Brief Encounters_The Encounters Series

by Scarlett Hopper

  The next hour goes by in a haze, and I robotically go through the motions, devoting extra time to perfectly doing my hair and makeup. I’m not one to spend an exorbitant amount of time on my appearance, but today I’m doing anything to keep my mind off the reality I’ll be facing when Vivian walks through the door.

  At around ten, I hear the front door open, and I quickly jump off of my bed so I can catch Viv before she escapes to her room.

  Praying she’s alone, I open my bedroom door and step into the lion’s den.

  She’s still in her dress from yesterday, but only remnants of her makeup and hairdo remain. She seems upset, almost regretful, as she looks up at me.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, deciding to forgo all small talk.

  Both of us know I’m saying sorry for more than last night. It’s for the shit I’ve put her through for the past three years, all the lies and secrets.

  She dips her head, eyes hooded, as she walks to the couch and takes a seat, motioning for me to join her. I quickly accept the invitation and sit at the other end of the couch that I slept on last night.

  I think she can sense I don’t know where to begin, so she starts for me.

  “I’m not mad, Ellie. I’m disappointed.” I think I would have preferred mad, because Vivian has dealt with people disappointing her her whole life. I wasn’t ever supposed to be in that category.

  I sit here, frozen from the implication of her words, unable to speak. Vivian, clearly struggling, begins to twist her hand around the throw on the couch before she continues.

  “My whole life, I have been subjected to people who disappoint me, Eleanor. My parents, my boyfriends, even my friends, but never you. From the beginning we were honest with one another; we had a clean slate together. And I accepted that you couldn’t share your past with others, just as I also couldn’t share parts of mine. But the one thing that always kept me going was the fact that you shared it with me. And for a while that was enough.”

  Tears creep into her eyes, and I can see her desperately trying to not let them spill over. Through shuddering breaths, she continues, and I don’t dare interrupt her, because I know she needs to say this.

  “But since this year began, something changed in the both of us, yet I don’t think either of us wanted to admit it. I realize we’re not our past, Ellie, but sometimes I think you’re so consumed in covering up who you were that you forget to live. The past few months, I’ve witnessed you letting someone new in. I saw how Jess helped you open up, and for a moment I saw true happiness in your eyes. You were letting your walls down with him, and even though I didn’t get to see you as much, I was happy. Happy that for once in our lives, we have other people to confide in.

  “But then, something in you changed last week. You started acting guarded again after that night we went out with Jess, but you didn’t let me in. For the first time since we became friends, you pushed me out too.”

  No longer able to hold back the tears, Viv lets them slide down her face as she tries to even out her breathing. Even if she doesn’t want it, I lace her hands in my own because I know she needs it.

  I also know that what she’s saying is true.

  “I don’t know what happened with you and Jess, but it really hurt when you didn’t talk to me about it. It sort of felt like a slap in the face because I have always been so open with you. So yes, I felt disappointed in a friendship we’ve put so much into, a friendship that you so quickly ignored when you needed it most.”

  I sit in silence, not knowing what to say to her. Vivian knows me better than anyone in the world, and I her. But while trying to protect myself, I had let her down.

  Viv looks at me with pleading eyes that almost beg me to say something, but I just sit there, attempting to form a thought about how to tell her what I’m feeling.

  “Whatever, Eleanor. Be alone then. Forget anyone who cares about you,” Viv snaps as she gets off the couch and storms toward her room.

  Panic arises in me, and I’m desperate to find the words to tell her how I feel, but how can I tell her when I haven’t even been able to admit these truths to myself? How can I tell her that I’m so fucked up from my youth that I’m unable to let anyone in for fear of how they will see me? For fear that they could leave and shut me out at any moment? Isn’t it just easier to pretend you don’t care than be subjected to heartbreak?

  Well, no matter what’s spinning through my head, I know I have to say something before she leaves. But not just something—it needs to be the truth. Pulling all the courage I have together, I admit to her what I haven’t been able to admit to myself until just now.

  “I’m scared,” I whisper. It’s so soft I’m not sure she hears me, but she stops walking, so I take that as a sign. My eyes are wide and full of fear as I wait for Viv to turn around.

  Slowly, she turns back to me and brushes a blonde curl away from her face. Her expression is no longer one of anger, but instead she looks relieved.

  “I know,” she replies sympathetically. “I’m scared too, Ellie.”

  She comes back to the couch and crosses her legs as she sits, her full body facing me.

  “I honestly don’t even know where to begin, Viv. It’s only been four days, but I feel like I have so much to explain.” I huff as I look down at my trembling hands.

  She places her hands on my own, the way I did for her, and gives me a reassuring smile. “Just start from the beginning.”

  And so I do. I tell her about the night we went out and how much Jess’s words in the apartment had stung. About our moment on the dance floor and how we agreed to pretend it never happened. I tell her how sick I felt when I walked in on him with Tiff. But finally, I tell her everything that happened at his mother’s house and the real reasons I left, not sparing one detail.

  When I’m finally finished, Vivian just stares at me, mouth agape. She didn’t interrupt once as I spent the past hour telling her everything that has happened; she just nodded while offering the occasional ooh and ahh.

  Now, she looks as if she could explode from everything she wants to say.

  “Holy crap, Eleanor.” She exhales. “I can’t believe you and Jess kissed. I mean, I knew there was a ton of sexual tension between the two of you, but holy hell, I never thought you would actually do it!” she exclaims.

  “It was a mistake, Viv. Kissing him has ruined everything. I can never be who he wants me to be. I can never be honest with him.” I drop my gaze from her to the couch and begin fiddling with my bracelets.

  “Everything else aside, did you enjoy kissing him? I mean, are there feelings there?”

  My brows crease and I look up to see her probing stare laced with understanding. Throughout the past few hours, I haven’t stopped to ask myself that question. I couldn’t afford to.

  “It doesn’t matter, Viv. Nothing can ever happen between us. I’ve already ruined my friendship with him. It’s better he thinks of me as a bitch now, rather than a lying whore later when the truth comes out.”

  Her expression saddens and I quickly look away, unable to digest the look on her face.

  “Is that really how you see yourself, Ellie? You really don’t think you deserve to be loved?”

  “Everyone I love gets hurt by me. My dad, Winona, even you,” I state, trying to sound strong, but I slowly feel my resistance fading.

  “Jesus, Eleanor, just stop! The reason you hurt me was because you shut me out. You did that because you let your past consume you. It isn’t a way to live. What do you think I would be like if I constantly let my past dictate my future? I’d be a fucking mess, that’s what! And Eleanor, you didn’t hurt your parents. What happened to your mom was a tragic series of events, but the way your father handled it was even worse. He shut you out; he hurt you, not the other way round. You can’t blame yourself for what happened with Winona. She understands what you went through after your mom died, and she never blamed you. God, Ellie, I’m sick of seeing you delay your own happiness because you’re too scared of what
might happen.”

  Viv’s words strike a chord in me, and in that moment, realization dawns on me. I’m not the only one with a shitty past that threatens to rear its ugly head once in a while. Viv deals with the exact same shit I do, but she doesn’t let it hold her back.

  “Jesus, Viv, I had no idea you felt this way. I mean, have you felt like this all along?”

  She lets out a small sigh. “If I’m being honest, Eleanor, then yes. But it wasn’t right for me to tell you before. You needed to find someone like Jess, or I honestly don’t think you would have grasped where I was coming from.”

  Shit, this girl is literally exploding truths left, right, and center.

  “I don’t want to lose him,” I find myself admitting, not just out loud, but for the first time.

  Viv’s expression softens. “I know you don’t. That’s why you need to be honest with him. I’m not saying you have to tell him everything, but trust him, Eleanor. Trust him enough to know the truth about your family. If he’s half as great as I think he is, then he won’t hold it against you. Now, I’m not saying he’s the Richard Gere to your Julia Roberts,” she says with a laugh, “but if you never try, then you never know.”

  And in this moment, I know I have my best friend back.

  A smile crosses my face, and I look into Viv’s eyes. “Thank you,” I whisper as I engulf her in a hug. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Viv. You’re my family. And if I cried, trust me that now would be the time.” I let out a shaky laugh as I pull her closer.

  Rome wasn’t built in a day, just as I know my fear of letting someone in won’t dissipate from this conversation. But my talk with Viv is a start, and now I know what I have to do next.

  As I park my car on Winston Street, I can’t help but feel a wave of nerves rush over me. I’m really doing this. I’m going to tell Jess Parker, my best friend, that I want this, that I want him.

  I’m still wrapping my head around the idea of letting someone in romantically for essentially the first time in my whole life, but I know I have to do this. I need to put on my big-girl pants and take a page out of Vivian’s book.

  After stepping out of my Jetta, I head toward the tan home that houses the guy who has the potential to ruin me. Ignoring my fears, I keep going.

  Jess’s Chevy is parked out front, so I know he’s home. I decided not to call him, just in case he was mad about yesterday, figuring face-to-face was the best way to do this.

  What do I have to be afraid of?

  I know Jess is interested. He basically promised yesterday he wasn’t giving up on us, so I just need to pull myself together.

  Us. Holy shit, there’s going to be an us now.

  Pull yourself together, Eleanor. You’re not getting married; you’re just potentially going to start dating your best friend.

  Completely normal, right?

  Hands trembling, I knock three times on his front door and eagerly await my fate.

  The chilly October air sends shivers down my spine, and I desperately cling to my jacket. I guess I’m using it as some form of security blanket at this point.

  Never in my whole life have I been willing to put myself on the line like this, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.

  The door suddenly swings open, and I’m greeted by a hungover-looking Wolf. He has a serious case of bedhead, with his long hair sticking up all over the place. He appears to still be in his pajamas even though it’s past three p.m., but who am I to judge. I was in bed at five p.m. yesterday.

  His demeanor changes as he spots me, and a huge grin overtakes his face.

  “Eleanor! My favorite girl, how are ya?” he asks as he pulls me in for a big hug.

  I can’t help but be calmed by Wolf’s affectionate personality. Suddenly, I’m not feeling so uneasy. As I pull away from the hug, I’m sporting a genuine smile for the first time in what feels like forever.

  “I’m good, Wolf,” I say as I smooth my hair back down. “Is Jess around? I kind of have something I need to talk to him about.”

  Wolf’s smile suddenly goes from warm to smug, and I can’t help but wonder if Jess has told him about what happened.

  No such luck.

  “Uh, he’s sort of occupied at the moment, Ellie,” Wolf says as he raises his eyebrows and nods upstairs.

  The temperature suddenly feels a lot colder than moments ago, ice filling my previously warm veins.

  I feel sick. I feel sick and extremely stupid.

  Realization registers and my skin goes cold. The smile I was sporting less than a minute ago is gone, and I can image I look as if someone has just massacred my puppy.

  Wolf seems to catch on pretty quickly because his smile is also gone and has been replaced with a look of remorse.

  “Shit, Ellie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know there was something going on between you two,” Wolf says as he leans forward to put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

  I instinctively pull away and try to pull myself together. There’s no way in hell I’m going to lose it in front of Wolf.

  I suppress the bile rising in my throat and try to plaster on a fake smile.

  “Nothing to be sorry about, Wolf. I just wanted to chat with him about our English class.” I scramble to pull myself together, reaching for the door handle while accidentally bumping into a side table. That will leave a bruise.

  Shit.

  I need to get out of here ASAP.

  “Eleanor…” Wolf says my name with caution. “I’m going to go get Jess for—”

  “No!” I yell. “It was nice to see you, Wolf,” I state, cutting him off before he can say any more. “Don’t bother telling Jess I was here. No need to interrupt him.”

  I slam the door and hastily walk toward my car, but not before noticing the silver BMW parked next to Jess’s truck.

  How didn’t I notice it before?

  The only girl I know who drives that car is Tiffany. Or should I say Tiff.

  Jesus H. Christ.

  How could I have let myself be so stupid?

  There’s no way Jess is going to want something with me. He’s Jess Parker, notorious for sleeping with the whole cheerleading squad.

  I run to my car faster than a bank robber aiming for his getaway and start the engine. I’m not sticking around here on the off chance Wolf has just told Jess about what happened.

  The question I asked myself earlier rears its ugly head in my memory.

  What do I have to be afraid of?

  Apparently, everything.

  9 Crimes

  “So did he say what they were doing?” Viv asks as she shimmies into her skintight baby-blue mini dress.

  “He didn’t need to say, Viv. It’s Jess Parker. I shouldn’t have expected better,” I say jokingly, but I think even Vivian can tell the whole situation has stung.

  After showing up at Jess’s to find out he was already “occupied,” I hadn’t really felt like going home, so I went to the library to attempt to study.

  No such luck.

  With Roger on my ass about an upcoming gala and Jess calling me a bazillion times, my phone was sort of blowing up, so I did the mature thing. Ignored everyone and turned my phone off.

  “I just can’t believe it, Ellie. I know Jess would act like this with other girls, but with you it was always different. Even Will thought so.” Viv sounds about as disappointed as I feel, but I’m determined to not let it get the best of me.

  “Whatever, Viv. He isn’t worth it anyway. All I want to focus on now is having a kick-ass night with you and without any guys.” And when I say guys, I mean Jess Parker. “Well, maybe some guys, preferably the one-night-stand variety,” I say with a convincing giggle.

  “Well then, Viper is the perfect place! Let’s get you something sexy to wear, Ellie!”

  Viv begins rummaging through her closet to find something “sexy.” I run my hands through my hair and let out a huff. Today has been rough.

  I’m finally ready to move forward, but it’s too lat
e. Now what am I supposed to do when I see Jess tomorrow in class? I would hope that Wolf hasn’t told him, but from all those missed calls, I’m going to guess he has.

  This is humiliating.

  “I’ve got it!” Viv squeals as she pulls out a piece of sparkly fabric.

  Shaking my head, I try to let her down easy. “I think the tailor ran out of material on that one, Viv. I can’t wear that.”

  “Ugh, fine.” Viv continues to search through her closet, and I attempt to muffle a laugh.

  “What about this?” She holds up a strapless black velvet mini dress, and I’m not afraid to say I’m in love.

  Viv can tell from the smile on my face that it’s a yes, and her own smile grows a mile wide.

  “Pair it with your gold pumps and your hair in loose waves! Oh my god, you’re going to be a knockout!” She excitedly pulls me off the bed and shoos me into my room to get ready.

  “Jesus Christ. It’s freezing, Viv.” I shudder as I pull my coat closer to me.

  “Oh, it’s fine, Ellie. We’re nearly there anyway, and once we’re inside, it will be all kinds of hot,” she says with a wink.

  I can’t help but feel better from being around Viv. Her optimism is contagious.

  As we walk up to Viper, the line around the corner is an indicator of what kind of night it will be. Mike notices us almost immediately, and I’m overjoyed that I’ll be getting out of this freezing weather in a matter of seconds.

  “Ladies, looking incredible as always.” Mike’s gaze slides over each of us, and even though my coat is covering most of me, I can tell he means the compliment.

  “You’re looking quite handsome yourself,” I say with a smile. Mike’s cheeks get a hint of color, and I know he appreciates the compliment.

  Once we enter Viper, I beeline for the bar with Viv in tow.

  I push through the crowd of sweaty people and signal the bartender. “Four shots of tequila, please.”

  “Someone’s not messing around tonight,” a familiar voice says from the bar.

  My gaze lands on none other than Nick, Jess’s roommate.