Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 4

by Fujino Omori

“So you finally came out of your hole, Li’l Bunny.”

  —I’m scared.

  They’re getting closer, surrounding me. I don’t know why, but alarm bells are going off in my head. Especially that last one. My blood ran cold when he winked at me.

  What the hell is going on?

  What are they doing here, what are they talking about? I’m so confused.

  “First come, first serve! Bell, want to join my Familia? If you come with me right now, everyone will greet you with open arms!”

  “Hey, idiot! You sound way too desperate! Wait your turn, why don’t you? That’s why your Familia is still so tiny…!”

  “Blabbermouths, out of my way. Bell, come to me! For it is you who has stolen my heart, you naughty bunny!”

  “What do you have in mind for this child?!”

  They’re arguing with one another and coming closer, step by step. I have to say something, so I clear my throat. “Ahem.”

  …A Familia welcoming me with open arms? Why now?

  Every single one I went to when I first came to Orario showed me the door without a second look…

  “I, um, already have a goddess…I’m a member of Hestia Familia…?!”

  “All previous relationships are meaningless in the eyes of love. Don’t you think so?”

  “You’re too good for the Loli Lady!”

  T-they aren’t listening…!

  “But a serious question: What’s the secret to your fast growth? Raw talent? A Skill? Or perhaps foul play?”

  “A rare skill, a rare skill? Is it true, is it true? It has to be a rare skill!”

  “I really wanna know what’s written on this boy’s back.”

  “If it’s okay with you, would you take those clothes off? Just the top is okay! I’ll even pay you?…Hee-hee.”

  “We could always force him out of them…”

  “—Fu-heh-heh-heh.”

  —I run away with all speed.

  “He’s here, meow!”

  “Ah-ha-ha! Fashionably late, aren’t you, Mr. Adventure.”

  The sky is completely dark and the moon shines brightly over my head by the time I reach The Benevolent Mistress.

  I reach out to support myself against one of the pillars by the front door, hunching over to try to catch my breath. Huff…huff…huff…I’m going to need a moment.

  I flew through the back streets, doubling back many times to try and shake my divine pursuers. I only lost them just a few minutes ago.

  I should be in much better shape than them…So what was that? They almost had me a few times; it felt like I was running for my life. I’ve never thought of gods and goddesses as scary before.

  Why all of a sudden…?

  “Syr ’n’ everyone’s been waitin’ for you, meow! The kitchen’s really busy, too, we’re bending over backward to accommodate you, meow! So get in here, meow.”

  “S-sorry…”

  “They couldn’t start without the guest of honor. Go over there, quickly.”

  Two waitresses—Ahnya, a cat person, and a human—come out to meet me and usher me inside. If I remember right the human girl’s name is…Runoa. She’s laughing, too.

  I wipe the sweat from my face and stand up straight before setting foot in the bar.

  “Mr. Bell! We’re over here—!”

  I swear there’s a customer in every single seat in here! But just over the lively mass of humanity, I see Lilly standing on a chair and waving with a big smile on her face.

  I invited Lilly to come tonight. It’s not every day that I get to do something like this, and she responded with a resounding “Yes!” so I asked Syr to prepare a seat for her.

  …It would have been nice for Aiz to be here as well—wouldn’t that be something? But she’s somewhere in the lower levels of the Dungeon right now on an expedition, so inviting her wasn’t an option. Trying to get the what-ifs out of my head, I give a quick nod and wave back at Lilly.

  The table they reserved for us is close to my usual counter seat. Syr and Lyu are sitting beside Lilly, dressed in their nice-looking waitress uniforms.

  Syr’s eyes meet mine as I work my way through the crowd. I bow my head, mouthing, “Sorry I’m late!” over and over.

  “Bell…?”

  “Hestia Familia?”

  Just as I’m making progress toward the girls waiting for me, I suddenly feel all the eyes in the bar lock onto me.

  The topics of the conversations around me change without warning, like a spark igniting an inferno.

  I don’t stop moving as I look around in every direction.

  “A white-headed human…That’s him, all right. What did they call him…? ‘Little Rookie’?”

  “That punk-ass kid?”

  “You heard? He’s the record holder now.”

  “Who said he’s gonna keep it? The gods’re just awestruck, nothin’ more. One month is nothin’!”

  “Ya got tha’ right!”

  “But I’ve heard that he really did slay that Minotaur. You know the one, the lower ninth.”

  “So he took out one Minotaur, big frickin’ deal!”

  “Could you kill a Mino at Level One? On your own, I might add.”

  “Who in their right mind would try something that stupid?”

  Eyes glinting at me from every direction, I weave my way through the maze of tables as quickly as possible. The air around me is swirling with hushed whispers.

  Being the center of attention like this is overwhelming! I must look like a criminal or something. A man stops talking on the spot when my eyes happen to meet his.

  With ice flowing in my veins, I duck down as low as possible and quickly escape to my destination.

  “You’ve become the talk of the town, Mr. Bell.”

  “R-really? I can’t relax anymore…Even on my way here, I was chased around the city by a group of gods…”

  “That is the fate of all adventurers who become known. You are not being singled out, Bell. Please put up with it for the time being.”

  I can feel all the muscles in my face droop. I must look pretty funny because Lilly’s trying hard not to laugh at me.

  I scratch the back of my neck with my left hand out of habit, making small bows to everyone in turn.

  “Well, now that Bell is here, let’s get this thing started, shall we?”

  “Um, Syr and Lyu, are you sure it’s okay for you guys to be here with the bar like this…?”

  “‘I’ll lend ’im the two of ya. Make sure he’s well fed’ was Mama Mia’s instruction. That and ‘spend yer cash.’”

  Hearing Lyu imitate the owner’s—Mia’s—accent in her calm voice makes me chuckle to myself.

  As for Mia, I look over my shoulder to see her standing behind the bar, waving her hand and giving me a hearty smile. Must be her way of telling me to live it up tonight.

  It’s not long before we say “Cheers!” and clink our glasses together.

  Mia suggests that I try ale for the first time, being a special occasion and all. For now, I’ve got a small jug of the stuff in front of me.

  Syr’s holding a citrusy cocktail, Lilly’s gotten sick of ale so she’s drinking fruit juice, and Lyu refuses to drink anything except for water. Wait a second…Syr and I are the only ones drinking alcohol?

  As soon as food starts arriving at our table, all the eyes around the bar finally turn away. Such a relief! Ahnya and Chloe drop by our table a few times for some friendly banter and we start to have a genuinely good time.

  I know that Lilly and Lyu have a little bit of bad blood from an incident when Lilly was still a thief, but it’s never come up, and Lilly is laughing and looks like she’s having a great time. Syr is smiling ear to ear, while Lyu is responding to their questions as seriously as ever.

  I wonder if something happened before I got here. I keep catching Lilly looking at me out of the corner of her eye.

  “Now, Bell, drink lots and lots. You’re the star of the show tonight. Or maybe, would you like something to eat?”


  “T-thank you…”

  Suddenly Syr is at my side, waiting on me hand and foot.

  Getting me more ale, loading up my plate with food, filling my jug, she’s zipping around all over the place. And for some reason, Lilly’s usual smile is scary.

  Even though I’m feeling kind of awkward, Syr looks like she’s enjoying herself.

  “I could be wrong…but you seem to be in a very good mood, Syr.”

  “Do you really think so?”

  I think she blushed a little bit just now. I can’t tell anymore because she’s hiding her cheek with her hand and giggling behind her shoulder like someone’s tickling her.

  “It might be a bit bold of me to say this but…I feel like I helped you when I gave you that book. And thinking about that makes me, I don’t know, happy.”

  She must be talking about the grimoire. She won’t take her warm gaze off of me.

  Our eyes meet and she smiles even wider. It’s almost intimidating.

  The muscles in my face are locked in place. What does it look like right now?

  “If I may say, Mr. Cranell, congratulations to you. To think that you would be able to level up on your own…I seem to have underestimated you.”

  “I-it’s nothing…”

  At the same time, I get a compliment from the other side of the table.

  Lyu’s expression hasn’t changed at all, but I’m still embarrassed.

  “M-many people helped me out; it’s all thanks to them. Even you, Lyu…”

  “There is no need for modesty. Of all the level-two categorized monsters, defeating a Minotaur is worthy of praise. Mr. Cranell, you are allowed to be proud of your accomplishment.”

  Lyu said everything in a very deliberate, serious voice. She looks at me with a refined gaze from across the table.

  I just noticed something about myself: I’m not good at taking compliments.

  My face is turning red and my throat is so tight that getting the word “thanks” out of my mouth takes everything I have.

  To top it all off, Syr is giggling at me…

  “Lilly was worried sick about you. Her heart was breaking over and over…”

  “I-I’m sorry, Lilly…”

  “…But you looked really cool, Mr. Bell.”

  I can’t take much more of this…

  Lilly leaning up to my shoulder with her big smile is the finishing blow.

  Her cheeks are rosy pink, and those large, chestnut-colored eyes of hers are so close I can see myself in them.

  It could be the alcohol, but my entire body feels hot.

  “Mr. Cranell, what is your plan going forward?”

  “?”

  “I am curious about what the two of you are planning.”

  After talking with Lilly, I hear Lyu’s voice again as I’m trying my best to fight off the effects of the ale. Without really taking time to think about her question, I start talking about my plan for tomorrow.

  “Well, tomorrow Lilly and I are going to go buy some new equipment. My old armor was completely destroyed.”

  “…About that, Mr. Bell.”

  “What is it, Lilly?”

  “There are many things at the shop where Lilly is staying that need to be done…It doesn’t look like she will be able to join you tomorrow.”

  “What, really?”

  I can see Lilly shrinking in her chair, looking very apologetic. But considering all the shop has done for her after everything that’s happened, it can’t be helped…so I tell her not to worry about it and start thinking about what I should do.

  I want to start going into the Dungeon again soon, and I need new armor in order to do that.

  I should be able to find new equipment on my own, right? I could go by myself tomorrow.

  Sure, I’m not as good at judging quality…but this will be a good learning experience.

  “In that case, are you going to go shopping alone tomorrow, Bell?”

  “It looks that way.”

  “Then, would it be all right if I came with you?”

  “Huh?!” Syr’s suggestion catches me off guard; I can only choke up a surprised response.

  Lilly jumps, too, but soon crosses her arms and lowers one shoulder at Syr. She looks like a boxer before a fight…

  “Wh-why do you ask?”

  “I need to buy some things pretty soon anyway…I might get in the way, but if it’s okay with you, Bell, I want to go shopping with you.”

  “No, Mr. Bell! Miss Syr only wants you there to carry her bags! That’s right, Lilly can see your hidden agenda! Mr. Bell, she’s planning to make you carry so much that your bones will crack! Turn her down!”

  “I-I’m not going to buy that much…”

  A bead of sweat rolls down my face after Lilly’s outburst. She’s standing right next to me, so I look up in Syr’s direction.

  But she seems unfazed and smirks at Lilly. “Why would I do something like that?” says Syr, with her light gray eyes gazing warmly down at me.

  Wh-what do I do…?

  I don’t mind going shopping with her, and I’d feel bad to refuse her invitation…Ah—then again, things tend to happen when I go along with her suggestions. There was the night when I came here for the first time…And just a few days ago I ended up washing dishes to help her out.

  I’m trapped between Lilly’s objections and Syr’s warm smile. Just as I’m about to crumble under the pressure—the wooden floor creaks.

  A large shadow falls over Syr from behind.

  “Don’t push yer luck!”

  “Ugahh!!”

  Wham! A tray appears out of nowhere, slicing through the air at an angle, and slams into the back of Syr’s head.

  It’s Mia. She’s standing and glaring menacingly down at Syr. She must’ve hit her pretty hard; Syr is holding her head, with tears bubbling up in the corners of her eyes.

  “Don’ be thinkin’ you can take time off that easily, ya little brat. Gettin’ full o’ yourself, eh? What’s the big idea, playin’ hooky whenever ya feel like it,” Mia growls under her breath.

  Supporting her shaking body by putting her elbows on the table, Syr looks back, only to see Mia’s burning death-stare.

  She twists her body to face Mia directly. I can’t see her face, just her light gray hair tied into its usual bun with a ponytail coming out the middle. But based on her aura, I’d say she’s glaring right back at Mia.

  “Those eyes’ll get’cha nowhere. Here, I’m the law, got that? Lyu, keep an eye on ’er tomorrow.”

  Mia’s nostrils flare in anger as she turns on her heel before Lyu can answer, going back behind the bar counter.

  Our table becomes a silent island in the middle of the sea of happy voices.

  The tension continues for a few moments before Syr turns to face me.

  “Bell, I’ve become damaged goods. Would you please pat my head and cheer me up?”

  “So, Mr. Bell! Enjoy your shopping trip tomorrow and find some good stuff alone. Lilly can’t wait to see what you buy!”

  I’m worried that these two will never be able to sit at the same table again.

  “Mr. Cranell, what about after that?”

  “Eh?”

  “My question is, what are you planning to do after you have found suitable equipment?”

  “What do you mean…by that?”

  “I’ll take a more direct approach. Mr. Cranell, Miss Erde, do you intend to go to the middle levels as soon as you return to the Dungeon?”

  So that’s what she’s been asking all this time.

  Lilly and I look at each other for a moment—we are in the same party, after all—before looking back at Lyu.

  “For starters, I’d like to test out my new strength on the eleventh level. If everything goes well, I’d like to go to the twelfth.”

  “Yes, that is very wise.”

  I go on to tell her that I want to test my leveled-up abilities in the upper levels, and the best place to do that is on the twelfth level. Lilly and I h
ad agreed that after warming up on that level, so long as everything looks good, we’d go to the middle levels together.

  Lyu might be worried about us, I think.

  “It may not be my place to say this…but I believe that you should not proceed to the middle levels at this time.”

  “In other words, Miss Lyu, you believe that Mr. Bell and Lilly aren’t good enough to make it in the middle levels?”

  “It was not my intention to insinuate that you are weak. That being said, the upper levels and the middle levels are very different.”

  Of course Lyu doesn’t leave her explanation at that.

  “It’s not a problem of individual strength or ability. It becomes impossible for a solo adventurer to dispose of every monster. That’s the kind of place the middle levels are. While I’m unfamiliar with the level of support Ms. Erde can provide, I’m afraid that Mr. Cranell will be unable to deal with the monsters and the Dungeon layout on his own.”

  “So then, Miss Lyu is saying…”

  “Yes. You should add additional members to your battle party.”

  A three-man cell is the most basic party formation for dungeon crawling. At the very least, that’s what the Guild suggests.

  The three-man cell—a formation that allows for attack, defense, and support roles.

  One member focuses on attacking the front line while another member covers him or her from monster counterattacks. The third member stays at long range, sometimes assisting the front line with a ranged weapon, spells, or healing items when necessary.

  The same holds true when attacked from behind. If the person in the supporting role also has the ability to hold their own against monsters, then it’s possible to withstand wave after wave of attacks until the table turns into their favor.

  It’s easy to get surrounded when working in a two-man cell, not to mention solo. Conquering the deeper floors of the Dungeon will be extremely difficult for us without at least one more party member to turn the tide in a pinch.

  Adding a third person won’t have much impact on our individual strength, but it will make our unit exponentially stronger.

  Knowing all of this, Lyu probably thinks that our two-man cell party wouldn’t be strong enough to survive in the middle levels.

  “But wait a minute, Lyu. Wouldn’t it be easier for them to run away if it’s just Bell and Lilly? The more people there are, the more likely someone is to be left behind, right?”