Pelvic Flaws (An American in the UK Book 2)

by Nikki Ashton

  “I don’t care, I’ve got romances to read. I do not want to read a book called ‘Potting the Brown’.”

  I burst out laughing. “And Belinda says she’s not into anal.”

  “Exactly, dirty bitch. Anyway, what can I do for you, if it’s not about the book?”

  I couldn’t help the huge smile that spread across my face, and yet I had no reason for it being there. It wasn’t like he’d asked me out on a date or anything.

  “I met someone,” I squealed.

  “Shut the front door,” Mandy gasped. “Have you shagged him?”

  “No, and it’s not like that.”

  “So what’s it like. You’ve met someone and he’s got you all excited, so it must be like that.”

  I let out a long exhale. She was going to think I was pathetic. Thinking about it, I actually was.

  “Actually, Mandy, I shouldn’t have called you. I’m being an idiot.”

  “Why? If you like him, of course you’d want to share it with your friend.”

  I heard a door close on the other end and knew Mandy was getting comfy for the long haul.

  “Where did you meet him?” she asked.

  “The pizza place.”

  “So was it lust at first sight? Did he ask you out over the salad bar?”

  I grimaced and made a little whiney noise. “Not exactly. It was the takeaway pizza place for a start.”

  “Okay, not very classy, but I’ll go with it. So, did you ask him out?”

  “No.” I took a deep breath. “We barely spoke really. He picked my Vagisoothe cream up from the floor, shook my hand, and then went home to eat a nine-inch Meat Feast.”

  “No wonder you barely spoke if he saw you were carrying that around with you.”

  “It was the bloody tube you gave me. Anyway, he was lovely about it,” I protested.

  “Okay, and even though you didn’t really chat, he’s got you all excited.”

  “Yes, that’s about it,” I sighed. “He was friendly and nice to me.”

  “He had to have done something more than be friendly and nice to get you this dreamy.”

  I thought about it and envisioned Dex’s gorgeous smile as we chatted. “No, he didn’t. He was just so…” I searched for the right word. “Magnetic. I feel totally winded by him.”

  “Wow,” Mandy sighed. “And you didn’t even get a chance to chomp down on his nine-inch meat feast.”

  “No, like I said, he took it home.”

  “Oh Katie,” Mandy groaned. “You seriously need to get some cock soon. You’ve turned into a virginal schoolgirl since you and Carl split up.”

  I thought about what she’d just said and gasped. “Mandy! You have no idea whether he’s packing nine inches.”

  “Did you not have a look?”

  I thought back to when I had my head between his legs and grinned.

  “You’re definitely wrong about the nine inches,” I giggled. “I’d say it was more like twelve.”

  “So you did look, you dirty girl.” Mandy started to laugh. “We need to find out more about him. Maybe do some social media stalking.”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “No way. It was a chance meeting and he was gorgeous, and even though I’ll never see him again it was lovely to actually feel something. To feel that little buzz in my stomach and a tingle in my vagina. The fact that he actually talked to me and smiled at me was enough. So no, we will not be stalking him.”

  “Are you sure? I’d be really discreet.”

  “Nope. Thank you anyway, but it was my own little brief encounter and I’m happy with that.” I closed my eyes and rested my head back on my pillows. “He made me feel like a woman again and that’s fine.”

  “You’ve never stopped being a woman my love. You just let your divorce convince you otherwise.”

  “I know,” I sighed. “But it was lovely to realise it.”

  “Okay,” Mandy sighed. “And you’re sure you won’t change your mind about me checking out his social media?”

  I wouldn’t change my mind, because while meeting Dex had been lovely, I knew he wouldn’t look twice at a forty-five-year-old, menopausal woman with three kids. I mean, why would he?

  Dex

  As I threw the half-eaten pizza away, I couldn’t help but smile as I thought of Katie. Specifically, Katie on her hands and knees. Then when I thought about Katie on her knees, a bare ass stuck in the air came to mind.

  I rubbed a hand over my face and gave my head a little shake. I was not having fucking dirty thoughts about a woman I’d met for the sum total of fifteen minutes. No, my concentrations would be on Debbie, in twenty-four hours and with some luck, it would be her bare ass in the air. Katie was pretty cute though, it had to be said.

  “How’ve you been?” Debbie asked, as she slipped into the passenger seat of my car the next evening. “It’s been ages.”

  She leaned across the seat and kissed the corner of my mouth. When she went to pull away, I lifted my hand and cradled the back of her head.

  “Hey, that’s not a kiss.”

  I kissed her long and hard, and it was pretty good. I didn’t think either of us got the old butterflies from each other, but we always had a good time.

  “Hmm,” Debbie moaned, when I finally took my lips off hers. “Great to see you too.”

  I grinned and ran a thumb slowly along my lips. “You ready to eat?”

  Debbie looked at me with her head tilted to one side. “Yeah, okay,” she said, sounding a little unsure.

  I knew why; we never ate first. I’d usually pick her up, take her back to my place, fuck her to exhaustion, and then order some take out to be delivered. Tonight though, I kinda felt like I wanted to do things differently. I liked Debbie a hell of a lot, but that crazy need to get her into bed wasn’t there like it usually was.

  “Just thought it’d be nice if I actually took you to a restaurant, instead of eating at my breakfast bar.”

  Debbie gave me a wary smile and nodded. “Okay.”

  I felt like I should say something else but I didn’t want to have a conversation about it, because I had no idea what to say. I guess I could have reassured her nothing had changed, that I just wanted to do something different, but I wasn’t real sure that was my reasoning. Trouble was, I didn’t know what was.

  “I booked Mexican, I know you like that,” I said, putting the car into gear.

  “Lovely.”

  Debbie flashed me a smile, but it wasn’t her face splitting, ear to ear one she usually gave me.

  “So, what you been up to?” I asked. “How’s your mom doing?”

  I thought if I bombarded her with questions it might steal away the uneasy atmosphere in the car. Debbie told me all her news and that her mom was suffering with a cold, and slowly, we fell back into our usual, easy friendship.

  “How’s business doing?” she asked, swivelling in her seat.

  “It’s good. Nate is getting real busy. I’m glad I decided to take him on.”

  Nate, my piercer, was a fairly new member of the team, but he’d more than paid his worth in his first three months working for me. It seemed piercings went alongside tattoos these days – folks got one, they tended to get the other too.

  “You had any piercings, since we last met up?” Debbie asked, with a tinkling laugh.

  I shook my head. “Nope, and despite Nate getting on my back all the time, he’s not touching my fucking junk.”

  I cringed at the thought of it. I had two sleeves and most of my torso was tatted, but having some bar pushed through my bell end was not going to happen. Maybe if I’d been twenty years younger, I’d have been up for it – the confidence of youth and all that, but at forty-six I was happy with what I had down there. I hadn’t had any complaints since I’d started getting it wet at the age of sixteen, so it could stay unadorned.

  “Not even a little ring here?” Debbie reached forward and tweaked my nipple through my navy dress shirt. “Something I can tug on.”

  I fla
shed her a grin. “Nope darlin’, it ain’t happening.”

  We fell into silence again, but this time it was more comfortable, with Debbie humming along to the radio and me tapping the steering wheel in time to the music. We were almost at the restaurant when traffic started to slow.

  “It’s busy for a Saturday night,” Debbie said.

  “Yeah.” I craned up, trying to see what the problem was. “More likely someone’s probably had a fender bash.”

  We’d been sitting for a couple of minutes with the traffic not moving, when the honking of the horns started. Some dick heads even leaving their hand on theirs for longer than a quick couple of toots.

  “Fuck this,” I groaned, undoing my belt. “I’m going to go check it out. I’ll be back in a few.”

  “Okay, but if it’s someone with road rage, leave them to it,” Debbie said, her voice full of concern.

  “I’ll be careful, don’t worry.”

  I got out, pushed my door closed and started to walk up the road alongside the four or so cars in front of me, and immediately saw bright orange lights flashing away. Someone had broken down and by the looks of it, no one was trying to help them.

  “Miserable fuckers,” I moaned, looking into one car to see a young guy about to blast his horn. I banged on the window.

  “What?” he asked, after winding it down.

  “You think you could give the horn a rest. Someone’s obviously broken down, you blasting that ain’t going to move things along any quicker.”

  He curled his lip and scoffed. “I have to be somewhere.”

  “Don’t we all, and I’m guessing the poor fucker who’s broken down does too, so cut them some slack.”

  Without waiting to hear what he had to say, I carried on walking until I came to a car that although clean and had a decent paint job, was obviously pretty old according to its plate and shape. Inside someone was turning the engine over, but all it was doing was wheezing out a cough and refusing to get going.

  I was about to knock on the driver’s window, when I saw it was open. Stooping down I looked inside.

  “You need some help?”

  It was at the moment a blonde head turned and looked at me with pleading, pale blue eyes, that those crazy butterflies decided to make an appearance.

  “Katie?”

  “Oh, Dex,” she gasped. “Thank God. Do you think you could help me push this piece of shit to the side of the road please?”

  I looked back at the line of cars behind her and felt the need to go kick every damn one of them. Could they not see she’d broken down and needed help? Fuckers.

  “Sure, darlin’. You take it out of gear and steer towards the side of the road.”

  “Don’t you need me to help push?” she asked, unfastening her belt.

  “You stay there. I’ll be one minute.” I winked at her and held up a finger, before turning and going back to the little douche I’d spoken to.

  “Hey you,” I said, as he lowered his window on my insistence. “Get your ass out of that car and help me push the lady’s broken down vehicle out of the way.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me,” I growled. “About time you used the manners I’m sure your momma taught you.”

  I strode away, expecting him to follow me; if he didn’t I’d be back, banging on his window. When I heard a car door slam, I knew I’d succeeded.

  As we reached Katie’s car, I nodded for him to take the rear end while I pushed from the front passenger side. To be fair to him, he just nodded and moved to the trunk.

  “Katie, darlin’,” I said through the window. “You wanna open the passenger window so I can push from that side.”

  She nodded and rolled down the window while I walked around the front of the car. When I got to my position, I threw the douche a glare.

  “You should have fucking offered to do this before now.”

  He looked as though he was going to say something, but evidently changed his mind and turned to put his hands on the car. I knew he’d probably hurt his back doing it that way, but there was no way I was going to tell him – muscular pain was the least he deserved.

  Within a couple of minutes we had Katie’s car parked up at the side of the road on a grass verge, allowing the traffic to continue on past. The douche didn’t hang around, but jogged back to his car without saying anything.

  “Thank you so much,” Katie said, sounding pretty stressed. “It just died on me and everyone kept beeping and shouting obscenities at me. I did try and push it myself, but it wouldn’t budge.”

  “You didn’t have it in gear did you?” I asked with a laugh, breathing a little heavy from the strain.

  Katie’s eyes widened as she sucked on her bottom lip.

  “I was kidding. Please tell me you didn’t.”

  “I think I did,” she groaned and burst out laughing. “Oh God, I’m such a dick at times.”

  I let out a deep chuckle and shook my head. “I’m not sure that’s what I’d call you, but you sure do seem to have trouble follow you around.”

  She gave me a cute grin and a shrug. “What can I say?”

  As cars continued to drive past us, I suddenly remembered Debbie was in my car, which was also creating a hazard.

  “Do you have roadside assistance?” I asked.

  Katie winced. “No.”

  “Let me go move my car and I’ll be back. I’ll get you home and help arrange something for yours.”

  “Honestly,” Katie said, reaching out for my hand. “It’s fine. You go, I’ll call my ex-husband.”

  I had no idea why, but the thought of her calling her ex made me feel a little uneasy. Perhaps it was the Southern gentleman in me not wanting to leave a job half-done, or maybe it was that I liked the feel of her delicate hand on mine.

  “No way, I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving you. Just give me a few.”

  “If you’re sure,” she replied, a little hesitant.

  “I’m sure.”

  When I got back to my car, Debbie was looking anxiously through the windshield.

  “Everything okay?” she asked. “You were gone ages.”

  “Yeah, it was a breakdown. I helped push the car to the side of the road. There were a line of dicks sitting in their car, fucking honking at her.”

  “Idiots,” Debbie said. “Some people have no damn idea.”

  “Well I don’t want to leave her. She doesn’t have roadside assistance, so I’d like to be sure she gets home. You okay with that?”

  Without waiting for Debbie’s reply, I started the car and drove up behind Katie’s on the side of the road. Katie was standing next to her car and speaking into her cell and I hoped she hadn’t decided to call her ex after all.

  “Looks like she’s calling for help,” Debbie said, pointing towards Katie.

  “Hmm,” I muttered and opened my door. “I’ll go check.”

  “She’ll be fine.” Debbie pulled at my arm. “We don’t want to be late for the restaurant.”

  “Yeah,” I replied, not looking at her. “We might have to take a rain check.”

  “Dex?”

  Debbie calling out my name was a question, but I ignored her and pushed out of the car. When I got to Katie, I put a hand on her elbow to let her know I was back.

  “Oh hang on, Isaac,” she said, flashing me a smile. “He’s here now…no I don’t think he’s a crazy axe man…he’s very…” She paused and looked at me, shyly. “He’s very…well he’s lovely…Okay, I promise, bye.”

  She stabbed at her cell screen and rolled her eyes.

  “He’s very protective, your ex.”

  “Oh that wasn’t Carl, my ex-husband.” She pulled her head back and scoffed. “Christ, he’d have asked me to ask you, to get some beers on the way home. That was Isaac, my eldest. I thought I’d better tell him what had happened and that he needs to stay with Charlie for a while.”

  “Charlie being your youngest?” I asked, grinning.

  I had no clue why I was grin
ning, just that she made me want to.

  “Yes. He’s the baby at ten. My little surprise. Annie is the middle one, she’s seventeen and has every syndrome going – middle child, only girl, daddy abandonment. Not to mention she’s a total drama queen.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, watching as she talked about her kids. She gave off the air that they were a pain in her ass, but it was real clear she loved them to distraction.

  “God, listen to me prattle on. I’m so sorry, I’m sure you have stuff you need to do.”

  “Nothing that can’t wait,” I replied, glancing at Debbie in my car. “Main thing is you get home safe.”

  Katie followed my eye line and chewed at the inside of her cheek. “Are you sure?” she asked, her attention back on me.

  “Positive. Now get everything of value from your car, lock it up, and we’ll go.”

  Katie let out a loud belly laugh. “I might take my chances and hope someone pinches the stupid arse of a thing.”

  “It’s your car. It might be old but you need it.”

  “Yeah, I suppose.” She turned and beeped the lock.

  “Central locking?” I said on a laugh. “It’s not that old then.”

  “No, it’s quite old but it’s more shit than ancient. Carl bought it for me when he left with the family car.”

  My main thought was ‘what a dick’. Who the fuck doesn’t make sure their kids are being carried around safely, even if he doesn’t care about his ex-wife?

  “I’ll help you get it sorted, don’t worry.”

  Katie looked up at me through her bangs that were hanging in her eyes and gave me a soft smile. “Thank you, Dex. You really don’t have to, you don’t know me. This isn’t your responsibility.”

  “I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing anything else,” I replied, leading her back to my car. “And anyway, I’d say after seeing the contents of your bag, I know you pretty well.”

  “Oh God,” she groaned. “That was so embarrassing.”

  I laughed and opened the back door of my car. “Get in and let’s get you home.”

  As Katie got in, Debbie looked over her shoulder at her and suddenly I didn’t feel hungry for Mexican in the slightest.