Dark Corners

by A. m Madden

  Our hands remained latched together while I paid the cabbie and walked her into my building. She stood beside me quietly as I opened my door. I hadn’t brought anyone here besides Tiffany, and that didn’t turn out all that great. Having Maygen with me would be a challenge on several levels. Besides my obvious sexual urges toward her, most of my episodes occurred right here in my place when I had nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. In a way, I was unlocking my dungeon and granting her access.

  I watched as she took a few steps in and looked around. “This is really nice.”

  “Angela deserves the credit.”

  “She has great taste.”

  Hanging our coats on the rack by the door, I removed my suit jacket and tie, and then rolled up my sleeves. She watched nervously while gnawing on her lip. I hoped she wouldn’t be uneasy being at my place, but I guessed that had to be expected.

  Trying to ease her nerves, I asked, “Would you like something to drink? I have wine.”

  “Sure, wine would be great.”

  When I returned with a glass of wine for her and a beer for myself, I found her admiring one of the framed pictures Angela had placed around my living room. The one Maygen held in her hand was of me in full uniform between my parents and my sister.

  I came up close behind her. “That was the day I left for Iraq.”

  She glanced at me quickly before focusing on the picture once again. “You look so young.” Skimming a fingertip across my face, she then added, “So different.”

  “Different how?”

  I watched her replace the frame on the table. Turning to face me she shrugged and said, “Your eyes look different.”

  “They were different. Those eyes had no clue what they were about to see.” Passing her the wineglass, I motioned toward the couch. “Let’s sit.”

  I could feel her tense up when I sat beside her.

  “Maygen, please relax.”

  “Okay,” she said, but still sat stiffly. As she held her wineglass in her hand, I reached over and grabbed one ankle, pulling off her shoe before repeating it on her other foot. Taking her stocking feet in my hands, I placed them over my lap and began gently kneading them.

  “Thank you, my feet were killing me,” she said, then added, “I didn’t tell you how handsome you looked tonight. Every woman was jealous of me.”

  “There were other women there?” I teased.

  She smiled, quietly waiting for me to start things off. I reminded myself it was my show, I needed to explain myself, and that once it was over I could ask her if she wanted to continue this even knowing what she would soon find out.

  I swallowed the golf-ball-sized lump of anxiety that was lodged in my throat. There was no way to tell how she would react to some of the things I was about to admit to, or if I even could admit everything I needed to.

  “So. I said I had a lot to tell you.”

  “You did.”

  “I want to make sure you’re ready to hear it.”

  Her eyes widened. “I am.” She removed her legs from my lap and turned to fully face me on the couch. “David, there isn’t anything you can say that would scare me, except maybe one thing.” I looked at her expectantly, and she said: “If you aren’t feeling for me what I am feeling for you.”

  Chapter 17

  Maygen

  My nerves spiked in anticipation of what he would say. I tucked my feet beneath me, waiting patiently for him to open up. A few long moments passed between us in complete silence. I watched as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees while his thumb slowly rubbed circles over his callused palm.

  After a deep breath, he quietly said, “I lost count how many men I killed. Somewhere after the fiftieth, I just stopped counting. I can’t even say the first one was the hardest. When I got there, like so many new soldiers often do, I felt a superman complex of sorts. I had a huge chip on my shoulder believing I was there to make a difference, and truly believing that I would. So that first kill, and even the ones that quickly followed, weren’t that hard to digest. It was my job.

  “The hardest one for me was number ten. Double digits, something about that milestone made me feel exhausted. I remember thinking, would I hit one hundred, a thousand? The sweltering heat felt hotter that day; the weight of my gear felt heavier on my back. I wasn’t sure if I remembered every detail of the man’s face because he was so close, only a few feet away, or because he was my tenth. His eyes locked with mine, and with luck my bullet reached him before he pulled his trigger.”

  He leaned back into the couch, glancing my way before looking straight ahead. I sat stone still, afraid to speak or move and risk breaking his determination to let me in.

  “At night I’d pray to return safely to my family, in one piece. The day my best friend died beside me, my prayers changed. I begged to go just as he did, quick and instant. One minute busting my balls about some nonsense shit, the next gone.” He swallowed audibly and reached for his beer, taking a long sip before returning it to the table beside him. The next time he looked at me, remorse was all over his face. “Am I scaring you?”

  “No.” I wanted to reach for his hand but stopped myself when I saw the pain in his eyes. If he wanted to be touched, then his hands would be on me.

  “Somehow I managed to stay alive after Barry was killed. I couldn’t tell you how because each day was a blur. I don’t remember sleeping, eating, or doing any normal things you take for granted to live. The things I remembered were counting off rounds in my head as my finger pulled the trigger, repeatedly avenging Barry’s death. Or the different smells from one hotbox to the next. Even the monotonous sounds that my M16 rifle would make when I hit each target were the things I’d repeat in my mind every night when I went to bed. Gone were the prayers that I used to recite over and over asking God to safely bring me home.

  “And then, it was over. Not in the way I expected, with me returning to my family in a box. It was just done. One minute I was a robot with no emotions left to feel, the next I was here feeling like a hose was shoved down my throat forcing me to swallow the gushing flow of every emotion I had stopped feeling while I was gone. Forcing me to feel them all at once, swallow them with no mercy, no choice. The thing was, I didn’t want to feel them. I didn’t want to feel anything. I began envying Barry for dying, and then hating him for being the lucky one. On the outside I tried to put on a normal front for my family’s sake. Inside I wanted to be gone, just disappear, because being here and having to deal with all I was feeling was harder than being in Iraq.”

  Only then did he notice the quiet stream of tears that spilled from my eyes. His facial expression softened, and he reached for me until I rested against his body. “Are you ready to run?” he asked, drying my cheeks with his thumb.

  “I’m not running.”

  With his arm around my shoulders, he pulled me even closer to kiss the top of my head.

  “This week, I tried so hard to convince myself you were better off without me. When I saw you at the pub having lunch, like a vicious dog the selfish prick in me refused to heel. And he still refuses to. Even with all the crap I just dumped on you, there’s still so much more you don’t know. I hope one day soon I’ll be able to tell you, and, Maygen, I hope to God you’ll…” He closed his eyes as his brows furrowed in pain. When he opened them, I could see his walls slowly going back up in an attempt to protect himself, or maybe it was me he wanted to protect.

  “David, I just need to know what you want to share.”

  “You say that now, but with time you’ll lose your patience with me.”

  “You can’t assume that will happen, just as I can’t assume you’ll walk away as easily as you did this past week.” I held his face and forced him to meet my gaze. “We need to trust each other, and you need to promise me you won’t decide for both of us if you’re done. That uncertainty is the only thing I’m afraid of. As long as you’re honest with me I can handle anything, David.”

  “I will be, but it may take time
for me to be completely honest. You need to promise me that if you’re done, you’ll run. It’s the only way I can let you go.”

  My heart splintered in my chest. I might never have what he truly needed to be happy. The thought seemed tragic yet at the same time understandable. It didn’t make sense and made me feel lost, but it still wasn’t enough to give up on him.

  Needing to feel him, to connect in some way, I leaned in and kissed his parted lips. At first they remained firm, unresponsive toward mine. Slowly, I felt him relaxing against me as he used my mouth to come back to the present.

  He shifted so quickly by pulling me onto his reclined body that I barely registered we had moved. His lips never left mine when I felt him bury his hands in my hair, holding my head firmly in place. He wasn’t giving me an option to break the kiss, and I used him for the air I needed to breathe.

  If he brought me to the brink only to stop, based on how tightly I was wound I’d most definitely die from need. I could feel his erection pressing between us and swiveled my hips in an attempt to send him a much-needed signal.

  His moan into my mouth sounded both erotic and pained. He pulled my face away to stare into my eyes. “Maygen, we need to—”

  “No more talking.”

  “Maygen, you need to tell me to stop.”

  “No.”

  “Maygen.”

  “I said no.”

  With my eyes pinned to his, a battle of wills ensued between us. I’d rather be damned to hell before I’d willingly let him win. He fisted the fabric at the curve of my ass, his jaw tight from the fight between his heart and his head. I waited a few moments, giving him time to give in on his own to what he wanted, what he deserved from me. He deserved to be cared for and loved….Whether he’d allow himself to take it all hung in the balance.

  Not trusting his ability to choose correctly, I needed to push harder.

  David

  I dropped my gaze from hers in a final, desperate attempt to break the hold she had on me. I waited for her to come to her senses. Internally, I practically begged her to. I still had so much to tell her, my inner voice screaming to get it all over with. I just couldn’t do it now. I felt drained and wide open, worrying that anything else I’d admit to at that point would attack like an infection on an open wound.

  With an unwavering glare, she refused to let me off the hook. A hook she cast unknowingly the day she met me and that unexplainably embedded itself into my heart.

  “Look at me.”

  Her eyes held me hostage to her charms. It was when her lips parted to say a few words that I was finally pushed over the edge. “I’m not giving up on you. Take me, David.”

  As sure as I knew I needed her, wanted her more than my next breath, I also knew I was going to hell for taking what she offered…and it’d be worth it.

  I sat up, lifting her before carrying her into my room. Everything was about to change, and I no longer had the strength to worry about it or stop it.

  She was quiet when I stood her on her feet at the foot of my bed.

  “Take off your dress.”

  With shaky hands she reached behind her neck and released the fastener, bringing the fabric to her front. She held it away from her body and, meeting my heated gaze, dropped the black velvet, forcing me to watch as it pooled at her feet.

  The vision of Maygen in nothing but black lace panties and thigh-high stockings nearly caused me to pass out from lack of blood flow to my brain.

  “Fuck, Maygen.”

  Her pale blue eyes widened, but she still remained silent. Her beautiful breasts begged to be touched. The smooth, pale skin on her thighs begged to be tasted. That would all have to wait, because I needed something else first.

  I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the sight of her. My instinct wanted me to hurry the fuck up and fuck her hard. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to move, afraid it would all be over way too soon.

  Painstakingly slowly, I kicked off my shoes, removed my belt, unbuckled my pants, and unzipped them. With the fabric no longer serving as a painful barrier, my cock practically sighed with relief.

  “Lie down.”

  Again she immediately did as she was told, and pushed herself to the center of the bed.

  “Take off your panties.”

  As she slid her fingertips beneath the waistband and slowly dragged them down her legs, I removed every stitch of clothing I wore in record time.

  She leaned back on her elbows, waiting for her next instruction. What I was about to ask of her I had never asked of a woman before…but I needed this.

  “Maygen, do you trust me?”

  “Completely.”

  “I’ve never had sex without a condom. I need to feel you tonight. I’m taking you. I’ll pull out if you need me to, but I’m going in bare.”

  “Do you trust me?” she asked.

  “Absolutely.”

  “Good. I’m on the pill, David. Don’t you dare pull out.”

  Her eyes shifted down as she watched me slowly stroke my length. Her tongue swept over her lips, and she gave me a stunning smile. “Are you finally going to take me? I think I’ve waited long enough.”

  Without responding, I walked closer, climbed onto the bed, and settled between her legs. She felt so small beneath me. I held myself up on my forearms to avoid crushing her, even though I wanted to feel every bit of her against every inch of me. My cock pressed against her heat, and the urge to thrust overwhelmed me.

  “I know what you taste like already. With that distraction out of the way, I’m not interested in foreplay right now.” I skimmed my fingertip through her pussy. “From the feel of you, neither are you. All of that will come later. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  With my eyes tethered to hers, I slowly slid into her and couldn’t hold back a moan as I did. She felt exquisite. Once I was completely inside her, my balls tightened and my cock pulsed with need.

  “Oh my God. David.” She closed her eyes, and as difficult as it was, I waited to move. Only after she opened her eyes, silently pleading for me to continue, did I finally ease back and forth, over and over, until I couldn’t stand it any longer.

  Being inside Maygen completely bare, flesh on flesh as we were, was overwhelming on so many levels. It should have scared me; it should have caused the panic that something this monumental could cause.

  Yet, it didn’t.

  I should have been terrified how with each lunge of my hips I felt calmer, safer than I’d felt in a very long time.

  But I wasn’t.

  When her walls tightened around me, her fingers pressed firmly into my back, her lips searched for mine to connect to just as she was coming, it should have fucking sent me running as fast as I could.

  Except, I couldn’t.

  What I did do was memorize every sensation I was experiencing while riding out her orgasm. Once she was done, I came harder than I ever had, emptying every drop inside her along with every doubt I carried that taking her would be the wrong thing to do.

  Chapter 18

  Maygen

  Still in a David-induced dream, I stretched and sighed contentedly. My dreams and reality were melding together, making it hard to distinguish which events actually occurred. As sleep faded, more and more memories of our time together flipped through my mind. I expected a hard fuck, one filled with raw sexual tension, the kind of tension that exudes from every cell in that man’s body. What I got was a sweet, romantic connection. What I got was so much more than I had hoped for.

  As difficult as it was for him, he had opened up to me. That alone meant the world, and with it came an overwhelming amount of hope that he did trust me and did want me in his future.

  Blindly reaching behind me and expecting to hit solid muscle, instead all I felt were smooth, cool sheets. I sat up and looked around his room. His side of the bed seemed untouched. Wondering if he was already up or possibly in the shower, I slipped out of bed and grabbed his neatly folded dress shirt off the dresser, throwing it over m
y naked body. It smelled like him, and I brought the fabric to my nose to inhale deeply.

  Draped over a chair in the corner was my black gown. My shoes sat perfectly positioned on the floor beside the chair; my neatly folded stockings and my purse sat on the seat cushion. I smiled at the military that still ran deep within him, as well as the obvious article of clothing that was missing.

  Trying to be as quiet as I could, I rummaged in my bag for my phone. It was only six in the morning, and I already had about a dozen missed texts from Reed and a few missed calls from my father.

  God damn them, I thought, sending off a quick text that I was absolutely fine before tossing the phone on David’s bed. They’d have to wait. I wasn’t in the mood for their nonsense right now, nor would they ruin my David-induced high.

  As I walked toward his living room, only a small sliver of daylight filtered in through the closed blinds. Lying on the couch was a sleeping David. He wore nothing but black boxer briefs, and the sight of him made my mouth water. I tried to remember if I felt him slipping out of bed, but my last memory was of me wrapped in his arms while he drew lazy patterns on my back.

  I quietly sat on the edge of the coffee table, taking advantage of his unconscious state to admire every inch of him. His full lips were slightly parted; his thick eyelashes occasionally fluttered as they lay against his handsome face. His hair still looked mussed up from when I had my hands buried in it. One leg bent slightly at the knee revealed a scar on the inside of his calf. One arm was flung over his head; the other rested at his side. The muscles in them bulged even while at rest. His chest looked like it was sculpted from stone, smooth with well-defined abs. The dark trail extending from his belly button into his briefs reminded me of what was hidden beneath the black fabric.

  The man was perfection.

  As I was about to let him get some more sleep, he mumbled something before clenching his fists. His chest rose and fell rapidly, and his head twisted from side to side. Wanting to soothe him from whatever dream was taking hold, I slowly ran my fingers through his hair and soothingly called out his name.