by A. m Madden
Once inside the room, she folded her arms and glared at me angrily. “How did you get in?”
“Does it matter?”
Ignoring my comment, she then asked, “Why are you here, David?”
“I’m worried about you.”
“Well, don’t be.” She looked over my shoulder at the door, and waved a hand. I turned to see Andre the Giant reincarnated standing a few feet beyond the doorway. “As you can see, I’m well protected.”
“I’m still worried about you. I’m here to talk, as a friend.”
If she was trying to hide her feelings she was failing miserably. I could still see the hurt, pain, and especially anger clearly written all over her gorgeous face. I could also still see desire running deep in her eyes. She missed me, as much as I missed her.
“Listen, your situation has worsened and you need all the support you can get.”
“How did you know? You’re still talking to my dad?” she asked accusingly.
“George has been filling me in.” I wanted to admit that up until Bigfoot joined her the day before, I was still watching her come and go, but that would set her off in the wrong direction. She opened her mouth to speak. But instead of words her bottom lip trembled slightly, causing her to quickly clamp her lips shut. “Please, let me be your friend, Maygen,” I said.
“I don’t think I can handle that.” The words came out shaky with emotion.
“I don’t think I can handle not having you in my life. I know I said I’d stay away from you, but if a friend is all I can get then I’ll take it. I also need to help you through this.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head in frustration and started to walk away. Reaching for her arm, I added, “Because I have to.”
“You have to? You don’t have to do anything, David.” She shook her arm out of my gentle hold. “I’m not your concern. I have enough babysitters in my life, and I don’t need another.”
“I don’t want to be your babysitter. I want to be your friend. I need to be. That’s all I’m asking.”
Her pale blue eyes stared back while I tried to communicate how very much I meant it when I said I needed to. I could have tried to analyze why but it would have been useless. I’d spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out why I needed her in my life so badly. Every reason led to one conclusion. So many times over the past few weeks I swore I’d take my real feelings for her to my grave. Standing there now I no longer could guarantee that, because if she ever admitted her feelings for me then all bets were off.
A few of her co-workers came barreling into the small room, awkwardly stopping in their tracks. “Oh, sorry, Maygen,” one said as they all about-faced it out of the room.
“I have to go,” she said, taking a step away from me.
“Can we meet later? Somewhere we can talk?”
“Why?”
“It’s not easy for me to admit I need help. These past few weeks have been really rough for me. All I’m asking is for you to be my friend.” Our gazes were tethered while a long pause stretched between us.
“That’s not fair, David.”
“I’m not trying to guilt you back into my life. I’m in therapy, and this is part of my process.” Waiting her out, I didn’t even dare to blink. At her hesitation, I once again pleaded, “Please?”
“I usually run out for coffee in the afternoon, but you must know that already.” Although her expression softened, the snarkiness in her tone was unmistakable. “Sorry,” she quickly backpedaled.
“I deserve it.”
“I can meet you at Great Perks at six.”
“Actually, would you mind if we met at my apartment? I’d like to show you something.” It was the most pathetic thing I’d said to date. I had nothing, absolutely nothing to show her. But I didn’t want to have a conversation with her after all this time in a stupid coffee shop.
“Fine. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“Arnold will be with me.” With that, she turned and walked out of the room.
I wasn’t sure if she’d said that for my benefit or hers.
—
I used the time between the show and our talk to pick up ingredients for dinner. I had no idea if she’d stay, but it was worth a shot. I also picked up a bottle of her favorite wine. Only after I pulled it out of the bag to place it in my fridge did I think it was a bad idea. My agenda wasn’t to seduce her or entice her to resume where we left off.
I had to remind myself that the look on her face when she saw me today was no different from the look she wore when she asked me to leave her alone weeks ago. I hadn’t gotten over the fact that I was responsible for that look and all the emotion connected to it.
About an hour earlier she’d texted me that she was leaving soon, which meant she would be at my place any minute. I was just pulling dinner out of the oven when I heard a soft knock on my door.
Quickly wiping my hands, I opened it to Maygen and Thor.
“Come in,” I said, moving aside to give her room to pass. Thor and I made eye contact. I smirked before shutting the door in his face. He could wait in the hall like a good boy.
I turned in time to see Maygen fighting a grin. “Nice guy,” I said with a shrug.
“He’s not so bad.”
“Maybe for a Thanksgiving parade float.”
The smile she tried to hide earlier instantly appeared. I wanted to say, “There’s that smile I missed,” but I bit my tongue instead.
“I just made dinner. Would you like some?”
“No, I have to go. I have plans.” She wouldn’t make eye contact.
The urge to wrap her in my arms became overwhelming. She was so beautiful. In spite of the sadness in her eyes, I’d never seen a more gorgeous woman in my life. Her golden waves hung loosely around her shoulders. Even with the thick wool fabric of her winter coat, I could see the outline of her perfect frame beneath it. On her feet she still wore the red heels she had on at the fashion show.
“Can I take your coat?”
“No, I’m fine. What did you want to talk about?”
I motioned toward the couch. She slowly walked over to it and gingerly sat on the edge. The way she swallowed and fiddled with her hands made me wonder if she was remembering the last time we were on my couch and what it was we were doing.
I considered sitting beside her, but decided to remain standing. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I was suddenly nervous. She waited patiently for me to finally spit out what I needed to say.
“Maygen, I asked you here to reiterate that I truly meant what I said earlier. I want you to know I’m here for you in any way you need. I know I hurt you, and I’ll have to live with that. The only thing I can do about it now is to hope you’ll accept my friendship.”
“David, like I said earlier, I’m not sure I can promise that.”
“I miss talking to you. It was so easy to open up, let you in. That’s never happened to me before. I guess I want to be able to call you if I need to talk.” I turned the tables, hoping that by hearing my request she’d follow through with her own acts of friendship.
The frown lines on her forehead smoothed out as her face softened. Nodding, she quietly said, “If you need to talk, you can call me.” I had no doubt she assumed it had to do with my PTSD, when in fact it had to do with needing her. I wasn’t above using my darkness to continue to bring her light back into my life.
“Thank you.” Our eyes connected in familiar ways. This was torture for me but based on the lopsided smile I gave her she’d never know it. “Um…well, I also wanted to tell you I got my degree,” I said, almost embarrassed at my news. Big deal. I dragged her all the way down to my apartment for that? Nothing made sense whenever I was around her.
“Oh my God, that’s awesome, David.” A stunning smile spread across her face, a genuine one that I hadn’t seen in a while. “I knew you could do it. You are so perfect for that field. I’m proud of you.
”
“Thanks.” I returned a shy smile of my own, nodding at her praise. I walked over to the wall beside the couch and pointed at my freshly framed diploma. “I’ve filled out a job application at the VA hospital, and hope to hear back soon.”
She came and stood beside me, placing a hand on my arm. “This is fantastic news, David.”
Once again tension coursing between us tangled with something else…electricity, maybe? Whatever you’d label it had us staring at each other for a few very long moments without either of us breaking eye contact.
A loud pounding on my door caused her to jump out of our shared trance. “I have to go,” she said, moving around me to leave. Before I could ask her to wait, she opened the door and said, “I’ll be out in a minute.” She shut the door in Gargantua’s face for the second time tonight.
“Does he always act like a gorilla?” I asked.
“Yes. He doesn’t talk much.” She shrugged and smiled. “I actually prefer it that way. I’m not interested in getting to know him….” Her words halted and her eyes widened enough to force unease to course through me. “Um…congratulations again, David. I’m so happy for you.”
“Maygen, be safe, okay?” I pointed to the door and said, “Make sure Shrek does his job.” An adorable giggle escaped.
“You mean Arnold?”
“Whatever.”
“I’ll be careful.” Her warm smile took my breath away, leaving a dull ache in my chest. My eyes followed as she walked out the door. Even with it shut, I could see her as vividly as if she were still standing there. I was prepared for the awkwardness; what I wasn’t prepared for was the feelings that I had tried so hard to contain these past four weeks flooding back in as if no time had passed at all.
Chapter 29
David
Since showing up at Dax’s fashion show a few weeks ago, frustration over Maygen’s stalker situation as well as our developing “friendship” had plagued me.
Regarding any developments as to who was following Maygen: there weren’t any. No leads, no clues, no additional contact whatsoever. This person definitely had patience, something I severely lacked.
Regarding the time I spent with Maygen, I could say friendship was overrated. I could also say it downright sucked ass. But how could I regret a friendship with her if it gave me the opportunity to see her, talk to her, hear her laugh, watch her smile?
I wasn’t sure what I expected after asking Maygen to be my friend. Part of me felt she was being polite but had no intention to follow through with my request. I decided to give her some time, and then maybe if I was the one to casually reach out it would set the tone.
Surprisingly, she beat me to it and texted me the very next day. It was an innocent text asking how my day was going. It was enough to place a smile on my face that stayed for hours.
One text became a few, and before I knew it we were chatting every day. At first our conversations were nothing more than pleasantries, with some mild teasing thrown in by me. Since then, we’d fallen into a very comfortable friendship. We had a few casual dinners together, a few walks in the park, and even a movie.
She’d been to my place to hang out after a long, hard day at work. I’d been to hers as well. After a while we slowly morphed back into the easy relationship we shared, minus the sex, heat, and passion.
On one of our walks I took her hand in mine without conscious thought. She pulled away as if I had lit her on fire. Her dramatic reaction shocked us both, and sparked a conversation I wish we hadn’t had. She admitted to loving how far we’d come in just a few weeks, but her heart couldn’t handle being hurt again. Her reminder that I had indeed hurt her set me back a few steps in my crusade toward friendship…until I thought of the alternative, which was no friendship.
When all was said and done, I still preferred the torture I was dead set on inflicting on myself over the torture of cutting her from my life.
How the fuck did I end up here?
Last night we were on her couch watching a movie. Her legs stretched across my lap as I massaged her feet. Out of the blue she said, “David, can I ask you something?”
Our eyes connected, and I wondered if she was going to bring up our past. It had been a taboo subject, neither of us discussing any details of the time we spent together. It was as if it never happened.
“Of course.” I concentrated on the massage, waiting for her to ask her question. After a long pause, I looked over to see her watching me intently. She searched my face as her blue eyes widened with curiosity.
“What was the real reason you didn’t cash the checks?”
“I told you, I got to know you.”
She pulled her feet away and tucked them under her legs. “I know what you said. You had no other income and it was the reason you took the job to begin with. It doesn’t make sense. I could understand you stopping from cashing them a few weeks later, when things progressed a bit between us. But to not cash any of them?”
I turned to face her, doing my best to smile. “Do you remember the day you ran into me at the park?” She nodded slowly, waiting for me to continue. “You asked me why I hadn’t called you for a week. I said I didn’t know why. Truth was, I did. That morning I had gotten another check from your dad. I fought a long battle with myself to stay away from you. And when I set out to tail you that day…” At my admission she worried her bottom lip with her teeth. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. Go on.”
“Of course I’d been watching you all week from a distance.”
“How did you do that? Know where I was at all times?”
“Your dad added the Find My iPhone app to your cell. During the workweek it wasn’t that difficult, since your routine was pretty consistent. Weekends were a challenge. I’d hang out at a coffee shop near your apartment and wait for you to leave. That Saturday morning was no different. I followed you to the park and planned to keep an eye on you until you were due at Reed’s that night for dinner. You’d been on my mind constantly. The last time I was with you we shared that amazing kiss. That kiss fucked with my head all week, Maygen. It wasn’t supposed to. It should have meant absolutely nothing. The truth is, it changed things for me.”
“How?”
“I no longer had to be with you. I wanted to be with you.”
“Thanks for telling me that,” she said quietly.
“It’s the truth.”
Her eyes shimmered in the dimly lit room. I had to remind myself she asked a question, and I was merely answering it. If things between us would go back to what they were, that was the perfect moment for it to happen. Hope hung in the balance as I prayed that she’d finally forgive me.
At the same time, I had to argue that the desire coursing between us meant nothing to our relationship. The way my heart pounded relentlessly in my chest from the need to kiss her also meant nothing. Or the way she and I couldn’t stop staring at each other. Even in the way my entire body tensed from the need to pounce meant nothing.
But when she said, “I think we should call it a night, it’s late,” fuck if that didn’t solidify just how much it all meant nothing.
—
On my way to a meeting with Nick I got a text from Maygen.
Dinner tonight?
Two simple words, yet they affected me as much as if she had asked—
Fuck me?
Well, maybe they didn’t affect me as much as that, but it was close.
I immediately responded,
Absolutely.
Okay. I’ll text you what time I’ll be done and we can meet somewhere. I’m bringing a friend I want you to meet.
Friend?
Yes. She’s so sweet. Sound good?
Cue the kind of music that played in a videogame when you died….
Sure.
What the ever-loving fuck?
I tried not to overanalyze where she went during her free time. I had to assume she was socializing with friends. A tiny part of me considered she’d move on with som
eone else. I had made myself stop tracking her for that very reason. I didn’t want to know if she had.
Besides, she had King Kong watching over her now, and keeping dibs on her whereabouts seriously crossed a line.
But…she wanted me to meet someone? Would it make things easier on her to move on if she knew I would?
Instantly my good mood deflated. This crap was for the birds. Who needed it? I’d rather be miserable at my own hand and not from a chick.
Fuck, Maygen wasn’t just a chick…she was perfect.
My therapist had been pushing me to tell Maygen how I really felt. Except for the electricity that still coursed between us, there was no reason to believe she was willing to pick up where we left off. If she were, wouldn’t she have voiced that by now? Wouldn’t she have given me a sign, or picked up on mine? I voiced all my concerns and he still insisted it was necessary for me to tell her the truth. He claimed that purposely omitting my feelings was no different from omitting the real reason we met. Especially since the only thing she ever asked of me was honesty.
Dr. Mathews was absolutely right.
I robotically made my way to my brother-in-law’s office, while my mood got worse and worse.
“Hey,” I said, walking in without bothering to knock. He knew I was coming anyway; what was the point.
“What’s wrong?” he asked the minute he saw my face.
“Nothing. So, what did you find out?”
“Close the door and sit.”
This couldn’t be good. I shut the door behind me and removed my coat before sitting heavily in the chair facing his desk.
Nick flipped open a folder and said, “His real name is Reed Michaels, not Reed Conlon.”
“What’s he hiding from?”
“He changed it once he became an adult while attending Syracuse University. Like George said, he was there on a football scholarship. An injury derailed his chance at the pros, which was when he landed a job with Garrett.”
“Why would he change his name?”
“Don’t know. He spent his entire childhood bouncing in and out of foster homes. Ended up with a family in upstate New York at the age of ten. They were both older and fostered a few dozen kids over the years. They ended up adopting Reed but kept his surname as Michaels. They were farmers…so I assume adopting him had little to do with love and everything to do with having extra hands to help on the farm. Reed was with them until he left for college. When he changed his name, he kept his birth surname as his middle. Reed M. Conlon stands for Reed Michaels Conlon.”
