Soul Mates

by Jeane Watier

  “Jace, don’t blame yourself,” Cassandra admonished softly, still holding her aunt’s hand and rubbing her arm. “You couldn’t have known.”

  “I did; I felt it,” he acknowledged bitterly. “I felt it in my gut, and I didn’t listen.”

  Cassandra looked up at him again. This time, with compassion in her eyes. She was about to say something when the paramedics burst through the door. She stepped back to where Jace was standing, and the two looked at each other silently.

  “She’s strong,” Cassandra encouraged. “She’ll be all right.” The confident-sounding words couldn’t hide the fear in her voice.

  Jace wanted to believe it, but he was struggling. I’m so sorry, Sophie, he breathed as he watched them carry her from the room.

  CHAPTER 14

  CASSANDRA STAYED by her aunt’s side in the ambulance, while Jace and Trevor both drove to the hospital. She didn’t let go of the frail woman’s hand, wanting her to know she wasn’t alone. A troubled look at the paramedic conveyed the question on her mind.

  “She’s stable,” he informed her, “but extremely weak. The oxygen is helping, but the sooner we can get her to the hospital, the better.”

  A slight squeeze of her hand made Cassandra turn back to her aunt. The woman’s eyes were open, and she looked as though she wanted to speak. The attendant removed the mask from her face. “Cassandra,” she smiled weakly. “How lovely to see you.”

  “Aunt Sophia,” Cassandra advised gently, “don’t try to talk. You’re on the way to the hospital, but you’re going to be all right. We can visit later…once you’re feeling stronger.”

  “No, dear,” she insisted, her voice so low that Cassandra had to put her ear close to Sophia’s face. “I have some things I want to tell you.”

  “Yes, Aunt Sophia, I know,” she assured her. “We’ll have plenty of time for that.”

  “You’ll know what’s right for you by how you feel,” Sophia continued, straining to lift her head. “You have an internal guidance system. We all do. Keep following what feels good, and don’t give up.” She lay back and closed her eyes, exhausted by the effort.

  “Don’t you give up either, Aunt Sophia,” Cassandra implored, willing her to be all right.

  The old woman opened her eyes again. This time the struggle was gone, and she had such a look of joy and contentment on her face that Cassandra could only stare at her in wonder. All at once she realized what was happening. “Don’t go,” she cried. “Please don’t go.”

  “I’ll always be with you, dear,” Sophia smiled. “We’ll have some tea.”

  With that, she closed her eyes and took her last breath. Sophia was gone. Hot tears streaked Cassandra’s face as she continued to hold her aunt’s hand.

  AS JACE ARRIVED at the hospital, he watched for Cassandra and Trevor. When he didn’t see them, he went to the front desk to inquire about Sophie. A nurse directed him to the emergency waiting room and told him to have a seat. He wasn’t family, so he couldn’t be with her, but he longed to know how she was. With a heavy heart, he attempted to pray. It was a pathetic effort, being his first time. He hadn’t even prayed when his own father died. Never before had he felt so responsible for someone’s life, and he couldn’t stop beating himself up for not listening to his gut.

  “Not everything is as it seems, Jace.”

  He heard Sophie’s voice in his head as clearly as if she were with him, and in his distraught state he answered her. But if I hadn’t left you alone…

  “I’ll be all right. Don’t you worry; I’m just fine.”

  Though the conversation wasn’t real, it comforted him. He sat back, closed his eyes, and began to imagine her well. He pictured her in her little kitchen, humming, putting on a pot of tea. But when he tried to see her smiling face, the image of her lying pale and unconscious dominated his mind. Then he had an idea. Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, he found the picture he’d taken of her earlier. She was smiling. He had perfectly captured the sweet old woman he’d come to know. It was exactly how he wanted to remember her, and suddenly he was glad to have that keepsake. Just in case…

  He looked up to see Cassandra walking toward him. She was crying, and he didn’t have to ask why. A chill rifled through his body as the truth hit him. Sophie had died. Cassandra walked straight into his arms, and he held her tightly, needing as much as offering comfort. They stood silently for several minutes. When Trevor joined them, they both turned to him, still holding each other.

  “I called Mother and Dad; they’re on their way,” he informed them solemnly.

  Jace remembered all too well the feeling that followed his father’s passing—that helpless, ‘what do we do now’ feeling. After waiting, worrying, and praying, there was nothing to do but go home. The thought left him deflated. Going back to the apartment building, knowing he’d never see Sophie again, was too weird at the moment. He considered going for a drive, but that too was a distressing thought since the car belonged to her. Instead, he addressed Cassandra and Trevor. “Do you guys want to go for a drink or something?” He didn’t feel like being alone, and they were the only ones that could relate to the sorrow he was experiencing.

  “Thanks, anyway, but I’m going back to the Town House.” Trevor addressed Cassandra. “Why don’t you and Jace go? I’ll see you at home later.” He kissed her cheek and left them alone, not waiting for a response from his sister.

  “Are you okay?” Jace asked.

  “I’ve never seen anyone die before.” Her eyes filled with tears again.

  Jace kept his arm around Cassandra as they walked to the car. She seemed fragile, and the intimacy helped soothe his sadness as well. Before he opened the door for her, he took her in his arms again. He wasn’t thinking, merely responding, doing what felt right. There would be time for regrets in the following days. For now he didn’t care.

  CASSANDRA’S TEARS flowed unrestricted. Being in Jace’s arms soothed her. He was the only one she wanted to be with. He understood; he could relate. She went with him, not knowing or caring where they were going as long as they were together. He took her to a little bar she wasn’t familiar with. It was dark and nearly deserted that time of day, and he led her to a booth in the back. They both released a sigh as they sat down across from each other.

  “You said you knew,” Cassandra said after wiping her eyes. “How? Did she say anything unusual?”

  “Sophie was always saying unusual stuff,” he laughed, easing his pain slightly. “A couple days ago, I…I just wanted her to know how much I appreciated her. I was joking when I said, ‘What would I do without you?’ She gave me this serious look and said, ‘You’ll be fine.’ I got a weird feeling then.

  “And again, this morning…,” Jace continued, picturing Sophie in his mind. “She looked…I don’t know…kinda sweet…all dressed up. She had jewelry on,” he frowned. “I’ve never seen her wear any before. And then I was so late picking her up…” The painful sting of guilt swept in, nearly overwhelming him.

  “What happened after you picked her up?” Cassandra prompted.

  “I had to look for her. She wasn’t where we agreed to meet. When I found her, she looked really pale. Once we got back to the apartment, she insisted she was fine…and she did look a little better. Said she just needed to rest. Still, I had that feeling in my gut again.” He shook his head.

  “Jace.” Cassandra reached across the table and took his hand. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault.”

  “When did she die?” For some reason he needed to know the details.

  “In the ambulance,” she replied softly. “She came to, though. She talked to me.”

  “What did she say?”

  “It didn’t make much sense.” She tried to recall what her aunt had said. “And it took so much of her strength. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again she had the most amazing smile on her face. She looked absolutely peaceful, and that’s when I knew she was going to die. I begged her not to,�
�� Cassandra sniffed. “I guess that was selfish of me. She just smiled…and told me…she’d always be with me.” Cassandra could barely finish; she was overcome with emotion. “She said…we’ll have some…tea.”

  Jace moved to sit with her. His arms were around her and his breath warm on her shoulder. She felt a strange mix of grief and glory. Watching her aunt die had been heart wrenching. Being in Jace’s arms was wonderfully soothing. After several minutes, she noticed the drinks in front of them. “Thanks.” She took a sip, wanting to gain her composure.

  Aware that she must look a mess, she excused herself to go to the washroom. When she returned, Jace had moved to the other side of the booth. She slipped in across from him and smiled. He was looking at something on his cell phone with a sad grin on his face. Handing her the phone, he remarked, “I took this a couple of hours before she died.”

  “She looks happy,” Cassandra noted. “It’s hard to believe she’s gone.” The tears had run their course for the time being, and she felt mellow. “At least I got to say goodbye.”

  “I was there when my dad died.” Jace spoke after a few minutes. “He was in a coma; most of his organs had shut down. We made the decision to take him off life support. Mom and I watched the machines as his heart rate got slower and slower and finally stopped. We said goodbye then, but it felt like he was already gone long before that.”

  “I met your mom,” she inserted, not sure if it was the best time to bring it up, yet wanting to know where they stood. “She’s nice.”

  Cassandra saw him stiffen. His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched as he shook his head. “It won’t work,” he said simply. “…you and me.”

  His words were like daggers. Cassandra wanted to argue, yet something made her hesitate. Ultimately, she knew that trying to persuade him wouldn’t be the best course of action. He had to want to be with her. He had to believe it could work. Still, she needed to know the truth, needed to see it in his eyes. “Is that what you want, Jace?”

  “IT DOESN’T MATTER what I want.” As Jace heard himself say it, Sophie’s words filled his mind.

  “You can have anything you want. You get to choose. It’s up to you.”

  He ignored the advice, ignored the uncanny sense that he was actually hearing the old woman’s voice. He was sure that the decision he was making was the only viable one. “We can’t see each other. There’s no sense fooling ourselves. We’d both end up getting hurt.”

  She was quiet for several long minutes. After taking a slow sip of her drink, she looked at him. Jace couldn’t tell what she was thinking, couldn’t tell if the sadness in her eyes was a result of the pronouncement he’d just made or the loss she’d suffered.

  “I can live with that, Jace.” The steadiness of her voice didn’t match the tension on her brow, or the beseeching look in her eyes. “I’ll have to live with it. But please tell me the truth. Is that what you really want?”

  God, why is she doing this to me? He reached for his drink, downed half, and then did not what he wanted but what he needed to do. “Yes, Cassandra.” He forced himself to look her in the eye to reinforce his words. “That’s what I want.”

  CASSANDRA TOOK a cab home from the bar, crying most of the way. She’d just lost her beloved aunt, but her tears were for Jace, for what might have been. Her friends would tell her she was better off without him. Her father would tell her not to worry; she’d meet someone new. But she didn’t want pat answers; she wanted Jace. Unfortunately, he didn’t want her.

  Trevor would understand her pain. She was glad to find him alone in the garden. He looked up as she walked toward him. Rather than waiting for an explanation he met her with a hug.

  “I take it things didn’t go well.”

  “He doesn’t believe it can work; he doesn’t even want to try.”

  “He loves you,” Trevor contended.

  Cassandra frowned at her brother. “How do you know that?”

  “I could see it in his eyes. He cares very deeply.”

  “But I asked him,” Cassandra insisted. “When he said it wouldn’t work, I asked him if that’s what he really wanted.” Emotion welled up again. “Trev…he looked at me…he looked me in the eye and said yes.”

  Trevor didn’t answer. He held her and let her cry.

  The tears were a release; they served her in the moment, yet she needed to pull herself together. It wouldn’t be easy; life felt overwhelming. She willed for strength, the kind of strength she’d seen in her aunt. Sophia hadn’t let herself be beaten down by life’s pain and disappointment. She’d held on to what she believed and had found happiness because of it. Ultimately, Cassandra knew she possessed the same ability, and it seemed that life was giving her an opportunity to prove it.

  AFTER CASSANDRA LEFT, Jace called Chad. By the time his friend arrived, Jace was feeling immune to the thoughts that had been tormenting him.

  Chad sat down across from him and immediately inquired, “Are you okay, man?”

  “A few more of these, and I’ll be fine,” Jace smiled as he downed the last of his drink.

  “I think we should get you home.”

  “No.” Jace shook his head adamantly. “I don’t want to go there yet.”

  “Why?” Chad looked surprised. “What happened?”

  “Sophie died.”

  “Jeez, I’m sorry.” Chad sounded sincere as he tried to comfort his friend. “But…she was really old, wasn’t she? I mean…everybody’s gotta go sometime.”

  “It’s not just that. Cassandra was there.”

  “So?” Chad gave him a questioning shrug. “What happened? I thought you didn’t want anything to do with her after you found out she lied.”

  Jace told him about their little tryst at the beach. Then he told Chad what he’d learned from his mom.

  “Man,” Chad laughed. “That chick is messing with your head. You’ve gotta get over her.”

  “I know.”

  “You’re welcome to hang out at my place for a few days. The couch is yours if you want it.”

  “Sure,” Jace smiled weakly. “Thanks, buddy.”

  CASSANDRA HAD gained a measure of self-control by the time her parents arrived home, but relaying the details of Sophia’s death triggered the tears again. This time, however, they were tears of sorrow for her departed aunt.

  “It was so sudden,” she sniffed. She and her father had found solace in the living room while her mother went to check on the household affairs.

  “She didn’t suffer,” Richard offered. “We can be thankful for that.”

  “I know. You’re right,” Cassandra agreed. “Plus, she’d want us to be happy for her, not sad. I know it’s selfish, but I was just getting to know her, and she was telling me all these wonderful truths. It doesn’t feel like we were done.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When I first went to visit her, she said not to worry about her because she still had things to do before she went. Then she started telling me about five principles she lived her life by. She wanted me to write them down, but I only got to hear three of them.”

  “Are you sure?” her father asked. “Could she have combined some of them?”

  “She was quite clear about it and only ever mentioned one at a time. The first was at her apartment,” Cassandra reflected. “The second was here at the Town House. And the third was at the beach last week.”

  She was quiet for a moment, contemplating, when suddenly it became clear. “Wait a minute,” she exclaimed. “In the ambulance…Sophia said she had more to tell me. I thought she was confused. I told her not to talk, to save her strength, but she insisted.”

  “What did she say?”

  Cassandra had to think. So much had taken place in just a few hours; it seemed like days. “She mentioned a guidance system. Yes,” Cassandra nodded. “She said we all have an internal guidance system. She told me to follow what feels good; that’s how I can know what’s right for me. That must be the fourth principle!”

  Thou
gh the clarity of the revelation brought her joy, it was quickly followed by dismay. “But now I’ll never know what the fifth one is,” she sighed. “And without that, how will I know what I’m supposed to do with the information?”

  “Maybe she left a clue,” Trevor interjected as he walked in on their conversation. “A letter or something.”

  “Yes,” Richard agreed. “We might find something when we go through her belongings.”

  Her apartment. The thought of going back left Cassandra feeling raw. The memory of her aunt lying on the bed, barely breathing, was one she’d rather forget. And knowing Jace lived in the same building made her cringe inwardly. Seeing him again would be too painful. Without sharing her concerns she responded, “It’s possible, I guess. She might have left something there.”

  “Besides, kitten.” Her father reached for her hand. “What you’ve learned from your aunt is invaluable. What you saw in her, the example she set. That makes it all worthwhile, doesn’t it?”

  He was right. It was more than the words Cassandra had written down. It was seeing firsthand the example of a life well lived. Getting to know her great aunt in the past weeks had already changed her in countless ways. For that, she would always be grateful.

  CHAPTER 15

  JACE SLEPT until noon the next day. Waking up in Chad’s living room, he was disoriented for a moment, until the events of the previous day sifted back into his consciousness. He heard a noise and turned to see his friend in the kitchen.

  “Want something to eat?” Chad offered. “I’ve got scrambled eggs and bacon happening here.”

  Jace was hungry, but he’d learned from experience that Chad’s cooking wasn’t something to look forward to. ‘Scrambled’ was the only thing Chad knew how to do with an egg, and shells weren’t always excluded from the mix. Bacon usually came burnt or so saturated in oil that it was inedible. “No thanks, buddy,” he declined politely. “I have to get Sophie’s car.” He vaguely recalled leaving it at the bar and coming back with Chad.