Word of Honor

by Alexa Aston

  Ancel shook his head in denial. “I don’t believe you!” he cried, his hands fisting at his side.

  Geoffrey knew he must speak up before the boy lost control. “Ancel.” He used the tone his own father had when he wanted his son’s attention.

  The boy stopped and looked up anxiously.

  He reached out and took Ancel’s hand and then Alys’, pulling them closer. The feel of their tiny hands in his caused a wave of happiness to pour through him.

  “I am your father,” he told them. “I grew up within these walls. I went to war for England’s glory then returned home and married your mother.” He glanced up at Merryn, whose mouth trembled. He looked into her eyes as he said, “I loved your mother from the first day I met her when we were children, even younger than you are now. And despite everything, I never stopped loving her.”

  Geoffrey tore his eyes from hers and glanced back at his twins. “I know it’s hard to suddenly have a father, but I pray you will let me get to know you—for I already love you both with all my heart.”

  Alys threw her arms about his neck. He held her tiny body against his, fighting the tears that came. He lifted her onto his knee and looked at his son. Ancel took a step toward him, and he embraced the boy tightly before placing him on the other knee. With but a few words, his children had accepted him.

  He wished everyone at Kinwick could be as trusting.

  They sat together, his arms about them, and began telling him things about themselves and their lives at Kinwick. Geoffrey did his best to take it all in, but his emotions soon overwhelmed him.

  Merryn, so attuned to his mood, said, “We need to let your father rest a bit. He’s been unwell and we want him to heal quickly.”

  Alys kissed his cheek and the twins scooted from his lap. His heart ached. He had missed so much of their childhood. Before he knew it, they would be leaving Kinwick to foster in other noblemen’s households. The thought brought deep regret.

  Merryn knelt and took each child’s hand. “We will celebrate your father’s return with a feast tonight. All will know that their lord has returned.”

  “Can we wear our best clothes, Mother?” Alys asked. “And I want to draw Father a picture.”

  “I do, too,” Ancel chimed in. “I shall draw the castle. And my sword.”

  Merryn kissed both their cheeks. “He will like that. Now run along to your room. Set out the clothes you will wear for our celebration. Draw your pictures. I will come see them shortly and we shall practice our letters together.” She rose and nudged them toward the door.

  They gave him a last look, as if neither could believe he existed and then left the chamber.

  The minute the door closed, Geoffrey’s head fell into his hands. Merryn came and put a hand on his shoulder.

  “I am sorry I did not tell you about Ferand. I know that took you unaware. He passed three years ago after being ill for some time.”

  He shook his head. “I know much has happened in my absence. I hope he did not die of a broken heart.”

  Geoffrey rose. Without warning, fury raged within him. Hatred for Berold for holding him prisoner for so long. Anger toward Hardie for not standing up to his father and freeing him sooner. And finally, at himself for not finding a means of escape. He had missed so many years with Merryn. He never saw her belly round with their children. He missed out on their birth and first steps. He hated how unfair life had turned out.

  Since he could not curse Berold aloud, Geoffrey swept his hand out, knocking cups and plates to the floor. Food and wine spilled everywhere. He tore the bedclothes from the bed. He grabbed the small mirror and flung it across the room.

  Then the rage subsided, as quickly as it came. Geoffrey sank to the floor, not knowing how he would continue to live with such conflicting emotions.

  He raised his head and saw his startled wife.

  “I must apologize.” He stood. “I have not been around people in a long time. I fear I need time alone to try and understand myself and learn how I am to fit back into life at Kinwick.” He paused. “And with you.”

  He took a step toward her. Merryn shrank against the wall. His outburst had terrified her. Geoffrey had to get away. He had to learn to be the man he once was. For her sake.

  And his.

  “I need time to think. I will go to the hunting lodge. I’ll leave at once.” He hesitated. “Does Mystery still live?”

  She nodded. “Aye. I have him ridden regularly by a groom, but he’s had no other master.”

  “Then I shall take him.”

  Geoffrey approached her and took hold of her shaking hands. “I must mourn my father’s passing. Come to understand who I now am. Accept that I have missed much of my children’s lives. Rid myself of this anger that has possessed me and turned me into a raging lunatic.”

  Geoffrey paused and stared into her eyes. “But most of all, I want to understand how to be the husband that you need, my love.” He pressed a fervent kiss against her knuckles. “Until then, I am no good to any of you.”

  Chapter 20

  Geoffrey strode from the room without a backward glance.

  He’d abandoned her, again, after only being back a day.

  Merryn wanted to celebrate his return, yet she didn’t know who this new man was. It angered her that he ran from her and the twins and his responsibilities. She had kept things going at Kinwick for a long time.

  Ferand’s illness dragged on for months. All his duties and obligations were thrust onto her shoulders. Merryn learned to run the estate during her father-in-law’s decline and had kept it thriving over the years.

  After his death, she held all in trust for Ancel. Merryn had already taught her son about Kinwick and how to supervise the land and people. He’d proven a quick learner. She knew he would be a good lord to the people when his time came.

  Her biggest problem would be learning to trust her husband once again. If he returned a second time. At this point, Merryn couldn’t guess if he would.

  Physically, he once again resembled the man she’d married, but he was no longer open and carefree. The Geoffrey she’d married radiated confidence. He’d always held a positive outlook no matter what task needed to be accomplished.

  The new Geoffrey perceived everything about him as a threat and the people he should love as his enemies. Only when he visited briefly with Ancel and Alys had she glimpsed the sweetness that she’d loved about Geoffrey since they were children.

  Merryn loved the familiar Geoffrey of old. It was hard to reconcile her emotions when his anger surfaced so quickly. Would she be able to give her heart to this stranger and build a life together, once again?

  And yet, when she touched him, her blood sang in her veins. Her mind might have trouble accepting this new man, but her body told a different story.

  Would Geoffrey trust her enough to caress her again as he had before? Could they recapture the spark between them?

  Only time would tell.

  Her anger died, leaving uncertainty behind. Merryn thought she should catch up with him in the stables. Offer to stock the lodge with provisions. But she didn’t want to make it any easier for him to be away from her and Kinwick.

  She would give him a week. If he hadn’t returned by then, she would go to him.

  The chamber door flew open. A weeping Elia stumbled in, a wild look in her eye. She ran to Merryn and clung to her.

  “I saw him. I saw Geoffrey.” Her voice broke, thick with emotion.

  Merryn stroked her mother-in-law’s back, trying to give her soothing words of comfort. She led her to a chair and wished she could offer her a cup of wine, but the remains of it now stained the floor after Geoffrey’s fit of temper.

  “I met him in the hallway. I thought ’twas a ghost at first.” Her eyes widened. “Then he greeted me. Gave me a swift embrace. And told me he would return soon.”

  Merryn took the older woman’s hand. “I can’t tell you much. Alys and I came upon him in the forest yesterday. I did not recognize him a
t first. He knew who he was but couldn’t tell me where he has been all this time. Raynor and I sneaked him into the castle late last night.”

  Elia began to cry again. “He looked like my Geoffrey, but he seemed so distant.”

  “I know.” Merryn squeezed her hand. “He cannot remember what happened to him. I fear he suffered a terrible blow to his head which has caused a huge gap in his memory. We must be patient with him.”

  “Where is he off to?”

  “He said he needs time alone. To adjust to being back. I had to tell him of Lord Ferand’s death. That he was a father to twins. ’Twas much for him to take in.” Merryn paused. “He will spend a few days at the hunting lodge.”

  “The lodge! Why, I would think he would avoid that place.”

  Merryn shrugged. “Mayhap being at the place he vanished from might nudge his memory in some way. Until then, we must grant him the peace and quiet he seeks.”

  “But what do we tell everyone?”

  “I will handle it, Elia.”

  The older woman nodded. “You have been burdened by so much, my dear.”

  “Do not worry. I intend to write the king with the news and have Sir Symond deliver it to him.”

  Elia left, so Merryn gathered parchment, quill, and ink in order to let Edward know of Geoffrey’s return. She did not want to keep anything from the ruler, but she loathed the idea of sharing her fears and questions about her husband’s return.

  Your Majesty—

  I hope you will not mind that I have sent this missive with Sir Symond. I know you sent him ahead to Kinwick for a certain purpose, but ’tis no longer relevant, for I have the best of news to share with you.

  Geoffrey has returned to Kinwick.

  I know not where he has been, but ’tis obvious he has suffered much. He is currently resting and should be healthy and whole by the time you and the queen arrive.

  I wanted to inform you of this miracle, something that I prayed for every day for many years. Because he has returned to us, I deemed it inappropriate for Sir Symond to be present at Kinwick. I would not want Geoffrey to know that this man was to be my suitor. I trust this good knight will return to your service and that you will find him an appropriate wife in due time.

  We look forward to the visit of the royal court in June.

  Merryn reviewed what she had penned and then hastily scrawled her signature on it before she sealed it with wax. She realized the missive was vague, but she did so on purpose. It would inform Edward of the situation and definitely intrigue him, but it would probably infuriate him that she had provided no details.

  More than anything, she hoped by the time the king arrived at Kinwick, that Geoffrey would have fought through the inner demons he struggled with.

  Merryn did not want to delay the inevitable. She went downstairs to the great hall, hoping Raynor would have brought Sir Symond back for the noon meal.

  When she arrived at the doors, Tilda rushed to her. “My lady, the castle is buzzing with gossip.”

  “I know why.” She met Tilda’s eyes. “I will address the matter in a few minutes. For now, I have urgent business to attend to.”

  She entered the room. Merryn found the two men sharing a cup of ale as servants pulled the trestle tables from the walls to accommodate those coming in from the fields.

  Greeting them, she asked, “Might I have a private word with you, my lord?”

  Benedict gave her a smile. “Of course, my lady.” He stood.

  “Follow me.”

  Merryn took him to a small room that was used to keep the estate’s records.

  “Please, have a seat.”

  Benedict studied her with interest. “I think not. You have something on your mind, Lady Merryn, and a scroll in your hand. I fear I would not have the time to make myself comfortable before I left.”

  “You are perceptive, indeed, sir.” She handed him the missive. “This is meant for the king’s eyes, but I must share with you what I have written.”

  He glanced at the scroll. “I have no need if it’s the king’s business.”

  “But you do, Sir Symond, since it involves you.”

  He frowned. “Go on.”

  Merryn swallowed. “There is no easy way to give you this news, my lord, given the circumstances of why you have come to Kinwick. But I must speak plainly. I do not want you to have any questions.”

  Benedict’s face remained stony.

  “My husband, Geoffrey . . . he . . . has returned to Kinwick. He was not dead as we feared. I have informed the king of this extraordinary news and I wish you to deliver it to him at once.” She saw realization dawn in the knight’s eyes as he became aware how this news affected him personally.

  “I know you came here with high hopes for us to make a match, but it’s impossible now. I hope you can understand that your presence would make Geoffrey uncomfortable if he learned the true reason you visited Kinwick. That’s why I want you to deliver this missive to the king for me.”

  Benedict seemed lost in thought. Merryn let the silence linger a bit, then she spoke.

  “I’ll speak to Cook. She can prepare provisions for the road.” She placed a hand upon his sleeve. “I am sorry your journey here did not work out as you’d planned. I do hope you’ll return as a member of the king’s guard when he comes to call next month. We would be very happy to receive you.”

  “I follow the king’s orders. Whatever they may be.” He bowed to her. “I’ll gather my things and be off, my lady.” He reached for her hand and placed a kiss upon it.

  “A fond farewell, Lady Merryn.”

  “Godspeed, Sir Symond.”

  She watched him exit the room. Her heart ached for this knight. Instead of marrying a new wife and finding a permanent home, everything had been torn from Benedict, through no fault of his own.

  Merryn found the twins standing in the corridor. Their eyes were full of questions that she didn’t know how to answer.

  Bending to embrace them, she thought how she lived for these children. Above all else, they would remain safe and happy under her care.

  “Come. I must speak to the people in the great hall.”

  Chapter 21

  Merryn decided Geoffrey had been gone long enough. She had waited for him years after their betrothal when he’d fought with the English armies in France. They’d spent one glorious night together as husband and wife before he’d vanished the next afternoon.

  The time for waiting had come to an end.

  The castle continued to buzz with questions about the master’s return. Even the twins grew tiresome as they begged for more stories of their father and wondered when he would come home to them. Elia alternated between weeping and moping.

  Three days of it had driven Merryn to the brink of madness.

  Whether Geoffrey liked it or not, she would bring him home. These past few days stretched almost as long as the years they’d been apart. The well-being of her marriage and their family’s future were at stake. It was time they came together.

  She hoped in more ways than one.

  Merryn only shared with Tilda where she headed. She did not need anyone giving her unwanted advice.

  She came around the corner and entered the stables where she asked for Destiny to be saddled for her. The stable boy, usually talkative by nature, must have read her mood. He readied her horse and helped her mount the steed without conversation.

  Merryn trotted through the inner and outer baileys. She signaled for the gate to be opened and rode through with a friendly wave. Destiny hadn’t been ridden recently and the horse itched to gallop. She let the horse have his head. He took off, racing across the meadow.

  Hoof beats sounded behind her. Merryn glanced over her shoulder. Raynor chased her down. She reined in her horse at the edge of the meadow and waited for him.

  Raynor pulled up beside her and gave her a withering glance.

  “So you’re off to drag him home? And alone, at that.”

  Merryn frowned. “He’s
my husband, Raynor. I want him back at Kinwick, surrounded by those who love him.”

  “He was at home, Merryn. And he took off again faster than a fox fleeing from the hunt.”

  Merryn tamped down her frustration, knowing Raynor only had concern for her. “I refuse to argue with you. I cannot defend Geoffrey’s actions. I don’t begin to understand what he experienced while gone from our midst. But I want him home. Now.”

  Raynor reached out and put a hand atop hers as it rested on the pommel. “At least let me escort you there, Merryn. After what happened with Geoffrey at the hunting lodge, I want to make sure you arrive safely.” He gave her a searching look. “I don’t know what I—what Kinwick—would do if you vanished while on your mission of mercy.”

  She saw his point. Until they learned what occurred at the hunting lodge that day and why Geoffrey disappeared for so long, it would be good to have his escort. Raynor had become a treasured friend over the years. His support and encouragement kept her spirits up.

  “I will agree as long as you let me approach the hunting lodge alone. I do not want him to feel trapped nor spooked by my arrival.”

  He gave her hand a squeeze. “Whatever you wish, Merryn.”

  They rode in silence during their journey. As they neared the clearing where the lodge stood, Merryn’s stomach twisted. She had never returned to the structure after her husband disappeared. She saw Mystery tethered to the same spot he had been on that long ago day. Her eyes went to the tree where Geoffrey had been pinned. The bad memories flooded her. She pushed them aside.

  Raynor pulled up his horse and Merryn did the same.

  “I’ll wait here for an hour before I return to Kinwick. I promise to stay out of sight. If Geoffrey refuses to accompany you home, we can return together.” He shook his head. “I hope you know what you are doing, Merryn.”

  “I do.” She gave him a curt nod and spurred Destiny on into the clearing.

  Merryn arrived at her destination and climbed from her horse, leading him by the reins. Mystery nickered to them and she fastened Destiny’s reins next to the other horse. The pit of her stomach sank. She clutched Destiny’s mane as a wave of nausea overcame her, needing it for support.