The Last Great Adventure of the PB & J Society

by Janet Sumner Johnson

  “Leonard? That doesn’t sound like a pirate.”

  “But he was. The worst kind, too. Would’ve cheated his own mother for a nickel. But Marge had changed so much by the time he came, she didn’t look like a pirate anymore — she wore dresses, no more earrings, actually combed her hair, even spoke differently. They say he bought supplies from her without knowing who she was.

  “Still, Marge was worried. Like I said, she hadn’t told Edward about her past. So that night, she snuck out, dressed up like her pirate self, and dropped him a visit.

  “He demanded the treasure, but Marge refused.”

  “Why?” I frowned. “I mean, she just buried the thing anyway. It’s not like she was using it.”

  Mrs. Schuster nodded, brow furrowed. She almost looked sad. “True, but she knew Lenny. She knew what he’d do to h– I mean, with it. The wealthier a pirate, the more pilfering he can do. The more harm he can cause. Marge had changed, and she couldn’t let that happen.”

  “So what’d she do? Wasn’t she scared?”

  Mrs. Schuster laughed. “Cap’n Black Marge wasn’t captain for nothing. She knew he would come for her when she left. She had a plan.

  “See, nothing is more precious to a pirate than his reputation. So before Marge snuck away from her crew, she bought a Brownie camera and took a picture of Leonard the Lout in his sleep.

  “She said, ‘Unless you ditch this town, and never return, the whole world will know you sleep with a teddy bear and suck your thumb. Hurt me and a hundred copies of your picture will be posted in every known pirate refuge. I’ve already taken the steps.’”

  I snickered. “Really? I like Marge more and more.”

  Mrs. Schuster beamed. “I thought you would. That’s why I gave you the chest.”

  I caught my breath. That’s why she gave us the chest? Had I just solved the mystery? But how did she know I’d like Marge? And why was she always inviting us over? Not to mention the pills. I thought of Black Marge’s journal, and the lie Mrs. Schuster had just told. She was obviously hiding something. But could the answer be as simple as we reminded her of Marge? That she was lonely?

  I sighed. How could I solve any of this without Jason? I hated to admit it, but he might be, maybe, better at figuring stuff like this out. Not that I’d ever tell him that. No need to give him a big head.

  If there was a chance that treasure was real, I needed to find it. Maybe Plan B hadn’t failed just yet.

  I pushed my worries aside, determined to see this through. “So what’s the clue?”

  “She wrote three words on the page in bold lettering: ‘ditch,’ ‘hundred,’ and ‘steps.’ I’d bet she buried that treasure a hundred steps from the ditch.”

  “But that could be anywhere!” I’d expected something better. Something specific. I slumped in my chair. I couldn’t spend all my time counting a hundred steps from every single point of the ditch. And I definitely couldn’t dig that many holes. I stared at my still-sore hands.

  Mrs. Schuster leaned back, arms folded. “If it weren’t for the pictures of pear trees she drew in the margins, I’d agree. But I only know of one house that was built on an old pear orchard.”

  ***

  I had been in my new desk a total of two hours and forty-eight minutes and I was ready to scream. Being in the front row stunk like a skunk. And having your best friend as far away from you as possible stunk like a skunk family.

  Worse, I was now sitting next to Lila. And she’d had the gall to send me a note.

  Dear Annie,

  Meet us by hopscotch at recess. Come alone.

  The Besties,

  L, J&J

  The whole thing was written in pink ink and the ‘i’ was dotted with a heart. And seriously, did they think the teacher wouldn’t figure out who wrote the note if they only signed the first letter of their names?

  I didn’t meet them. And Lila kept trying to catch my eye after that. But I pretended to actually pay attention to Mrs. Starry.

  “Annie, you are a model student today. I should have moved you up front sooner!”

  I know Mrs. Starry meant that as a compliment, but it was totally embarrassing. If Jason and I could actually talk to each other, he would be mocking me about it the rest of the day. Which was usually my job since he was Mr. Teacher’s Pet.

  I craned my neck to see if he was watching from his back row seat, but he was bent over his desk, working hard at something. Most likely the writing assignment we were supposed to be doing. I finished mine forever ago, but Jason was a brownnoser. He always wrote until the last second.

  The timer on Mrs. Starry’s desk clanged. “All right, class. It’s lunchtime. Pass your papers to the front of your row. And make sure your names are on them!”

  She collected them from my row first.

  “Annie, your row may line up for lunch. You’ll be first in line today.” She smiled her Crest-Strip-white smile and clicked off in her high heels to collect the rest of the papers.

  I loved being first, which didn’t happen very often because Mrs. Starry liked to dismiss based on behavior. Plus this way, I wouldn’t have to stand next to Lila.

  I collected my homemade lunch and took my place in the front. That’s when I remembered about the extra sandwich. How was I supposed to get it to Jason now?

  I glanced back. Jason was last in line. But he wasn’t carrying anything. His mom must’ve forgotten to pack his lunch. So what was he supposed to do? Starve? I needed to get the sandwich to him. And if I happened to slip in an apology for the nail incident, well, that would be a bonus.

  We walked toward the lunch room. In my mind I was planning. I could pass the sandwich down the row, student by student. But that’s being awfully risky with PB&J — it could very well end up in the cemetery. Or eaten by some rogue kid. I could throw it to him, but that would be assuming he could catch. Not to mention the whole no-throwing-food-in-the-cafeteria rule. They were pretty strict about that. I knew.

  In the cafeteria, I took a spot at the table and watched the school-lunch kids file past. I thought maybe I could slip it to Jason when he passed me, but he didn’t come straight to the table like usual. Instead, he followed our classmates to the cafeteria line.

  I couldn’t eat. I watched him pick up a tray and choose the pre-fabbed selections for the day. When he reached the lunch lady, he said something and she punched some keys on the register. She nodded and it was done.

  Jason was officially a turncoat. I blamed myself. He probably hated my guts after what happened and was making a statement. I couldn’t even resent him for it. I’d be mad, too, if he had pushed me onto a nail.

  When Lila and her posse banged down their trays just across from me, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

  “Trying to catch flies?” Jess asked and they all giggled at their hilarious joke. Yeah. And they wondered why I didn’t bother to meet them at recess.

  I closed my mouth and pointedly ignored them. I left Jason’s PB&J in the bag and lined up the rest of my food, hoping they’d take the hint.

  They didn’t.

  “So where’s your boyfriend?” Lila asked.

  My eyes betrayed me. I glanced at the other end of the table, which of course Lila noticed.

  “Oh. Did you break up?”

  Her feigned concern could have gagged a whale. Where was a dish full of Vegetable Yuck when you needed it? Getting struck with Jason’s PB&J would be too great an honor for her.

  “He’s not my boyfriend, and we didn’t have a fight. We’re just grounded from each other.” Aaack. I hadn’t meant to explain anything.

  Lila’s hand flew to her mouth, while Jess and Jen squealed in unison. They grabbed each other’s hands.

  “Just like Romeo and Juliet! That is SO romantic.” Lila leaned forward. “You have to tell us everything. Come over after school. All of you.” The girls al
l nodded, leaning in to invade my personal space. I nearly fell off the bench trying to breathe.

  “And oh yeah! Then I can show you my new Prada purse. Daddy surprised me with it!”

  Jess and Jen squealed again.

  “Oh my gosh!”

  “You are so lucky!”

  I wanted to puke. Not even PB&J was worth this. And looking at a purse? I’d rather eat Vegetable Yuck. I piled my stuff back into the sack. “Sorry, I’m grounded.” I marched toward the playground doors, relieved to get away.

  Before going out, I threw one last glance at Jason. He was finally looking at me. His gaze dropped to my lunch then back to my eyes with an intensity I knew. I blinked and he was hunched over his lunch like none of it had happened.

  My heart nearly leapt out of my throat. Maybe he didn’t hate me!

  I ran for the baseball bleachers, then tore into my lunch. Something was there. Something from Jason. I just knew it.

  I wanted to shout when I found the note. It was short, but I didn’t care. It was from Jason.

  Annie,

  Sorry about my dad and that I yelled at you. It’s not your fault. I’m fine. Keep getting clues so we can solve the mystery.

  Jason

  P.S. Keep up the good work, model student! ha ha

  P.P.S. This note will self-destruct in 5 seconds (hint, hint).

  My chest didn’t feel as tight anymore. Even if he had insulted me, it felt good. Almost like we weren’t grounded. Almost.

  And Jason didn’t hate me!

  I wanted to keep it, but Jason was right. We couldn’t risk getting caught. I shredded the paper into tiny bits and buried them in the dirt below the bleachers. Which is totally not littering since paper used to be dirt anyway. Or something.

  Pounding the dirt flat, I took a deep satisfied breath. I could get through this. Because I had a mission to accomplish for my still-best friend.

  12

  After school I wanted to head straight to the ditch once I’d stowed the uneaten PB&Js with the other two. But Mom made me do my homework. I practically broke the door when I tore out of the house. Only one pear tree remained in the neighborhood — in my backyard! How awesome would it be to find the buried treasure there? Then no one could claim it didn’t belong to me.

  Starting at the ditch, I lined myself up with the tree. True, this had been a whole orchard of trees back then, but you have to start somewhere. At least this would give me an idea. I counted each step from the water’s edge.

  One … Two … Three …

  … Ninety-four … Ninety-five …

  I couldn’t go any farther. The stupid fence between my house and Jason’s blocked me. I peeked through the slats and imagined five more steps, hoping, hoping, hoping five steps would be enough.

  It wasn’t. Five steps put me smack in the middle of the turkey pen.

  Gobble, gobble!

  A turkey pecked at me through the fence and a memory of fast-moving feathers and a beak flashed through my mind. I fell flat on my rump trying to get away.

  I shivered at how close the thing had been. Stupid birds that attacked innocent children for no reason. I still resented Mrs. Gibbs, my kindergarten teacher, for taking us on that Thanksgiving field trip. And I resented all those people who made a big deal about the Parkers’ organic turkeys.

  It took everything I had not to be grateful the things would be gone soon.

  But that meant Jason would be gone, too. That couldn’t happen. And though I would rather spend time with Lila than face a turkey, I had no choice. I had two weeks to work up the courage. Two long weeks without Jason.

  What was I going to do with all that time? There was the bake sale to plan, but that wasn’t until Saturday. For as long as I could remember, Jason and I had spent every possible waking moment together.

  I had other friends, but they all lived far enough away that getting together took effort. Suzie only lived a mile away, but my mom didn’t think I was old enough to ride my bike there on my own. And I couldn’t be bothered with planning something in advance. That took all the fun out of it. Unfortunately, parents can be pretty fussy about things like that.

  I stared across the yard, looking for something to do. The trampoline. That would be fun. Trying to catch the excitement, I ran to it and vaulted on. I jumped as high as I could, stretching to go just a little higher. Once, Jason had challenged me to a contest to see who could jump highest.

  After letting me go first, he’d cheated by tucking up his legs. We still didn’t agree on who’d won.

  I stopped bouncing. Geez. Now I was missing his annoying habits.

  I tried harder to have fun. I did a flip, a cartwheel, every trick I knew. I practiced back drops, belly drops, knee drops, seat drops, and every other drop I could think of.

  It was boring without Jason. No contests. No one to make me laugh.

  One last back drop and I let myself bounce to a stop. I stared at the clouds and smiled at the first shape I recognized: a PB&J. A small puffy cloud next to it looked like a blob of jelly that had dribbled out. “Look at …” I had forgotten. No Jason.

  “Get off, cheesebreath. My friends and I want to bounce.”

  I rolled over to face Matt and two of his geeky friends. “I was here first.”

  “You’re just lying there. You can do that on the grass.” Matt hopped onto the tramp and started bouncing me.

  I shot to my feet to defend my rights when the idea struck. “I’ll let you jump if I can jump, too.”

  Matt’s friends climbed on.

  “No way, little sis,” Matt said. “We’re playing WWE and you’d get squashed, right Jimmy?”

  “Like a bug, squirt.” Jimmy pounded a fist into his palm.

  I scowled at him. He was skinny with greasy hair. Something about him creeped me out. “Trust me, I’m just watching out for you.” Matt drove his shoulder into Jimmy’s and the two of them landed in a heap.

  “Body slam!” Matt’s other friend charged at me.

  I leaped off the tramp just in time. Arms folded, I watched them plow into each other, debating if it was worth the fight.

  It wasn’t. Not without Jason.

  With the grunts and laughs from Matt and his friends in the background, I wandered toward the ditch. An African jungle safari would at least be peaceful. I sat to pull off my shoes, but never got that far. It just wasn’t the same without Jason.

  How was I going to get through two more weeks? Let alone if he moved. That would be a disaster. We had to save his house. The treasure was still a possibility, plus I had the lottery tickets coming, not to mention the bake sale. But maybe it was time to work on Plan E. Just in case.

  “Pipsqueak! We need a third. You want to play?” Kate and her friend Emma stood over me. Despite my crisis, I jumped up. Kate never invited me to play. “Really?”

  “Really.” Kate stopped a few feet away to pull off her shoes.

  “But you have to do exactly what we say,” Emma said. “No questions.”

  I couldn’t believe my luck. “Okay.” Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad. And maybe they’d let me hang out tomorrow, too, once I’d proven how cool I was.

  “We’re playing Castaway,” Kate said.

  “Like Gilligan’s Island?” Dad bought the DVD sets of every season. I knew all about castaways.

  “Exactly.” Kate’s smile got bigger.

  “The thing is,” Emma said, “a terrible disease is killing off the castaways. So you have to lie down and stay perfectly still.”

  “So I’m dead?” I didn’t like the sound of that, but no way was I going to complain.

  “Of course not! What would be the point of that?” Kate snapped. “Remember? No questions.”

  “Sorry.” I hurried to lie down.

  Kate sighed. “We’re in the middle of a tragedy.” She wiped a pre
tend tear from her eye. “There are so many dead bodies, we don’t know who’s alive and who’s dead. There’s only one way to find out.” Kate gripped my wrists as Emma grabbed my legs. Lifting me off the ground, they ran for the ditch.

  I screamed. “Mom!” I squirmed and kicked as hard as I could, but they were too strong. “I’ll tell Mom!”

  Kate laughed. “I thought you wanted to play with us. Be involved in our lives. Read our journals.”

  I froze. Oh no. How could I have let my guard down?

  “What? Did you think I forgot, you little spy?”

  Water crept up my back. I twisted as hard as I could.

  “I’m warning you … let me go!” I tried to spit at Kate, but it landed on my cheek.

  Kate shrugged. “If you say so.” They dropped me in the ditch and scampered away laughing.

  I was drenched. And furious. I kicked as much water at them as I could, but they were too fast. “You’ll be sorry!” I yelled as they rounded the corner of the house.

  Sloshing across the backyard, plans for revenge swirled through my mind. Grasshoppers in Kate’s bed? A mouse would be better if I could find one. I nearly laughed at the thought of Kate’s face when she pulled down her covers.

  Matt’s friends guffawed as I passed the tramp. They reminded me of monkeys.

  “That’s a nice look!” Matt laughed.

  “Come closer and say that!” I shook my head, flipping water their direction.

  “Oooh! She likes us.” Jimmy puckered his lips and opened his arms.

  I glared, then stomped off. My hair whipped my cheek, but I ignored it. Mom would sympathize. Then she would punish Kate.

  “Annie?” Lila stood by the corner of my house, clutching a purse.

  Geez. Of course she’d show up at my house that very moment. Why wouldn’t she? No other moment would have been nearly as embarrassing.

  I sloshed toward her, daring her to make fun of me. “What?”

  “Are … are you okay?”