Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 4

by Fujino Omori

  “I can see you biting your lip, trying not to laugh, Goddess!!”

  The way she said “children” as well—so patronizing!

  The echoes of my half scream bounce around the room. I’m really upset here.

  The goddess grins and leans down over me, smiling, and says, “I apologize if you’re hurt.” I’m being comforted by a goddess who looks like a child. Good thing no one else is here because this would be the most pathetic sight ever. Just imagining it makes me feel even worse.

  “Feeling any better?”

  “I’ll get there…”

  I force my knees to straighten and stand up. I’m not feeling any better, but she’ll never understand, so what’s the point?

  Flexing the muscles in my neck to keep my head up, I lean down to pick up the sheet with my Status off the floor and have another look.

  Argonaut…That’s its name, but I don’t know anything else about this Skill…There’s nothing written here to go on. There’s barely any information at all.

  It was the same with Firebolt, too. Why is it that whenever I learn something new, there’s never enough explanation on how to use it? I don’t have a clue what this thing does…

  “Goddess, do you know what this Skill’s effect is?”

  “Hmm, it’s a bit hard to explain. It’s not one that’s constantly turned on…instead, it’s an Active Action, so basically when you choose to make a move, it will have some kind of effect.”

  “Choose to make a move…?”

  “You know, like attacking or defending yourself.” She adds, “But in that case, I don’t think it will do anything for counterattacks.”

  Huh? I kind of get it, but I kind of don’t…

  It’s no use. I’m not smart enough to work this out on my own.

  “So, in the end you’ll just have to try and figure it out in battle. That’s a little bit of a vague way to put it, though.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s my Skill, anyway…”

  After all that, it looks like I’ll just have to wait and see.

  Feeling a little bit put out, I take another look at the paper.

  I don’t know very much about the Skill itself, but the name Argonaut…I know a lot about that. Well, maybe I should say that I remember a lot about it.

  “Argonaut.”

  It’s a story about a hapless young man who ventures out to rescue a beautiful queen from a ferocious bull monster.

  The main character gets fooled by many people, and he doesn’t have a clue. He just ventures forward like an idiot and by some miracle manages to arrive at the feet of the monster he’s seeking. If I remember right, the queen he’s trying to rescue saves him from the monster in the end.

  Out of all the heroes and the stories I’ve read, he stands out as the least heroic.

  It was probably based off a play, but I distinctly remember reading the picture book and raising an eyebrow. He wasn’t cool at all…Could there be a hero who dreams about being a hero?

  But Gramps, he loved the story. He’d say things like, “This guy’s best days are ahead of ’im,” and stuff like that. All I can remember thinking was the story’s over.

  To think I’d run into something as random as that from my childhood at a time like this…It’s all so confusing.

  “Sorry, Bell. It’s time for me to leave now.”

  “Eh? You’re working today, Goddess?”

  The goddess’s voice brought me out of my memory pool in time to let me know she was leaving the room.

  I was sure she had today off, so I ask her about it.

  “Well, you see, today is a Denatus—a meeting of the gods that happens once every three months.”

  “Denatus…Isn’t that…?”

  “Yep, that’s right. It’s a get-together for the gods with nothing to do…We choose titles for adventurers who level up.”

  Titles. The word makes my shoulders tense up.

  It’s just like Aiz’s second name, “Kenki.” It was chosen for her by the gods.

  Which means there had to have been some kind of discussion when her nickname was decided. That had to be the Denatus.

  If the goddess is going to some kind of gathering like that…

  “Since you leveled up to Level Two, Bell, I’m allowed to attend. More than likely we’ll decide your second name.”

  I knew it!

  That’s just what I was hoping she’d say. I don’t know how many times I’ve been excited today, but this takes the cake!

  “W-w-well, well then, me, too? I’m going to receive a name like Aiz?!”

  “…Enthusiastic, aren’t you?”

  “Of course I am!”

  A title is like an adventurer’s banner!

  Only adventurers who level up get one; it’s proof that the gods have recognized your abilities! There’s no doubt in my mind it’s a great honor!

  And then there’s…!

  “All of the titles that the gods and goddesses come up with are so cool and refined! Nicknames like ‘Fallen Seraph of Black Flame, Dark Angel’ are so awesome that they even sound strong!”

  “…Oh, that’s what you mean.”

  Despite my passionate ramblings, the look in the goddess’s eyes becomes distant, a weak smile on her lips.

  To put it simply, it’s a very sad smile. She looks far away.

  Wh-what?

  What happened to that warm gaze she had just a moment ago…?

  “That’s right. It’s still too early for the children here…”

  “Um…wh-what do you mean by that…?”

  “No, it’s nothing. I’m sure the day will come when you’ll all understand, Bell.”

  The meaningful words hang in the air as the goddess falls silent and makes her way toward the door.

  So many questions spring into my mind that my face starts contorting into different questioning looks.

  Is the Denatus…something completely different from what I thought it was?

  I’ve heard that it’s a meeting where divine wills clash in a solomn atmosphere, but…?

  “Well, I’ll be back later.”

  “O-okay.”

  The goddess is standing in front of the door, waving.

  She looks like a soldier preparing for death, and I can’t help but stutter.

  She looks at me again as the muscles in her face suddenly tense. She opens her mouth to speak.

  “I don’t care what I have to do; I swear I will win an acceptable title for you, Bell…!”

  For you…! Her words ring in my ears.

  Creak—She closes the door behind her.

  I couldn’t tell if she was motivated or desperate, but that wasn’t the goddess I know. My body breaks out in a cold sweat as her footsteps disappear up the stairwell.

  The Denatus was originally a meeting of retired gods and goddesses that was held because they had too much free time.

  Their Familias had built up a certain level of power and influence, and these deities wanted to forget the stresses of work and enjoy full-time relaxation. Since they had nothing to do, they decided it would be fun to gather others like themselves and talk about trivial matters to kill time.

  While it was nothing but a small party, the important thing was that all of these extravagant gods and goddesses needed a place to meet. And one was soon established.

  As years passed and the number of participants grew, the purpose of these meetings started to change. The pointless conversation became a way to share the latest news. It didn’t just stop with exchanging information among Familias, and once the Guild became involved, the Denatus became a meeting that had far-reaching effects all over Orario.

  While the meeting was known by name only, the gods and goddesses who participated in a Denatus became more powerful, their voices directly affecting adventurers.

  The naming process was one such influence and had become a customary event.

  “Looks like many children leveled up this time.”

  “Yeah, I’ve heard it
was a great harvest. This is gonna be fun.”

  The meeting place for Denatus was on the thirtieth floor of the skyscraper in the middle of the city—Babel Tower.

  The entire space had been completely remodeled, with only the pillars supporting the high ceiling remaining from its original design. A large, round table sat in the middle of the room surrounded by a ring of chairs. The rest of the floor was completely empty. The outer walls had been replaced with glass, encasing their meeting within the clouds above the city.

  Due to the extremely high ceiling, it looked almost as if the gods met in a temple floating in the sky.

  “More of us here than usual this time.”

  “Heh-heh, quite a few have stopped showing up as well.”

  As the last of the deities made their way toward the table, it didn’t take them long to realize that more than thirty gods and goddesses were in attendance. Each one of them had at least one advanced adventurer—Level 2 or above—in their Familia, meaning there were just as many influential Familias inside Orario.

  There were many faces around the table. One god wore a blank expression, unable to hide his nervousness. Another mysterious one wore a large elephant mask. A blond goddess laughed with those around her, her eyes closed with glee.

  Completely different from a Celebration, there was no dress code. Hestia made her way through the colorful ensemble to the seat that had been prepared for her.

  “You seem rather calm.”

  “I’ve got nothing to be nervous about, do I?” Hestia quickly answered the question as the crimson-haired, crimson-eyed goddess Hephaistos gazed at her.

  The refined goddess wore a thin black blouse, her sparkling crimson hair flowing down her back. With her clothes that would be more fitting for a man, male and female deities alike were drawn in by her charm.

  She looked over at Hestia, a patch covering her right eye, and slowly shrugged her shoulders. “I thought you’d be a little more anxious. You know, scrunching up your face like you always do.”

  “…If something’s going to change I’ll make plenty of noise. But all that does is just provide entertainment for everyone else, right?”

  “You’re not wrong…”

  Hephaistos could feel Hestia grimacing as deity after deity came up to her to squeeze and pinch her puffy cheeks. Hers was a new face, and many of the gods and goddesses around her were drawn to her side like moths to a flame. They didn’t bother to hide their intentions.

  They would do the same even if it weren’t Hestia. Their way of thinking was obvious.

  They were congratulating her, in their own way. It was almost a miracle that her extremely small Familia’s status had gone up.

  “I’m going to say this now: Don’t expect any help from me. With this many of us here, my voice is but one among many.”

  “Yes, I know.” Hestia fidgeted a little bit in her chair after Hephaistos’s warning.

  “Let’s get the ball rollin’!” came a voice from across the table.

  All conversations came to a sudden halt. The owner of the voice got up, her vermilion-colored hair swishing as she stood.

  “’Bout time we started up the one thousandth Denatus. Today’s hostess is none other than yours truly, Loki! Nice ta see ya!”

  A chorus of whistles and thunderous applause erupted throughout the room.

  Loki, her light red hair tied into a short ponytail, smiled with narrowed eyes as she waved her hands to settle everyone down.

  Meanwhile, Hestia looked at her from her seat on the opposite side of the table and muttered with the utmost dissatisfaction, “Why does Loki get to run the show?”

  “She wanted to. Most of her Familia is out on an expedition and her home is almost empty. Basically, she was bored.”

  “Ohhhh, she has time to be bored…”

  Hestia was not particularly fond of Loki, and her disdain came out in her voice.

  Whether she heard Hestia’s angry mumbling or not, Loki cast her squinty gaze over in Hestia’s direction but decided to ignore the young goddess and continue with her duties.

  Hestia was surprised by this turn of events. Normally, Loki would’ve charged headlong straight for her.

  “Alrighty, let’s get to it. First off, any news that needs hearin’? You got something interestin’ ta say, speak up!”

  “Oh, me, me! Poor little Soma got a warning from the Guild. He had to give up his one and only hobby!”

  “Whad’ya say—?!”

  “Eh, what was Soma’s hobby anyway?”

  “Not a clue.”

  “Ah—probably the work of little Miss Eina…”

  “To think we’d be talking about that loner Soma!”

  “What happened next? Tell me, tell me!!”

  “Apparently he won’t come out of his room. He’s just sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth.”

  “I wanna seeeeeeeeee!!”

  “I’m going to go cheer him up!”

  “Hey!”

  “You’re just going to rub salt on his wounds, aren’t you?”

  “My apologies. Sorry to change the topic so suddenly, but there is an urgent matter we need to discuss. There is information that the Kingdom of Rakia is preparing to invade Orario.”

  “Very sudden, indeed.”

  “Don’t tell me it’s that Ares guy again.”

  “Isn’t it about time we do something about that idiot? He’s getting to be a real pain in the ass, seriously.”

  “Why is Ares worshipped so much in that country, anyway?”

  “Maybe it’s because he’s got a personality that’s hard to hate? The children love that kind of thing.”

  “It has to be his amazing good looks. His visage is almost on par with the goddess of beauty. I’m in the Freya camp, though.”

  “Got muscles for brains, too.”

  The table erupted with conversation ranging from pointless joking to absolute seriousness, and back again two or three times.

  Each of the gods continued to say their own opinions, the atmosphere relaxed and unhurried.

  While she had an idea this was what went on, actually seeing this chaos with her own eyes was frustrating for Hestia.

  It looked nearly impossible to regain any kind of control, but—“Y’all pipe down, now!” Loki’s voice suddenly rose above the din. With a reaction speed that Hestia could barely comprehend, all the deities went silent.

  “All right, then. Here’s what we got. Need ta keep our eyes on Rakia, inform the Guild. Then again, knowin’ old man Uranus, he’ll figure it out himself. For everybody else, give yer Familias a heads-up. That clear ta y’all?”

  “Understood.”

  Loki sorted through all of the information and summarized the important points. Since the gods and goddesses from all of the most influential Familias in Orario were in attendance, making sure that all of them heard the most important information was part of her job.

  Loki then went around the table, asking for any other news that needed to be shared. As soon as her questions fell on deaf ears…she clapped once, her face scrunched into a catlike grin.

  “Time ta proceed ta the Namin’ Ceremony.”

  The room was suddenly tense.

  The moment that Loki uttered those words, many of the gods who had up until that point been very vocal in the discussion froze, their faces one shade paler. Hestia was among their ranks.

  As for the others, they drooled in anticipation.

  They were used to how these Denatus meetings were run, and their favorite part was coming up. Several of their faces looked broken as ugly smiles burst forth from their lips.

  Their party, and the others’ tragedy, was about to begin.

  “Everybody’s got the handouts, yeah? Then let’s raise the curtain! Today’s top batter is…Seto’s boy, an adventurer named Ceti!”

  “P-please, please go easy on him…?!”

  “““““““““DENIED””””””””””””

  “Noooooooooooooo!”


  The sensibility of the gods, as with the people below, had changed to match the culture on Earth. Both were very similar up to a point. Being from Deusdia, it was common knowledge to Hestia that the gods and goddesses possessed senses that transcended human comprehension. However, that was not necessarily so, and there were many similarities between the ways gods and the people of Earth thought.

  However.

  The deities had a completely different sense of what made a good name when it came to bestowing titles.

  Were the gods strange, or were the children foolish?

  Were the gods too radical or were the children too old-fashioned in their respective ways of thinking?

  While the truth had yet to be determined, the fact was that many names that made the children’s eyes light up with pride made their gods’ heads droop in shame.

  “—That’s final. The adventurer Ceti Selty shall be known as a dragon knight of the dawn: ‘Burning Fighting Fighter’!”

  “Whhhyyyyyyyy?!”

  Another “regrettable name” had just been created.

  The deities with less-than-generous personalities loved to watch others squirm as their favorite children were, one by one, given these regrettable names. The children who received them, however, would be in awe of the images that these nicknames produced.

  The deities would first enjoy watching other gods and goddesses go mad with embarrassment, with their second course being watching the children’s reactions to their uncouth nicknames. Today was a great day because they would spend most of it rolling on the floor with laughter. The best part was many of these names would live on in the children’s legends.

  “This is too cruel…”

  “I understand all too well…”

  Hestia’s scared voice squeaked out of her throat. “I was the same at first,” said Hephaistos with a slow nod. Her crimson left eye was looking off into the distance.

  Deities attending Denatus for the first time, especially the Naming Ceremony, were treated with the utmost cruelty.

  Sharing useful information might have been the main purpose of the day’s meeting, but the hazing of newcomers had now begun. Hestia’s face turned sour as she watched some gods scream out in despair while others laughed, clutching their ribs. The disparity between the two groups was sickening.