Hard to Hold On

by Shanora Williams

  Tyler is looking directly at me, his eyes soft and his lips hinting at a smirk. Today he has on a black T-shirt, dark-blue jeans, and I have to admit he looks completely sexy. His blonde eyelashes bat at me and the pool of hazel in his eyes causes me to stare a little longer than expected. As he winks, I finally tear my gaze away.

  The class carries on with the heavy feeling of Tyler staring at me and me trying to ignore him. I don’t think I’ve ever been more relieved than now when Professor Doran gives us the cue that class is over. Tucking my notebook beneath my arm, I spin around and head for the door but before I can make it out, Tyler is right behind me.

  “If I weren’t crazy I’d think you were avoiding me,” he says over my shoulder.

  “No—I’m just . . . I have a busy day today. Sorry,” I mumble, pushing the door open and not daring to hold it for him. Damn it, Natalie. What a terrible excuse.

  I continue towards the exit glass doors and in only an instant, Tyler jogs around me to stop me. Taking a dare to look up, I watch as a smile forms on his lips. “I’m seriously intrigued by you,” he says, his bedroom voice purring through me. “I’ve never enjoyed a chase before.”

  “What makes you want to chase?”

  “You’re different. Pretty. You seem like a sweet girl. What would it take to get to know you a little bit more?”

  “I don’t think right now is a good time to get to know me. I told you, I’m on a pause. I have a gut feeling the play button will be hit soon.”

  Raising an eyebrow, he licks his lips and folds his arms. “Like I said before, until it happens you’re technically single. There’ll be no harm down.” He then leans in and I take a whiff of his cologne. It’s rich and spicy. Warm and hot. Delicious and lick-worthy. “Join me at my lake house party tomorrow,” he says against my ear. Heat spirals down and I clutch my notebook to keep myself standing. “I promise I’ll make it worthwhile and if you call, I can give you the directions.” He pulls back and flashes a clean, white smile. “I won’t badger you because . . . well . . . that’s just not me, but I like you. I think you’d be cool to hang out with. I don’t know much about you but we could always change that.”

  “Once again,” I say, stepping around him to push out of the other door. “I’ll think about it.” He chuckles but I don’t hear it for very long because the door shuts behind me and I’m walking away so fast that it almost becomes a sprint. That had to be one of the most nerve-wracking moments of my life. For a second I wanted him to press those lips all over me. But why? Is he really that hot?

  Tyler does have a point at one thing, though. Nolan and I are on a break. We aren’t together and I don’t know when the hell I’m going to see him again. I know he misses me. He said it in his voicemail. I miss him, too, but I still haven’t figured out why I’m so in love with him.

  Ugh. This is the most confusing time of my life. I’ve never been so lost.

  ****

  When I arrive at the condo, the coffee table is pushed aside and the sofas are out of place. Harper is bending on her elbows in plank position with her blonde hair up in a sloppy bun. “Hey, Nat,” she grunts, struggling to keep herself steady. I giggle as I look up at the TV screen where a woman is saying “Breathe.”

  “Since when do you do yoga?”

  “Since I realized that I’m getting out of shape. I’ve been really—” She drops on her elbows with another grunt and lands on top of the purple yoga mat. “I’ve been really comfortable with myself while I was with Dawson which led to getting out of shape,” she says, completing her sentence. “We should definitely start hitting the gym.”

  “You’re still upset, huh?”

  Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she sits up and pushes herself into a stand before brushing her grey pants off. “What makes you think that?”

  “I don’t know. You’re really fidgety lately. You can never keep still.”

  “Oh, pshh . . . please.” She gives me a disapproving wave of her hand. “I’m always on the move. I live the fast life, girl. You just don’t know how to keep up.” She makes her way around me to get to the kitchen. “Did you think about going to that party tomorrow?” she asks.

  Sighing, I sit on the edge of the sofa and relive the moment with Tyler that happened less than twenty minutes ago. “I’m waiting on Nolan to call me.”

  She steps around the corner with a frown. She twists the cap of her water bottle then takes a few gulps before leaning against the wall. “Well while you’re waiting maybe you can have a little fun. You deserve it—I deserve it. I just need to get around that party atmosphere again, you know?”

  “I know what you mean. He invited me but it just doesn’t seem like a good idea. It might make things worse for Nolan and I if he finds out.”

  “Well here’s the thing,” she says, taking a step forward. “If Nolan doesn’t call tonight, we’re going to that party. No “if”, “ands”, or “buts” about it. This party is supposed to be huge and to have a personal invitation from Tyler alone is fucking massive. Not everyone gets invited by him. He usually spreads the word to his friends and they do the deed.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re trying so hard to get me to go.” I look her over and she frowns again.

  “Dawson hasn’t called me in two days. I understand he’s with family but I’m getting too suspicious of his behavior. I called his phone this morning and it went straight to voicemail. I just want to go party, catch a few drinks, and have some fun again. I’ve been holding off on going out for his ass but since he’s ignoring me, I’ll do my own damn thing.” She bites on her lip, staring into my eyes. “Sounds immature, doesn’t it?”

  “Very, but I can understand,” I say, picking at my nails.

  “Good so you know why I want to go so badly,” she says, stepping for the hallway. “I’m about to hit the shower, Nat, but I’m serious. If he doesn’t call tonight, we’re going shopping tomorrow for something hot to wear to the party.”

  “Alright, alright,” I groan as she steps behind the wall and out of sight. I flop backwards and land on the plush sofa. I stare up at the ceiling, digging into my pocket immediately to pull out my cell phone. Of course there’s nothing to check. That’s becoming normality.

  I’m starting to get pissed that he isn’t communicating with me. I know I should wait for him to call but I don’t want to anymore. I called twice yesterday and three times this morning and still, no answer. I’m so sick of this shit. I sit up and wait for Harp’s shower to run before dialing his number and rushing for the balcony.

  “Hello?” someone with an unfamiliar and deep voice answers.

  “Hi . . . um . . . is Nolan around?” I ask, forcing myself to sound casual.

  “Oh, nah, he’s at home packing some stuff with Sharon. He left his phone in my car.”

  I frown heavily. “Who is Sharon?”

  The man on the line hesitates for a brief moment. “From what I’ve heard she was one of Nolan’s mother’s students and his ex . . . I think. Sweet girl. Pretty face. Blonde hair. A pretty nice body. Do you know her?”

  I feel a squeeze around my heart but I force myself to keep it cool. “No, I don’t,” I mutter tightly. “May I ask who this is?

  “Tike. I’m Nolan’s manager. I’m helping him move some stuff out. I’m headed to storage right now but I can let him know you’ve called.”

  “No thanks, Tike. That won’t be necessary, but you can deliver another message for me, though. Let Nolan know Natalie called and we’re done. I hope he’s having a ton of fun with Sharon right now.”

  “Oh . . . uh . . . alright.” I end the call furiously. There are so many screams inside of me wanting to let out but instead I remain silent. How can I be silent when hearing he’s with another girl—obviously a hot ex-girlfriend at that? No wonder he hasn’t been talking to me.

  I grit my teeth, forcing myself to bite back on the worthless tears. He’s worthless and now I really want nothing to do with him. I should have known it was bound
to come. Nolan and I were too perfect. I had too much faith in someone like him.

  To ignore the tears and the annoyance I feel brewing in my chest, I turn around and rush inside. I hurry to my room, shuffling and tossing my clothes aside until I find the pair of jeans I wore on the first day I met Tyler.

  I pull the crumpled sheet of paper out, staring at his number for a few debatable seconds. I know it’s wrong and immature as hell to go to someone just because I don’t want to feel but I know it’s going to be worth it. I want to do it because I’m so sick of being hurt. I’m tired of falling for guys who will only destroy me. Damn it. When am I going to learn my fucking lesson? I knew there was a hidden reason behind his attitude when I’d visited. There’s no telling how long that girl has been around.

  Biting at my bottom lip with a pounding heart, I finally dial Tyler’s number and place the phone against my ear. Each ring makes me nervous, jittery, but proud that I’m actually doing it. Proud that I’m not crying . . . yet.

  “Hello?” His voice is deep through the phone.

  “Hi, Tyler. It’s Natalie.”

  “Oh, what’s up? About time I got a call. I was starting to catch a case of low self-esteem,” he teases.

  “Yeah.” I force a giggle. “Hey, you remember when we talked about that “pause” in my relationship?”

  “Sure do. Don’t tell me you’re calling to deny me.”

  “No. The pause is no longer here—actually, we’ll never be put into play again. I’ll be at your party tomorrow so make sure you look for me.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Nolan

  “Do you need help with anything else?” Sharon asks, watching me bend over to pick up a box that’s loaded with picture frames. “I have nothing else to do today and it seems like you guys have a bunch more to pack up and take to storage.”

  “I think we’ll be okay. You’ve already done enough.” I carry the box outside and drop it behind the car. I dust my hands off then look back, realizing she’s followed me out.

  “Nolan, I know you hate me,” she says. “Shit, I hate me, too. I was so wrong to you and I’m sorry but I’m hoping you can forgive me. It happened three years ago and I’ve learned a lot since then.”

  “Kinda too late for that.” I step around her to get to the house again.

  “So you’re never going to trust me again?”

  “No.”

  “Never going to at least kiss me again?”

  I grimace over my shoulder as I kick the door open. “Hell no. Seriously, you can leave,” I say, spinning around to face her. “Mills, Tike, and I can handle it from here.”

  Sighing, Sharon raises her hands with a shrug. “Alright. Suit yourself. I’m just trying to catch up.”

  “There’s no point. We’re not happening again.”

  “What makes you think I want us to happen again?”

  I shake my head, an annoyed smirk curling at my lips. “You’ve been riding my dick all day, Sharon. First of all you came over here randomly. You’ve been doing it all week. I was being nice by allowing you to help us out but you’re no longer needed. I know you. You’re sneaky.”

  She nibbles at her bottom lip, aiming to be sexy. “Can I ask you something?”

  Sighing, I ask, “What?”

  “What are you moving away so quickly for?”

  Her question catches me completely off guard. Then, before I know it, she’s pushing me back and I’m landing on the couch. “The fuck are you doing?” I growl as she climbs on top of me.

  “Nolan, seriously. I know you miss me. Cut the fucking act. Mills told me you and that girl broke up.”

  “Get the fuck off of me.” I push her off and she lands on the cushion beside me. Her green irises broaden but I shake my head as I take a step back. “Just get the fuck out.”

  “Wait a minute,” she says, a smile curling at her lips.

  My heart thumps as she stands and inches closer. I can feel her perky breast rubbing against my chest, her fruity scent lingering in my nostrils. Her fingers trail from the center of my chest to my shoulder and then up to my jawline. I shove her hand away but she laughs. “I should have known,” she says.

  My eyes narrow. “Known what?”

  “You haven’t changed.”

  “I’ve come a long from you.”

  “Oh yeah?” She flips her hair over her shoulder. “How long exactly, Nolan? Because I’m sure if I were to lead you into that bedroom and yank your pants down, you wouldn’t be able to control yourself.” My nostrils flare as she smirks up at me. Her fingers curl around the hem of my shirt and her knuckles brush against my skin. “Just give it up. There’s no changing the player of all players. There’s no going back after doing it for so long. I’m sorry I and a few others made you this way but, to be honest, I kind of like it.”

  Her fingers then unbutton my jeans but I pull away, shoving her hand away again. How the fuck am I getting turned on by this? By Sharon? The bitch who ripped my heart in two. “You need to go. You’re not fucking this up for me.”

  She steps forward and leans against me. Her erect nipples press through my white T-shirt. “If you want something refreshing, remember I’ll be here. There’s nothing wrong with coming back to me, Nolan.”

  “Fuck you. Get out.”

  Just as my threatening words fill the heavy atmosphere, the front door swings open and Mills steps inside with a few more folded cardboard boxes in hand, Tike trailing in behind him. Mills looks at me and my unbuttoned jeans instantly and then down at Sharon who’s still standing close. “Well, I think we’re about done here,” Mills says, giving me a hard glare. “We’ll finish up tomorrow.”

  Clearing her throat, Sharon takes a step back and pushes her hair behind her. “Tomorrow sounds great.” She grins then picks her purse up from the corner table. I grimace the entire time she pulls her keys out and makes her way towards the door. “Goodbye gentleman.”

  As soon as she’s out of sight, Mills slams the door then marches for me. “I swear to fucking God if you screw this shit up I will beat your fucking heart out, Nolan!”

  “What the hell are you threatening me for? She came onto me!”

  Mills shoves me against my chest with hardened, intimidating features. “Just shut the fuck up. I know you and I know her. If we wouldn’t have come you would have fucked that girl, Nolan. I swear if we go to Miami for no fucking reason I’m beating your ass and I’m not kidding. You aren’t about to waste my fucking time and have me rushing around to get this house in order just to screw everything up. I don’t have time for your immature-ass games.”

  “Oh yeah,” Tike says, butting in. “A chick named Natalie called your phone earlier. You left your phone in my car so I thought I’d just answer. She told me to tell you that “we’re done” . . . yeah . . . those were her exact words.”

  “What?” My eyes narrow as I push Mills off of me and stomp towards Tyke to snatch my phone out of his hands. “What the fuck did you say to her?”

  “I just told her you were packing things with Sharon and—”

  “Sharon!” Mills and I yell at the same time. “Tike, what the fuck is wrong with you?!” I snap.

  “Hey, I didn’t know! I thought she was a friend or something—well until she said that last sentence. I had no clue who she was!”

  Ignoring him, I call Natalie immediately. I call again and again but each time it goes straight to her voicemail. “Great. Now she’s ignoring me. What exactly did you say?”

  “I only told her Sharon was a student of your mom’s and an ex of yours who was—”

  “Oh, come on, Tike! You fucking jackass!” Mills yells. “That’s the stupidest fucking move you’ve ever made.”

  “Okay . . . seriously, don’t blame me,” he says, his eyes wide as he holds his hands up innocently. “I haven’t dated in years. I know nothing about what to say to girls that call—and she was making me nervous. You two classify me as the damn geek anyway.”

  I shake my head at him
before taking a few steps back and sitting on the edge of the sofa. “Geek or not, Tike, you should have known maybe she was someone I talked to. It’s says ‘Bunny’ for Christ’s sake.”

  “Well, shit, I’m sorry. If you want, I can tell her Sharon is a nobody . . . although she seemed like somebody by the way she was pushed up against you . . . and since your pants are still unbuttoned.” Tike scratches his head curiously before pushing his round glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Okay . . . I’m curious. Did you have sex with that Sharon chick recently or not?”

  “No,” I growl. “Fuck Sharon. I have no interest in her.” I rub my fingers against my temples, my elbows on my thighs. “Shit. That’s another thing I’m going to have to explain to her. I have to get the fuck out of California. The more I’m here, the more Natalie drifts away from me.”

  “I’m sure she’ll be alright,” Mills mutters. “We’ll be there in no time. If she loves you, she should trust you . . . but then again you do have a rep for breaking hearts and doing shit behind female’s backs. This one may take some work.”

  “Whatever.” I stand quickly, raking my fingers through my hair. “I’ll do what I can to keep it going. No point in giving up now.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Natalie

  After Harper and I went shopping, got dressed, did our hair, and applied some makeup, we’re finally on our way to the party. I decided to go with a sky-blue spaghetti-strapped dress with silver sandals and silver accessories to match. Harp went for a peach colored dress that reveals a little too much cleavage and skin but it works well against her tan complexion.

  Before we even reach the house, I hear the bass of the music thumping. I swallow the nervous lump in my throat as Harper pulls up to the house that’s swarmed with cars around it. There has to be over fifty people here already and we’re early. That’s really saying something. “Holy shit!” Harper says as she parks the car and turns it off.

  A girl screams from the shore and we both look to see she’s being tossed into the water by a guy. I expect her to get out and wail on him but instead she giggles while tugging her wet dress down. Yeah, she’s obviously wasted. “This is going to be fun,” Harper says then jumps out of the car. I get out slowly, shut my door behind me, and then look ahead at the lake house. It’s made of large wooden logs and is lit with sidelights. It’s a two-story home and I can tell it’s pretty pricey by its foundation and how well-kept it is.