Moment in Time

by Lisa Mondello

  Although the sound of my stomach growling is growing louder than the sound of the surf, I turn to look down the beach in the direction of The Bluffs. Tomorrow the house will be full of girls. But tonight, it's just Jenna.

  As much as the pull of the house down the beach is to me, my stomach is empty and I know I need some food. I walk through the dry sand and to the open window where a young server bends over the counter, waiting for me to order.

  “What’ll you have?” she says.

  Instead of walking down the beach toward a restaurant where I can get a burger and curly fries, I find myself being pulled toward The Bluffs. I look at the house up the beach and see that it is dark. I’m about to turn around when I see someone sitting on the deck. It could be the shadow of a towel floating in the breeze. Or it could be something else. With my body turned to the surf, I remember that Jenna is alone, most likely for the first time in a long time. Intruding on her just to check out an inanimate object on her back porch probably wouldn’t go over too well. But lying about my real reason for walking down this stretch of beach wasn’t going over well with me, either.

  I shove my hands in my pockets and look out at the surf as the sun sinks low in the horizon to the left, beyond The Bluffs. I have no business being here. No matter what I said to Aunt Bev earlier, she’d seen through me. Jenna has been on my mind since I left her at The Bluffs this afternoon.

  I sink into the cooled sand and look at the water. I like that it makes me feel small and that all the demons I’d been wrestling with for the past three years could somehow drown in that water. But I know that come the morning, they’ll be back. They always come back.

  * * *

  Jenna

  Hate 2 tell u in text, hon, but you won’t pick up ur phone. Sissy died today. Call me when u get this! Hugs, Mom

  I drop my phone on the wicker table next to the lawn chair on the back deck that I’d collapsed into as soon as Mom’s text arrived. I still don’t feel it. I wish I did. But I don’t feel a thing. It’s like my whole body has had a hit of Novocain and it won’t wear off.

  Sissy died today. I still can’t process it. Fuck! She’s gone. That’s it. Lights out. Game over. Done. After everything we’d been through together, Sissy was dead. I didn’t need to know the details. I didn’t want to know. It wouldn’t change anything.

  I look at my empty hands and listen to the surf until the sun sinks so low that darkness overtakes me and I can’t see anything but the lights up the beach anymore. The phone rings but I ignore it. It’s my mother. I can’t talk to her. She’ll want me to come home because she can’t take dealing with the fact that someone else’s child died and her child almost did. I can’t deal with my mother’s drama.

  The ringing dies out for a few seconds and then starts up again. She didn’t bother to leave a voice mail. I know this because she knows I never listen to them. It’s easier just to pester me with call after call.

  “Aren’t you going to get that?”

  Startled by the voice, I snap my gaze to the end of the porch. I see a dark figure standing there, but I can’t see his face or the outline of his body. I only hear his voice and see a dark figure against the black night. My heart jumps to my throat, but only because I hadn’t expected anyone here tonight.

  “What are you doing here, Bobby,” I say.

  “You knew it was me?”

  “Were you sneaking up on me?”

  I hear his feet climb two steps and then stop. “I’m trained to be quiet on approach. But that wasn’t my intent. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  My heart is heavy, but I’m glad for the company.

  “Are you just going to stand there?”

  “You haven’t invited me in yet.”

  I chuckle and I’m amazed I can even do that. “Would you go away if I asked?”

  I hold my breath as the events of the day flash before me at lightning speed. Packing to leave. Bobby sitting on the dock waiting for me. My mother texting me about Sissy.

  My cell phone rings again and cuts into the soothing sound of the surf and the music that is playing at a bar down the beach.

  “Whoever it is that’s trying to reach you is—”

  “It’s just my mother. I’ll call her back.” He’s still standing at the end of the porch. “Why did you come here?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be alright?”

  “You’re not, are you?”

  It wasn’t a question. Was I really acting so different that a total stranger could already tell? He couldn’t even see my face. Not really.

  I push myself out of the wicker chair and walk over to him.

  “I want to go swimming. Come swimming with me?”

  “It’s a bit chilly tonight,” he says, but I’m already taking the porch steps down to the sand and then walking toward the water. The sky has the last of its orange glow. It’s not enough for me to see. There is no moon in the sky yet. That will come later. Right now it’s just me and the water.

  My mind registers what Bobby just said, but I’m not really listening. Not now. I pull my T-shirt over my head and drop it to the sand. I turn to Bobby, revealing my naked chest, but he can’t see because of the darkness.

  “It’ll feel good,” I say. “I want to feel the cold.”

  “Are you crazy?”

  I slip out of my cut-off shorts and my thong and leave them next to the shirt on the beach.

  “Jenna,” Bobby says. “Wait.”

  But I’m not listening. I run naked down toward the surf. I’ve never been skinny dipping. I want to feel the surf crash against my bare skin. All of it. I want to feel it all. Anything is better than feeling numb.

  The text message from my mother creeps into my mind as my feet touch the wet sand and then the ocean water, which is far colder than I thought it would be. I welcome the shocking temperature and run a little deeper into the water until a wave crashes against my thighs and knocks me off balance.

  And then I feel his warm arms wrap around me, enveloping me in the heat of his body. I can barely see Bobby, but I feel roughness of his wet blue jeans against my naked thighs.

  “Let’s get back to the house.”

  “I don’t want to,” I say.

  “If you don’t get out of this water, I’m going to pick you up and carry you back to the house.”

  I push at Bobby’s chest, trying to get him away from me. “I want to swim.”

  “Okay, then get your bathing suit on. This is a public beach. And while I’m sure no one can see you right now, I also know if you get caught here like this you’ll be thrown off the island.”

  I stop fighting him, but then a wave pushes me against him. Bobby wraps his arm around my waist.

  “I thought Nantucket had nude beaches.”

  “It does. This isn’t one of them.”

  Shame washes over me in ways I can’t even begin to handle. The text. The cancer. The hope. The pain. It all flies at me at lightning speed. Tears burn my eyes but I won’t cry. I open them wide to keep from letting my tears win.

  “I don’t want you to leave.” The words escape my lips before I can stop them. It was barely a whisper and I can’t see Bobby’s face in the darkness, but I feel his body tense. I reach up and wrap my arms around his shoulders. He’s strong, and I need strong or I’ll crumble to the sand and be washed away by the surf. I don’t care that I’m naked and he’s fully clothed. I don’t care about much of anything right now. Sissy is dead. Just like that she’s gone.

  “Come into the house.” It’s just a whisper against my ear, but I hear him. I let him lead me through the sand and then up the porch steps. I’m only vaguely aware that I’d left my clothes on the sandy beach. With one arm still wrapped around my waist, Bobby opens the back door and steps aside so I can go in first.

  The darkness of the unfamiliar house envelopes me as I reach out and use my hands to find my way as my eyes adjust to the light change.

  Bo
bby rushes past me as if the darkness doesn’t bother him at all. He was only gone for a second or two, but during those seconds, I feel alone like I’ve never felt before. And then he comes back into the kitchen holding a light cotton blanket. I recognize it as being the one that was draped over a chair in the living room.

  He drapes the blanket around my body so my arms are trapped inside the fabric and I can’t reach for him. I pull at the blanket, but Bobby wraps his arms around me and holds me still. I want to feel him. I don’t want to be stuck inside this blanket. It feels too much like being strapped down and stuck inside that damned MRI machine that nearly had me freaking out.

  “Shh,” he says against my ear. “Whatever this is, it’s going to be okay.”

  “No it’s not. It’s never going to be okay.”

  “It only feels that way.”

  How can Bobby say that? Sissy is never coming back! But then, Bobby doesn’t know that. He never knew Sissy. And now he never will.

  He rubs by back as he holds me. Only then do I realize that my teeth are chattering and he’s trying to get me warm. But I don’t feel any of it. I’m just numb.

  “This is a big adjustment, moving to the island and all. Living with people you don’t know. I should know. Bootcamp was culture shock.”

  He’s talking and I’m hearing his words but it’s really his voice I crave. I noticed it right away on the dock. There’s something soothing about Bobby’s voice. I listen as he mumbles on about things I don’t really care about. I just let the sound of his voice lull me.

  And then I hear the words I want to hear, but I know mean nothing right now.

  “It’s going to be okay, Jenna,” Bobby says.

  But he doesn’t know. Oh, Sissy. How can it ever be okay again?

  #

  Chapter Four

  Bobby

  The last time I’d woken up next to a girl I’d just met, I ended up marrying her. Of course, I had been naked, stinking from a night of drinking and hung over and sore from a night of wild fucking a pretty girl I’d met at a party.

  None of that happened last night, although the fucking part was offered a few times throughout the night when Jenna rolled over, grabbed my dick and started kissing my neck. Call me stupid, but somehow getting it on with a girl who only moments before was whimpering softly in her sleep was low even for me. Jenna had finally fallen asleep next to me just before the day began to light up the room.

  And I was being a dick by leaving her without saying a word.

  I walk down the stairs and think about where I’d left my sandals. My stomach is empty and I realize the sandals are still on the deck along with the two uneaten dinners I’d bought before coming over last night and finding Jenna a mess on the porch.

  The morning air is cooler than the house as I step out onto the back porch. If I hurry, I can make it back to the Wayside Inn before anyone is up. Deciding to come over to The Bluffs last night wasn’t the worst idea I’d ever had. But it certainly hadn’t been a good one. I’d had more than a few opportunities to get up and leave Jenna’s bed. But I’d stayed.

  I grab my sandals and quickly take the steps down to the cold sand. As I run along the beach, feeling the stiffness in my body right down to my bones, the reason I stayed is clear. The last time I’d been with a woman as beautiful as Jenna, I’d been married to her. I’d felt her naked body next to mine many times.

  And I’d taken her for granted.

  I push hard on the sand as the back lights of the Wayside Inn come into view. But I know the real truth. No amount of running was going to get me away from the fact that Jenna Traynor’s naked body felt amazing next to mine. Although I’d been able to hold myself back from taking her as she wanted me to, it had come at a price. My body was aching. Even now as I sprint the last few yards to the back door of the Inn, I feel myself grow hard just thinking of Jenna.

  And I’m not sure I’ll be able to refuse her again. I know I don’t want to.

  * * *

  Jenna

  “As you know, it is a four-bedroom, three-bath home,” Beverly says as she gives the tour of the house to my new roommates. “The location is a dream, although I don’t think there is an unpleasant neighborhood on the island. It’s not too far from the historic district at all.”

  “Where are the hot guys?” Heather says. I glance at my new roommate, who gives me a quick smile that says she really wants to be somewhere else. Her thick, bleached blond hair almost looks fake, but still makes her look pretty. It’s the thick hair that I notice first. But when I spend too much time looking at her, I can tell she’s uncomfortable with my scrutiny so I turn away and smile at Lily who will be sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

  Lily looks about as fragile as her name. Her thick hair and tanned skin and bright brown eyes makes her look almost oriental. But she’d told Beverly earlier that she was part Hawaiian. That explains her exotic beauty. Like Heather, Lily highlights her hair, but it doesn’t look as extreme.

  Reaching up, I touch the ends of my short-cropped hair and feel that stab of envy that always hits me when I see someone with beautiful hair. Mine will be too one day. Maybe it will grow in wavy like my other roommate, Penny’s hair. She’s moving into the other master bedroom downstairs. Although she’s about my height, she has a tiny frame. What was it she told Beverly she did? Landscaping? I can’t imagine a girl that tiny lifting heavy bags of mulch and dirt. But whatever. There is a slight edge about Penny that I notice almost immediately.

  “So you’re a plant person,” I say as I walk up behind Penny. There it is. She acts as if she was about to jump out of her skin.

  “Yeah,” she says with a smile that hints she’s almost relieved it’s me and not someone else who startled her.

  “You have really fair skin. Make sure you put on some sunscreen or you’ll end up looking like a lobster.”

  She chuckles. “Don’t I know it. Thanks for the warning.”

  “Penny, I have some pretty bushes outside. Any time you want to play in the dirt, just let me know and I’ll supply the flowers. Of course, you might not want to garden on your off time, so there is no pressure,” Beverly says.

  “I’d love planting some flowers for you,” Penny says as she looks around.

  “A few ground rules,” Beverly says, her expression suddenly serious. “There is no smoking in the house. Cigarettes or any of that other funny stuff. In fact, anyone caught with any drugs of any kind, other than prescription medicine, will be evicted. I can’t have any trouble here. If you do smoke cigarettes, please do so in the yard. My flower boxes are not ashtrays. There is a sand bucket out there for you to deposit your cigarettes.

  “You will each have a key to the doorknob and one to the deadbolt. Please try not to leave the door unlocked when no one is here or when someone is sleeping. Although we haven’t experienced crime on the island in many years, we do get a lot of tourists and you need to stay safe.”

  She glances quickly at Penny and then stops in front of the downstairs master suite. “This bedroom is yours, Penny.”

  Penny glances at the door and then turns the knob without going inside. “Are there locks on the bedroom doors?”

  “Nothing on the doors but a latch hook for when you’re inside the room. I don’t believe in locking the individual rooms. You should all respect each other’s space. As long as you are careful about who you have in the house, there shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “And the windows?”

  I glance at Penny’s face. She’s serious.

  “There are locks on the windows. But we get such a nice, cool breeze here on the island. I doubt you’ll want to keep the window closed. You do have a ceiling fan in case the room gets too warm.”

  Penny nods and pushes through the door.

  “Jenna already has the master bedroom upstairs.” To Heather and Lily, Beverly says, “Let me show you two girls your rooms. You’ll be sharing a bathroom, but it’s twice the size as the master baths, so you’ll both have plenty o
f room.”

  Penny appears in the doorway. “Would either of you like to take this room instead?”

  Heather and Lily look at each other.

  “I’ll take the downstairs room if you don’t want it,” Heather quickly says and then walks to the room. Lily simply smiles and shrugs.

  “Cool,” Penny says. To Lily she says, “Let’s take a look upstairs.”

  Beverly shrugs at the turnabout. “Well, that was easy. Everyone always says girls are harder than boys. But if you are all as agreeable all summer as you are now, you’ll be best friends before long.”

  I hang back and let the two new girls walk upstairs behind Beverly. I glance into the bedroom Heather snatched. She drops her bag on the bed and then turns to look at me, her eyes narrowed.

  “Don’t you want to see the upstairs?” I say.

  “What for? I won’t be up there.”

  “Oh.”

  Upstairs, Beverly calls down to me and Heather. “I like to take a photo of my summer renters in May and again in September. So no one run off until I get that first picture, okay?”

  “Okay,” I call up. But I keep my eyes on Heather.

  Heather mouths, “Oh, joy.”

  I giggle, and then whisper, “She really is nice.”

  Heather laughs and then rolls her eyes. “This place is nice.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Have you had a chance to explore yet?”

  I think of Bobby. He’d offered yesterday. It would have been nice to take a drive around the island with him. I still couldn’t believe he’d come back to the house last night. And then he’d stayed.

  My stomach hurts just thinking about how rotten I’d felt last night. How stupid I’d been trying to break out of the pain I’d been feeling about Sissy. I can’t even think about her without welling up with tears.

  “Hey, you look like you’re about to be sick,” Heather says. Her eyes narrow and her hand comes up to my shoulder. “Do you need to get to the bathroom?”