by Susan Stoker
The knock on the door startled Beth to the point she could feel her heartrate speed up and start to get out of control. She took a deep, fortifying breath and forced herself to walk to the door and peer out the small security hole.
She saw Cade standing at her doorstep, smiling. As she watched, he held up two large bottles of what looked like cleaning fluid. Beth took another deep, calming breath and unlocked the two deadbolts, the chain, the lock on the knob itself, and opened the door. Luckily the battering ram had mostly just popped the main lock and hadn’t destroyed the door itself.
“Hey.”
“Hey back.”
“Come in.” Beth stood back from the door to give Cade room to enter. He strode into her little apartment as if it was the hundredth time he’d been there instead of only the second. She shut the door behind him and made sure to re-latch the locks before turning to him. Cade had stopped about four feet from her and was seemingly waiting for her to give him a signal as to where he should go or what he should do. She appreciated the courtesy. Her apartment was her sanctuary, and it would’ve made her feel uncomfortable if he’d just walked in and made himself at home.
It wasn’t the most expensive apartment complex in San Antonio, but it wasn’t a shithole either. It was three stories high; Beth lived on the first floor, and her neighbors, for the most part, kept to themselves. There was an older single man who lived on her floor who she sometimes saw when she was going shopping with Pen, but otherwise she didn’t really get a glimpse of many of the people who lived around and above her.
“I’ve found some old towels we can use. I also already vacuumed up as much of the powder as I could,” Beth told Cade in what she hoped was a normal-sounding voice.
“Sounds good. Let’s go see the damage. I don’t think it should take long, as the fire wasn’t that large and we got it under control quickly.”
Beth led the way to the kitchen and winced anew at the mess. Most of the powder was gone, but the smell of chemicals remained and it was obvious every surface needed to be scrubbed.
“Do you have a bucket or container we can use? I need to dilute this degreasing cleanser.”
Beth nodded and reached under the sink for the bucket she used when she mopped. She wasn’t the cleanest housekeeper around, but many times when she couldn’t sleep, she’d end up cleaning instead.
She watched as Cade poured some of the degreasing liquid into the bucket and then ran some tap water in to dilute it. His biceps bulged as he hefted the now-heavy container to the counter. Beth handed him a cloth and they got to work wiping down the surfaces covered in chemicals and the stovetop. The plates and bowls went into the dishwasher and the pan that had started the fiery mess in the first place ended up in the trash. They didn’t speak while they cleaned, but it wasn’t an uneasy silence.
After they’d degreased the kitchen, Cade emptied the bucket and started over with some of the liquid from the other bottle he’d brought, again diluting it with water. They spent the next forty minutes or so sanitizing the room with the new mixture.
Beth found working with Cade was relaxing and easy. He didn’t talk much, but she didn’t feel awkward either. It was as if they’d worked side by side their entire adult lives and not just for the last hour and a half.
Finally, Cade arched his back and groaned. “I think we’ve got it all. To be on the safe side, I wouldn’t put food on any of these surfaces for a while. Not until you’ve cleaned them a few times.”
“Sounds like the smart thing to do. I appreciate you helping me out.”
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry it happened in the first place. You were lucky. You have to be really careful when you’re cooking with oil. I’ve been to way too many fires that started in the kitchen where people lost everything.”
“Yeah, I talked to my mom today and she walked me through her recipe again. I’m sure I’ll be better at it next time. I was kinda surprised at how quickly it flared up, that’s for sure.”
“For an oil fire, never throw water on it—put a lid on the pan and take it off the heat if you can. Do you have a fire extinguisher?”
“No.”
“I’ll make sure you get one. It’s important.”
“I understand that now. If I had one, I could’ve saved you guys a trip. But I can order one online. It’s not a big deal.”
“No way, I’ll get you a top-of-the-line one. Even if you have an extinguisher, don’t ever be afraid to call nine-one-one. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.”
“Yeah.” Beth looked down at her watch. It was eleven-thirty. “It’s getting late. I’m sure you’re tired.”
Cade shrugged.
Beth didn’t know what that meant. He wasn’t tired? He wanted to stay? Why would he want to stay…with her? It wasn’t as if this was a date or anything, and besides, she’d flat-out told him about her phobia. Why was he still there?
Suddenly she got it. “Pen told you what happened to me, didn’t she? You don’t have to feel sorry for me. I’m fine.”
Cade leaned against her counter and crossed his arms over his chest. His stance should’ve made her nervous, but the only thing it did was make her stomach do flip-flops. He wasn’t wearing a uniform, only a simple navy-blue T-shirt and a pair of jeans, but the way his muscles flexed made her womanly bits—which she’d thought were long dead and buried—stand up and take notice.
“She told me some, but that’s not why I’m here.” His voice was even and modulated and he didn’t look irritated or otherwise put out by her question. “Usually when I’m interested in a woman, I try to find out as much as possible about her. My sister knows you, I love and trust her, so therefore she was the perfect person to ask.”
“What’d she say? That I’m fragile? Did she tell you that she has to hold my hand like I’m a three-year-old for me to be able to step foot outside this damn apartment? Did she tell you what I look like when I have a panic attack?”
Beth didn’t notice Cade moving until he was right in front of her. She gasped as he brushed her hair behind her and then put his hands on her shoulders and leaned close.
“No. She told me how fucking proud she is of you. She told me that you were one of the strongest women she knew.” His words lost some of their bite as he continued. “She told me how your bravery inspired her to continue to fight her own demons.”
Beth looked up at Cade in shock. “She said that?”
Cade nodded. “She didn’t use the words, but I know my sister. Trust me when I tell you that she would never speak badly of you. And please let this sink in. You might think you’re using her to help you get stuff done outside this apartment, but believe me, she’s using you just as much. Helping you makes her feel useful…important. The two of you might have had different experiences while you were held against your will, but ultimately I’m guessing you find trusting people just as tough as she does. And the fact that you allow her to help you is huge for her. Understand?”
Cade’s words made Beth’s heart swell in her chest, but she still pushed. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I couldn’t go outside by myself.”
“I know.”
“So why are you still here?”
Cade straightened but didn’t move away from her. “Because I want to be. Because I saw something I liked this afternoon, and when I want something, I go after it.”
“You just met me. You don’t know anything about me.”
“And that’s why I’m here. I want to get to know you.”
“Does Pen know her brother is mentally unbalanced?”
Cade dropped his hands, threw his head back and laughed. When he had himself under control, he boldly reached out and grabbed Beth’s hand. “Yeah, I think she has an idea. She’s known me a very long time.”
Beth didn’t have a comeback for that as she was being towed into her living room behind Cade.
Ever since she’d realized that holding Penelope’s hand and feeling skin-on-skin contact could keep her demons at bay, and make
her feel not so alone when she was outside, holding hands had a whole new meaning to her. She was alarmed to realize that the feeling she had with Penelope was magnified tenfold with Cade. His hand was calloused and way bigger than her own. His palm engulfed hers, his heat seeped into her pores, and Beth swore she could feel her blood pressure lower as a result.
Cade sat on the couch and pulled her down next to him. Once they were sitting, he let go of her hand and leaned back, relaxing into her cushions as if he did it every day. “Now…tell me about you. If my sister is comparing you to Penelope Garcia, her very favorite character on television nowadays, you must be good.”
Feeling off-kilter, but safe, Beth leaned back and smiled. “She’s exaggerating, but I love her for it. I’m sure you’re wondering how I can afford this place, or to eat, if I can’t go outside by myself. I work from here. I’m not exactly looking for killers like Garcia does on Criminal Minds. During the day I work for a website in customer service, answering questions that come in on the chat server.”
“And at night?”
“You’re a firefighter, yeah?”
“Uh, yeah. You saw me today, right? All dressed up in my costume?”
Beth barked out a laugh. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I didn’t mean to insult you.”
“You didn’t insult me, sugar, just surprised me.”
“I just meant, you’re not also a cop or anything?”
A look of seriousness flitted over Cade’s face. “No, but I have to say, I have friends in law enforcement…and I’m really really hoping you’re not about to tell me you stay up late breaking the law online.”
“No,” Beth immediately returned. Then clarified, “Not exactly.”
“Then what—exactly?”
Beth looked down at her hands. She picked at a thread on the hem of her T-shirt. “Your sister was right, I’m good at computers. Once upon a time I was working on my computer science degree and I just knew I was going to get a job at Apple or IBM or something, and I’d invent something super cool and everyone would download my app and I’d get rich. But then…you know…and I couldn’t go back to school, and I had to get away from California and all the pitying looks I got. When the panic attacks got so bad I couldn’t go to work, I started playing around on the Internet. I got good at computer code. Really good. It was fun, something I could do to keep myself busy late at night when I couldn’t sleep. I know I could probably still invent apps…but that somehow lost its appeal.”
“Okay, that all sounds good so far,” Cade prompted.
“Have you heard of the Dark Web?”
“No.”
“Well, it’s the Internet, but…hidden. There are things called overlay networks, which use regular Internet access, but require specific configurations or authorizations to access. The Dark Web is actually a part of the Deep Web, which is basically a part of the Internet that isn’t indexed by search engines. It’s—”
“You sure sound like Garcia, and I think I only understand every other word you just said. Break it down for me. Is it legal?”
Beth bit her lip. “Well, some of it is…yeah.”
“Hmmmmm.”
Reading the disapproval in Cade’s tone, Beth hurried on. “I don’t do anything against the law. Well, nothing that will hurt anyone else. There’s a lot of porn and black market stuff that goes on there, but I don’t worry too much about that…unless I run across really sick shit, then I do what I can to get those sickos shut down. But what I really like to do is either find holes in people’s firewalls or see if I can track down those weird scammers that send emails to people asking for money, or telling them that they won the lottery in Africa, and alter their code so if anyone is naïve enough to reply, the bad guys never get the response.”
Beth risked looking up at Cade. She had no idea what he was thinking; he was staring at her with no expression on his face. She shrugged and tried to downplay it. “It’s really not a big deal. I just do it for fun.”
“How’d you learn what to do?”
“Learn how to access the Dark Web or find the scammers?”
“Both.”
Beth shrugged. “Trial and error mostly. And lots of research.” She jumped when Cade reached for her hand and took it in his own again. He brought it up to his lips and kissed her knuckle.
“I have no idea what to say. You’re amazing.”
Beth immediately shook her head in denial. “No, I’m not.”
“You are. Not only did you survive what happened to you, you’ve taught yourself something that ninety-nine-point-nine percent of people have no idea even exists. I can’t say I’m happy about most of it, since it sounds like it could be dangerous if someone ever found out it was you turning them in, but I’m in awe of your intelligence.”
Beth blushed and looked away. “So you aren’t going to cuff me and turn me in to your buddies?”
“Naw, you’re too pretty to go to jail. But I did notice you ignored my comment on the dangerous aspect of what you do.”
“It’s really not dangerous. I’m just playing around.”
“You can deny it, but it doesn’t change the facts, Beth. And I know you think you’re damaged, but you’re not. You might be bruised a bit, but I admire that you’re fighting with everything you’ve got. I’d love to stand by you while you take on that fight.”
“Uh…”
“And another thing,” Cade went on. “I’ve got some people I want to introduce you to. No, don’t shake your head. I’m not talking tomorrow, or even the next day. I’ll take this as slow as you want to go.”
Beth could only stare at Cade in bewilderment. Take what slow? What was he talking about?
“But as I said, I have friends in law enforcement and I know they’d kill to have the skills you can do. I know you’re not Penelope Garcia and this isn’t Criminal Minds, but I’m sure the San Antonio Police Department or the Sheriff’s Department would love to have someone like you on their side. Hell, even my friend Cruz, who works for the FBI, would move heaven and earth to work with you. And I’ll tell you something else…”
He paused as though waiting for her to acknowledge him, so Beth raised her eyebrows as if to ask, “What?”
“Apple and IBM would be lucky to have you working for them. If you can really find holes in firewalls? Any company would be knocking down your door to employ you.”
“Actually, there are some people I know from the web who have been after me to work with them, but I’ve always stayed away from anything like that since I don’t really know who they are and whether they’re working for the good guys or the bad ones. It’s impossible to tell without meeting them in person.”
“Smart. But seriously, if you want to give it a trial run, just let me know and I’ll hook you up. I can’t promise you a job, but I can get you an introduction to the right people. The rest will be up to you to wow them with your knowledge.”
“Cade, it’s not—”
“It is.”
“You don’t even know what I was going to say,” Beth protested.
“You were going to say that it’s not that big of a deal.”
Beth blushed. That was exactly what she was going to say. She stayed quiet.
Cade chuckled and squeezed her hand and his voice dropped to a whisper. “Don’t let your demons take control, Beth. I’m not saying it’s easy, I think you know that, but you are way too amazing of a person to stay locked up in this apartment working for some customer service department.”
Beth bit her lip hard in order to keep the tears at bay. “You don’t really even know me, but thanks just the same,” she whispered back. “Why are you being so nice to me? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful you helped me tonight and all, but I don’t know you. This isn’t the typical reaction people have when they meet me. Most of the time they back away slowly, hoping what I have isn’t contagious.”
“It’s the least I can do for someone who has helped my sister as much as you have—”
“Yeah, that makes sense. If it’s for your sister.”
“You didn’t let me finish.”
“Oh, sorry.” Beth waved her hand in the air between them. “Go ahead.”
“I like you, Beth. Sometimes when you meet someone, you just know they’re a good person and you want to get to know them better. I felt that with you earlier today. You knowing Penelope was just a bonus. If you’ve won her over, I know you’re someone I want to get to know.”
“What if I don’t want to get to know you? You’re being awfully presumptuous here.”
“I am.” It wasn’t a question.
“That’s all you’re gonna say?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Hmmmm. Okay, well. If you must know, now I’m curious about you. I mean, all those stories Pen told me about her older brother going through his GI Joe phase make much more sense now.”
Cade grinned. “Hey, GI Joe was the shit.”
Beth laughed and told him, “Yeah, okay, you’ve got me there.”
“Okay, now that we’ve got that straightened out…I really ought to get going. I’m sure you have hackers to find or something and I need to get some sleep before my shift tomorrow. But I promise, next time we’ll talk about me, yeah?” Cade told her with a smile.
Beth realized with a start that she didn’t know anything more about the man sitting next to her, holding her hand so gently, than she had when she’d let him in earlier that night. All she knew was that he was a firefighter and he was Pen’s brother. “I’m sorry, I’m horrible. Isn’t one person talking all about themselves what makes people sneak out of restaurants in the middle of a meal?” She didn’t go so far as to call what they were doing a date, but she guessed she kinda implied it.
Cade laughed. “I find you much more fascinating than me. But it’s only fair for you to know my deep dark secrets. Can I call you?”
Beth shrugged. “It’d be easier if you messaged or emailed me. I’m always online. Besides, I don’t have a cell phone. I don’t really have a need for one since I don’t leave here much. The old-fashioned, plug-it-into-the-wall phone works for me.”
