by Mary Ramsey
She nodded ever so slightly.
“I can take her to school,” Johnny offered.
That day, Shauna went willingly, much cheered up after Sara made a fuss of her. But from that day on Jen made sure to wake up before our daughter and force her to stay in the kitchen with her. Shauna would never be allowed to say goodbye to me. This led to heartbreaking sounds as Jen forced her into Johnny’s van earlier and earlier.
One balmy morning in December, I was feeling particularly down and depressed. I never really celebrated Christmas. When Sara and I were growing up, my mother hated to cook massive meals. My sister and I would receive cards and cash. The only time there was even a mention of Santa was when I was in the hospital.
But this year my family would be celebrating Christmas because Jen wanted us to. Living in a house full of decorations Jen forced Shauna to make, all in the name of bonding, was making me sick. The pressure to “celebrate” was insane. I wanted Shauna to have a nice Christmas, like a normal little girl. But she was miserable.
Johnny tried to be the mediator. If I was too sick to help decorate the tree, she could sit on my lap and watch Sara and Johnny decorate. At the end, Johnny put her on his shoulders to put an angel at the top. When her mother wanted to bake with her, she would rather play video games or watch TV; Johnny would go to the kitchen and bake with them, leaving Sara to monitor my near constant IVs. But whenever I looked over at the kitchen, Shauna was looking back. She wanted her daddy.
On Christmas Eve, Johnny’s birthday, Johnny decided to have some fun. He came in, took me off the BiPAP, and declared, “I’m not letting you sleep all day!” He manhandled me into a fireman’s lift, ignoring my protests. “Did you know this place has a Jacuzzi room?”
I punched Johnny’s lower back. “I’m not getting in a Jacuzzi with you.”
“You don’t have a choice, and did you seriously hit me in the ass?”
He kicked open the door to the posh room covered in coral pink tile and promptly dumped me into the hot foamy water. I landed hard on my tailbone and then quickly pulled myself into seated position, if only to not drown. I was glad I had boxers on.
“Did you fuck my sister in here?”
“Is water wet?” he laughed. “This is one of Sara’s favorite places. Don’t worry, she sanitizes the pool once a week.”
I had to admit, the water pressure did feel nice. Then Johnny got in with his trunks. I shook my head, laughing wildly. I was just so tired.
“What’s up, man?”
“Just … I don’t know how much more I can take. Not just of how Jen treats me, but the way she treats Shauna. It’s like she’s trying to—”
“Run her life?” Johnny suggested. “She is her mom.”
“I hate seeing them both so miserable.”
“Then maybe try acting like a grown-up.”
It was a quiet mutter, but I definitely heard. “What?”
“Nothing you didn’t hear already.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I had a sudden realization—Johnny had been around a lot to notice the atmosphere between Jen and Shauna. He’d been picking her up from school as well as dropping her off, which wouldn’t be possible unless …? “Do you actually still work at the tattoo shop?”
“Off and on. I completed my apprenticeship months ago.”
“So, you’re unemployed?”
He gave me the side-eye. “I like to think of it as having more time to spend with you.”
In January came Shauna’s sixth birthday.
“Do you want to make cupcakes with Mommy?” Jen asked.
“No.” Shauna didn’t look away from the video game she was playing with Johnny while I watched, attached to my IV pole.
Johnny paused the game. “Do this for your mom and after school I’ll make a great big chocolate cake.”
“Okay.” Shauna sighed, but followed Jen to the kitchen, where she was making carrot-cake cupcakes. Shauna took down powdered sugar and milk, and casually mixed the ingredients for the frosting. She then turned to Jen. “When Daddy dies, you should die too, so when you get to heaven you can tell him you’re sorry for making him sad.”
I froze at the same time as Jen, who’d been filling cupcake trays with the batter. She put the spoon down and looked at Shauna. “What did you say?”
Shauna didn’t even look her mother in the eyes. “I want Johnny and Sara to be my mommy and daddy. Sara can teach me how to be smart and Johnny can teach me how to cook and sing.”
“I just wanted to do something nice for you.” Jen dumped the batter and the cupcake trays into the trash, stormed to her bedroom, and slammed the door.
I met Johnny’s eyes, not sure where to start. He gave me a tiny nod.
“Shauna, that wasn’t very nice,” Johnny said. “You really should tell your mama you’re sorry for hurting her feelings.”
“No. I don’t want her to be my mommy.”
Both Johnny and I were at a loss. The rest of the day was spent trying to lift Shauna’s mood and tiptoeing around Jen. She smiled when I wheeled to her door and offered her some tea, but didn’t take me up on the offer.
The next day, Johnny dropped off Sara at school and would pick her up after ten in the evening. Jen needed his car to run errands after picking up Shauna at two. When they got home, Jen told Shauna to go play video games in her room. Shauna instead ran straight for me. I was in the living room in my wheelchair, getting ready to receive an immune support IV bag through my PICC line.
“No, Daddy needs to do his IV medicine,” Jen said firmly.
There was no logical reason why Shauna couldn’t keep me company. I gave Jen a hopeful smile, not wanting an argument. “Sara was allowed to watch my medical procedures when she when was Shauna’s age.”
“Sara is your sister, Shauna’s your daughter.” She stabbed the needle in, completely missing the vein.
“Ow! Look, we could wait for Johnny.”
Jen jabbed again, damn near wrecking a vein. Beyond frustrated, I grabbed her by the wrist harder than I thought possible, twisting it to the side to stop her from trying again. “Please stop!”
“I can do this if you just hold still!” Jen yanked my hand forward, then slammed it onto the arm of my wheelchair.
I grabbed her wrist again. “I’m not shaking by choice. I’m not this sick by choice!”
What happened next was a blur. We struggled and my wheelchair got knocked on its side, spilling me out onto the floor; then my IV stand toppled over. I was stuck under the chair and I couldn’t free my hips. It hurt like all kinds of hell and my IV was completely disconnected, the medicine leaking onto the rug. I could hear Shauna screaming.
“I’m okay, baby.” I swallowed hard. My head was throbbing and my joints hurt so bad it was all I could do to not cry.
“Go to bed,” Jen demanded, locking eyes with her daughter.
“Daddy will be okay,” I said. Please, go to your room. I need to fix things here, and not just the carpet.
“No.”
Jen slapped her across the face.
Shauna’s face went dark red, and not just where she’d been hit. “I wish you were the one dying!”
I looked up to see Jen frozen: conscious yet unconscious. I suddenly heard maniacal ghostly laughter and looked to Shauna, who curled up on the floor against me.
“Wow, I hope you got some good years out of him. Such a shame to bury such a beautiful face.”
Suzanna’s image formed in the kitchen. The fair-skinned Latina wore a long red ballgown, her beautiful light brown curls pinned up in a bun.
“Cam!” I cried out, “where the hell are you?”
Jen walked, entranced, towards the kitchen. “Is that you, Mom?”
Suzanna reached out her hand. “Come cook with Mommy. You always liked to cook with Mommy.”
I rocked Shauna in my arms, not sure if she could see what I was seeing. The ghostly woman took a sip of wine the color of blood. “
“You and me, we could’ve h
ad a good relationship if not for your father.”
“What are you talking about? You always hated me,” Jen said.
“I didn’t hate you—you were just a disappointment.”
“Shut it,” I yelled, but Suzanna went on like I hadn’t spoken.
“After Cam died, I did my best to prepare you for life. But no, your father wanted you to be creative, to find yourself. What did that get you? Pregnant at sixteen, a widower before the age of thirty. You need to do right by your daughter now, Jen. Put your husband in hospice care. Let him die far away from Shauna.”
Jen scoffed. “I’m not taking him away from her. Unlike you, I’m actually going to try to save my family.”
Shauna buried her face in my shoulder. “Is that Grandpa’s special friend?”
“You can see her?”
“She’s scary.”
“I know, but don’t be scared. I’m here, and I’ll never let anyone hurt you.” I was still too weak to stand, but positioned myself so that my body covered my little girl. Then I saw Suzanna looking at me.
“Interesting. Your crippled husband has courage, while your big strong father was as weak as a mouse.” Suzanna laughed. “Do you know why I always obsessed over Cam’s death? I was grieving, sure, but more than that I wanted to keep your father distant from you. Your love made him weak, and his love for you made you into the failure you’ve become.”
Jen nodded. “You always made yourself the victim. The weak, grieving mother who needed her big strong man. Dad always chose you because he felt like you needed him more.”
Shauna suddenly tapped me. “Daddy, Uncle Cam’s here.”
Jen’s brother’s ghost appeared right up in Suzanna’s space. “You don’t belong here.”
Her fire blast shot Cam across the room. “Doesn’t matter. I won. After I got out of prison, I made love to my husband every night. Not once did he even speak Sara’s name. That slut’s still dreaming of a relationship that never existed. Even as we speak, Diego cries tears for me.”
Jen’s phone rang. She let it go to voicemail and both of us held our breath as Diego left a tearful message, telling us what we already knew because Suzanna was right here with us. She’d bled too much in surgery, apparently. I really hoped it hurt. Suzanna kept smiling, even as the recording came to an end.
Suzanna smiled. “He didn’t even ask about … what was his name? It’ll come to me. Richie?”
“Remy!” Shauna shouted.
“Oh yes, Remy,” she said with a nod. “Totally forgotten.”
I needed to strip her of her power but had no clue how to do it other than making her angry. My own out-of-body coordination went to shit when I was mad, and I hoped to incapacitate her the same way. “You thought about Remy, though,” I said. “When you had sex with your husband, did you ever ask yourself: is this the way he touched Remy? Is this the way he held Remy?”
Suzanna was enraged, her body transforming into pure flames. “I know my husband loved me!”
“Did you ever …?” I mimed cock-sucking, now having a plan. One that would hopefully not get me killed by a demon.
Suzanna looked flustered. “I did … I did—”
“Did what? Did you go down on all fours and let him take you from behind? Maybe he pulls your hair a little? Do you know who always had nice hair?” I could not believe the words coming out of my mouth and wished I’d sent Shauna to her room, whether she liked it or not. I peeked over my shoulder, pleased to see her eyes shut and hands over her ears, then turned back to Suzanna, my courage growing. “What do you want to bet Diego was picturing Remy’s face?”
“You worthless little brat!”
Cam rushed to grab her, pulling her through a portal hole of light.
Jen walked backward, falling onto the sofa. Her eyes closed just as Johnny and Sara came through the door. Of all the days they had to pitch up early. I was going to ask why, but Sara was already marching across to Shauna, who was rubbing her sore cheek. Her lip had swollen a little.
“Did she do this?” Sara asked Shauna.
Shauna nodded. “Please help Daddy.”
“We will, everything will be alright.” Sara picked up Shauna, taking her to the bathroom. “Does your mouth hurt?”
Shauna nodded.
Sara kissed her forehead. “I’m going to get you some ice.”
Meanwhile, Johnny struggled to get me off the floor. “Can you get your arms around me?”
“I think so.” I held on to Johnny as I stood up, favoring my stronger left leg. He got me back to my room and helped me to get hooked up to my BiPAP. While Shauna was busy with Sara in the bathroom, I decided to make a call. Johnny left me to it.
London picked up on the first ring. “Dakota, is that you?” she yelled against loud, rhythmic background music. “Wait a minute.” I heard the background noise drop away as she moved outside. “Dakota, what’s wrong?”
“Are you in town?” I asked.
“I can be. Will be. Are you okay?”
“For now.” I wanted to tell her about what was happening, but didn’t think I could get the words out. “I should go. Can you visit sometime?”
“I’m in Vegas. I’ll be there soon.” With that, London hung up.
Eleven
I sat on the sofa with Shauna in my arms. I could see Jen and Sara bickering in the kitchen.
“Don’t you have school?” Jen muttered.
“It’s Sunday.” Sara flipped the page of a large textbook. “And I want to watch London kick your ass.”
Jen was visibly shaking. “Sara, you used to be my best friend.”
“Once.”
“So, I feel I have to tell you this, and you might actually believe me. I had a vision of my mother. She was in the kitchen congratulating me.”
“Congratulating you?” Sara snorted. “Congratulating you on becoming just like her—someone bossy, controlling, and hurtful?”
“Yes, actually. But I don’t want to become the horrible wife and mother she was.”
“Was?” Sara asked.
“There’s a message on my phone from my father. Mom passed away last night.” Jen pulled out her phone as if to offer proof.
I was intrigued enough to move into my wheelchair. I’d heard the message, sure, but then again, I’d also asked a demon if she liked to suck cock, so I could not be sure what was real and what had been a dream.
Sara listened to the message. Diego’s voice was so sad and pain-stricken. She straightened up, closing her textbook. “Should you call him back?”
“Maybe later.”
“Okay. You going to the funeral?”
“God, no.”
“Not even to support your father?”
Jen shook her head. “I don’t want to be in a room full of people singing the praises of that horrible bitch. If my father has any sense, he’ll throw her body to the vultures.”
“If you’re not going to call, then I am.”
I wheeled over as Sara dialed his number. “Do you think he’ll pick up?” I asked. “It’s been so long.”
The phone rang for a good thirty seconds before going to voicemail. “Oh well.” Sara sighed as she hung up.
“You’re not going to leave a message?” I asked.
“His wife just died. I need a minute to think up a message.”
She wouldn’t get a minute. Her phone lit up with Diego’s name on the caller ID. “Hello, Diego,” she said happily as she put the phone on speaker. “It’s been a while.”
“Have you heard from Remy?” he asked.
Sara frowned. Thought for a moment. “No, I assumed he was back in North Dakota.”
“If he was, it wasn’t for long. He’s abandoned his clinic and his phone is turned off. I’ve tried to locate him on social media, but his accounts haven’t been updated in months. Remy’s just gone.”
Cam’s ghost appeared. “Oh, thank God!” He used his powers to create a firework display in the shape of a bottle of champagne being opened.
&
nbsp; I glared. “Not now.”
Cam groaned. “Come on, Sean. This is a time for celebration. I sent my mother to hell and my dad’s insane boyfriend is off the grid. This is the fresh start he needs.”
“I thought you liked Remy?”
“I tolerated Remy. But now my dad can find someone who is more on his level.”
Sara’s voice was breaking. “Diego, will you be okay? You shouldn’t be alone.”
“I’ve started to go to church again. I’ve accepted Jesus Christ into my life and I pray that will be enough. How are things in Los Angeles? How is your brother?”
Shauna came over. She sat on my lap and closed her eyes. I wondered if she even noticed who was on the phone.
“Sean’s pretty bad, he’s only getting sicker. And Jen …” Sara shook her head. “Jen said she’s definitely not going to her mother’s funeral.”
“It’s quite alright, Sara. Jen has more pressing issues to attend to.”
“I want you at my wedding.” Tears filled Sara’s eyes. “I want you to walk me down the aisle. Diego, you’re my best friend. I miss you so much.”
The sound of a motorcycle engine distracted me. I wheeled round to face the hallway and, a few moments later, London opened the door with her key, looking crumpled and over-heated in her leather jacket and black jeans.
Before I could even say hi, she first went to Jen, who was now sitting quietly on the sofa.
“You monster!”
I was as stunned as Jen. Sure, having London’s back-up was great, but—
“Ever since you got back to L.A., you’ve been nothing but cruel to Sean. If my goal was to steal him from you, I could have done it at any time, and you bet your ass I would have made sure he got custody of his daughter. I always treated you with love and kindness—”
“Bullshit,” Jen spat, getting to her feet.
