by Susan Stoker
“Do you have any idea where she might have gone?” Moose asked, trying to get Cade’s mind away from the pit he was spiraling toward.
“No. All I know is that she’s gone. She took her computer. She wouldn’t go anywhere without it.”
“That’s it! Cade, you’re a genius,” Penelope exclaimed, pulling out her phone.
Cade could only stare at his sister in confusion. He’d known the second he’d seen Beth’s laptop bag was missing that she’d fled. She wouldn’t go anywhere without her precious computer. It was her lifeline.
Penelope held up a hand, preventing Cade from asking the questions she knew he was dying to ask as she waited for someone on the other end of the line to answer.
“Hey, it’s Penelope. I need a favor. Please call as soon as you can.”
“Who was that?” Cade asked after she hung up.
“Tex. If he could find me in the middle of a Turkish hell, he can find Beth.”
“I don’t know; she’s pretty good with that electronic shit, I’m sure she can hide from him.”
“No way. From everything I’ve heard, Tex is the best. And Beth might be good, but Tex is better. He has to be.”
Cade felt hope for the first time that morning. Beth had made it back to her apartment, so she had to be okay. Where she was now, he had no idea, but he’d find her and make her listen to him. He loved her. He did remember telling her that last night, but he’d prefaced it with so much shit, it was no wonder she didn’t believe it.
He trusted his sister and this Tex person, but it wouldn’t hurt to call Cruz, Daxton, and Quint as well. They’d certainly be willing to help look for her if needed. They’d only met Beth once, but knowing how Cade felt about her, they’d definitely do what they could to track her down.
Having Mackenzie, Mickie, and Corrie around would help Penelope as well. She acted tough, but not knowing where Beth was would wear on her. The women could band together and help give Penelope comfort.
The guys at the station would help, of course. They’d blanket the city and find her. If she was holed up at a hotel somewhere, they’d all take turns calling places to see if she’d checked in. He and Penelope both had some awesome friends—but all Cade wanted was to see for himself that Beth was all right.
He’d driven her away with his words, and now he needed to right that wrong.
* * *
Four days later, Cade paced the length of his living room. He’d spoken with Cruz, Quint, and Daxton, and they’d assured him they’d do what they could to find Beth for him. It was driving him crazy that he had no idea where she was. He wasn’t sleeping and he’d taken a week off work. There was no way he could concentrate enough to make sure he wasn’t a danger to himself, his friends, or any patients they might have to deal with.
Cade knew Beth had to be nearby. She’d been getting better at being outside, but he didn’t think she’d be able to get on a plane or bus yet…not with her panic attacks. She had to have another person here in San Antonio who she felt she could turn to in order to help her. She hadn’t talked about any other friends in the area, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have them.
Cade started to panic, thinking about different scenarios. Maybe she’d gotten close to one of her hacker friends and had gone to him or her…and if that person turned out to be a psycho, he might never see or hear from her again. The thought made his stomach turn.
His phone rang and Cade quickly swiped the screen and brought it up to his ear. Expecting it to be his sister, he asked without saying hello, “Did you find her?”
“Beth is fine, she just needs some time.”
“Who is this?” Cade asked in confusion, not recognizing the deep voice on the other end of the line.
“Her brother, David.”
“Have you spoken with her? Can I come see her? I need to see her!”
“Yes, of course I’ve talked with her, and as I said, she’s fine. She doesn’t want to see anyone right now. Some guy named Tex got in touch with me and said you were worried about her, and that I should contact you.”
Cade eased himself onto the couch. He had a million questions, but didn’t think the irritated man on the other end of the line would put up with all of them. “Thank you. But when? When can I come and see her?”
“I don’t know. It’s up to her. If it was up to me, you’d never come anywhere near her ever again,” David said in a stern voice. “She didn’t tell me everything that happened, but for the last few months she’s sounded happier and better than she’s been in a long time…ever since that fucking asshole kidnapped her. When she called me the other morning, it was as if she’d reverted to the person she’d become right after her ordeal. She couldn’t stop crying and she was barely making sense. Something happened, and if I wasn’t more concerned about my sister, I’d fly down there and kick your ass.”
“Where is she?” Cade’s voice broke as he asked the question that had haunted him for four long days.
“Somewhere safe.”
“Please, man, I get that you’re pissed. Hell, I don’t blame you. I’ve been kicking my own ass for the last couple of days. I just need to know where she is and that she really is safe.”
“Pennsylvania.”
“What? How’d she get there?”
“It wasn’t easy. She had stuffed herself with so many drugs, I’m not sure she even recognized me when I picked her up at the train station.”
“Jesus,” Cade breathed. “Anyone could have messed with her while she was like that. Is she with you?”
“No. She checked herself into a hospital up here that specializes in treating agoraphobia. I have no idea how she got in, as they have a waiting list at least six months long, but I’ve learned over the last few years not to ask when it comes to computers and my sister.”
Cade chuckled without much humor. It sounded just like something his Beth would do. Hack into the database and get herself a coveted spot in a treatment center. “You’re in Philadelphia, right?”
“Don’t even think about coming up here, Cade. I’m only calling because Tex insisted you needed to know. I wouldn’t have bothered otherwise.”
Realizing how pissed Beth’s brother was at him, Cade treaded carefully. “I admit I said some shit I probably should’ve waited to talk to her about. But she pushed. And again, before you say it, I know that’s no excuse on my part. But I was worried about her. I was afraid she was stuck inside her apartment as it burned down around her. I didn’t think I’d get to see her again. So when she insisted I tell her what was bothering me, I spoke out of stress and my concern for her. I love your sister, David. I’ve never felt as much fear as I have the last four days, not knowing where she was, if she was all right. I’ll keep my distance as long as she needs me to but I’m not giving up on her. She’s it for me.”
“And if she isn’t able to live a normal life again?”
“Then I’ll make her normal my new normal.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. I love her. Did you not hear me? I don’t care. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
There was a slight pause before David spoke again in a tone a bit more congenial than he’d used a moment ago. “She’s at The Anxiety and Agoraphobia Treatment Center in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania, outside of Philadelphia.”
“Thank you.”
“She doesn’t want to see you.”
“I know. I get that. I’ll give her time, but I’m not giving up on her.”
Cade heard David sigh. “For what it’s worth, she loves you. You hurt her, but even almost comatose from the amount of Xanax she’d taken to get up here, her first concern was for you. She was worried about disappearing on you and how you’d take it. She would’ve called you right then if she had a phone.”
Hearing that made Cade feel a smidgen better. He didn’t feel good about any part of this situation, but knowing that Beth was worried about him made him feel as if maybe he still had a chance to right what he’d done wrong. “You
’ll keep in touch, let me know how she’s doing?”
“We’ll see.”
Cade wasn’t happy with his answer, but couldn’t blame the man. “Okay. If you see or talk to her…tell her I love her and I’m here waiting for her.”
“I have to go,” David said abruptly.
“Thanks for calling. Seriously. You have no idea how much it means to me and her other friends down here.”
“Bye.”
Cade wasn’t surprised David had ended the conversation so abruptly. He ran his hand over his face and took a deep breath. He had to call Penelope and the others and let them know Beth was safe. Now it was a waiting game to see what would happen next. He hadn’t lied to Beth’s brother; he wasn’t giving up on her. He’d wait for as long as she needed, but he wasn’t going to let her go without a fight.
CHAPTER 18
Cade sat on the couch at the station staring at the football game on the television, but not seeing it. It’d been two weeks since he’d spoken with Beth’s brother, and he hadn’t heard anything from either Beth or David since. He’d accepted that the not knowing and waiting would be hard, but he’d had no idea it would be this tough.
“Heard anything, Sledge?” Chief asked from next to him.
Cade sighed. “No. Nothing, but I’m assuming she’s okay.”
“Why?”
“Because for the last week or so I’ve been signed up for no less than five online dating sites.”
“Huh? What’s that have to do with anything?” Squirrel asked from a recliner next to the couch.
Cade had admitted to all his buddies what had happened and all the shit things he’d said to Beth that night. They’d sympathized with him and hadn’t made him feel worse about it, for which he was thankful.
“Beth gets…bored easily. I can just imagine what it’s like being in a hospital filled with others who have misgivings about stepping foot outside.”
“How can you be sure it’s Beth who signed you up?”
“One profile described me as being an ‘overbearing Neanderthal who spoke before thinking.’”
“Ouch,” Taco chimed in, trying to hold back his snicker, with little success.
Cade smiled, even though that one had hurt a bit. “I have high hopes she’s thawing toward me though, because the last one described me as ‘misguided, but with my heart in the right place.’”
“Does it bother you that she can so easily hack into anything electronic you’ve got? What about your privacy?” Crash asked.
Cade didn’t mind the question and didn’t hesitate in answering. “Hell no. I’ve got nothing to hide from her. If she wants to hack my credit card and go on a spending spree, I’m all for it. It took me thinking she was dead to realize that I’d give her anything she wants…even if she doesn’t ask and just takes it.”
“That’s kinda fucked up, man,” Squirrel stated with a shudder.
“No, it’s not. Because I know her. She’s not ever going to steal from me. She’s not that kind of person. But I’m an open book to her. If she wants to hack my phone and read my texts? She’s welcome to it. She wants to check out my browsing history on my computer? She can knock herself out. I’ve got nothing to hide. Nothing. I love her. I’ve missed her more these last two weeks than I can possibly explain.”
“Yeah, going without sex for two weeks would kill me, man,” Taco teased from across the room.
“It’s not the sex,” Cade tried to clarify. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sleeping well without her in my arms, but it’s more that I miss being able to talk to her. To discuss work, what she did during the day, seeing her smile. You guys don’t get it now, but I swear you will when you find a woman of your own.”
The room was silent for a moment. The other guys finally seemed to get that what he had with Beth wasn’t a casual relationship. She was it for him.
Before anyone could say anything, Cade’s phone buzzed with an incoming text. Looking down, Cade’s breath caught.
You hurt me, and I’m still mad…but I can’t stop thinking about you.
Cade swore he felt his heart stop beating for a moment. He immediately texted back.
I’m sorry. I love you and think about you every day. I hope you’re okay.
He waited but she didn’t text back. He sighed, and decided to take her reaching out as a good sign. He wasn’t going to push his luck, but now that he had her number—she’d obviously gotten a cell phone sometime in the last two weeks—he wasn’t going to let her get away. He cared too much about her to give up now.
The tones rang out in the station and Cade had to put aside his thoughts of Beth and her text for the moment, but deep down he was formulating his plan to make sure she didn’t forget about him while she was gone.
* * *
Beth read the text message that came in and couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped.
You wouldn’t happen to know anything about the box of men’s thong underwear that just arrived on my doorstep would you?
“Something funny?” Dr. Neal asked from the chair across from her.
Beth nodded. “Cade. He got my latest present.”
The doctor smiled at Beth. “I understand that he’s down in Texas, but I’m thinking it’s time he came up and had some sessions with you. Since you reached out two weeks ago and let him know how you felt, you guys have been talking almost every day, right?”
“Talking via text, yeah. But you know as well as I do that I only contacted him because it was a part of my therapy.”
“True, but at no point did I tell you that you had to keep talking to him. And he was the one who, once you texted him that first time, kept at it until you responded back.”
Beth blushed. Darn it. She hated that her doctor knew everything. Well, okay, she didn’t hate it, it was just hard to lie to her. “I wasn’t sure he would care.”
“It seems like he cares quite a bit to me. Beth, I can count on one hand the number of single men who would do what yours has done if he didn’t care. The fact that you have not only your family’s support, but apparently a man who loves you very much as well? A lot of people don’t have that. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, not at all, but I urge you to really think hard about it.”
Beth bit her lip in consternation. “He told me I wasn’t normal. That I was using him as a crutch.”
“And we’ve been over this. The truth is that you aren’t normal and you were using him as a crutch. I’m not trying to be harsh, but Beth, you know what happened to you is what caused this. You aren’t doing it on purpose and you’re here, doing what you can to get better. I’ll be honest, I could drug you up to your eyeballs and you’d be able to walk around all on your own…but if you can’t feel anything, what’s the point of living?” She paused, then brought up an unrelated topic.
“And I haven’t talked about it before now, but I have to tell you, I have a sneaking suspicion that you being here wasn’t a stroke of luck…am I right? I know how long the waiting list is—and you, my sneaky friend, weren’t on that list until a couple of hours before you arrived.”
Beth didn’t say anything, but the flush moving over her face probably gave her away, and she wouldn’t meet Dr. Neal’s eyes.
“For such a smart person, you certainly can be clueless at times. Beth, while I don’t approve of your actions—taking the spot of someone who has been waiting months wasn’t the fairest thing you’ve done—now that you’re here, I’m going to do everything in my power to help you. Beth, you might never be ‘cured,’ but the tools you’ve learned here will help you when you go back to Texas.”
Ignoring the part about hacking her way into the facility, Beth said in surprise, “Back to Texas?”
“Yes. Back to Cade. He loves you, Beth.”
“But my brother is here. He can help me.”
“He is, and he’s been a wonderful support for you, but you need more. You need someone to always be by your side and to help you when you slip, and to keep you headed in the r
ight direction. I’d really like to meet Cade, Beth. It’s time.”
Beth’s breathing sped up and Dr. Neal was immediately next to her. “No, don’t panic, remember your training. Take deep breaths, close your eyes and think about your safe place. That’s it…good. You’ve gotten so much better at controlling your attacks. You’re going to get out of here much sooner than almost anyone I’ve treated. I fully believe it’s because of the confidence being with your Cade has given you. Now…are you ready to talk about him visiting?”
Beth opened her eyes to see her doctor kneeling in front of her. “Yes.”
“Good. I’ll expect to see him at your next session in two days. Make it happen, Beth.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
* * *
Beth forced herself to stay seated on the balcony of her room. The doors were open so she could dart back inside within seconds, but she so wanted to be able to sit outside and enjoy the cooler weather they didn’t get often back in Texas. She might have agoraphobia, but she wasn’t going down easily.
She painstakingly tapped out a text for Cade. She much preferred her full-sized keyboard, but she didn’t feel like moving. She was here, it took too much mental effort to get out onto the small balcony as it was, so she wasn’t going to mess with it at this point.
My doctor thinks you should come to a session with me.
Beth chewed on her thumbnail, waiting for Cade’s response. It wasn’t as if she thought he’d refuse to come, she was almost more scared that he would come.
Whenever it is, I’ll be there.
She let out a breath. Beth knew he’d agree. She still wasn’t completely sure about it, but she couldn’t deny a part of her wanted nothing more than to throw herself in Cade’s arms and have him hold her and keep her safe.
Whenever you can get here. There’s no rush.
I can be there tomorrow if you need me.
