s going on?”

  I decide to just say it. “Did you know that Dad had two other children? Two daughters?”

  The look that crosses her face is the only answer I need. She jumps from the couch, and I think for a minute that she’s going to be sick. She walks toward the kitchen, maybe needing time to compose herself. I know she is pacing because I can hear the creak of the kitchen floorboards. After a few seconds of stunned silence, she steps back into the living room and sits down next to me on the couch.

  “I have to admit that you took me by surprise,” she says through tears. “But I promised myself that, if the subject were to come up, I would be honest with you. So, here it goes.” She takes a long, exaggerated breath. “Yes, I did know that your father had two other children.” She pauses to look at me. I’m doing my best to remain stone-faced. Without any reaction from me, she continues. “I was only with him when he had his oldest, but I had no idea he even had a child. I swear. As soon as I found out, I broke things off. We remained friends because I thought that was best for you. A few years later, I heard his wife was expecting their second child.”

  “Would you like to know the name of his first child?” I ask.

  “I know her name. It’s Cassidy,” she says softly.

  “Cas, mom,” I correct her. “Her name was Cas.” I can no longer control my emotions and burst into tears. Kate turns deathly white.

  “Are you saying that Cas, Glenn’s daughter, is the same?” she whispers.

  I nod.

  “How is that even possible?”

  “I’m not sure. I found out that Doctor Carmichael had been treating Cas.”

  “What? How do you even know that?”

  “Mom, ever since the transplant, strange things have been happening to me. Things that can’t be explained.” Kate looks at me with a tilted head. “Do you know what a shock it was to find out that I have two sisters and one of them is my donor?”

  “Sweetheart, I swear to you. I had no idea. Did Dr. Carmichael know that you and she are… were sisters?”

  “I don’t know. I’m just so confused about everything. Mom, how could you not tell me I had sisters?” My teeth are gritted. I feel the anger, an emotion I always try so hard to avoid, brewing inside me.

  “I’m so sorry, Elle.” Kate sobs. “But you have to believe me – I never meant for it to be like this. I didn’t know your father was married when I met him. It wasn’t until after I learned I was pregnant with you that he told me.” Kate’s nose is red and swollen and she wipes it with the heel of her hand. “I honestly didn’t want to have anything to do with him after that, but I knew that you needed a father.”

  “So you and he were never married?” I put my head in my hands and rub my temples with my fingertips. I don’t think I can hear anymore.

  “No.” Kate shakes her head and looks at the TV, avoiding eye contact. As upset as she is, I can’t help but believe she feels a sense of relief. Keeping a secret like this couldn’t have been easy.

  “Mom, were you giving his family money?” I ask, immediately thinking of the envelopes Mrs. Brady told us about.

  �
��How? How do you know about that?” There is a trace of fear in her eyes.

  “Mom, please just answer me.”

  She pauses and licks the tears from her bottom lip. “N-no.” She sniffs. “I just helped your father out a little. After his second child was born, he and his wife broke things off and he was having a hard time making ends meet. Your father was working three jobs. He never had time to see you,” her voice trails off, “and I thought you needed a father,” she whispered. “He and I made an arrangement. He started to work for me, helping out with repairs and renovations on some of the houses I flipped as a way to earn extra money, and I made sure that none of his time working was time taken away from you.

  “What about his other children? What about Cas and his younger daughter, Lily? What about the time he should have been spending with them?”

  “Honey, your father and I hardly spoke after you were born. Our conversations were limited to either work or you. As time went on, it became easy to forget that he even had a family.”

  I turn my head – I can’t even look at her. Kate reaches for me and turns my chin to face her. “I wasn’t doing it to be malicious. I just assumed his family wouldn’t want anything to do with you – or me, for that matter. And who could blame them? I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

  “Dear God, Mom, I feel like I’ve taken so much from her.” I put my head in my hands and sob.

  “Elle, none of this was your fault. She, Cas, was in an accident. You had absolutely nothing to do with that.” She pauses and raises a brow. “I just can’t believe that she died the same night you were brought into the hospital. That’s just too much of a coincidence.” Kate looks at me and rubs her temples with the tips of her fingers. “You said you learned Scott was her doctor?”

  “It was more than that, Mom. Cas was staying with the Carmichaels after her mother was killed in the accident.”

  “What? This doesn’t make any sense. What connection can there be to Cas and the Carmichaels?”

  “Maybe it has something to do with this.” I take the news clipping I found in the frame from my pocket.”

  “What’s this?” Kate says, taking it from my hand.

  “Mom, I found this in the picture frame in your room. The one that held the photo of you and Dad.” Kate skims the article.

  “I forgot about this,” she says, exhaling loudly. She stands from the couch and paces the carpet, rereading the article again.

  “Where did it come from?” I ask.

  “I cut it out of the newspaper one morning. From the little bit your father told me about Cas, I had my suspicions the article was written about her. I was going to ask him about it, but never did.” She lets out a sigh. “I thought a lot about those girls. I still do… I used to wonder if maybe you were a little like Cas, too.” I look into Kate’s weepy eyes and guess she is thinking about the dream I had about my grandmother’s death. “I put the article inside the frame. I don’t know if I was hiding it from your father or you… then… I just forgot all about it.”

  I try my best to absorb everything my mother is telling me, but as she goes on about what a good man my father was and how I shouldn’t hold any of this against him, the room begins to spin. Kate’s words become nothing more than background noise, like muffled voices in a crowded auditorium.

  “Elle, why didn’t you come to me?” She suddenly begins to make sense again. “I can’t believe that on top of recovering from your surgery, you had to deal with all this, too! No wonder you seemed so distant.” She puts her hands on my shoulders. “And the stress. All this stress can’t be good for you.” She sniffs.

  “For the first time, I’m not afraid of stress,” I say calmly, a slight grin plastered to my face. My mother looks at me with squinted eyes. I can tell she is trying to make sense of everything.

  “Cas’s heart is strong. So much stronger than mine was,” I continue. “Even though I’m so sad for what happened to her, I’m also grateful that she gave me this gift.” I touch my hand to my heart.

  “I am, too, sweetheart,” Kate cries.

  “Mom, I’m so tired of living in fear.I don’t want to be afraid of life, or how my heart might react to it anymore. I won’t let Cas’s death be in vain!”

  “It won’t be.” Kate wipes the tears that stream down her cheeks with the back of her hands. “You are going to do great things with your life.”

  “Before I can move on, I first need to figure out what the Carmichaels have to do with all this.” I sit down on the edge of the couch and take a deep breath in through my nose.

  “I want to know, too. This just doesn’t make sense,” Kate laments.

  “Mom, I don’t think Scott really heard about my case from a colleague.” Kate sits down beside me and takes my hands in hers.

  “You think he found you on purpose?” She squeezes my hand tightly.

  “I do… Scott and Jocelyn are fascinated by the supernatural and life after death. I don’t think it was a coincidence that Cas’s body was brought to the hospital the same night I collapsed… there’s more to this.”

  “Then we’ll get answers,” Kate says, standing from the couch.

  “We will.” I reach for her hands and pull her back down on the couch. “Just not now, not tonight. I need some time to absorb everything.” After a few seconds of silence, I get up and walk toward the front door.

  “Where are you going?” Kate asks.

  “I’m going upstairs to see Rob. He’s been so great through this whole thing.”

  “He’s been a good friend to you.” Kate smiles. I turn to face her and I’m sure I’m blushing.

  “Or is he more than a friend?” Kate probes, a coy smile on her face. I shrug my shoulders, not sure how to respond, and open the door to leave.

  I hate lying to Kate. I have no intention of seeing Rob. Instead, I need to go to the Carmichaels and demand answers. I know Kate would never let me go over there alone. I managed to sneak my car keys into my pocket when she wasn’t looking.

  ***

  As I drive, I see that the sun is just about to set. The sky swirls with pink and orange clouds that clump together like scoops of sherbet.It’s beautiful, yet ominous. I wonder if it’s a sign of what’s yet to come.

  I take a long, deep breath and stare at the Carmichaels’ house through the foggy windshield of my car. I turn on the defroster and watch as the steam quickly vanishes, like a ghost. I look at the clock; it’s 6:30, on the nose. Scott’s shift ended two hours ago.

  I have so many questions and can’t wait any longer for answers.I touch my hand to my heart and say a prayer to Cas, the way I have so many times before. I turn off the ignition and pull out the key. Today is the first time I have driven since the surgery and it feels good to be independent once again.

  I walk up the front stairs and knock using the brass ring. I stare at the carefully etched eyes of the ox. His face gives me an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. The door opens slowly.

  “Elle, what a pleasant surprise.” It’s Scott. He has a wide, perfectly white smile plastered to his face. “Come on in.”

  “Thank you,” I say, taking a step inside.

  “So, what brings you here?” Like he didn’t know. Maybe this guy should have become an actor instead of a doctor.

  “Scott.” I say his first name with a confidence I never felt before. “I need to speak to you about something.” I walk into the living room feeling like I own the place. I sit on the sofa and notice how firm the cushion is. I’m probably the first person to ever sit on it. I fold one leg over the other and place my hands in my lap.

  “Can I get you something, Elle? A glass of water or some tea?”

  “No, thank you,” I answer curtly. I turn and have a look around. “Where is Jocelyn?”

  “She went out to run some errands. Elle, is everything okay?” Scott lowers his brow and tilts his head slightly.

  “I was hoping Jocelyn would be here, too. What I have to say concerns the both of you.”r />
  “I see. Well, this sounds serious.” Scott pulls up one of the large wingback chairs pressed against the wall and moves it closer to the couch. There are only a few inches between us. He folds his leg and puts his hand to his chin, reminding me of the many times we spoke in his office. Only this time I didn’t have that queasy nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, wondering what he was going to report about my health.

  “Scott, ever since my surgery some really strange things have been happening to me.” I pause for a moment looking into his dark, deep-set eyes. I thought he might interrupt and ask me to describe my symptoms like he usually does but, instead, he just sits, staring, showing little reaction.

  “I’ve been having visions.” I pause and check if his expression has changed – nothing. “I’ve also been having strange dreams and hearing voices.” Scott looks as if I were discussing the weather. I decide to not let it distract me. “The other day, I met a man at the hospital, a Mr. Johnson. He told me that you had reached out to him about his visions.” Scott nods his head. “Scott, I was led to Mr. Johnson by the person in my visions. Her name was Cas – Cassidy. I emphasize her name. I believe she was my sister.” Scott is stone faced.

  “Scott, did you know she was my sister when you gave me the transplant?” I stand from the couch and look down at him seated in the chair – power move. Scott nods his head. “Of course I knew,” he says calmly. I planned to ask how he and Jocelyn were her legal guardians, but am amazed that he affirmed his guilt so quickly.

  “You admit it?” I sigh. He nods his head. I feel my body become warm, like someone just covered me with a thick blanket. Whenever I become upset my temperature quickly rises and my face gets flushed – they are usually my cues to calm down. I find it hard to remain calm now though. I’m completely distressed by his lack of emotion.

  “Please understand, any information I didn’t share with you was for your own good.” His voice is soft and he avoids making eye contact, something he often did when he had bad news to report. He rests his hand in his chin and looks at the floor. “Elle, you wouldn’t be alive today if… if you didn’t receive that transplant.” He finally lifts his head to look at me standing in the doorway. I’m flooded with a range of emotion. His composed nature is indubitable. “First of all, how did you know Cas?” I demand.