Noah looked down at that picture of himself. He was maybe six or seven, and he’d been small for his age.
“That doesn’t matter in the heart of a boy,” he said, meeting her gaze. “There’s something hardwired into us to want to protect, and slay some dragons. Call it nobility or whatever you like, but even as little boys we want to be the hero who makes things better.”
“Did you ever say anything to him about how he treated your mother?” she asked.
“No.” Another regret. He’d hidden those angry feelings away, because if he said anything, he’d been afraid that Tom would stop taking him out, stop calling him “buddy,” stop loving him...
“I didn’t know how to discuss things that big, and he left when I was ten. I used to beat myself up about it until some of my friends had kids who hit the age of ten and I realized how young it really is. You look back on your childhood and imbue your memories with adult ability. But I was just a kid.”
“Ten is very young,” Taryn said softly.
“I didn’t talk to him again after he left, so there was no chance to bring it up later. And now, he’s moved on with his life, and Mom is gone. There’s nothing left to say, really.”
He’d been telling himself, at least. Did he have anything left to say to the only father he’d ever known about how he’d made his mother cry those bitter, heartbroken tears?
“I wonder if Tom regrets any of it,” she said.
“I don’t know. He said he regretted not getting in touch with me and my sister again. That’s something. But he didn’t mention Mom.”
Noah sucked in a breath. He’d been putting off getting into any discussions with his ex-stepfather. But maybe there was something to discuss with Tom after all... Maybe it would do Noah good—some redemption for the boy who couldn’t be man enough to protect his mom from cruel words, or man enough to choose her.
“Tom isn’t a part of my life anymore,” Noah said. “But my sister is. And my niece and nephews. They’re great kids, and Laura is an excellent mom. Maybe...you’d want to meet them sometime. Meeting people’s families tends to give you a wide-open window into why they are the way they are. It might be more educational than Tom.”
And he’d rather introduce her to the people who’d stayed in his life than focus on the ones who hadn’t.
“I think I’d like that,” she said, and she shot him a smile.
An idea had occurred to him...one that was less about showing Taryn who he was than it was about getting a little more time with her, but still—
“My sister asked me to babysit this weekend,” Noah said. “I don’t normally babysit, but she wanted a date night with Henry, and I agreed. Do you feel like seeing my family and finding out what I’m actually like around kids? It’s not going to instill any confidence in you, but I could use a hand.”
“Sure.” She nodded. “I’d like to see you in action.” Then she paused and shot him an uncertain look.
“What?” he said.
“I’m going to see my grandmother tomorrow,” she said. “In the spirit of getting to know each other’s families a little bit, would you like to meet her?”
Noah couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. He’d heard enough about this old lady to be intrigued.
“She has no idea that you’re the father,” Taryn added. “And she’ll probably say all sorts of dated, old-fashioned and possibly offensive things. Heads up.”
“I’m not easily shocked,” he replied. “Should I drive?”
He wanted to lock this down before either of them backed out. This was also why they needed a solid friendship. Their son was going to have more family than just a mom and a dad.
“I can’t talk you back out of it?” she asked with a nervous laugh.
“Hey, you’ll see me with kids, so it’s only fair that I see you with your grandmother. I think it will be good for us in the long run. Besides, you act like I’ve never met a stubborn old lady before.”
“All right,” she said, and he shot her a grin.
He wasn’t going to be the only one showing his weaknesses, and the chance to see her family before she saw his felt good. Besides, he was looking forward to getting a glimpse at the family behind this woman—the people who formed her and raised her. Appreciating how a woman fit into his arms was only one kind of knowledge. Understanding how she fit into a family—now, that was intimacy.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
AS TARYN HEADED UPSTAIRS, her mind kept going back to that moment on his couch when she’d thought he’d kiss her. Why was this man so attractive to her? That was what she wanted to know. Of all the potential men to get romantically involved with, Noah was the worst choice. Whatever they were feeling for each other was strictly chemical. She was pregnant with his child—that was bound to cause some confusing feelings between them... She liked the sensation of his strong arms around her. It made her feel safe and cared for in the moment. But this searing attraction was like the honeymoon phase of a marriage. The novelty wore off—it always did. That simmering, slow smile of his would change over time, and when it did, she didn’t want it to hurt.
Noah was going to be in her life, so she needed to keep things respectful and simple between them.
But now, she was nervous that she wasn’t making these decisions as a woman building a parenting relationship with this man. Instead, she was reacting on an emotional level...maybe even a chemical one. And she couldn’t do that. Her child deserved better than inheriting an emotional mess his mother had created when she could have set up a truly balanced and happy relationship with his biological father.
She dug her key card out of her purse and let herself into the room. She kicked off her heels and dropped her purse onto the dresser with a sigh.
Her phone rang and she looked down at it, half expecting, maybe even hoping, to see Noah’s number. The name that popped up was Belle Villeneuve.
“Belle?” she said, picking up the call.
“Hi,” Belle said. “Are you still up?”
“Yeah, I’m just relaxing. What’s going on? How did that lunch go with Philip?”
“It went...well, not great,” Belle said. “I explained why I broke it off with him, and he understood. He has his own stuff he’s been dealing with, too, and it just seemed like it wasn’t going to work with us. We were both really sad. But that isn’t why I called.”
“Oh?” Taryn said.
“I’m pregnant.”
“What?” Taryn couldn’t help but smile. “That’s wonderful...isn’t it?”
“The timing is miserable,” Belle said. “I only just found out. I was late—like a month and a half late—and I had myself convinced it was early menopause.”
“Oh, Belle,” Taryn laughed.
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t,” Belle said with a chuckle. “I’m two months’ pregnant. I haven’t even told Philip yet.”
“When will you tell him?” Taryn asked.
“I don’t know... I’m scared of what he’ll say, honestly. We’ve only been dating for six months, and we just broke up and got back together... This wasn’t planned.”
“Wait, you’re back together?” Taryn asked.
“Yeah...and it wasn’t because of the pregnancy, either. We talked about a lot of his insecurities. Basically, his ex cheated on him, so he’s gun-shy.”
“Understandable,” Taryn murmured.
“I told him that I’m sick of being treated like I’m either stupid, or untrustworthy because of my face,” she said. “Just because men want me doesn’t mean I’m available. I’m tired of being chosen, and with Philip, I chose the man I wanted. And if that doesn’t give him any sense of security, then I was done.”
“And he said?” Taryn prompted.
“He said I was right,” she said. “He apologized. He asked if he could have another chance and take me to the wedding to m
eet his family. Family is going to mean even more going forward.”
“And you haven’t told him about the baby yet?” Taryn asked.
“No. I was thinking about what you said about your ex-husband, how he wanted to be with you because of a pregnancy, and how that didn’t make up for anything else in your relationship.”
“But Philip isn’t Glen,” she said.
“Maybe not,” Belle said softly. “But as much as I want a regular guy, I also want him to be with me because he loves me, not because he feels like he owes me.”
“I think he’ll be happy about the baby,” Taryn said. “For what it’s worth.”
“I think so, too,” Belle said. “It’s just all happening really quickly, and a baby changes things. A baby complicates things.”
Taryn let out a slow breath. “Yeah. It does.”
A baby took a relationship and changed it into a family—vows or not. And that family could be in one home or spread over two, but they’d never stop belonging to each other once that child arrived.
“Do we even have what it takes to last?” Belle asked. “Philip has a lot of great characteristics, but he’s not terribly secure in our relationship.”
“I don’t know...” Taryn said softly.
They were both silent for a couple of beats, and Taryn’s heart squeezed in sympathy. Belle might be stunningly beautiful, but she had all the same problems the rest of them had.
“Have you told Renata yet?” Taryn asked.
“Oh, yes,” Belle said. “She’s very supportive. I suppose I came to you because you’re going to raise your child alone, and... Well, it doesn’t matter. I just thought you might understand.”
“I do,” Taryn assured her. “Of anyone, I understand how complicated this is. And no one can tell you what’s right for you and your baby. I’m happy for you, though. A baby is good news—always.”
“Thank you,” Belle said softly. “I needed to hear that.”
After they’d said their goodbyes, Taryn sank onto the edge of the bed.
Was Belle going to regret choosing Philip? Would they have what it took to make a marriage work...to make a family work?
If Taryn had learned one thing, it was that when adults struggled through a breakup, it wasn’t just the grownup hearts that got mangled. The kids were dragged through it, too.
She thought of the photo of Noah as a little boy sitting next to his stepfather. Just one little boy who loved his stepdad and his mother, and felt responsible for the ugliness of a relationship breaking down. One little boy whose heart had never recovered.
Taryn couldn’t knowingly put her son through that... Belle might take a chance on Philip, and she’d wish them well. But the risk was no longer about two hearts; it was now about that third little heartbeat that she listened to every time she went to see her obstetrician.
Belle would have to make her own decisions, but that third heartbeat had to be Taryn’s priority.
* * *
NOAH SAT IN the leather chair in his library, a book open on his lap, but he’d stopped trying to read. He was thinking about Taryn. He’d almost kissed her tonight...again. And he knew all the reasons to keep his emotional distance here, so why was that proving so difficult?
He pushed his glasses up on his face and stared at a bookshelf, his mind chewing over the problem. Maybe it would help to see each other’s families—pop this bubble that surrounded just the two of them with their secret. Maybe seeing her grandmother and watching Taryn interact with her would help him to see her as any other woman and put the brakes on his snowballing feelings here.
That was the hope.
And letting her see his family—see him for who he really was, not for who he might pretend to be—that was important, too. Parenting with her, visiting her, talking with her on the phone, was all going to feel a lot more intimate than they were aiming at, and he had to get his balance now.
His cell phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. He looked down at the number. The area code was from Seattle. Was this about the interview?
He picked up the call. “Hello, Noah Brooks here.”
“Noah, hi, this is Ellen from Oceanside Hotel. How are you tonight?”
He glanced at his watch. It was pretty late to be calling for professional purposes.
“I’m doing alright,” he replied. “How are you?”
“I’m doing well. I’m glad I caught you tonight because I have to head out on business early tomorrow morning.”
“It’s no problem,” he said. “It’s not too late at all.”
“I also wish I had better news for you,” she said.
“Oh...” So this wasn’t good news.
“It was a tight race,” Ellen said. “In the end we chose a different candidate, but there was a lot of debate before the decision was made. I want you to know how much we appreciated meeting you, and how impressed we were with your résumé and all of your experience. This is a pretty small industry, so maybe we’ll be able to work together in the future sometime.”
“That would be great,” he said. “It was a pleasure to meet you, too. Thanks for the personal call. I appreciate it.”
“Not a problem. You have a good night, Noah.”
As he hung up, Noah pursed his lips and sat motionless for a few beats. Then he tossed his phone onto the shelf next to him.
His escape from Mountain Springs wasn’t going to be quite so easy now, and he searched for an emotional reaction to this news. Seattle was supposed to be his fresh start away from all the drama of Mountain Springs, yet he didn’t feel a wave of disappointment at this news.
Instead, he felt relief.
Taryn was in Colorado, and if he stayed here, he’d be that much closer to her if she needed help. If she needed...him.
He wasn’t reining in his emotions surrounding Taryn very well, was he? But this baby was arriving in two months, and his life was about to change. So was Taryn’s. But more than that, he realized in a rush that when Taryn had the baby, he wanted to be there...
If she’d let him.
He’d never thought about anything like this before—being present for his child’s delivery. Holding his son in his arms, making sure that the mother of his child had everything she might need... That was something he’d written off for other people to experience.
When Taryn needed help with something, he wanted to be her first call. And when that little boy thought about his dad, Noah didn’t want him to face all the uncertainty that Noah had faced as a boy. He never wanted his son to wonder if his dad loved him, or to feel guilty or confused for loving a father who wasn’t good for his mom. Noah was going to be good to Taryn, respect her, and never make her cry. He’d seen a little too much of that in his life already.
And the best way to ensure that security for his son was to stay the course with their plans to be good friends who raised this boy together—even without the thirteen-hundred-mile buffer zone between them.
He had to deal with whatever he was feeling, and not make it a burden for Taryn. She’d already been married to a guy who made his guilt and need to be the good guy into her problem. He couldn’t make her go through that again.
Damn it. He had to stop thinking about kissing this woman! He had to find some way to open up with her, be there for her and not start feeling more for her than he should. Because when he opened up with her, his emotions seemed to follow.
How exactly was he going to pull this off?
* * *
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Noah and Taryn drove down the winding road around the lake toward the town. Noah always had liked this drive. Some parts of the road were closed in by dense trees, the sunlight all but blocked out. And then there would be a flicker of light through the trunks, the sun reflecting off the lake just beyond. There were a few clear areas where the view suddenly erupted from the trees, and
the turquoise lake spread out beside them, the water sparkling in the summer sunlight.
“You’re quiet today,” Taryn said.
“Am I?” He glanced toward her. “I have a lot on my mind.”
Last night, he hadn’t slept well. He’d been thinking about Taryn, but also about Seattle. The disappointment had finally hit him. He’d mentally tallied up a life for himself there, and he’d been looking forward to a step in a new direction. In a lot of ways, staying in Mountain Springs felt like his life was grinding to a stop. Seattle had represented forward momentum, and it also offered an escape from his personal troubles here.
What was he supposed to do—stay in Mountain Springs and deal with all these conflicting, confusing relationships?
“You don’t have to do this with me,” Taryn said. “You don’t owe me anything—”
“I’m not bent out of shape because of this visit to your grandmother,” he said, and he softened his tone. “I...heard back about the Seattle job. I didn’t get it.”
“Oh... I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted that.”
He allowed himself a glance at her, and she shot him a sympathetic look. It helped, actually. Not many people knew he’d applied, so the disappointment would be his alone to bear.
“They said it was really close,” he said. “And the woman I spoke to—the president of the hotel chain—said that they debated long and hard about it. So there’s that.”
“That must be a bit of a consolation, at least,” Taryn said.
“Yeah...”
“It’s not?” she asked.
He looked over at her and found Taryn’s dark gaze locked on him. He didn’t want sympathy right now. He wanted to shove this down and deal with it another time, but he was the one who’d brought it up, wasn’t he?
“It’ll be nice to be closer to Denver,” he said. “But Seattle would have paid better, and I might have been able to do a bit more financially to help you out.”
“You know I don’t need financial support,” Taryn said.
“I know. I’m just saying, it was something I was considering. And I liked the idea of being able to pitch in more that way.” Instead of in person—a way to make his son’s life better without too much of a chance Noah would mess things up.
Harlequin Heartwarming June 2021 Box Set Page 17
