Savior (An Impossible Novel)

by Sykes, Julia

  Clayton clutched me to him tighter. “It’s okay, Rose,” he reassured me, sounding alarmed. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

  That wasn’t true. He just didn’t realize it yet. My throat closed as my panic rose up in me, blocking my windpipe. I gasped, but I couldn’t draw any air into my lungs.

  “Breathe, Rose,” Clayton commanded, shaking me slightly. “Breathe.”

  But I couldn’t obey his order. He wasn’t my Master anymore. He would reject me now that he could see my true nature.

  “Get a medic down here now!” I heard Smith bark out. But I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t see anything. Darkness was rolling over me as my head spun. I threw myself into it, desperate to escape Clayton’s piercing blue eyes.

  I became aware of an insistent throbbing in my head, but it was more annoying than it was painful. Something was dulling my senses, making my limbs feel heavy and my mind fuzzy. But the throbbing was rousing me from sleep. I tried to ignore it. I couldn’t recall why, but I didn’t want to wake up, didn’t want to face reality.

  “Rose?” His voice was low and ragged. “Rose, are you awake?”

  No. Oh, no.

  My worst fears were confirmed when I opened my eyes to find Clayton sitting beside the unfamiliar bed I was lying on. The memories of his anger, of my unspeakable betrayal, came rushing back, shoving ruthlessly through the fog in my brain to race across my mind with sharp, horrifying clarity. He had come here to torment me, to tell me that I disgusted him and he didn’t love me anymore. I cringed away from him.

  “Rose.” Pain laced his tone as he said my name, and he reached for my hand. I jerked it back, a thin whine like the sound of a pained animal escaping me.

  Something akin to anguish flared in his eyes, and he withdrew his hand reluctantly. “It’s me, Rose,” he said gently, but there was an underlying strain in his voice. “It’s Clayton. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe now. They’re not going to touch you ever again.” A shadow of his earlier fury flickered across his face, and I couldn’t help shuddering.

  He reined it in with a visible effort, taking a deep breath and forcing his taut muscles to relax. But even when his expression softened, my pain at his presence was undiminished. I wanted desperately to get away from him, but my heavy limbs wouldn’t allow me to get two steps before he stopped me.

  “Please,” I begged in a strangled whisper. “Please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  His expression turned stony, and he grabbed my hands in his, his fingers curling around mine tightly so I couldn’t escape him. “Don’t pull away from me, Rose. You’re going to listen to me. And you’re going to understand.” His voice had that cool, assured quality to it that commanded my attention. His eyes burned down into mine with fervent sincerity. “I’m not going to hurt you. I will never hurt you. You have nothing to be sorry for. You’ve done nothing wrong. Those men touched you without your permission, and you’re not responsible for that.”

  “But I am!” I wailed, unable to bear his firm reassurance. He was mistaken. He didn’t understand. “I gave them my permission. I asked them for it because I’m… I’m a filthy slut.”

  I waited for his mouth to twist downward in disgust, but instead his expression was drawn and angry. “What have I told you about calling yourself that?” He demanded severely. “You are not a slut, Rose. And I will tan your hide so that you can’t sit for a week if I ever hear you say it again.”

  “You don’t understand,” I protested. Knowing that I was about to destroy his fierce faith in me made my heart shatter. But I couldn’t let him stay with me after what I had done to him. He deserved better than me. “I gave myself to them willingly. I wanted to please them.”

  Clayton’s brows drew together, but the repulsed expression that I was expecting still hadn’t registered. “Explain,” he demanded.

  “I… They were going to kill Greg. I couldn’t let them do that. I thought if I could make them happy, they would let him go and they would keep me alive. I thought I was buying time, that they wouldn’t hurt me as badly if I consented. I was wrong about that,” I ended in a broken whisper as I recalled how Ramirez had brutally shoved his fingers into me.

  Clayton’s grip on my hands tightened, and he let out a low growl. “If I didn’t love you so goddamn much, I would have killed your brother by now for what he’s done to you. As it is, I have to remind myself of it with every passing second to stop myself from going to his hospital room and beating the shit out of him.”

  He loves me? He was too good. I really didn’t deserve him.

  “How?” I asked, my voice barely audible. “How can you possibly say you love me after what I’ve done?”

  “I will always love you, Rose,” he promised fiercely. “Nothing you could ever say or do will change that. And something that is done to you by someone else sure as hell won’t change it.” Electric blue sparks crackled and popped in his gorgeous eyes as he stared down at me with a furious intensity, impressing his will upon me with the full power of his dominant aura. “You are going to listen to what I’m saying, Rose. I love you more deeply than I have ever loved anything or anyone else. And you are going to accept that. You’re going to believe it. I’m not giving you the option to do otherwise. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Master,” I whispered, automatically submitting to his control.

  “Tell me you love me,” he ordered. “And mean every word of it.”

  “I love you, Master,” I said, my voice ringing clear and true for the first time since I had awoken. “I love you, Clayton.”

  He lowered his face to mine, pausing when our lips were no more than a hair’s breadth apart. His hot breath fanned across my skin as he spoke in a deep, approving rumble. “That’s a good girl,” he praised before he brought his mouth down on mine. The kiss was tender and soft. I knew Clayton was being careful with me because I was hurt, but I craved more of him. My fingers curled around his shoulders as I pulled him down into me.

  But he had always been far stronger than I was, and I was unable to prevent him from pulling away from me slightly.

  “No, Rose,” he said softly. “You’re hurt.”

  “I know,” I said. “I need a painkiller.” I reached for him, but he evaded me. He tried to look stern, but I could see a hint of regret in his eyes.

  He gestured to the IV drip that was stuck into my arm. “You already have plenty of painkillers. But I can get you more if you want them.”

  He reached for the nurse’s call button, but I grabbed his wrist to stop him. “No!” I cried, suddenly panicky. I didn’t want to leave him again. Not when I had just gotten him back. “I don’t want to sleep. I want to stay with you.”

  There was a soft knock on the open door, and I looked up to find Smith standing at the threshold to my room. He was holding a bouquet of roses and smiling at me softly. “Mind if I join you?” He asked.

  Smith. At the sight of him, I suddenly recalled his presence in the basement, the screams of my tormentors as they writhed on the floor. I couldn’t suppress a shiver at the memory, and Clayton stroked his thumb over the back of my hand to soothe me.

  Smith looked uncertain at my reaction, but I didn’t want him to leave. “Don’t go,” I said, my tone a touch pleading.

  His gentle smile returned as he entered and settled himself down in a chair on the other side of my bed. “I’m not going anywhere unless you ask me to,” he assured me.

  “Thanks,” I said softly, enveloped by a warm, safe feeling as the two powerful Doms watched over me. I knew nothing bad could happen to me so long as they were by my sides.

  But now that I had overcome the hurdle of thinking that Clayton hated me, questions began to buzz through my fuzzy mind. “How did you find me?” I asked. I had thought locating me would be impossible.

  Clayton looked slightly reticent, but Smith answered me smoothly. “Mr. Stickler here is hesitant to break the rules,” he jerked his head in Clayton’s direction. “But everyone
’s used to me not giving a shit about the rules, so I’ll probably be able to get away with telling you this.” He fixed me with a serious look. “But it is classified, Rose, and if it leaves this room an agent’s life will be at stake. You can never talk about this to anyone.”

  I nodded my understanding. “I won’t. I promise.”

  “Santiago – the man who tried to stop those motherfuckers from hurting you – is one of ours. He’s been in deep cover with Los Muertos for over a year now. He risked his life by going into unstable Furiosos territory in order to locate you. As soon as he was able to get word to us about where you were being held, we came for you.” His expression was slightly pained. “I’m just sorry we didn’t get there sooner.”

  I dropped my eyes. “You got there in time,” I said quietly. “I… They didn’t…” I trailed off, unable to force out a description of the terrible things those men had wanted to do to me.

  Smith’s jaw tightened. “I know they didn’t,” he said angrily. “But it still wasn’t soon enough. I saw the recording.”

  My stomach clenched painfully, and I shot a terrified look at Clayton. Oh, god. Had he seen…?

  “I didn’t watch it, Rose,” he reassured me. He glanced over at his friend. “Smith wouldn’t let me.”

  “Believe me,” Smith said, “I’m going to have more than enough nightmares for the both of us after seeing that.” His hands were clenched into fists, but his eyes were haunted.

  “What did you do to them?” I asked quietly. “I heard gunshots and screaming.”

  “I didn’t do enough,” Smith said roughly. “Clayton was more vicious than I was for once. I shattered the leg of the guy who was holding you, but Clayton shot the other one’s dick off. Neither of them bled out, but I’m pretty sure Ramirez’s time served will be short and incredibly painful.” His mouth was twisted in grim satisfaction, and he was looking at Clayton with respect.

  I nodded sharply. “That’s good to hear.” And I meant it. I wasn’t a violent person, but that demon of a man deserved everything he had coming to him.

  But the sharp movement sent pain spiking through my skull, and I cried out as I clutched my pounding head.

  Something warm and wonderful oozed into my veins, and I dropped my hands from my face in puzzlement. I saw that Smith was holding down the button that dispensed my pain medication.

  “Hey!” I protested. “You can’t do that!” But my words were slurred as my tongue suddenly felt thick and unwieldy in my mouth.

  Smith just shrugged, not looking apologetic in the slightest. “I just did,” he informed me coolly.

  My body became wonderfully light, and the bed fell away from beneath me, leaving me floating on warm, fluffy clouds. My vision began to waver at the edges, and Clayton’s face blurred. I panicked. I didn’t want to lose sight of him. I didn’t want to be alone.

  I tried to reach for him, but my hand barely twitched. A low, frustrated sound fought its way up my throat.

  He was by my side in an instant, his face hovering just over mine. “It’s okay, Rose,” he reassured me. “You can sleep. I’m not going anywhere. I love you so much.”

  I love you too.

  The world was a blur of shifting colors, but the multifaceted shades of his cerulean eyes were sharp and clear. I surrendered to the drugs as I allowed myself to fall into their blue depths, where no pain could ever possibly exist.

  Epilogue

  Clayton

  One Month Later

  Claudia was undeniably beautiful in her floor-length, form-fitting white gown, her beatific expression as she stared up into Sean’s eyes only making her all the more breathtaking. I was standing at the altar, listening to the sweet, sincere vows she made to Sean and those he made to her in return. They were looking at one another as though no one else existed in the world as they pledged themselves to each other forever.

  But I only noticed this with part of my mind, because I was staring at Rose with the same fervent light where she sat with the congregation. Trapped in the intensity of my gaze, I saw her blush slightly. Her eyes were shining as she was caught up in the palpable joy that filled the small chapel. She was the most heartbreakingly exquisite thing I had ever seen.

  The service ended, and Rose cheered and whistled alongside everyone else as Claudia and Sean ran through the rose petals their guests tossed at them. Sean’s grin was wide and almost boyish as he was completely possessed by the perfection of his happiness. And Claudia’s answering grin was just as silly.

  Only a few weeks ago, the sight of their happiness would have stirred up jealousy that I would have had to ruthlessly tamp down. But now that I had Rose in my life, I could fully appreciate the insurmountable depth of their feelings for one another. Because I felt exactly the same way about her. She had blown into my life like the force of nature she was, turning my world and all of my preconceived notions about myself upside down. Before I had known her, I had lived every day with the weight of what had happened to Jen, struggling down my path to redemption that I knew would never have an end. I had allowed myself to become consumed by the need to make up for what I had done to her, and I had allowed my life to stall out because of it.

  But Rose hadn’t given up on me, and even when she was deeply hurt by the thought that I saw Jen every time I looked at her, she had forced me to see that I wasn’t responsible. I hadn’t even been aware of what a heavy burden I had been carrying all those years until the weight of it was lifted from me. Rose’s refusal to allow me to continue blaming myself had freed me to be the person I was supposed to be, to live the life I had been meant to live.

  And now I fully intended to live it with her.

  An hour later, the sultry sound of Etta James singing “At Last” surged around us as we danced, Rose’s body pressed so tightly against mine that it was almost obscene. But I didn’t care. Hell, I wanted people to see. She was mine and no one else’s. Unless I decided to share her.

  Her delicious, sweet scent surrounded me. She always smelled positively edible. It took all of my willpower to stop myself from wrapping her hair around my fist and holding her where I wanted her so I could plunder her mouth in an effort to consume her. But now wasn’t the time for that. This was Sean and Claudia’s night. I could devour Rose after the reception was over.

  In moments like this, I was struck by the incredible changes that Rose had wrought within me. No. That wasn’t right. She hadn’t changed me. She had shown me an integral, essential part of me that I had never allowed myself to recognize, just as I had done for her. If someone had told me two months ago that I would own a beautiful submissive and be frequenting BDSM clubs, I would have politely told them they were batshit insane. But now nothing felt more natural or perfect than controlling Rose’s body, than earning her sweet submission. I was overawed every time she willingly placed herself at my mercy, trusting me completely. The feeling was both heady and deeply passionate on a level that transcended physical pleasure. Although the physical pleasure itself was pretty fucking phenomenal.

  The song ended, but I didn’t let Rose go.

  “Hey, Clayton. Do you think you could stop dry-humping Rose for long enough for me to get a chance to talk to her?”

  I laughed and pulled away from Rose, but I kept my arm firmly around her waist where she stood at my side. “Okay,” I told Claudia. “But you’re only getting away with that because you’re the bride.”

  She grinned at me. “Yes, I am. And as the bride, I demand to be allowed to talk to your girlfriend, if you can manage to let her go for more than thirty seconds.” She turned her smile on Rose. “I’m pretty pissed at him for not bringing you to Indianola sooner. I hear all of these great things over the phone, but then he keeps turning me down every time I invite the two of you to come over for the weekend.”

  “Really?” Rose asked, shooting me a disapproving look. “I had no idea. It must have slipped Clayton’s mind to ask whether or not I wanted to come.”

  “It didn’t slip my mind,”
I shrugged. “I just thought you would want to stay focused on Greg and on your first semester at school.”

  I did my best to hide my disgust at the mention of Greg. He had gotten through rehab, and once he was clean he had been able to testify against Los Furiosos. The fact that he had helped us to eradicate one of the tribes of the Latin Kings did little to dilute my distaste for him. But despite what he had put her through, Rose still loved him fiercely, so I would put up with him for her sake. That didn’t mean I had to like him, though.

  “Rose is on a full scholarship at the Fashion Institute of Technology,” I told Claudia proudly, deciding to focus on the positive.

  Claudia rolled her eyes at me. “Yes, I know. You’ve told me that a time or twenty.” But her exasperation melted when she turned her smile on Rose. “Congratulations! That is seriously awesome. Do you think I would be able to see any of your designs? Do you have a website or something?”

  “You’re looking at one right now,” I told her. Even though Rose had said she was trying to wear something understated so that she wouldn’t compete with Claudia, she still looked stunning in her indigo silk cocktail dress. The color highlighted the dark blue rings that surrounded her irises, making her remarkable ice green eyes pop.

  “Wow!” Claudia said, sounding truly impressed. “You made this? I am so raiding your closet the next time Sean and I are in New York.”

  Rose smiled at her, blushing slightly at the praise. She still wasn’t used to people being impressed with her designs. “No closet raiding will be necessary,” she assured Claudia. “I’ll make something for you.”

  “Really?” Claudia’s eyes widened slightly. “That would be amazing. You really don’t have to do that. I know how busy you are.”

  “I’m happy to do it,” Rose assured her.

  “You’ve been gone a long time, beautiful. I was worried you might have run off.” Sean’s arm snaked around Claudia’s waist as he pulled her tightly up against him.

  “Did you hear that?” She asked him. “America’s Next Top Designer is going to make something just for me.” She arched up onto her tiptoes and planted a swift kiss on his cheek. “And running would be futile. You would catch me in a heartbeat.”