Blessing in Disguise

by Lauraine Snelling

  “What?” At Hjelmer’s groan, Penny stopped ladling up the stew.

  “Just trying to stretch these tired muscles of mine.” He tilted his head to the side and flinched.

  She set the plate in front of him and one at her place. “You say the grace.”

  They bowed their heads, and in the Norwegian they both learned at their mothers’ knees, he said, “I Jesu navn, agår vi til bords . . .”

  At the amen Penny looked up. “You want I should give you a back rub tonight?”

  “Do you have to wait until night?” Hjelmer looked outside. “Seems to me it is getting dark enough now.”

  “Hjelmer, you can wait that long.” She passed him the plate of freshly sliced bread. “Besides, I made apple pie for dessert.”

  He made no comment and continued to stare out the window.

  “Ephraim won’t be able to run the store tomorrow, so I’ve asked Anner to take care of it.”

  Hjelmer gave her a puzzled look.

  “We have quilting tomorrow.”

  “Ah.”

  “And I have a new idea to propose.”

  “Ah.”

  “Hjelmer, you are not listening to me.”

  “Sure I am.” He took another bite of stew.

  “The house is on fire.”

  “Ah.” He nodded.

  “I’m in the family way.”

  “Good.” Another nod.

  Penny slammed her fork down on the table. “Hjelmer Bjorklund, where in the world are you?”

  “Huh?” Hjelmer blinked and looked at the furious face of his wife. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You have no idea what I’ve been saying, and here you are going off again tomorrow, and you might just as well have left tonight.”

  Hjelmer had the grace to look embarrassed. He reached a hand across the short space between them. “I’m sorry, Penny, this trip to find Augusta has me flying in all directions. I have so much to do here, and I need to be in Bismarck. Instead, I’m taking the train to Minneapolis on a wild-goose chase.”

  “What a thing to say! Your own sister is lost, and you think all that other . . . other . . .” She threw both hands in the air and shook her head so hard a pin fell out of the roll she wore around the base of her head. “Your mor is right.”

  Hjelmer half squinted his eyes, certain he wouldn’t like to hear what his mor was right about. He kept his mouth shut, but his wife had the bit between her teeth, and like a runaway horse, she kept on going.

  “Ever since you got elected to the Constitutional Congress, your work and your family have taken bottom place.”

  “Now, Penny . . .”

  “Don’t ‘now Penny’ me. You know I want to have a baby more than anything in this whole wide world, but how can we ever hope to have children if you aren’t around to father them?”

  “So how is my going to look for Augusta going to help that, unless you want to come with me?”

  “Oh, sure. I come with you, and who will mind the store? And if we don’t have the store, how will we have money to buy the train tickets so you can run all over the country?” Penny threw her napkin down and pushed back her chair. She surged to her feet so quickly that the chair tipped, making the red spots on her cheeks ever brighter. Oh . . . oh, you . . . you . . .” She spun away and headed for the stairs to their bedroom, stomping so hard on the risers that he thought they might break.

  “Well, I’ll be . . .” Hjelmer slowly shook his head and watched the door curtain swirl in the wind from her passing. “Whatever did I do to deserve this?” He put the bread back in the bread keeper, scraped the dishes into the cat’s bowl on the back stoop, and set them in the enameled pan Penny had ready with soap curls and water on the back of the stove. After brushing the crumbs off the tablecloth, he washed and rinsed the dishes and dumped the water on the rosebushes by the back door.

  The kitchen seemed twice as big without Penny beside him and dreadfully silent. Even the chiming of the clock and the cat scratching at the back door couldn’t penetrate the silence. Did she feel this silence when he was gone? On one hand he figured maybe he should go apologize, but on the other he couldn’t see where he had done anything wrong. Other than miss a few words his wife said, but then . . . he thought back to the scene at the table. Had she said something about the house on fire? Surely not.

  He banked the fire so that couldn’t happen, and instead of moving the lamp over to the table by his chair so he could read the Grand Forks paper, he lit a candle and blew out the lamp. An early night wouldn’t hurt; that was for sure.

  “Penny?” He paused in the doorway to their bedroom.

  The moonlight silvered the hair that now hung down over her shoulders as she sat by the window looking out at the moon-bathed fields. With her elbows propped on the windowsill and her back toward him, he could still tell she wasn’t happy with something or someone, him in particular. Otherwise she’d have answered.

  He set the candle in its holder on the dresser and crossed to stand behind his wife. Putting his hands on her shoulders, he began to work on the tense muscles of her neck and shoulders, then moved his thumbs up, massaging the base of her head. Leaning forward he inhaled her scent, fresh like she’d been bathing in the dew of the rose petals and hollyhocks.

  Her head dropped forward so he could reach the sore places more easily. “I’m still angry at you, you know.”

  “I know.” His hands made their way forward up her shoulders to the base of her slender neck. “I’m sorry, my love.” He brushed her hair aside and kissed the tender skin at the back of her neck. “You smell so good.”

  “Keep rubbing, there.” She tipped her head to the left, and a giggle escaped when he nibbled her neck rather than using his fingers.

  “Aren’t you getting chilly here in front of the open window?”

  Penny sighed and let her head fall backward, revealing her throat for his questing lips. “It won’t be long until we can’t have the windows open anymore.”

  “I know.” When she started to rise, he scooped her up in his arms and deposited her gently in the middle of their bed.

  Perhaps a baby will come tonight, Penny thought as she surrendered to her husband’s kisses.

  Hjelmer woke to a rooster’s crow and the sound of weeping. He threw back the covers and shivered in the brisk air. “Penny?” He followed the sound down the stairs to where his wife, tears streaming down her face, was starting the kitchen fire. “What is wrong?”

  “Oh, Hjelmer, I want a baby so bad, and now I know God must hate me.”

  “Penny, dear one, shush such talk.” He hugged her close and rubbed her back with both hands.

  “B-but I’ve started my monthlies again, and now you are going away, and I . . .” She gripped the lapels of his robe with shaking fingers. “It’s not fair. Other women get babies, lots of babies. What is wrong with me?”

  Chapter 10

  Blessing

  September 3

  “This meeting is called to order. Ladies?” Penny raised her voice. “Ladies.”

  The group of women gathered at Blessing Lutheran Church settled into their seats around the quilting frames and the cutting tables. Someone hushed the small child at her side, another picked up her sewing kit that had fallen to the floor, and finally silence reigned.

  Penny looked over the group, wishing she were anywhere but here. After the crying bout in the early-morning hours, she felt as though everyone could see through her as if she were a wavy glass, and all they felt was pity. Tante Agnes Baard had already asked her what was wrong, and Ingeborg and Kaaren both looked at her with concern in their eyes. She knew they’d have asked what was wrong if she’d stood still long enough to let them.

  Why can’t someone else lead this group for a change? She kept the smile on her face with difficulty, but she managed.

  “Hildegunn, would you please lead us in prayer?” Penny glanced at Kaaren to see if it bothered her to not be asked, since she usually did this,
but the serene smile that greeted her glance quieted that concern. Besides, Mrs. Valders had asked if she might do the devotions today.And since she asked, what else could Penny do?

  Hildegunn Valders rose and, with her finger marking the place in her Bible, walked to the front of the room. Today they would hear the Scriptures in Norwegian, no matter that several of the newer people didn’t speak Norwegian, including the pastor’s wife, Mary Martha Solberg.

  Penny tried to rub her head without anyone noticing. She, who never got headaches, had one now—a pounding one right behind her eyes. She knew it was from crying. Inside she still wept. She started to turn to Mary Martha to translate, but Kaaren was already doing that.

  A bustling could be heard at the door, and Bridget entered, her cheeks red from her hurry. “Sorry I’m late.”

  Hildegunn nodded. “I’ll wait.”

  Penny motioned for Bridget to sit beside her and patted her hand when she settled in.

  “Hjelmer got off all right?” Bridget whispered. “He was supposed to see me before he left.”

  Penny nodded and looked up to catch Hildegunn’s disapproving eye. That woman could make one feel like a recalcitrant child faster than anyone she knew. If she treated the two boys with that look all the time, no wonder they caused so much mischief. They’d have been better off if they’d come to us. Penny almost clapped her hand over her mouth in case she’d said the words aloud. How awful, how unchristian to even think such a thing. The Valderses were giving Toby and Jerry a good home, and it wasn’t the adoptive parents’ fault that the boys had lived on the streets most of their life.

  Penny forced her eyes and her mind forward to concentrate on the Bible reading. Hildegunn did read well and had chosen a passage that reminded her how much God loved each of them.

  She’d sure expressed her doubts of that this morning.

  “I chose this passage because I needed to be reminded not to worry. God loves me, and I love Him, and that is all that matters. All will be well.”

  Were those tears in Hildegunn’s eyes?

  Penny felt shame roll over her like a cloud of smoke. It made her eyes smart and her throat burn. All she’d been thinking about was her own disappointment, her own resentment. She heard a sniff from someone behind her.

  “Shall we pray?” Again the wait for silence. “Father in heaven, we come before thee with painful hearts, with joyful hearts, with pleading hearts. Thou hast promised to be all that we need if your kingdom be first in our hearts and minds. Thou sayest that if we seek first thy kingdom and thy righteousness, all these things shall be added unto us. All will be well. Father, we seek thy precious face and look to do thy will. Today and forever, amen.”

  All the women echoed the amen and waited for Penny to take over the meeting again.

  Penny hesitated to disturb the silence, for it seemed alive and pulsing with promise. The urge to kneel at her chair made her knees itch.

  A voice started from another part of the room. “My Jesus, I love thee, I know thou art mine.” Others joined. “For thee all the follies of sin I resign.”

  Penny could hardly force the words past the lump in her throat. “My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art thou. If ever I loved thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.”

  The melody rose, and she was sure she could see it curling around the altar and up above them, a sweet incense before the Lord.

  When she got to her feet and stood in front again, she could see many eyes being wiped and noses being blown. And to think she’d wanted to stay home.

  “I have a feeling we’ve met the Holy Ghost, the Comforter, here and now. Thank you, Hildegunn, and all the rest of you.” Penny sniffed again and took out her handkerchief to wipe her nose. “The only old business I know of is the matter of the Morton girls’ homestead, and I know that Zeb went down there this summer and took care of that.Does anyone else have any old business?”

  She waited a minute and then asked, “Any new business?”

  Agnes Baard raised her hand. At Penny’s nod, she stood and faced the others. “Don’t know if you all know about that new family who took over that crumbling soddy just north of us—the Rasmussens.Well, they lost just about everything but their lives in a train wreck on the move west, and I thought maybe we could tie off a couple of quilts and collect household things to help tide them over, you know? They got the mister and missus and three little ones, not even school age yet.I don’t know how they are going to make it through the winter.”

  Mary Martha stood with Agnes. “Mr. Carl Rasmussen came to call on my husband, asking if there was anything he could do to work for food. We gave them what we could, and then Pastor sent him out to the Bjorklunds.” Her soft southern accent sounded strange amongst all the Norwegian.

  “He’s going to be doing fall fieldwork for us while the men are gone with the threshing machine. They’ll be staying in our soddy until they decide what they’re going to do,” Ingeborg said with a nod. “I invited Elvira—that’s Mrs. Rasmussen—to come today, but she said she just wasn’t up to meeting so many people yet. I’ve hardly seen her myself since they got there.”

  “They’re Swedish, you know, so maybe that is part of the reason,”

  Kaaren added.

  “How old are the children? Are they boys or girls? Where did they come from? How did they happen to come here?” The questions flew, and Penny finally raised both hands and her voice.

  “I take it we are in agreement that we will do all we can to help them?”

  No one voiced any disagreement, and after a moment of pause, Dyrfinna Odell raised her hand. “I volunteer to keep track of what is gathered in.” Her voice squeaked on the words. Dyrfinna had never volunteered for anything before.

  “Thank you.” Penny smiled at the timid woman, who reminded her so much of a skittish mouse. “Why don’t we all tell Dyrfinna what we can offer while we are quilting? The wedding ring quilt will be needed soon if Petar Baard has his way, and since I brought my machine, we ought to be able to stitch up a couple of quilt tops today. So, ladies, let us get right to work.” She turned to Mary Martha. “Petar is Joseph’s nephew, and he is sweet on a girl in Grafton. He’s talking marriage, but she’s not sure yet.”

  “Are you going to tell me what made you look so sad?” Agnes leaned closer to Penny so that she could ask without letting everyone hear.

  Penny pulled her thread through the stitches and sighed. “Just more of the same. I got my monthlies this morning, and since I was a day or two late, I thought just maybe I could be . . .”

  Agnes patted her niece’s knee. “In God’s good time, my dear. I know He has heard your prayer and those of some of the others of us. I have to believe He knows best, but sometimes the waiting is terrible hard.” No one loved babies more than Agnes, and ever since a little girl was stillborn to her several years earlier, Agnes had not quickened again, much to her sorrow.

  Penny nodded. “I know you understand how I feel, but at least you have children already. What if I never have any?” Voicing the fear that, like some mythical monster, had crept to the surface in the dark of night helped relieve the burden, which had grown far too heavy for Penny’s slender shoulders to bear.

  “Abraham’s Sarah waited ninety years.”

  “Ja, well I don’t think God plans on starting a whole new people with me like He did with them.”

  Agnes tried to look stern but chortled instead. “Ah, Penny, you are such a treasure to me. Be that as it may, I do hope and pray that He intends children for you, but if not, I know He has something else in mind. And it will be good.”

  “All will be well?”

  “Ja, indeed all will be well.”

  “Well, I think having Hjelmer home more would be a good step forward. God did design life to come from two people after all.” She whispered that so Bridget, sitting on the other side of the quilting frame, wouldn’t hear. No need to hurt her mother-in-law’s feelings for sending her son out to look for his sister.

  “What are you two whispe
ring about over here?” Ingeborg laid a hand on each of their shoulders and leaned down to hug them both.

  “Same old.” Agnes raised one eyebrow.

  “Ah, we three should form a club of our own.”

  “What? The barren sisters?”

  Ingeborg chuckled. “Well, as long as we can laugh about it, we’re all right.”

  “And cry.”

  “Ja, well, that too.” She hugged her two friends again and took a vacant chair at the other frame where they were tying off a nine-patch quilt rather than quilting it.

  “Whew, with that sewing machine going like that, it takes three people cutting to keep up.” Kaaren stopped next to Agnes. “We could very well bring ours over next month too. You should see the crazy quilt I did on it.”

  “Did you bring it?”

  “No, but I took pieces of muslin and started out with a piece of Lars’ old coat in one corner and stitched it on one side, then kept laying the other pieces of quilt with cut ends even to the one before, and so all are stitched down to the muslin. It’s like laying building blocks. It goes so fast you can’t believe it. I’ll bring it next month to tie off. Have to card more batting first.”

  All the while she talked, she used a couple of pieces of cotton to show what she meant.

  “Are you going to do decorating stitches like other crazy quilts?” Agnes tied off her thread and clipped the end.

  “I don’t think so, because I’ve used all sizes of pieces. Less seams that way and I could get done fast. No waste that way either. The wool ravelings I’ve added to the batting.”

  Agnes nodded. “My mor used to do that. Said wool was wool whether carded or spun.” She looked up at Kaaren. “How are the sign language classes coming?”

  Kaaren’s face brightened. “Oh, you wouldn’t believe it. Besides what I teach at the schoolhouse on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, Grace and Sophie are teaching other little children, and by the time they all get to school, Pastor Solberg will have to tell them to keep their hands still, no talking.”