Possibility Days

by Mary Ramsey

  I clenched my fists. Black tentacles started to creep up Remy’s legs.

  “You could have stayed to defend her, to tell Johnny that you planned on going back to North Dakota, and that you would leave them alone. But as things stand, you ruined the lives of two people. No, actually, make that three—if you’d been there for Diego, you guys would be in Alaska instead of him in prison.” The tentacles pulled Remy to his knees.

  I didn’t let him weep for long. My goal was not to torture him, only to hold his attention. “How does that make you feel? I want a real answer now, or I’ll send you straight to hell.”

  In that moment Remy looked truly terrified, tears flowing down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

  “You can do better than that.”

  “I’m sorry!” He sucked in a deep breath. “I love Diego, but I was so weak. Every single time I thought about going back, I ended up telling myself I wasn’t the man he deserved. And I guess … I’d already pressed the fuck-it button when I went for Sara.”

  “She’s married to your cousin!”

  Remy laid back in supplication as the tentacles enveloped his stomach and then chest. “I deserve to go to hell.”

  “Cam?” I called, needing help. Remy was genuinely sorry. Sorry enough for me, for now.

  Cam appeared beside me. “Did you need me to fast forward time?”

  “Yes, please. I think he needs a little rest. He deserves the chance to say goodbye.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  Cam snapped his fingers and got the three of us to the hospital. We found Johnny and Jen sitting in silence in the waiting room. Sara was on the phone, pacing back and forth.

  “I don’t even know why you’re doing this,” Jen groaned. “We don’t even know if he’s going to wake up, let alone if you can talk some guard into letting Diego speak to him.”

  Cam turned to Remy. “That’s your cue.”

  I walked with Remy into the room where his body was in traction. His head was swathed in bandages, he was in a full-on oxygen mask, and his black-and-blue chest was covered in wires. A tube set a couple of inches below his right armpit released fluid into a bag hanging off the side of the bed.

  “How much pain am I going to be in?” Remy asked.

  I smacked him on the back of his head. “Are you seriously that much of a pussy? This is your one chance to say goodbye.”

  Remy stepped back into his body, and alarms started to go off.

  Cam gave me a smile. “Let’s give him the chance to wake up a little.”

  The room was filled with nurses, who seemed shocked that he was back with them. After an hour or so of Remy being more stable, Johnny and the others were allowed to go see him.

  “Hey, man.” Johnny’s voice held no emotion, but his eyes told a different tale. I knew he was too kind. He would never lash out at anyone.

  “I’m so sorry,” Remy’s voice was little more than a whisper.

  “I don’t even know if you fully comprehend what you did. This is so fucked up. You were one of my best friends. You took care of me when I was eighteen and homeless. I looked up to you!”

  “Johnny,” Remy could only repeat, “I am so, so sorry.”

  “I need air.” Johnny pushed past Sara as he left the room, but she was still on the phone, fixing things at the pen. Apparently, Mom had gone over to the prison and convinced the deputy warden to allow Diego to take an out-of-hours call on compassionate grounds.

  “Great, just in time,” Sara said into the phone. “Yes, he’s conscious. Let me just give him the phone …”

  “Hello?” Diego’s voice came through the speaker. “Remy, are you there?”

  Remy looked to me in fright.

  I was getting pissed off. “Say something. Did you not hear what my mother had to do to get this phone call?”

  “I love you,” he blurted.

  I could hear Diego sobbing. “I never should have left you.”

  Remy quickly spoke. “I should have gone back for you.”

  “I would give anything to hold you in my arms.”

  “Me too,” Remy said, tears breaking loose. “Me … too …”

  Remy whited out as his body went back into shock. Sara tearfully ended the call. Johnny nodded his way through the grave conversation with the duty doctor about giving permission to not resuscitate should Remy arrest again, and then headed home with Jen. Sara was left to hear, an hour or so later, that Remy had succumbed to his injuries.

  I traveled with Cam back to Jayden’s guesthouse. We landed in the living room. Strangely, Remy’s ghost did not make an appearance. London was asleep on a recliner. Shauna sat on the sofa in her pajamas, holding Johnny’s guitar. My little girl was strumming a soft melody as Johnny and Jen came through the door.

  Jen sighed, clearly displeased that London hadn’t put Shauna to bed, but kissed our little girl on the forehead anyway. “Honey, you can stay up with Johnny, if you want. I’m going to bed.”

  Johnny took a seat next to Shauna. “You have a real talent for music.”

  “Thank you,” she said softly.

  “So … why aren’t you in bed?” he asked.

  “I can’t sleep, not since Daddy died,” she said, resting her head on Johnny’s arm. “I tried holding Mommy the way I used to hold Daddy, but it wasn’t the same.”

  “Do you want to sleep on the sofa with me?”

  “Okay,” she said, putting down the guitar. As Johnny rested back, she crawled up and put her face on his chest. “Uncle Johnny, London said you’re mad at Auntie Sara.”

  “Yeah, she did something very mean and hurtful. I might not be going back to North Dakota with you guys. Sara and I need some time apart.”

  Shauna gasped. “No! But I’ll miss you so much.”

  “I’m going to stay for Jayden’s wedding. After all he’s done for us, it’s the right thing to do. But after that …”

  “You promise you’ll write to me? Mommy taught me how to use her email, even though I can’t have my own account until I’m thirteen.”

  “I, uh …” Johnny struggled to swallow, and I figured he’d been through enough for one day. Summoning all my calm, I stroked Johnny’s face, and instantly he fell into a deep sleep.

  Shauna looked up. “Daddy? Are you an angel?”

  Cam threw up his hands. “For real? She can see you, but she can’t see me?”

  I nodded at my daughter, trying not to look too smug about being visible to her. “I won’t be here long. I’m going to heaven. In fact, I just led Remy to heaven. I hope.”

  “Remy’s in heaven?” she asked. “Will he meet Grandpa in heaven?”

  I didn’t have an answer. I stroked my daughter’s hair. “Just take care of Uncle Johnny. He really needs a friend.”

  Jen and Shauna decided to stay in Portland until Jayden and London’s wedding six weeks later. At Jen’s insistence, London wore the blue pendant with her sexy low-cut gown. The ceremony was small, just a dozen of their closest friends, and London’s big sister, Lana. She was the only member of her family that could make it. Even Lana’s daughter Zoe was stuck spending the summer in Aruba with her father. Linda and London still weren’t speaking. Thankfully, that didn’t matter too much. London still glowed with happiness.

  “I still can’t believe this,” Lana said as she kicked up her feet on the bed. “My baby sister’s actually getting married.”

  “Shoes off the bed, please,” London said as she fixed her long hair into princess curls.

  “You’re just the last person I would expect to settle down.”

  “I’m not settling.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  I looked at Lana and Jen. Both had lost the men in their lives. They were all examples of love gone wrong.

  “Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. You can land on your ass, or you could soar to the stars.”

  I smiled at her. She’d always be my hero with that go-getter attitude.

 
I’d had a few weeks of hanging around to find out why I hadn’t passed over. It seemed Remy had left something behind. Sara, another woman for whom love had gone wrong, spent a lot of time on her own in her room, mourning me, Remy, and Johnny’s lack of affection. She managed to prevent people feeling sorry for her by constantly lashing out, though, and never did anything by anyone else’s timetable. Not even on a wedding day.

  Pissed on London’s behalf, Jen forcefully dragged Sara out of her room by her arm.

  “Ouch! I’m pregnant, remember.”

  “Your arm’s not pregnant,” Jen replied, as they made their way to the vineyard. “Seven months and counting until I can kick your ass.”

  “Funny.”

  Sara sulked, but no longer dared to try upset my wife. It seemed like my death had given Jen a rod of iron, and I liked it. Leaving them to it, I went to see how the guys were getting on.

  Johnny was Jayden’s best man, looking tidier than I’d ever seen him as he sat by the altar. “Are you nervous?” he asked Jayden.

  “I could be asking you the same thing,” Jayden replied. “Are you truly prepared to leave everything behind?”

  “Technically, I’m not leaving everything behind. I’m staying right where I’m at. It’s everyone else who’s heading for Dakota.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I think you’ll miss everyone a lot more, since they’re your blood and all.”

  Jayden put his arm around Johnny. “I’ve lost a lot of people in my life—some by choice, several by fate. But the one idea that always kept my heart going was that no matter where I was, I had a family, be those people in my professional life, or be they my close friends. Plus, God will never leave you truly alone.”

  “Thank you.”

  We all watched as Jen and Sara took their seats. The ceremony was in the same location as for Sara and Johnny’s wedding, though with more flowers and decorations. The color palette was simply white to symbolize new beginnings. All of the wedding party wore white, as did the guests.

  The ceremony started with Izzy and Shauna as flower girls. Then London walked down the aisle, looking beautiful as always. I passed my hand through her shoulder.

  “I miss you,” I told her, wishing she could hear. “Please take care of my uncle and his family. I know you’ll be the wife and mother they deserve.”

  When she got to Jayden, she removed the pendant and they both held it.

  The elderly minister spoke into the microphone. “This dearly beloved couple would like to dedicate this day to a good friend, who has sadly passed on. He is the reason we’re gathered here today to unite these two extraordinary people in holy matrimony.”

  London and Jayden held the pendant throughout the ceremony, even as they exchanged their vows. Only when he put her ring on her finger did she put the pendant back around her neck.

  In that moment, I knew I wanted to stay. I didn’t care if that meant existing as a ghost, watching the world like a movie. I wanted, so badly, to know the next chapter. Even if this was no longer my story.

  Twenty-Seven

  I spent a little while flitting back and forth between Portland and my hometown, keeping an eye on Jen and Shauna, who’d moved in with my mom, on Sara, who’d started work at my hometown hospital, and on Johnny. It was fun yet frustrating watching them all from afar.

  Johnny stayed at the hospital, working with Leann, continuing to live in Jayden’s guesthouse all alone.

  “Hey, Sean,” he said as he came home from work.

  My jaw dropped. “You can still see me?”

  “Fuck Sean, how many times do we have to go over this? I can see all ghosts. I can see you, I can see Cam, I can see Izzy. I’m surprised I can’t see Remy.”

  “Only since Jen and Shauna left for home again,” I muttered. “Anyway, you can’t see Remy, because he found his fate,” I said, not knowing if it was entirely true. “So, what’s your fate? You can’t live in the guesthouse forever.”

  “And I’m not. Leann says I can move in with her.”

  “You and Leann?”

  “Not like that—just as lodger. She has a husband and three kids, but a huge house. Inherited, but expensive to keep up. They could do with the rent.”

  “You have to go back to North Dakota.”

  Johnny balled his fists. “I don’t want to go to North Dakota.”

  “Well, you can’t stay in Portland.”

  “Why the hell not?” Johnny seethed. “I have a job here, a life!”

  I gripped my head. “But you’re not happy here, even I can see that.” Seeing I was getting nowhere, I threw up my hands. “How goes the divorce proceedings?”

  “Lita Love’s been handling everything—right down to the mediation emails. Sara signed the papers, I’m a free man.” Johnny took off his shirt, staring down at his chest tattoo. “Mostly free, anyway.”

  I used my powers to turn on his laptop, opening it to Hotwire. “I think you need to pay a visit to Lita Love. Book yourself some tickets.”

  “Seriously, Sean?”

  “What?” I asked. “You prefer Expedia?”

  “You’re not gonna leave me alone, are you?”

  “Not a chance,” I said with a smile. “See you in L.A.”

  Eight days later, I watched over Johnny as he laid on the table at Sky Flower Tattoo. Lita, her hair pulled back, sketched out an image of a phoenix rising from a volcano. The volcano would start on Johnny’s hips, working up his ribs. The phoenix itself, flying across his chest, would perfectly obscure Sara’s declaration.

  “So, where’s Sara living?” Johnny asked.

  “She has an apartment near Fargo, I think,” Lita replied. “She wanted to go to Alaska, but I talked her out of it.”

  “How’s the baby?”

  “Remy’s baby?” Lita rolled her eyes. “Why do you care?”

  “I just wanted to know that she’s doing okay.” Johnny took a breath, and I held my hand over his heart to lend him my strength. “I made a promise to Sean to always watch over his family.”

  “That’s good of you.” Lita smiled slightly. “I’m sure they look forward to your telephone calls.”

  “Yeah, phone calls,” Johnny groaned.

  “What do you talk about?”

  “Mostly the past … the good, the bad, Sean …” Johnny glanced at me with a smirk. “And all our misadventures.”

  “But what do you talk about?”

  “They ask about my work, I mean …” His voice was breaking with emotion. “I work twelve-hour shifts, sixty to seventy hours a week. I have stories.”

  “I’m sure you do,” Lita said without emotion. I knew what she was trying to do. I only hoped it would finally work, coming from a living human being rather than a ghost. “What do you do on your free time? Do you still draw?”

  The question was innocent, but Johnny’s reaction was one of pure emotional pain. “What the fuck am I doing? I’m living like a hermit on the opposite side of the country. What do I have to show for it? All I do is put aside money for a future that won’t include my best friends.”

  “So why not just visit? Check in on Jen and little Shauna. I’m sure they’d love to see you.” Lita went back to her line work on the Phoenix wings.

  “And—no, I don’t draw anymore.” Johnny trembled slightly as Lita’s pen moved to cover the old lettering.

  “I know why it hurts. Sara hurt you really bad—she always did.”

  “I don’t know why I miss her so much.”

  Lita sighed. “Because you wanted her, you followed her to California, you worked your butt off to be the person you thought she deserved.”

  Johnny took a breath as Lita continued the tattoo. After a moment, he gave a crooked smile. “I’ve been in contact with my mother. She really wants me to go home.”

  What? Johnny hadn’t contacted his family in years.

  “And your mom’s asking you now? How come?”

  “The timing’s not a coincidence,” Johnny admitted.
“My mother told me Sara paid her a visit. Mom knows everything: about the wedding, the divorce, Sara and Remy … Did you know Sara’s keeping Remy’s ashes?”

  “No way.” Lita shook her head in dramatic disapproval, echoing my feelings exactly. “That’s just dark. Anyhow, how about you stand up and take a look at what we’ve done so far?”

  Johnny stood up and looked in the mirror. Even without all the coloring and shading, Sara’s words were completely covered. His body had been transformed. His grin was wonderful.

  “You look beautiful,” Lita said. “You look like you.”

  Johnny nodded. “Thank you.”

  He reached out for a hug, but Lita kissed his cheek, giggling. “I know it’s been a while since you worked here, but a hug’s not the best thing for a new tattoo.”

  “Sorry,” he said with a laugh.

  “Come back in a month and we’ll finish it.” She pulled off her plastic apron. “I’m taking a little comfort break, then I’ll be back to wrap you.”

  I waited for her to go out of the room before patting Johnny on the back. “It’s going to look awesome.” I had seen his banking info (perks of being a ghost) and he had more than enough saved for a plane ticket, the chance to become the person he was always meant to be. I was drafting mental notes on how I could make that my next pet project.

  Johnny looked at me with a smile, but suddenly his expression changed. “Hey bud, I think you’re needed.”

  I turned to see Cam standing behind me, and his expression was grim.

  Cam grabbed my arm. “We have to go.”

  I was teleported to a dark room. I looked around and saw an altar under a wood-carved crucified Jesus. This was a chapel. A very spartan one. “Cam? Where the hell are you?”

  From a distant corner I could hear voices, all male.

  “Why don’t we just do it … already?” The man sounded out of breath. “We snatch this guy from the medical ward only to drag him all the way to the chapel?”

  The other man groaned. “Everything needs to be according to plan if we want to get paid.”