Robot Dust Bunnies (Argonauts Book 5)

by Isaac Hooke

  “You’ve probably guessed by now that I came across some new technology. Along with a few of the former crew, who I revived from suspended animation. I installed cybernetic components into them, and invaded their most private thoughts. I was able to learn everything about them and their technology, including the access privileges to their computer system equivalents. Once I acquired data rights to all the tech I needed, I promptly terminated the surviving crew, as they were of no further use to me: their ship will never leave this rock prison. Their technology, however, will.

  “You see, I have already sent detailed plans to my brethren via the supra-dimension, along with the genetic code of those individuals I found aboard. We will integrate their advanced robotics and shielding technology with our own, cloning their species to serve as surrogates as necessary, and with that tech, no one will be able to stand against us, not even the Greens.”

  “Now you understand why we have offered them a peace treaty,” Corunna said. “I have spoken with the other Greens on the High Council, and they have approved this. You know that in our region of space, the Green Mothership wars with those others of our kind, yes? Well, in exchange for the Greens ceasing all interference in Phant precursory activities in this region of space, the war will officially end. A ceasefire has already been declared on both sides. Surus is to end all hunting activities immediately. She is to let you humans prepare for the arrival of the Phants yourselves.”

  “Don’t you see?” Ms. Bounty said. “The Phant has lied to you. There will never be peace among the Greens and the other Phants. I am familiar enough with the memories and character of Surus to know that she feels the same way. She will never cease hunting the Phants in this region of space.”

  “Then she will be hunted herself,” Corunna said. “The terms of peace call for a thousand year hiatus between Greens and other Phants.”

  “A thousand years?” Lui said. “The Phants are due to arrive in human space seven hundred years from now.”

  “Yes I know,” Corunna responded. She paused as if considering her next words. “Never has a treaty of this magnitude been broken. A thousand years of peace... it buys the Greens the time we need to regroup, as well as time to steal this new technology from them, if they won’t give it to us freely as part of the terms of the peace.”

  “You’re going to admit that right in front of the Phant?” Manic said.

  Corunna glanced at Alton. “She already knows we intend to do this. She also knows it is inevitable that we will someday acquire the technology. Just as humans inevitably steal tech from other human nations. So while we may war again after a thousand years, at least we will be evenly matched.”

  “And what happens to us in the meantime?” Rade said.

  “Humans?” Corunna said. “Or you in general?”

  “Both,” Rade said.

  “Humans will have to fend for themselves against whatever Phants remain in this space,” Corunna said. “And when the remaining Phants arrive seven hundred years from now, you must fight them alone.”

  “And so the Greens betray us after all,” Tahoe said. “I knew we should have never trusted them. We saw their true colors after what they did to the Hydra. We should have dropped Surus as a client immediately after.”

  “Then we would have never learned about this most recent plot,” Rade said. “But tell me, Corunna... what about us? What happens to my team? You’re going to let us go, right?”

  Alton was the one who replied. “Let you go? Hardly.”

  “What if we agree never to report the location of this starship to the rest of humanity?” Manic said.

  “You wouldn’t keep that promise, of course,” Alton said. “I do expect the location will get out, however. And soon. Which is why I detonated the memory cores of the ship after obtaining the data, and placed charges to destroy anything else of value inside. There are no alien bodies, either... I incinerated them all.”

  “So if you’re not going to let us go...” Rade said.

  Alton smiled coldly behind the faceplate. “Your lives are forfeit, of course, in repayment for the crimes you have committed against my kind. It is unfortunate that your EM emitters prevent me from incinerating the lot of you, or I would do so and be done with it. I could waste some time firing a laser rifle into your hulls, but I have something else in mind. Something far more devious. You will stay here, affixed to the wall by gravity, awaiting the fate I have in store for you. Surus will have returned, by then, and she will watch your terrible deaths, helpless to do anything.”

  “What are you going to do?” Rade pressed.

  “You’ll see,” Alton said. “Unfortunately, Corunna and I can’t stand around to witness it.”

  Alton’s faceplate changed, projecting a hologram so that it looked like Rade’s face resided within. Corunna’s changed as well, so that it appeared her jumpsuit housed Ms. Bounty. Rade saw his own name appear above Alton’s head, and the name of Surus above Corunna’s, as overlaid by his Implant—that told him the public profiles of the two enemies had been updated as well. Likely the private profiles had changed, too.

  “Shaw will never let you aboard,” Rade said.

  “She will,” Alton answered with Rade’s voice. The lips of the hologram on the faceplate moved in sync. “I will tell her I left the Hoplites and HS3s behind to explore the cave system, and I decided to return to the ship to further examine a data chip the team uncovered in one of the caverns, hidden inside a digger unit.”

  “She’ll never fall for it,” Rade said.

  “We shall see,” the false Rade replied.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Corunna answered with the voice of Ms. Bounty, her words also synced with the hologram. “I have already instituted certain measures to ensure our safe return. Good-bye, Argonauts.” She exchanged a glance with the false Rade. “I’m marking them as enemies. It’s time to stop sharing positional information with them.”

  Her blue dot on the overhead map became red, joining the already crimson indicator that marked Alton. When they reached the surface, no doubt they would reset those markers and resume positional sharing in an attempt to deceive Shaw.

  “Let’s go,” Alton said with Rade’s voice.

  “Wait, at least tell us how long we have?” Rade said.

  “Not long,” Alton replied.

  With that, the two departed via the eastern tunnel. When they vanished from view, on the overhead map their red dots remained frozen beyond the passage opening, indicating their last known position.

  “Well that treacherous alien bitch,” Bender said. “Man. How could we fall for it?”

  “You, I can understand,” Manic said. “Blinded by her beauty. But the rest of us? Well, we were led hook, line and sinker.”

  Rade struggle to move once again, but his spreadeagled arms and legs refuse to respond. “Are the HS3s we left behind still in range?”

  He answered the question for himself by glancing at the overhead map, and seeing the low ping times for the two scouts waiting at the tunnel branches farther east.

  “They are,” Fret said.

  “Have them return to the surface,” Rade said. “As soon as they’re within comm distance of Shuttle A, dispatch a message. Alert Shaw to the impostors.”

  “Done,” Fret said.

  Rade watched the two HS3s retreat. That was one less thing to worry about. Then again, Corunna had stated she had other methods to ensure her return to the Argonaut.

  What the hell did she do all those weeks she was aboard my ship?

  He had left her under Surus’ supervision. And the AI was supposed to keep an eye on her, too. But there were ways around both, as Rade knew very well. Tapping into and replacing video feeds, altering recorded conversations... Rade shook his head.

  We’ve really been deceived this time.

  ten

  I’m open to any ideas on how to get out of this one,” Rade said.

  “You’re the one who usually gets us out of these tight situations,” Man
ic said.

  “Yeah, but my idea factory is all out today,” Rade replied.

  “I might have something,” Lui said.

  “Go ahead,” Rade told him.

  “Well, as far as I can tell, the gravity seems to be sourced from that remaining unit.” Lui highlighted a lone digger that sat by a pillar near the center of the cavern. Unlike the others, it hadn’t hurtled into the wall.

  “That’s not going to help us if we can’t get to it,” Rade said.

  “Maybe when Surus returns, she can try to possess it,” Lui said. “Assuming it has an AI of some kind.”

  “It has to have some sort of computer system aboard,” TJ said. “Whether or not it’s sentient is another story.”

  “So we wait for Surus to return from her explorations of the alien ship, then,” Rade said. “That’s something, at least.”

  He sighed. He just hoped she returned before whatever end Alton and Corunna had planned for them came to fruition.

  He stared into the empty cave before him, willing that return to be quick.

  “You know,” Manic said, “when we were talking about Bender’s penis earlier, that made me think about the time we were fighting in Mongolia.”

  “Mongolia?” Fret said. “That’s ancient history, dude!”

  “I know, but the memory stands out,” Manic said.

  “You would think about my penis, bitch,” Bender said. “That’s right, keep dreaming about it, wishing for the day I ram it up your asshole.”

  “I know you’re in love with Manic,” Fret said. “But maybe you should restrict those comments to a private line? We don’t all need to hear about your sexual proclivities.”

  “Shut up, skinny bitch,” Bender said.

  “He’s just trying to distract me from telling the Camp Cockroach story,” Manic said.

  “Ah!” Bender said. “Not Camp Cockroach!”

  Rade couldn’t tell if Bender was truly afraid, or just pretending. Probably the latter.

  “That’s right,” Manic said.

  “Everyone knows the story already,” Bender said hurriedly. “No need to repeat it.”

  “I want to hear it again,” Fret said.

  “What happened at Camp Cockroach?” Harlequin asked.

  “See, not everyone knows it,” Fret said.

  “Don’t tell the AI!” Bender said.

  “Too late, bro,” Manic said. “See, Harlequin, Bender was taking a dump in the latrine unit of the Camp Cockroach CHU farm.” CHU stood for containerized housing unit. “Now, the latrine unit wasn’t too well maintained. Sure, the sanitation robots tried, but it was a struggle to keep up, and usually the place was disgusting. Shit everywhere. Flies, too. Anyway, Bender’s minding his own business as he’s squatting down on the toilet and relieving his bowels, when, from one of the overhead fans, a particularly large spider droops down and lands on his dick.”

  “That’s not true!” Bender said.

  Manic chuckled softly. “Oh, but it is. I still remember you hopping out of there howling like a madman, with your pants wrapped around your ankles, nearly tripping you. You repeatedly swatted at your dick with each hop. Every time you knocked away the spider, it kept climbing back up an invisible thread to your dick. Never seen a more frightened man in my life. What was that you were shouting? ‘Get my rifle, bitches! Get my rifle!’ I wonder what would have happened if we actually gave you your rifle? Probably would’ve blown your dick right off.”

  “Well at least you can understand now why he hates bugs so much,” Fret said.

  “Bugs,” Bender agreed. “They’re a plague to this galaxy.”

  “Anyway, when he finally got the spider off,” Manic continued, “he had friction burns all over his dick. We never figured out whether that was because he was milking his banana in there, and not actually taking a dump, or because of all the times he swatted his snake, trying to dislodge the spider. Probably a bit of both.”

  “I can’t understand how anyone could milk their banana with all that feces around,” Fret said. “Unless of course, Bender actually got turned on by the stuff.”

  “I don’t damn it!” Bender said. “And I didn’t!”

  “We called the place Camp Cock Roast after that,” Manic continued. “The Marines and Army personnel apparently misheard us, because shortly afterward the camp became known informally as Camp Cockroach.”

  “Why is it that when doom is imminent, you humans always seem so relaxed?” Harlequin said.

  “Not all humans do, Harley Boy,” Bender said. “Just our particular brand of bitches.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Manic said. “We’re not bitches. You are. And we’re not really relaxed. This is how we cope.”

  “See Manic, what you just said shows why you’re the biggest bitch of all,” Bender said. “This is how we cope. Fool. I’m completely relaxed. Oh and, by the way, about the little story you told there... you tried to embarrass me, you really did. But you failed miserably. I was only pretending I cared.”

  “Sure, sure,” Manic said.

  “And that was a big joke I played back in Camp Cockroach as well,” Bender said. “Of course I didn’t give a damn about some small insect crawling on my dick. I was messing with you all.”

  “Hey Pussywillow, there’s a spider on your dick!” Fret said, laughing.

  “That’s not a spider, it is his dick!” Manic said.

  “I’m muting y’all,” Bender said. “Bye.”

  Harlequin got in the final word: “As I said, I don’t think I’ll ever understand you humans.”

  There was quiet over the next few moments as the Argonauts dealt with the situation in their own way. If the end came, Rade had to accept it. He didn’t want to die here, at the bottom of some solidified lava ocean, next to an alien starship, on a world so faraway from home. Even more-so, he didn’t want to die without seeing his kids at least once after they were born. Shaw had wanted to give him more reasons to live. Well, he reflected, she had certainly succeeded.

  But it might already be too late.

  “I’m detecting vibrations,” Lui announced, “transmitted through the rock. I’m linking the AI of my mech to the other Hoplite AIs in an attempt to triangulate the source.”

  “Looks like we’re about to experience firsthand the so-called advanced technology the Phant recovered from that ship,” Manic said.

  “Advanced killing technology,” Fret commented.

  “Well, Lui?” Manic said after a moment.

  “Okay,” Lui said. “Got it. The vibrations seem to be coming from the unmapped region to the west. Beyond the opening on the far side of this cavern.”

  “The region where HS3s Five and Six still haven’t returned from?” Fret asked.

  “The same,” Lui said.

  “The vibrations are slowly increasing in intensity,” TJ said. “Whatever is making them, it’s coming closer.”

  “Why does that not surprise me?” Rade said.

  “We’re doomed,” Fret said.

  Rade stared at the dark, ominous opening on the western end of the cavern, and a tingle of fear passed up and down his spine. He wondered what evil thing would emerge, and what it would do to his helpless Hoplites.

  Rade began to feel the vibrations in the rock then, as transmitted to the inner cocoon of his cockpit.

  “Whatever is approaching from that tunnel, it’s gotta be big,” Manic said.

  “The squad idiot speaks again,” Bender said. “Bitch, you really think something big is going to fit these passages? My guess is whatever the eff is coming has to be small, as in dog small. But numerous. Probably hundreds of them. Little hungry munching bitches, looking to chew off your metal ass.”

  “Bugs?” Fret said.

  “I didn’t say that,” Bender said.

  “I bet they are,” Fret said. “Now we get to watch the Pussywillow scream. Just like in the Camp Cockroach latrine.”

  “Bro, we’re all going to be screaming,” Tahoe said.

  �
�Maybe the gravity will affect whatever is coming, too?” Fret said hopefully.

  “It probably will,” Lui said. “Just not in the way you expect. I think it will only help whatever is coming reach us faster.”

  “Well looky here, the alien ice queen is back,” Bender said.

  A green mist floated into view, coming down from the nearest starship nozzle. Unaffected by the gravity field, it drifted toward Sprint.

  Rade waited impatiently as that mist absorbed into the cockpit area of the Hoplite.

  When the last of it was gone, Rade said: “Surus?”

  “Not yet,” Ms. Bounty said. Then, a moment later: “I have returned.”

  “Welcome back,” Bender said. “You missed your Corunna bitch royally screwing us over.”

  “Ms. Bounty has updated me,” Surus said. “I am deeply saddened by the news. That Corunna and the other Greens have agreed to cancel my hunt shows a complete lack of compassion for humanity. It is also an insult, considering that you humans helped save our homeworld. I intend to ignore the High Council’s decree, and continue to hunt the Phants. Unfortunately, that means I myself will now be hunted by other Greens.”

  “How quickly the friendships between races sour,” Lui commented.

  “You’re not going to turn your back on humanity?” Rade asked, ever aware of the increasing vibrations. The cockpit actuators transmitted those tremors to his jumpsuit, and the inner atmosphere of that suit gave those vibrations a voice. It sounded a little like a meat grinder.

  “No,” Surus said. “I have worked with humans too long to abandon you now. And while there will be other Greens who remain sympathetic to your cause, despite the orders from the High Council, for now we must assume they are all enemies.”

  “Wait, are you saying every Green in this sector is now our prey?” Manic asked.

  “No,” Surus said. “Only those who hunt us.”

  “Like Corunna,” TJ said.

  “Exactly,” Surus said. “We have a Green and a Purple to catch.”

  “Do we trust her, boss?” Tahoe asked on a frequency that excluded Surus.

  “We don’t have any other choice at the moment,” Rade said as the vibrations grew. “Nor much time.” He switched to the main channel: “Surus, you see that lone digger unit out there, by the basalt column? We believe it’s the source of the gravity field. See if you can shut it off.”