The Reluctant Fortune-Teller

by Keziah Frost

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Nine of Diamonds:

  A new beginning. Financial reward beckons. Go forward with confidence.

  Margaret put up both her hands and exclaimed: “Oh, Norbert! You look good in black! You should wear it all the time! Why don’t you?”

  Birdie agreed, “It makes you stand out.”

  Norbert was not accustomed to receiving compliments from ladies. His face glowed pink above his black button-down shirt and black trousers. This was his compromise psychic outfit.

  The Club had had something else in mind, altogether more flamboyant. They had arrived at his house the day of his first professional card readings with armloads of costume possibilities. They had had so much fun finding the stuff and trying to outdo one another’s imaginations. It was vital that their protégé be appropriately dressed for his new role; the outfit would give him the confidence he lacked. Birdie had thought that Norbert should wear the theatrical black-and-gold cape. Carlotta had pushed for the white turban with a jewel in the center. Margaret had made a passionate argument for makeup—just a little—“to make your eyes look bigger and darker.”

  Norbert stood his ground. He emerged from his bedroom wearing his own idea of a “psychic outfit.” Normal, everyday clothes, in black.

  Carlotta appraised Norbert as if finding a facet of him she hadn’t reckoned on. He wasn’t going to be as easy to mold as she thought.

  But she said, “You’re right, Norbert. Simple is best. Black gives you mystery and authority.”

  Sometimes Carlotta had found that it was necessary to give a little on the smaller points, so that she could keep firm control on the bigger ones. Norbert didn’t know it yet, but Carlotta and the Club were going to supervise him closely and maintain a strong grip on his fortune-telling business. As long as he remained grateful and subordinate in every other way, she would let him wear what he wanted.

  Norbert, standing before the mirror by his front door, brushed white dog hair off his shirt and put his shoulders back, regarding himself from head to toe uncertainly.

  Margaret said, “Well, at least you’ll have the sign I made, to give you some razzamatazz.”

  Margaret had painted a garish sandwich sign board that she intended to set up on the sidewalk outside the café, to bring in the tourist trade. The message, on a purple-and-gold background, announced in curly yellow capital letters: NORBERT Z., AMAZING PSYCHIC, CARD READINGS TODAY.

  * * *

  Before his first professional psychic reading, Norbert was anxious in a way he hadn’t been since elementary school on Sunday nights, when he had forgotten to do his homework. What if he were exposed, as he deserved, for being a fraud? What if his mind went blank and he couldn’t remember the meanings of the cards? Why was he doing such a crazy thing—he, who had never done crazy things before?

  Ivy, unconcerned with ethical issues, slept in her carrier at his side. All was right in her world.

  Today the café seemed brighter, making him feel there was nowhere to hide. He considered leaving, abandoning this wild idea. What was he doing here, pretending to be able to offer guidance to strangers by using a deck of cards? It was all wrong. He hesitated, though, thinking of his stack of unpaid bills.

  Hope, working behind the counter, spied him before he could turn around, and came rushing forward to greet him.

  “Welcome, Norbert Z!” she exclaimed, calling him by his new “professional name.”

  “Would you believe we already have a couple of appointments on the schedule for you? You’re creating buzz. Did you know that?”

  Norbert did not know that. He had never created “buzz” in his life.

  “Now, you choose your own spot. You’ll probably want a quiet corner. A booth, maybe?”

  Norbert chose a booth in the back, one that adjoined the large window. He was sure that Ivy would like to poke her head out of the man purse and survey the street scene. As he settled her on the seat and slid in after her, he felt very nervous. The music seemed awfully loud today, and he thought he would never be able to concentrate in such a racket.

  Norbert’s first customer was a man who no longer loved his wife.

  As he shuffled, the man said, “You use playing cards, eh? I was expecting the ones with pictures. What do you call them? Tarot cards?”

  “Uh, well, yes,” stammered Norbert, hoping to sound as if he had been reading cards for years. “I find that ordinary playing cards are simple and, uh, more accurate.”

  The man didn’t seem to notice Norbert’s stammer, nor his inexperience, which Norbert feared must be obvious. Instead, the man watched the cards as Norbert laid them down, as if trying to puzzle out for himself what they might mean. He was taking a grave interest in his reading, and was more interested in it than in Norbert.

  His cards revealed several things.

  The man’s unloved wife, sitting at a distant booth and eating a pastry she didn’t seem to want, revealed much more. She was bulky and looked ill at ease in her own body, and a wave of heartbreak emanated from her.

  The horseshoe spread presented three face cards. First, the Jack of Hearts: a pleasure-loving, partying, immature man; then the Queen of Hearts: a loving and supportive woman; and the Queen of Diamonds: a flirtatious woman. The surrounding cards foretold the likelihood of deep disappointment for the querent.

  His name, the Jack said, was Jeremy.

  “I just wanna know one thing,” he said, lowering his forehead toward Norbert confidentially. “Should I leave her? I think it would be the fair thing to do. Because I don’t love her anymore. I don’t think I ever did.”

  “Why did you marry her?” murmured Norbert, automatically, not noticing what a personal question this was to be asking a stranger. But Jeremy did not object. On the contrary, he opened his life to Norbert.

  “When I first met her, she made me feel...like a safe, homey kind of feeling—or something...”

  “She reminded you of a loving woman who took care of you,” guessed Norbert. He was surprised to hear himself make such an assertion. What did he know of this man’s life? But it seemed he had guessed right.

  Jeremy looked impressed.

  “Right! My grandmother, actually.” A soft look came into his eyes. “I adored my grandmother. And Kelly is like her—gentle and sweet. But she’s not my type, you know? Let’s face it—she’s fat. I like thin, fit women.”

  Norbert did not point out that Jeremy could stand to lose quite a few pounds himself. Although Norbert had before him an unappreciative and shallow man, he also perceived Jeremy’s conflict and pain, and his wish to have what he wanted without hurting anyone—too badly. Norbert also foresaw the regret that lay ahead of this Jack of Hearts if he joined his life with the fickle Queen of Diamonds.

  Norbert’s self-consciousness resurfaced. He was about to speak aloud the kind of observation he would normally keep to himself. He closed his eyes and took in several deep, slow breaths to master his anxiety.

  When he opened his eyes, Jeremy was watching him, with respect and close attention. Apparently Jeremy took Norbert’s self-calming breaths for some kind of psychic trance.

  Norbert took in another deep breath, and when he exhaled, he spoke by pure inspiration.

  “I see that your wife loves you deeply, more deeply than anyone else ever will.”

  “I know that’s the truth,” admitted Jeremy, stealing a glance toward Kelly, who was pushing her pastry around on the plate.

  Norbert was relieved. He was guessing right. And Jeremy didn’t seem to be aware of Norbert’s anxiety, but was completely focused on the answers Norbert could give him. This gave Norbert a jolt of confidence to push through to the end of the reading. Norbert asked Jeremy to close his eyes, take in some slow breaths and listen to the message of the cards. Somewhat to Norbert’s surprise, Jeremy obeyed easily, his head dropping and his shoulders rising
slightly with each deep intake of air. He looked as if he were praying.

  Norbert now found words pouring from him that did not sound like his own. He had never spoken this way before. He did not know where the words came from, but it seemed that they were coming up to him from the depths of Jeremy, somehow. And that was strange, because Jeremy didn’t seem to have any depths.

  “I see that you and Kelly have been together in many lifetimes, and that it is destiny that brings you together, for the good of each of you. And I see also, that in the coming days and weeks, you will find yourself falling deeply, deeply in love with your wife.” Norbert’s naturally soft voice sounded hypnotic, even to himself. “You will reach the understanding that you are twin flames joined together by Spirit, true soul mates, and when you look at Kelly, you will see her inner and outer beauty and be flooded with gratitude and desire. She will awaken a new passion in you that you have never known before. Now see, vividly, in your mind’s eye—her heart...and your heart...and the strong cord that connects your two beating hearts. See how solid the connection is. See how happy you will make each other, through this unshakable bond, throughout your lives. Know that you are a lucky man, Jeremy. You have what so many others wish for. You have your soul mate.”

  Jeremy’s eyes remained closed.

  Norbert looked at him, and hoped that he would not walk away from the woman who loved him.

  Norbert paused uncertainly, and then said, “You may open your eyes now.”

  * * *

  After the reading, Norbert, twenty dollars richer, took a break to walk briskly to the beach, eight blocks north of the café. He was so galvanized that he had to move his body. Ivy rocked gently in the man purse/pet carrier as Norbert strode along; her nose worked in the cool summer breeze. The sky was the most exquisite shade of blue Norbert had ever seen. As he walked, he soaked in the fragrances of the coffee emanating from the Good Fortune Café, the flowers in the gardens behind the white picket fences, and the lake sparkling ahead. It was all so stimulating. The birdsong, always varied and intense in this little town between lake and woods, filled his ears. He was grateful to be alive in a world with birds.

  When he reached the beach, he didn’t stop, but walked out to the end of a pier, where he sat down, took off his shoes and socks, and dangled his feet in the spangled water of Lake Ontario. The gulls clamored and swooped overhead, and a swan glided, like a work of art, over the gentle waves before him. Norbert and Ivy breathed in the bouquet of this beautiful place: algae mixed with the gas and oil of the boats and the crisp scent of the lake itself. Norbert gazed past Black Bear Island, past the yachts and sailboats, to the blue horizon. He felt a part of this beautiful world. As he watched the gulls dipping and diving, his heart filled with joy, opening to a new path in his life. Norbert had a strong intuition for himself: that to go forward now meant that his life would never be the same. The reading for the man who did not love his wife played itself over again in his mind. He found himself repeating in his head: That was the most thrilling experience of my life.

  When Norbert analyzed this first of many readings, he didn’t understand it. He saw that Jeremy had a loving relationship and was foolish enough to throw it away, as if such things were so easy to replace. Norbert thought of Lois, and of how much he missed the love she gave him. This silly man might have been ready to make the worst mistake of his life. Perhaps Norbert had prevented that. Maybe Jeremy would wake up in time to keep what was good in his life.

  Norbert didn’t particularly believe in past lives, although his Professors of the Paranormal (that is to say, Carlotta’s Club) had tutored him in such notions. However, face-to-face with Jeremy, Norbert found himself in a relaxed state of mind that led him to feel almost as if he were—and here, he really felt a jolt of surprise—walking around in Jeremy’s brain. Had he hypnotized Jeremy? He hadn’t ever hypnotized anyone before—although he’d once read an article on self-hypnosis and had practiced it, out of curiosity. It must have been about thirty years ago. “Change Yourself through Hypnosis” had been the title of the article, as he recalled. It had fascinated him. He had hypnotized himself a few times, giving himself the suggestion: “You are a confident person.” He always wound up falling asleep, though, so he suspected he wasn’t doing it right.

  Everything that Norbert did in his first reading seemed to unfold naturally. All he said was what seemed clear and necessary at the time, nothing more and nothing less. When he reflected later that the reading seemed to consist of thoughts that were perhaps not entirely his own—past lives, soul mates and other fanciful notions—he decided that this was somehow no concern of his. The important thing was that the reading had seemed to make a world of sense to Jeremy.

  A memory of his earliest ambition came back to him now. When Norbert was seven years old, his dream was to be a superhero, flying through the sky, known and seen by everyone, saving people and animals. He wanted to be like Superman, admired for always being on the side of truth and justice, and rescuing an appreciative citizenry. He would fly with his arms outstretched before him, and children, women and men would stop and point up at him with excitement. Here he comes! Look! Up in the sky! It’s Super Norbert!

  He would help the distressed and the lost. The frightened and the hopeless would count on him to solve their toughest problems. Certainly, as an accountant, he had done his best to give satisfaction, and he hoped that he often solved problems. But there was something in this first professional card reading that approached that exhilarating sense of flying and saving the day, which he had known in the world of his childhood imagination.

  Norbert headed back to the café with a bounce in his step, Ivy’s head bobbling in rhythm. He had another reading to do.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Ten of Hearts and Four of Hearts:

  Go ahead and have confidence in yourself. If need be, “fake it ’til you make it.” You can do this!

  Norbert’s next client was a young woman in her early thirties. She wore a lanyard with an ID tag showing the photograph of a younger, smiling version of herself, and the words “Eileen McCall, NURSE, Gibbons Corner Memorial Hospital.” As she shuffled the cards, he had time to study the ID and her weary, lined face. After she had handed him the last card, she pressed her fingers firmly into the side of her neck, as if to subdue a knot there.

  Norbert naturally noticed things about people that others missed. Although he was nearsighted and his glasses were thick, he still saw more than most. It was because he himself was so seldom noticed that he had the leisure to observe. And because he was truly interested in people.

  Norbert looked at the spread, feeling the young woman’s eyes on him. He felt a quickening of his heartbeat and was aware that the palms of his hands were a little moist. He checked the last card he had laid down to reassure himself he hadn’t left a damp fingerprint there. His readings for Hope and Jeremy had gone well. Could he keep up his courage and succeed again? He studied the cards, while thinking about the nurse lanyard that this woman wore, and he began to forget about himself.

  He had read an article years ago that claimed that 83 percent of nurses are firstborn daughters of alcoholic fathers. He had retained this, because it seemed so implausible. However, he had seen this claim repeated in articles ever since. Perhaps it was one of those false “facts” that gets repeated until it becomes unquestioned. He wondered if Eileen had an alcoholic father. It would be interesting to know. But he did not want to say anything to make her sad.

  “Well, I can see you need a vacation,” said Norbert, indicating the Jack of Hearts and the Ten of Hearts adjoining each other. “You are a hard worker, and sometimes you don’t give yourself a break.”

  Eileen’s eyes welled, and she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

  “I don’t really see how I can take a vacation...”

  “But you’ve been thinking about it, and wishing you could,” guessed Norbert. He fel
t Eileen’s exhaustion, and he urgently wished for her to have a rest.

  “Well, sure. I’d love to go to the mountains. Or the ocean. Or the desert.” She laughed. “Anywhere that’s different.”

  Again, his querent was accepting his authority to make guesses and assertions about her life. This encouraged him forward.

  “That’s it,” affirmed Norbert. “You need a complete change.”

  He indicated the cards and said, “You’ve been taking care of other people for as long as you can remember.” Norbert thought of his own childhood. While his aunt Pearl had taken custody of him and raised him, he had often been aware that he was the one taking care of her. He helped her pay her bills, clean her house, stock her kitchen and think things through. Although he loved her dearly, it was tiring.

  Norbert continued. “You had to grow up early in life. You’ve been the responsible one, always, and now you’re finally getting so tired of it.”

  Eileen put her hand to her chest.

  “How did you know that?”

  Norbert couldn’t say, “Oh, just a lucky guess,” or “I read a statistic in a magazine once.” He was required by his role as fortune-teller to keep up the facade of knowing things through some mysterious source. It was a little frightening, to guess right, and to see Eileen regard him so gravely.

  A new worry began to nag at him. What if he told Eileen—or anyone—something that caused harm? Hope, Jeremy and now Eileen all seemed so ready to believe that he knew things that he didn’t truly know. The only way to proceed was to use what he had ascertained about her and then be as helpful as he could.

  “Now, it seems the cards are suggesting that you make the time for a vacation. Go to the mountains—or the ocean—or the desert. Make the plans today.” Surely suggesting that she take a vacation couldn’t cause harm, hoped Norbert.

  There was a bit more that he saw about this young woman. He might as well go ahead and say it.