Freedom

by Mary Crawford

  I scrub my hand down my face in frustration. “I was going to ask you something, but now it seems stupid. I don’t want to be the person who bothers you day-in-and-day-out.”

  “No, that’s not what I mean. It’s totally not what I mean. Every relationship has stressors, we happen to have a few more. I never said I didn’t want to try.”

  “Living with me is hard. Just ask my mom — she’ll tell you all about how frustrating it is to be around me. What if that doesn’t get any better?”

  Zoe captures my face between her hands and plants a kiss on my lips. “You silly man, can’t you see how much progress you’re making? Do you remember the first day we met? You didn’t want to shake hands. Today, you felt comfortable enough to shake almost everyone’s hand and when I was having a crisis, you didn’t think twice about wrapping your body around mine to protect me from my fear. You have never done that before. Today, you even ate a hot dog with condiments.”

  “Big flippin’ deal! I don’t know if just being able to eat food like normal people is going to be enough. What if my parents are right and I can’t be in a regular relationship?”

  “First of all, I’d like to have a few words with your parents. They’re almost as bad as mine. In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve been having a relationship for almost five months now. It’s a pretty great one, if you ask me. You have been there for me, Bruiser and even Jessica and Mitch.”

  I shake my head as I admit, “I never planned to stick around so long. I guess that in itself says something, right? For the first time in my life I’ve been able to roll with the punches. I never expected to find you. I didn’t know one person could change my life so much.”

  Zoe hugs me close as she says, “You have changed my life too. Before you, I didn’t know if I could ever trust anyone again. Inch by inch, conversation by conversation and idea by idea — you changed my perception of the world. I’ll never forget that.”

  “Remember when I asked you if you trusted me? There’s a reason I asked.”

  Zoe gives me a watery grin as she replies, “I sort of figured.”

  Right before I asked my question, I start to panic. What if her answer isn’t what I want to hear? It would ruin everything we built together. Am I willing to risk it all?

  “Phoenix?” she prompts.

  I take a deep breath and expel it. Bruiser wakes up and jumps on the couch. He places his head on my lap so I can pet him. Something about touching him is phenomenally calming.

  After a minute or so, I find the courage to ask my question.

  “I have decided I’m going to accept the position at Identity Bank West. You’ve shown me I am capable of things I never thought possible. I don’t know if I could always do things like this or if I can because you made me brave. Zoe, as much as I want this promotion, I don’t want to leave you. Will you please come with me to Oregon?”

  Zoe blinks several times. I can’t read her expression. Maybe I have miscalculated everything.

  “This decision will make everyone angry. Are you ready for people to give you grief about your decision?” she asks.

  “I guess we'll find out. But, it’s time for me to do the right thing for me for the right reasons. Tristan is right. I earned this promotion. I might fall flat on my face — but I don’t think I will if I have you by my side.”

  A tear slides down Zoe’s face. My stomach lurches. “I wish I could give you an answer, but I’m not ready yet.”

  “Will you ever be ready?” I demand as panic starts to set in.

  “I will be, someday. You saw what happened today. I don’t even have a relationship left to preserve with my parents. So, I don’t need to worry about them.”

  “So what’s the problem?” I press.

  “It’s a big move!” Zoe exclaims. “I can’t leave Jessica and Mitch short staffed. It would not be fair to dogs like Bruiser. We have more than half a dozen dogs and various states of training. There are people like you who are waiting for service animals or protection dogs. Law enforcement agencies are waiting for search and rescue dogs. I can’t up and leave simply because I’ve fallen for someone.”

  My sense of relief is so great I had to catch my breath. I thought for sure Zoe would say goodbye forever.

  “So what do we have to do to make this happen?” I ask, afraid to feel hopeful.

  “Without access to my money, I have to find a job. What’s more, I need to find someone to take my old job. It can’t be just anyone. They have to understand what it’s like to work with rescue dogs and how important our mission is.”

  “I understand. What about the guy the vet was talking about?”

  “Dashonte is my best hope. I’m going to go talk to him tomorrow at The Critter Clinic. I pray he is as perfect as Dr. Stuart says he is.”

  “Okay, what else is there?”

  “There’s a ton of stuff involved in moving clear across the nation. I’m supposed to be in Katie’s wedding. I promised. I can’t back out now. The wedding is in less than a month Katie and Logan decided to hold their wedding in Florida since most of her friends and family are here. So, juggling our timelines will be a challenge. Not to mention I have to figure out how I’ll support myself and find a place to live.”

  My heart is in my throat. “Uh … maybe I don’t understand what’s going on between us. It wouldn’t be the first time. I kinda figured we we’d move in together. I’m with you every day anyway. I don’t want to go back to the way it was before I met you.”

  Zoe sighs and leans against my chest. “I don’t either. But, I’m pretty short on miracles right about now. I want to believe things will work out, but I’m afraid, too.”

  “Why? I guess I consider our whole adventure miraculous. Why do things have to change?”

  Zoe sits up and faces me. “You were honest with me about the struggles of dealing with Asperger’s syndrome. Now it’s time for me to face my truth.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “There isn’t an easy way to explain all this. You might not even understand — but I think you will.”

  “If I don’t, please explain it to me until I do.”

  “You know when you told me about the kids making fun of you in school for being different. That happened to me too. I was okay until about the sixth grade and someone I thought was my friend discovered I can’t read very well. She started making fun of me and calling me slow. Pretty soon the rest of my classmates were saying I belonged in the special classes and I shouldn’t hang out with them.”

  “That’s awful! What did your parents do?”

  “It was even worse at home. My dad went on and on about how I’d never be able to find a real job like Vincent because I was too stupid to read. I was lucky to get the job at the pet store and even luckier to get my position at Hope’s Haven. I guess I’m afraid if I move to Oregon with you, I might not get lucky again. Do you know how hard it is to find a job when you can’t read well?”

  “No, not specifically. But I do know what it’s like to feel less than everyone else because you’re different. I wish you could understand what I see when I look at you. I don’t see someone who can’t. I see a compassionate, passionate and dedicated woman who was able to see beyond how I present myself and figure out what makes me strong.”

  Zoe blows her nose on a Kleenex she finds in her sweat jacket pocket. “You are too sweet for your own good. That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

  “I didn’t say it to be nice. I said it to show you how much you’ve helped me. Now, it’s time for me to return the favor.”

  Zoe assures me it’s all right to walk into Dr. Stewart’s practice. I knew it would be a mistake. The first thing I see is Dr. Stuart giving an orange cat a shot. Although I can’t see any blood, I know it’s there. I sway a little.

  “Are you all right Mister?” A teenager with shiny black hair nearly to her waist asks me as she helps Stuart hold onto the cat.

  Zoe pats the teen on the shoulder. “
Don’t mind Phoenix. He doesn’t like blood.”

  The teen swings her head around to look at me with renewed scrutiny.

  “Corkscrew isn’t bleeding. Dr. Stewart says he’ll be fine. He just has an infection. He’s going to show me how to give him his medicine. My mom is a nurse, but she works a lot so my dad would have to give Corkscrew his medicine. That would be kind of hard because my dad can’t see anything.”

  “Okay, thanks for letting me know.”

  “My name is Ketki. Hey, do you ride a motorcycle?”

  My eyes widen as I look at her in surprise, “I do. But how did you know?”

  “My stepdad says there is somebody at his work who rides a motorcycle. The guy used to have a noisier bike but just got a new one which isn’t so loud. Somebody told him the man has hair almost as long as mine. You have long hair so I figured it might be you.”

  “It might be. Does your dad work at Identity Bank?”

  “Yeah,” Ketki confirms with astonishment. “His name is John. He helps make computer games.”

  I smile at her. “What a coincidence, so do I.”

  “Do you help my dad?” Ketki asks.

  “In a way, I check the programs developed by Identity Bank to make sure they don’t crash. I don’t think I’ve ever worked on the same project as your dad — but I know who he is.”

  “That’s cool! Tristan and Marcus work with my dad sometimes too.”

  “I’m very glad to meet you. I can’t believe we’ve never met before. Lots of people have told me you are a very good gamer.”

  “Are you?” Ketki challenges.

  I nod. “I’ve been playing video games since before I could talk.”

  “Me too!” Ketki responded. “My dad says it took me a long time to talk because of my Asperger’s syndrome. So, I don’t know exactly how old I was when I started. But, I’m better at video games than almost all of my friends.”

  “That’s something else we have in common,” I comment.

  “Which, friends who suck at video games, or Asperger’s syndrome?”

  I chuckle. “Both, actually.”

  Ketki does a double take. “You have Asperger’s? I’ve never met a grown-up who is an Aspie.”

  “Well, you have now. I heard a rumor you’re looking for people to test out your modified programming. I’m game. But I warn you I’m really good.”

  “So am I,” Ketki announces. “Pick your time and place and we’ll play. Can I see your phone? I’ll give you my number. Text me whenever you want to play. It’ll be awesome to have a new MMORPG player. I can’t wait to beat you,” she adds with a confident smirk.

  Ketki takes my phone and rapidly types in some information. She could give my typing skills a run for my money — I can tell she's a serious gamer. I smile when she returns my phone. “Things are crazy in my life right now, but I’ll definitely take you up on your offer. Anyway, it was nice to meet you.”

  Stuart places the cat back in his carrier. After he washes his hands, he turns to us and asks, “What brings you guys by today?”

  “We were hoping to talk to Dashonte. Does he work today?” Zoe asks as she smooths her hair with trembling hands.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  ZOE

  PHOENIX WAITS FOR ME IN Stuart’s quaint waiting room while I look for Dashonte. Following Stuart’s instructions, I find Dashonte in the supply room checking in a new shipment. He looks up as if he’s startled to see me there. “Can I help you? The waiting room is down the hall to your left if you’re waiting for Dr. Stuart.”

  “Actually, I came to talk to you, Dashonte.”

  Dashonte’s eyes narrow as he regards me. “Wait … you know who I am? Are you some cop friend of Darya?”

  I smile at his suspicion. “I am Darya’s friend — but I’m not a cop.”

  He looks confused as he asks, “I’m sorry. Should I know you?”

  “As far as I know, we have never met. But Dr. Stuart recommends you highly.”

  Dashonte visibly relaxes. “Isn’t Doc the best?”

  “I agree. He’s a great guy. He does lots of free vet care for Hope’s Haven. We rely on him a lot.”

  Dashonte’s eyes widen. “You work at Hope’s Haven? That’s so cool. I’ve always wanted to work at a place like that. My mom and I can’t have any animals where I live, but I would love to be able to train animals every day. It’s like my dream job. Have you seen what the guide dogs do? There’s this dude with his guide dog. He’s like the best dog ever. Well, maybe not ever — because Darya’s dog, Dozer is fiercely cool.”

  “So ... you like dogs?” I ask. “What about other animals?”

  Dashonte’s face lights up. “I could do without spiders, but everything else is my vibe.”

  I laugh out loud. “I’m totally with you on the spiders. Then again, snakes aren't my thing either.”

  “Like I said, I’d love to have a dog, but I’m not allowed where we live.”

  “What if I told you there was a job opening at Hope’s Haven?”

  His jaw goes slack. “Last time I talked to Mitch, he said his employees are pretty much there for life and he didn’t have room for more. But, if there was a job up for grabs, it would be epically sweet. I’ve always wanted to work hands on with animals — more than I do here.”

  “Do you have any experience training animals?”

  A sad expression flashes across Dashonte’s face. It’s gone so quickly, I almost wonder if I imagined it. “I trained my brother’s puppy to shake and rollover. Why?”

  “That's a great start. My boyfriend got a phenomenal job offer in Oregon. I’d like to go with him, but I have a responsibility to the animals. So, I don’t want to leave until I find someone as passionate about animals as I am.”

  Dashonte’s chest puffs up. “You wouldn’t find anyone who loves animals more than me. I mean, look at what I’ve done here. My job is mostly cleaning up after Dr. Stuart and all the animals. Some people might think my job is boring and not worth much. But, I think it’s important. I help Dr. Stewart give all the stray dogs an opportunity to get well and be able to be placed in good homes. I don’t mind hard work.”

  “Trust me, you’ll be doing some of the same routine work at Hope’s Haven. I still have to clean dog runs, fill food dishes, and wash out dog kennels. But, it’s rewarding to change someone’s life with a dog. If you’re interested, you can come follow me for a day. I have about six weeks before I need to move to Oregon. If you want the job, I could start your training before I leave.”

  Dashonte’s brow furrows. “I love to, but I don’t want to leave Doc hanging.”

  “Somehow, I think Stuart would be okay with that. After all, he is the one who recommended you for the position.”

  “Wow! To think all this started because I rescued a puppy who was being hurt.”

  “What can I say? Sometimes karma rocks!” I respond with a chuckle.

  “Boy, these dogs would gladly compete in a marathon. They sure do like to walk.” I adjust my hold on Jolie’s lead so I can hold Phoenix’s hand.

  Phoenix looks down at Bruiser. “Yeah, this guy will be good for my fitness regime. No more vegging out on the couch with video games. Although, I did promise Ketki I would join her massive multi-player role-playing group. She's been reminding me almost every night. Ketki is a fan of text messages.”

  “How did your meeting go? According to Tristan, she is one of the most gifted gamers he’s ever run across.”

  Phoenix looks over at me. “Let’s just say I recognize a lot of myself in her. I think we could relate on a lot of different levels.”

  “I’m sure you can. If you run out of things to talk about, Ketki will have you covered. She is one of the most inquisitive kids I’ve ever seen in my life.”

  Phoenix smiles, “I can see that. How did your meeting with Dashonte go?” Phoenix asks me as we sit down on a park bench.

  “Good! He didn’t even wait two days to come visit Hope’s Haven. He showed up yesterday ready
to work. If he catches on to dog training as quickly as I think he will, I’ve found my replacement. Remind me to thank Stuart for the lead.”

  Phoenix takes a chug of his water. When he’s finished, he looks at me directly. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

  “Probably — if you’re thinking it means the coast is clear for me to move to Oregon.”

  “Is this something you really want to do? I thought about our conversation and I want to make sure I didn’t pressure you into moving if you don’t want to.”

  “That’s sweet, but I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do. I will miss my friends — but if you moved to Oregon and left me behind, I would miss you much more.”

  “This is the best news ever. I’ll text Kendall and take her up on her offer to help us find a place.”

  I wrap my arms around myself defensively as I admit, “I’m more than a little scared. I’ve never lived so far away from home and I’m afraid I won’t be able to find a job or friends in Oregon.”

  “I have an idea. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Remember when we stopped in and got coffee at Tough Break?”

  “Yeah, I remember their mocha iced coffee. It was amazing.”

  “That too — but the thing I remember was your conversation with the barista.”

  “I don’t follow. We were simply talking about what I do at Hope’s Haven —”

  “Right, but remember the comment she made? She said, 'I wish you could come out to my house and fix my dogs.'”

  I shoot Phoenix a puzzled look, “Uh-huh. People say those kinds of things all the time.”

  “Well, why can’t you?”

  “Why can’t I what?”

  “People hire concierge services all the time — for everything from cooking, massage, computer set up, lawn services and medical care. Why couldn’t they hire you to be a dog trainer in their homes?”

  The simple eloquence of his solution is stunning. “I could totally do that! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve helped Mitch teach his classes and people have told me their dogs behave differently in class than they do at home. Now, I could fix people’s issues with their pets right in their home environment. Your idea is brilliant!” I practically squeal as I throw my arms around his neck.