Possibility Days

by Mary Ramsey

  I wheeled myself over to Jayden, who beamed as I approached.

  “Hello, Sean. Please meet Isabelle Hosanna Clarke, my lovely daughter.”

  “Izzy,” she corrected automatically.

  I held my arms open for a hug. Now up close, I recognized her from one of the pictures Jayden sent me. “Remind me how old you are, Izzy?”

  “I’m going into fifth grade this fall.”

  I stared as I pulled back. Izzy was crazy tall for a fourth-grader.

  Shauna ran over and, seconds later, the air rang with squeals of joy. The girls had already gotten to know each other a little over Skype. While Jayden tried to stop his girl from getting too over-excited, I moved to one side, out of the shade of the house. The sun was glorious.

  While everyone was busy watching them play, I got out my phone and found the email I’d sent to Johnny containing a bunch of google links about his new host and his late wife. Just before we left San Francisco, he’d admitted he hadn’t done any reading up yet. Suddenly his shadow fell over my chair from behind.

  “Just give me the CliffsNotes, right?”

  I rolled my eyes, still a little pissed at him. “Fine. Deceased mom is Hosanna Davillia, Sudanese model turned philanthropist. Her ‘thing’ was sponsoring medical advancements.”

  “So, did she meet Jayden on the charity circuit?”

  “Not sure. I know she put him through medical school, and then funded research he was doing with other doctors on a non-invasive surgical technique to draw strength by stimulating the patient’s own cells.” I nearly laughed at his blank expression. “Do not ask me any more about that. I honestly couldn’t tell you. Read the damn links, okay?”

  “Hey, fine. I said I was sorry earlier. Stop ripping me a new one.”

  “Actually, you didn’t, but anyway … be careful using the C-word. Hosanna died of leukemia not long after Izzy was born.”

  Johnny grimaced. “God, that’s awful.”

  “Isn’t it just?” I looked at Izzy running around, full of energy. “Focus on the good stuff—my new cousin’s something of a miracle kid.”

  Jayden shooed the girls indoors and waved over me and Johnny. “I want to give you a tour of the main house, and then we can walk to where you’ll be staying.”

  “Sounds great.” I entered the house, admiring the lavish beauty as Johnny wandered off to find Sara. I looked back at Jayden, who was standing in the doorway. He looked uncomfortable as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Everything okay?” I asked.

  “Sure. Yeah. Look, I have something I want to give you, but it involves me going upstairs. Make yourself at home. The restroom is that way, the kitchen over there.”

  “Sure, no problem,” I replied. It felt strange to experience such love from someone I hadn’t seen in over a decade. I headed to the kitchen, finding Izzy and Shauna making peanut-butter sandwiches with chocolate chips.

  “Cousin Sean, do you like chocolate?” Izzy asked. She’d hopped up onto the kitchen counter, and was kicking her shoes off.

  “I do,” I said with a smile. “So, you like to hang out in the vineyard?”

  “It’s where all my friends are. Many of the workers travel with their kids, so I bring them candy and soda. Sometimes I bring out my toys or just run foot races through the fields.”

  Jayden reappeared, hands in his pockets, looking casual. He grimaced at the mess the girls were making. “Don’t go crazy with the sugar, okay? Not too long before dinner.” He reached for something in his pocket. “Sean, I’ve kept this for you. I never stopped thinking about you, or what I would do if the Lord saw fit to bring you back into my life.”

  “Is that the special locket?” Izzy asked as she jumped down, making sure to wash her hands before getting too close to what her daddy had in his hand.

  “Sure is,” Jayden said, keeping his eyes on me. “When I first told Hosanna the story of when you were born, and how I had the privilege of finding you again when you were seven, she gave me the idea of having this made.”

  Izzy’s locket was a heart, but the one he presented to me was a thick golden cross. Inside was a picture of my mother, adhered to the locket with resin, never to be removed. She was tall and slender with long blonde hair past her shoulders, smiling as if being taken by surprise by the camera.

  “That was taken the year before you were born,” Jayden explained. “It’s one of my favorite images of her. I had taken it with the camera she gave me for my birthday.”

  “Can I see?” Izzy asked, looking at the image for a moment before opening her own, smaller locket. To the left was an image of Hosanna’s regal face, her dark eyes staring lovingly into the camera. To the right was an image of my mother, possibly a school photo. She looked sad. I wondered why Jayden would have given such a sad image to his daughter.

  Jayden met my confused gaze. “She wasn’t a very happy person, your mother. She struggled a lot with depression.” He closed his eyes, smiling a little as if he could still see her face. “But when she sparkled …”

  “She was a light,” Izzy finished for him. “I like to think your mommy and my mommy are friends in heaven.”

  Shauna had stayed quiet, but was now too interested not to join in the conversation. “Grandma?” she asked as she looked over my shoulder.

  I nodded.

  Jayden regained his composure. “Let me show you to the guesthouse so you guys can unpack. And then later this evening you and your family can join me and Izzy for dinner.”

  “We’re having chicken parmesan,” she said happily. “It’s my favorite.”

  Jen, Johnny, and Sara had already found their way to the guesthouse, which had been left unlocked in anticipation of our arrival. Sara had brought all of my designer clothes, my medications, and my equipment, as well as Jen’s suitcase. She already had my room set up. I would be staying with Jen, even if all we ever did was sleep back to back. We had to start somewhere.

  Jen had apparently been working on getting our daughter’s room set up. “Shauna, do you want to see your room?”

  Shauna looked disappointed. “I wanted to sleep with you and Daddy.”

  Izzy ran in behind her. “I want to see your room!” She dashed to the door and Shauna reluctantly followed behind her. “Wow, you have so many dolls,” Izzy squealed as she looked at Shauna’s collection from around the world. We’d brought them all: some wooden, some porcelain, and a few made of cloth. Jen placed all of the cloth dolls and teddy bears on the bed.

  Her lip wobbling, Shauna started to knock them all off.

  Enough was enough. I’d promised myself I’d be on the same page as Jen, and that had to start right away. I beckoned Shauna over to my chair, and then scooped her up in my arms. “Mommy worked very hard setting up your room.”

  “I want to stay with you.” She sobbed so hard her little body was trembling.

  Izzy picked up the cartoon character plush doll with the pink hair and blue eyes. “Where is this one from? “

  “Korea,” Shauna said sadly. “Daddy got a callback. He was so happy. He told me he saw her in a store window and knew I was meant to have her.”

  I looked away, ashamed I’d never put her straight on that one. It was the doll I bought on the way home from my last audition, marked by the fall down the stairs and the injured wrist. I’d been pretty frickin’ far from happy that day. I’m glad she remembered it differently, though.

  “What’s her name?” Izzy asked, still trying, like an angel, to improve Shauna’s mood.

  “Lily, after a waitress who gave me free hot chocolate in a diner. She had hair that color, too.” She took the doll from Izzy’s hand, but without snatching it. “She had a different name to start, but it was another language and I could never say it.”

  “Maybe Lily can come to dinner,” Izzy suggested.

  Shauna shrugged. “Maybe.”

  Izzy suddenly noticed all of Shauna’s gaming consoles and her eyes lit up. “Do you have Globe Fighter?”

  “Yep, it’s my A
untie Sara’s favorite game.”

  “It’s my favorite game too. I play it all the time with Daddy. Can we play now?” Izzy called to her father as he came on in.

  “Oh yeah, I want to play Globe Fighter!” Jayden kissed his daughter’s cheek, then smiled at Shauna. “Who does Sean pick?”

  “The soldier,” she said, wiping her face dry, “but Auntie Sara can beat him with any character.”

  “Is that so? Sara!” he yelled down the hall. “I challenge you to Globe Fighter!”

  Sara stood in the doorway with her hand on her hip. “Who are you good with?”

  “The Greek demon.”

  I grinned. GD was a very naked muscular character with overpowered projectile moves. Usually more popular with female players, I thought. I wound up laughing my ass off as Sara beat him twenty matches to three.

  “This is not fair!” Jayden shouted, throwing down his controller after the latest defeat.

  “A heart surgeon without precision,” Sara remarked.

  He smirked. “That’s ‘hugely-qualified heart surgeon’ to you, little resident.”

  Dinner was set up buffet style. I helped myself to salad, chicken, pasta and sides along with Jayden and everyone else. We took our plates into the living room to eat. Their maid, Lucy, bustled in and out, clearing platters as we ate them clean.

  “What’s the fastest way to get a marriage license?” Sara asked Jayden once the kids had moved into a corner.

  “I guess you call for an appointment at the county clerk’s office and bring your birth certificates.” He shrugged. “I’m not really the person to ask, as I never even got as far as giving Hosanna a ring. It was in the plan, but …” Jayden shook off the sad thought and motioned at Johnny. “What’s the rush? Is he getting deported or something?”

  I held up my hand to high-five my uncle for his revenge on Johnny’s earlier tactless comment about servants, which clearly hadn’t been as quiet as Johnny thought. “Yeah, next week he has to go back to Bangkok to work off his debt to the Mafia. She just wanted to make sure he doesn’t become a perverted old man’s bitch.”

  Johnny rolled his eyes. “Sara, I want an actual wedding, not some five-minute ceremony. I want a chance to declare my love for you in front of our friends and family.”

  “And I don’t.” At Johnny’s hurt look, Sara covered her mouth. “That came out wrong.”

  Shauna looked over from her conversation with Izzy, having tuned in. “I want to meet Uncle Johnny’s family.”

  “Shauna,” Sara intoned, in a bossy manner like a school teacher’s, “getting married is not about parties. It’s about a piece of paper that—”

  Johnny stood up, raising his water glass. “That says that I, Jonathan Phoenix Desilva, am hereby the legal property of the brilliant Sara Foster. To have and to hold, for whatever she wants, because only her wants, thoughts and opinions will ever, ever matter.”

  Sara rolled her eyes. “You’re being so over-dramatic.”

  I could see Shauna’s face turn to a scowl. “And you’re being mean, Auntie Sara. Family is important, because …” her eyes widened as she looked around at her new home. “Family is everything.”

  “They should get married here,” Izzy squealed, squeezing Shauna like a doll.

  Jayden nodded. “That’s not a bad idea, sweetie.”

  “Here at the house?” Sara asked.

  “Or in the vineyard,” Jayden suggested. “I’ve hosted at least four weddings and countless charity events. I could make some calls. Maybe do it in July, if you really have no specifics about the planning.”

  “And she could wear Mommy’s dress,” Izzy added.

  A silence swept through the room and even Lucy the maid came to a standstill. It was like the dress was part of some kind of legend. I could imagine it living in the one room that, although it was kept unlocked, only Jayden and Izzy were allowed to enter.

  Jayden smiled through visible pain. “I don’t see why not.”

  “You don’t have to,” Sara quickly replied. “I can find a dress.”

  He put down his plate. “It’s fine. You’re family. Please, come upstairs.”

  Izzy and Shauna put down their food and followed. “Time to check out the stair lift, Sean!” Izzy said happily. “But Johnny, you have to stay here because you can’t see the bride before the wedding.”

  The lift was snazzy, fast, and easy to use. Upstairs I followed Jayden down the corridor and watched in awe as he opened the door to the small room. It appeared to be a walk-in closet. Izzy pulled down a rose-pink dress that more resembled a slip, or even a nightgown. She smiled at Sara.

  “Mommy was thin, like you. Try it on!”

  Sara looked at me and Jayden. “Give me a second?”

  Jayden shut the door to offer her privacy.

  “Okay, I’m ready,” Sara called about a minute later.

  As Jayden opened the door again, I couldn’t help but smile. On Hosanna the dress would have fallen just past the knee, looking sexy and summery. On Sara, it flowed almost to her ankles. She looked like a bride as she checked herself out in the mirror. The room got a little dusty all of a sudden. I wasn’t sniveling, honestly.

  “Hosanna never got to wear it,” Jayden said sadly. “The gown cost … a lot. It was money that could have gone toward something more practical. But at the time we’d been dating for three years—more than enough time for me to gather the courage to propose.”

  “Izzy should be the one to wear it on her wedding day,” Sara said.

  “I want you to wear it,” Izzy insisted, turning to Shauna. “Doesn’t she look beautiful?”

  Shauna nodded enthusiastically. “You look like an angel, sent to earth to love Uncle Johnny.”

  “You really do.” I truly wanted Johnny to see her in the dress. Sara was so special.

  We left her to take off the dress and went back downstairs to finish dinner. Sara rejoined us a few minutes later, sitting right next to Johnny, who was drinking a beer. She took the bottle from his hand and kissed his lips. “It’s an angel dress. I want to be your angel.”

  Johnny blushed. “That’s all I ever wanted.”

  Thirteen

  The next day, while Jen was figuring out the layout of the guesthouse kitchen and Shauna was at the main house with Izzy, I was sitting on the bed in just sweatpants, having returned from a very special appointment. Next to me was a nearly empty plate of brownies. I giggled to myself as I heard Sara come through the front door, asking for me.

  I already knew how their day went, since Johnny got back earlier, having enrolled at the Portland State University and spoken to a counselor about the best way to secure a spot in the nursing program. It was a very competitive program to get into because it guaranteed a direct internship at the OHSU Hospital, the largest in the city. Jayden sat on the administration board and said that Johnny had nothing to worry about—he had a strong background.

  “Why do you look stoned?” Sara asked as she came closer to the bed.

  Johnny laughed. “I think you know perfectly well why.”

  I gave her a goofy wave. “Hey, Sara! What’s up?”

  “Today I learned that I’ll be starting my first year in endocrinology,” Sara said, taking a seat on the bed. “I’ll be shadowing a different doctor each year, assisting with patients, learning the department.”

  I plopped my head down. “Sounds awesome.”

  “Did Jayden give you pot?” Sara asked.

  “The frickin’ hospital gave him pot!” Jen shouted from the kitchen. She’d suggested it at the appointment as a joke, but it turned out that medical marijuana had been legal in Oregon for years, and the consultant was very happy to sign over a supply.

  “Medical cannabis has been commonly used in the treatment of cystic fibrosis,” Johnny called back. “It’s useful for airway clearance, reduction of nausea, and inflammation.”

  I looked up at the ceiling. “Well aren’t you just a walking WebMD.”

  “I’m just surprise
d none of your previous physicians ever prescribed it.”

  “Prescribed being the keyword,” I laughed. “Anyway, Uncle Jayden wants to run a full blood panel, chest x-ray, and an appointment with neurology. It’s time to address the extent of the stroke damage.”

  Sara looked at me with sadness. “Oh.”

  “Nah, it’s all good. He also got Shauna a place at Izzy’s school. She’s so fond of little Shauna, and Jayden just loves the idea of them being friends. She’ll start first grade with Izzy watching over her.”

  “Yeah,” Sara said patiently, “we know. God, you’re stoned.”

  “So how goes the wedding plans?” I asked Johnny, ignoring her. “Have you heard back from my mom?”

  Sara turned to Johnny. “And what about Diego?”

  He winced, putting his hand on her knee. “About that … can we talk privately?”

  “No, anything you have to tell me you can say in front of Sean.”

  Johnny pulled out his phone. “The invitation came back ‘return to sender’ so I called him, and the call went to voicemail. Then I emailed him, and …” Johnny handed Sara his phone. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Dear Johnny,” Sara read aloud. “Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. You’re truly a lucky man. It is with a heavy heart that I must decline your invitation. I’m currently at an assisted-living facility, undergoing aggressive treatment for pancreatic cancer. Tell Sara I would have loved to see her in her dress, and to walk her down the aisle. Perhaps I will in my dreams. Sincerely, Diego.”

  “I called his cell immediately, but it had been shut off,” Johnny said.

  Sara climbed onto the bed alongside me. “Can I …” She steadied her voice. “Can I have a pot brownie?”

  “Sure,” I said as I held her. “Uncle Jayden gave us all the chocolate.”

  Perhaps it was my altered state, but there was something off about Diego’s message. He didn’t name the facility, the city, or even the state. It was possible he had simply been too sick to remember to include that information, but from where I stood, Diego had just disappeared. And he didn’t want to be found.