It was actually the second bedroom of this apartment that he’d turned into a library. He liked the coziness of the room, and the walls lined with mahogany bookshelves, packed with hardcover copies of his favorite books. He stopped in the open doorway and surveyed the room. There was a Persian-styled rug that covered the hardwood floor, a leather wingback chair in one corner, and the rest of the room was encircled by shelves, the space between the shelves and the ceiling filled with gilt-framed pencil drawings of castle ruins. Taryn stood near the gas fireplace he’d had installed.
“Wow...” she murmured.
“Thanks.”
Taryn turned. “You aren’t what I expected.”
“What did you expect?” he asked.
“I don’t know...more sports memorabilia, maybe?”
He chuckled. “Have I once mentioned sports?”
“No, I just thought it might fit in there,” she replied.
“I have a few baseball cards somewhere if you wanted me to dig them out.”
“That’s okay.” She cast him a sparkling smile and moved closer to a bookshelf, touching the spines of the books with one finger. “You like the classics.”
“Yeah, I always did.”
“Frankenstein, Dracula, The Three Musketeers...” She turned toward him with a twinkle in her eye. “You do have a bit of the noble knight in you, don’t you? You have a sense of right and wrong, and you have a tendency to rescue people.”
“You got that from my taste in literature?” he asked.
“That, and the fact that you don’t blame your ex for calling off the wedding,” she said. “That’s noble of you.”
“It wasn’t her fault.”
“A lot of guys might have blamed her if she was hoping to change your mind about having a family,” she said.
Noah wasn’t sure what to say. “I do believe in right and wrong.”
“You should be careful with that,” she said quietly, turning away from him again.
“What—be careful with moral fiber?” he said.
“It can lead you in very noble directions that you ultimately don’t want to go in,” she said.
Did she really think that she was such a poor catch—that ending up with her would be such a disappointment for a man? Her divorce had chipped away at her confidence—he could see that plainly. Did she not look in the mirror and see the stunning beauty that she was? Hell, he’d looked at her across a bar and felt drawn to her as a perfect stranger, and now that he knew her better, seeing her ensconced in all the trappings of his home that made him feel safe and secure, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.
“Did it ever occur to you that your ex-husband might have wanted to marry you?” he asked. “Maybe he took one look at you and thought he’d never find another woman quite as wonderful as you—and the baby had less to do with it than you thought.”
Taryn didn’t turn, but her whole body stilled.
“Sometimes people change,” he went on. “Maybe both of you did. I don’t know. I’m only guessing. All I’m saying is, from where I’m standing, it’s pretty easy for me to believe that a guy took one look at you and fell hard.”
She turned at last, and when she met his gaze, her gaze shone like burnished leather in the low light of the library. She took a wavering breath.
“Then why leave me for another woman?” she asked.
“That’s a man who didn’t have enough nobility in him,” he replied. “The problem there isn’t having too much.” He took a step closer, and he reached out and touched her arm. “I hate to make it so annoyingly simple, but some men are just stupid.”
She smiled at that, then rolled her eyes and shook her head. “So how do you know when a man isn’t one of the stupid ones?”
“Find a guy who reads,” he said, a slow, flirtatious smile tugging at his lips. She gave him a hesitant look, and he felt a pang of guilt for his flirting, so he added, “Just not me. That would complicate matters.”
She laughed softly. “That’s a given.”
Even though he agreed, and even though he knew all the reasons they didn’t match, her words stung just a little.
Noah nodded toward the door. “You hungry? Dinner’s ready.”
“I’m starving,” she said, and her relaxed smile warmed something inside him.
This was the mother of his child, and while they both knew he couldn’t offer more, he’d feed her. It was the most basic thing he could offer... They’d find their balance here, eventually.
CHAPTER TWELVE
NOAH HAD MADE a simple, delicious dinner of fettuccine Alfredo, and they’d chatted as they ate. Taryn had started to relax more in this calm, orderly space. This was his safe place—she could feel it. But there wasn’t room here for more than Noah—there wasn’t any clutter, any opportunity for another person to add their touch to the decor. There certainly wasn’t space for children.
“You’re very clean,” Taryn said as she took her last bite of pasta.
“People say that,” he said with a low laugh.
“Do they?” she joked. “Who else has told you that?”
“Every woman in my life,” he said. “My sister finds it annoying.” He eyed her for a moment. “Can I guess? I think you’re my opposite. I bet you love some cozy clutter.”
“Why would you assume that?” she asked with mock defensiveness.
“Because opposites attract,” he said with a wink. “And I know that you and I are keeping this strictly platonic, but you have to admit that we do...attract.”
They did, and she felt her face warm. “I’m not messy,” she said. “But I’m probably less organized at home. I haven’t figured out where I’m putting all the baby stuff yet, although I do have the nursery set up. The one place that is meticulously organized is my office, and that’s because I don’t mess with the success of my business.”
“Hmm.” He looked at her thoughtfully. “That’s interesting.”
“Is it?” she asked.
Noah shrugged. “It’s just good to know. I mean...to understand you better.”
“How were you raised?” she asked. “Was your mom strict?”
“That’s a good question,” he said. “Do you want to come sit in the living room, get more comfortable?”
“Sure.” She carried her glass of apple juice to the couch and got settled, tucking one leg up underneath herself.
Noah opened a cabinet and pulled out a photo album, then brought it over to the couch. He sat down next to her. She couldn’t fit the album on her lap because of her belly, so he held it on his, and she opened it.
“My mom was pretty strict,” he confirmed. “She was really honest with us. She told us that life wasn’t going to give us unlimited chances, so we had to make good choices and make the most of our opportunities.”
Taryn glanced up at him. “That’s wise.”
“Yeah. She was practical that way. I remember her telling me more than once that I wasn’t any more special than anyone else’s child on this planet, and that I needed to remember that. I might be her favorite boy in the world, but I wasn’t going to be anyone else’s.” He was silent for a moment. “When she died, I couldn’t help but remember those words... I’d lost the one person who loved me unconditionally.”
Taryn felt her eyes mist. “She was a good mom.”
“A good mom makes all the difference,” he murmured.
Taryn flipped through the first few pages of the album. There were baby pictures of Noah, and Taryn looked a little closer at those. They were quickly followed by toddler photos, and then his sister was born, and there were photos with a toddler and infant together... Their mother beamed proudly in the background of the photos, her hair permed.
“You haven’t changed much,” she said, looking down at a toddler photo of Noah grinning into the camera with spaghetti on his face
. He had the kind of grin that aged but stayed fundamentally the same, and she touched the photo with a fingertip.
“Yeah, you can tell it’s me, can’t you?” he agreed.
“The lack of beard did throw me when I saw you again,” Taryn said, and she looked up at him. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize your eyes, though...”
Noah stroked a hand down his stubbled chin, and his warm gaze met hers. “I recognized you immediately.”
“Did you panic?” she asked with a teasing smile.
“Uh—” He shrugged. “A bit. Yeah.”
“You’re staying honest,” she said.
“Yup.” He flipped a page and pointed to a picture of a shirtless man in denim shorts, sitting on a step with a toddler Noah leaning against his leg. “That’s the only picture I have of my dad and I together.”
Taryn looked closer. The man appeared distracted, but the toddler was looking straight into the camera.
“Your mom must have been crushed when he left...” she murmured.
“Yeah. I think so. I mean, I don’t remember it, but she said she never saw it coming.”
And that would be the hardest part—the shock of realizing that her husband had been planning this exit, and she hadn’t known. Taryn had felt something similar when she found out about Glen’s affair. Two years of lies, of hiding this relationship, and she’d never once suspected.
“And that’s Tom,” he said, flipping another page.
The photo was a wedding picture showing Noah’s mother with a bearded man dressed in a black suit. She glanced toward Noah—the beard he’d had was similar to his stepfather’s. The man’s influence on Noah’s life had been strong. It was interesting to think what kind of relationship the two men might have had if Tom and Noah’s mother had stayed together.
Taryn flipped through a few more pages—this was where the family photos really seemed to start. There were smiles and laughter, playing and birthday cakes.
“Those were good years,” Noah murmured. He slid an arm behind her back—more a movement to get more comfortable, but she could feel the warmth of his arm behind her and it felt safe. The baby shifted, and she adjusted her position, too, leaning toward Noah ever so slightly. She put her hand over the spot where the baby was stretching.
“He’s waking up in there,” she said.
“Yeah?” Noah looked down at her belly, and she could see the sudden wash of tenderness over his features. She took his hand and pressed it against the spot, and Noah was motionless for a moment. The baby stretched again.
“Wow,” he murmured. “He’s really moving.”
“He does that...” She smiled.
“Feeling him move makes it feel more real, somehow,” he said.
“For you?” she asked. “I could see that. For me, he’s with me all the same—standing on my bladder, poking me in the ribs, rolling around in there...”
Noah smiled, and he didn’t pull his hand away. He moved it to the top of her belly, and the baby seemed to want to push at him again, so she felt him roll inside of her.
“So how were you raised?” he asked softly.
“Well...” Taryn watched his hand as he moved it gently in a little circle. “My parents were both college educated, so school was really important in our home. I have three sisters—all married. Only one has kids, though, and she lives in Brazil right now.”
“Wow.”
Taryn nodded. “My mom homeschooled us for the first few years, and the first year I went to public school was grade five.”
“Is that something you’d want to do?” he asked.
Taryn shook her head. “No, not me. I have to keep working.”
“Yeah. Of course.” He stopped moving his hand, and he looked up at her. “What’s the important stuff for raising this little guy? What’s the nonnegotiable stuff?”
“I want him to be raised with books and reading,” she said.
“I like that.”
“And I want him to experience as much as possible. I want to take him to art galleries and museums, take him camping and show him wildlife...”
“Do you think you’d ever let me take him camping?” Noah asked.
She froze. “Um...”
“When he’s older, of course,” he said.
She felt a rush of anxiety at that thought. They’d agreed to complete honesty, hadn’t they?
“I can’t even imagine letting him out of my arms right now,” she said. “And one of the things that I liked about not knowing who you were was that I wouldn’t have to share custody. I don’t want to give him up for a few days, or a few weeks, even. I—” She felt tears mist her eyes. She didn’t want to cry about it, but she did need him to understand.
“Hey...” His voice was low. “It’s okay. Maybe that’s too far in the future to even talk about yet. I think for now, we can plan to keep this baby in your arms.”
She felt a wave of relief at that. “Are you just saying that?”
“Taryn—” He reached out and moved her hair away from her face. His warm touch lingered against her temple. “I’m not trying to overstep. You’re calling all the shots, okay?”
She leaned her cheek into his touch, and let out a slow breath. “It must be the hormones. I’m not normally this emotional. For the record.”
He leaned in and pressed a kiss against her forehead, his five-o’clock shadow tickling her skin. He smelled musky and good, and he didn’t pull back all the way. He looked down at her, his dark gaze softening as his eyes moved over her face.
“Are we going to be any good at parenting together?” she whispered.
“Yup,” he murmured. “We are.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“I know who the boss is.” A smile flickered at the corners of his lips.
She chuckled, and before she could think better of it, she reached up and touched his stubbly chin. He was different than he’d been seven months ago. He’d been intoxicating back then, but now he was alluring in a new way. Perhaps that just came with knowing him better...
Noah leaned in toward her, and she could feel his strong torso press against the side of her belly. His hand moved gently over the top of her bump, and he paused a couple of inches before his lips touched hers.
It would be so easy to lean into him, to let him kiss her, to shut her eyes and forget about all the very good reasons not to do this...
“I told myself I’d open up with you tonight,” he murmured.
“I should take advantage of that,” she said, and she pulled back.
Kissing him would be the easy way out. She wasn’t here for that.
“What do you want to know?” he asked softly.
She was silent for a moment, and her gaze moved down to the photo album. The photo of his stepfather was still front and center. That relationship had formed him...she could feel it.
“All right, then...” She hesitated, and then licked her lips. “Why haven’t you contacted Tom before this?”
* * *
THAT WASN’T QUITE the kind of question Noah expected, and he paused. What was worrying her? Was there something about Tom she didn’t like? Funny how even opening up with her made him realize how little he knew her. He could forget that detail when looking down at her plump lips.
“Tom isn’t going to be a part of this baby’s life,” he said.
“I know,” she said. “I’m just wondering.”
She tapped a picture of Tom and Noah sitting side by side on the couch, a bowl of chips between them. He remembered that day—it was the middle of summer, and they’d both been hot. There had been some oscillating fans running, and Tom and Noah were watching TV together. Laura had been annoyed because it wasn’t a show she liked.
“You might look like your mother’s side of the family,” Taryn said. “There’s no denying
that. But you’ve patterned yourself after your stepdad.”
Noah looked down at the photo.
“You grew your beard the same,” she clarified. “You even sit like him.”
Noah looked at the photo—Tom’s arm was over the back of the couch, just like Noah was sitting next to Taryn right now. He frowned. He’d figured he’d turned out a bit like Tom by happenstance, not that he’d mimicked the guy.
“I never noticed that,” he admitted.
“He meant a lot to you,” she said.
“Yeah, he did,” he agreed. “But he wasn’t worthy of being copied, either. My biological father left us and never looked back. My stepdad was booted out, but he didn’t fight for a relationship with us.”
“It might have been complicated,” she murmured.
“It was definitely complicated,” he agreed. “But...” He swallowed. “He might have been a fun stepdad, but he made my mom cry a lot. I remember lying in bed at night listening to them argue. Mom would point out how he was being immature and not manning up to the job, and he’d come back with some comment I wouldn’t quite understand, but then I’d hear her cry. It would rip my heart out to hear her weep. He made her cry a lot.”
“And you still liked him?” Taryn asked.
His relationship with his stepfather was hard to explain—even to family. He felt like he betrayed his mother by loving Tom like he had...
“I—” He felt that old wave of guilt. “I did. He was fun. And he was a guy. He understood me in a way my mom and sister didn’t. I felt terrible about it, because I loved my mom, obviously, but I loved Tom too. And I knew he was mean to her.”
Noah leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He’d just been a kid... He hadn’t known how to navigate any of it. Maybe he still didn’t.
“Is that why you never did contact him?” Taryn asked. “Loyalty to your mom?”
“Loyalty, guilt,” he said. “Take your pick. We were the guys in the family, and I don’t think we took very good care of my mom.”
“You were pretty small to be able to take care of an adult woman,” she said softly.
Harlequin Heartwarming June 2021 Box Set Page 16
