Say I Do

by Rachel Hauck

  They never spoke about their dating relationship or how it had ended. She’d begun to wish that she could tell him the truth about why she’d broken up with him. She wanted to explain.

  But did she want to explain for his sake or for her own selfish reasons? It would be cathartic to unburden herself, yes. But would dredging up the past be of any benefit at all to Josh at this point? She couldn’t very well throw his mom under the bus. And how exactly was she supposed to bust out old confessions, anyway?

  “This restaurant has an excellent wait staff, Holly.”

  “I feel badly about breaking up with you when we were teenagers, Josh! Let me tell you why I did it!”

  No. They were friendly with each other and she was helping him find a rehearsal dinner site. That was it. Josh had moved on. He wasn’t her eighteen-year-old first love anymore, he wasn’t someone she confided in anymore. He was flourishing.

  She was the one she should be concerned about. Her heart needed every possible layer of protection against him—

  No. It was all right. She’d been doing a good job at keeping things straight in her head. So long as she didn’t let herself go all gooey over him on the inside, it was safe enough to help him with dinner venues. Their outings together were too uncommon and wonderful in their poignant way to pass up.

  She could afford to spend a little bit more time with him while he was in town. Just a little bit more.

  Chapter 5

  Holly entered Das Lokal, restaurant number ninety-one in their Year of Restaurants. Sam followed her inside, as did Holly’s neighbor Rob. A rush of warm air greeted her as she unwound her scarf and hung her coat on the rack.

  Das Lokal enjoyed its status as a town favorite. People, the clink of silverware, and the mouth-watering dinnertime smells of steak, frites, and apple strudel packed the small pub-like interior. Holly scanned the space, looking for an empty booth on the far side—

  Her gaze collided with Josh, who’d already caught sight of her. “Oh.” He and Ben sat at the bar, a plate of buffalo wings between them. Josh’s vision remained steadily leveled on her. Solemn and glittering. Her heart thumped, then skittered into a fast rhythm.

  “ ’Oh’ what?” Sam asked.

  Holly didn’t want Rob to hear, so she leaned near Sam’s ear. “Josh is here.”

  “Your high school love turned billionaire?”

  “The very same.”

  “What? I’ll be subtle, but I demand that you take me to him immediately. Immediately! Make haste.”

  Holly threaded through the crowd toward Ben and Josh’s position. Running into Josh around town unexpectedly, outside their scheduled meetings? Fine. She was cool with it. She could handle it. No problem.

  He had on a simple white business shirt with the collar open one button at the neck. He always looked at ease in his clothes, even though his garments had likely come straight from an expensive French clothier. The Texas sun had lightly tanned his strong, masculine features. As usual, his hair looked sexily finger-combed.

  She’d really like to finger-comb that dark hair with her fingers—

  “Holly!” Ben hugged her. “Good to see you.”

  “You too.” Holly stepped aside to include her friends in their circle. “Do you both know Sam and Rob?”

  “Sure, sure.” Ben smiled and shook hands. He knew everyone in town. If he ever decided to run for mayor, he’d win.

  “This is Josh,” Holly said to Sam and Rob, hoping the he’s-an-extremely-cute-math-genius-and-my-first-love part didn’t show in her expression.

  “Nice to meet you,” Sam said, then, bless her, adeptly steered the conversation toward Ben and Amanda’s wedding. She gave no indication that she knew or cared anything about the intimate details of Josh’s history.

  Rob gently bumped Holly’s shoulder with his. “I see a booth opening up. I’ll go grab it for us.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  The rest of them watched Rob’s progress as he commandeered the table. He took a seat, then gave them a salute.

  “Does he work at Donovan’s?” Ben asked.

  “Yes,” Holly answered. “He’s a sous chef.” Holly and Rob had become friends when he’d moved into her building. He was twenty-four, rarely missed a workout, wore his shoulder-length blond hair in a ponytail, and could panfry a mean salmon. Rob had yet to ask Holly out, despite Sam’s predictions that he would, and soon.

  “Rob’s more than a sous chef.” Mischief lit Sam’s smile. “He’s a handsome sous chef. And luckily for Holly and me, he’s off tonight.”

  Josh frowned.

  Ben chuckled. “You’re married, Sam Sullivan.”

  “I’m not the one Rob’s interested in, Ben Hunt.” Sam gave Holly a pointed stare. “Like every other man in this town, he’s into Holly.”

  Holly burst out laughing at the absurdity of Sam’s statement.

  “Why are you laughing, Holly?” Ben grinned. “It’s true.”

  Bantering about Rob in front of Josh. If she ignored all the internal clanging and panic then this situation was still no problem. None at all. “Yes, goodness knows I’ve always had to beat men off with a stick. Such is my lot in life. At least this one can cook.”

  “A man who can cook is never to be underrated.” Sam headed toward their booth. “I’ll go keep the handsome sous chef company until you arrive.”

  Sam’s departure opened a pocket of quiet between them.

  “How was your day?” Josh asked.

  She moved her full attention to him. Those dark brown eyes! They were so sharply intelligent and at the same time, burned with emotion.

  “I had a good day. I was able to get some work done. Plus, I saved Mrs. Chapel from a lack of denture cleaner and spoke with Amanda for thirty minutes about the parking attendants for the ceremony. You’ll be pleased to know, Ben, that the attendants will be receiving a tutorial directly from Mitzi the day before the wedding.”

  “Thank my lucky stars! Now I’ll be able to sleep at night.” The reddish freckles that matched his hair made Ben’s cheerful face even more endearing. He gestured to the buffalo wings. “You want one?”

  “No thanks.”

  “So.” Ben glanced back and forth between Josh and Holly. “This clearly isn’t the first time you two have seen each other since Josh came back to town.”

  Josh seemed to stiffen. “No.”

  Josh hadn’t mentioned to Ben, his best friend, the groom, that they’d been scouting venues for the past several days?

  “Should we go ahead and order dinner—” Josh said at the exact moment that Holly said, “We’ve been driving around town looking for rehearsal dinner sites together—”

  Ben regarded Holly with confusion, then placed his palm on his chest. “What? For my rehearsal dinner?”

  “Yes,” Holly answered slowly.

  “Amanda’s excited about having it out at the Texas Olive Oil Company,” Ben said. “It’s going to be awesome. Can’t wait.”

  “The Texas Olive Oil Company?”

  “It’s up north of town. They have a barn.” Ben pushed to his feet. “Excuse me for minute. A buddy of mine from work just came in.”

  He left, leaving Holly alone with Josh. The two young women sitting on Josh’s far side cut disgruntled looks in her direction, letting her know they weren’t pleased with her for hogging the attention of Martinsburg’s most eligible visitor.

  “I booked the Olive Oil Company,” he said calmly.

  “But someone else already had it reserved.”

  “It was reserved by a group who were planning to hold a charity fund-raising meeting there. Turns out they were willing to move their meeting back a week in exchange for a sizeable donation to their charity. Look, I . . . I’m sorry you found out about it this way. I should have let you know sooner that I’d booked a location.”

  “No, it’s okay.” She refused to feel hurt. She wasn’t the event’s cohost. She was just the person who’d offered up some venue suggestions. “When did this happ
en?”

  “Recently.”

  “All expertly arranged by your assistant, I’m guessing.”

  A lazy smile started on one side of his mouth and grew. The sight of it warmed Holly in ways that had nothing to do with the room’s temperature. “Exactly,” he said.

  “That’s wonderful.” It was wonderful. The Olive Oil Company barn couldn’t have been a more perfect location. But this development also meant that she and Josh had lost the one pursuit that connected them. She swallowed against a foolish sense of disappointment. “If you recall, the Olive Oil Company was my very first choice.”

  “I recall.”

  “So what this means is that you went with my choice.” She smiled.

  “You’re obviously very gifted with both weddings and rehearsal dinners.”

  “Obviously.”

  “How are you with caterers?”

  She paused. Was he asking her for more help? “How am I with choosing a caterer? Inexperienced.”

  “My assistant has already chosen a caterer.”

  “Of course.”

  “I’m wondering how you are with choosing a caterer’s menu?”

  “You mean to tell me that your assistant didn’t already select the rehearsal dinner menu?”

  “She lives in Paris and is unavailable to sample dishes.”

  “I’m relatively experienced at sampling dishes. Sam and I have been to more than ninety of Martinsburg’s restaurants since January.”

  “Then you’re more than qualified.”

  “You’re more than qualified, Josh. You’ve probably eaten at the finest restaurants on every continent. You don’t need my help.”

  “No,” he said bluntly, “I do.”

  He had a tiny scar on his jaw from a bike riding accident when he was a kid. She could remember kissing the spot.

  She could not go gooey over him! If only he wasn’t so distractingly handsome. If only he’d quit looking at her so intently. It made her feel . . . lovely, when she wasn’t. “You don’t need my help.” Her voice came out confidently, loyally covering her internal weakening. “You didn’t need my help with the rehearsal dinner location either, it seems.”

  “I might not need your help, but I want it.”

  She was playing with fire! She should turn him down. More contact between them was not wise.

  “Please,” he said.

  She caved. “All right. I don’t really have the willpower to turn down”—more time with you—“a trip to a caterer’s shop to sample delicious food.”

  “Good. Now that I think about it, we’ll probably have to go twice. Once to select appetizers and salads and once to select entrees and desserts.”

  Ben returned to his bar stool, breaking the bubble for two she and Josh had created. All the sounds and colors of the bar rushed back. “I’ll be in touch,” Josh said.

  “See you guys soon.” She made her way to the booth and slid in next to Sam.

  “What’s something we can say to each other in honor of the German heritage of this restaurant?” Sam asked.

  Rob slid down slightly in his booth seat and gave them a mock scowl. “For the record, I think it’s goofy when y’all do that.” He’d been to several of their Year of Restaurants meals.

  “It’s so much more fun when we have someone here to find us goofy,” Sam insisted. “My husband is home mopping the kitchen floor—”

  “—being perfect—” Holly noted.

  “—so you’re all we have, Rob.”

  “Guten appetite?” Holly ventured, holding up her water glass.

  “Danke schön.” Sam murdered the pronunciation with her thick East Coast accent. “Wiener schnitzel! Dachshund!”

  They all laughed and even Rob reluctantly clicked his glass to theirs.

  “Dude,” Ben murmured. “You’re going to have to stop staring at her. She’ll notice.”

  Josh twisted on his stool to face the dinner one of the servers had slid onto the bar. He and Ben both had burgers and shoestring fries in front of them. Josh didn’t even remember ordering. He’d lost his appetite.

  “I knew you’d fall for Holly again once you saw her,” Ben said. He dipped a few of his fries in ketchup. “I remember how crazy you were about her.”

  “Yeah.” His lungs felt hollow. Who was Rob? Holly couldn’t actually like that guy, right? With the ponytail? His thoughts shifted in pessimistic patterns, turning his mood sooty and dark. Of course she could like him. Rob was more handsome than he was. Rob kept smiling at Holly like she’d hung the moon. Plus, he lived here.

  Not everyone in Martinsburg had overlooked Holly. Rob hadn’t.

  “Holly’s even prettier than she was in high school,” Ben said. “She’s made a success of her career and she’s nice to everyone in this town. She’s sort of like our glue. You know?”

  Josh took in an uneven breath. “I know.”

  Ben’s face communicated sympathy. “Why don’t you tell her how you feel about her?”

  “Because I don’t want to get involved with her.”

  Ben whistled. “You could’ve fooled me. You’ve been watching her ever since she came in.”

  Josh pushed the heel of his hand against his forehead. “I’m an idiot.”

  “Tell her that you’re an idiot for her. Women like that kind of stuff.”

  “I’m leaving soon.”

  “Relocate here.”

  “I don’t want to live here, Ben.” Everything in this town reminded him of the kid he’d been.

  After his dad had been killed by a drunk driver, his mom had moved them to Martinsburg so that she could take a secretarial position a friend had offered her. Josh had arrived in Martinsburg grief-stricken and mad at the world. A loner. Desperate inside. He’d been terrified and ashamed of his terror because he’d been fourteen years old and his mom had needed him to be strong. He’d been all she had left.

  His mom had insisted he play on the JV soccer team, and looking back, he was glad she’d insisted because that’s how he’d met Ben. Ben was the child of a single mom, too, but unlike Josh, Ben had a naturally outgoing and optimistic personality. He’d befriended Josh when Josh hadn’t had anything likable to offer. He’d been Josh’s closest friend ever since.

  All through high school, Josh and his mom had lived paycheck to paycheck and barely had enough to cover rent and groceries. To help out, Josh had worked loading and unloading inventory at a warehouse after school and in the summers. The money he’d made had never gone far enough. He’d realized early that if he wanted a better life for his mom and himself he only had one option: to ace his academics and earn his ticket out of Martinsburg, a town that had become, for him, a symbol of hardship and shame.

  The second semester of his sophomore year of high school, he’d sat two chairs behind Holly Morgan in AP English. She’d entered his gray life like a bolt of sunshine. And almost from the first day of that semester, he’d loved her.

  It had been as simple and as fast and as inexplicable as that.

  He’d loved her.

  Holly’s manner had been easy and the kindheartedness she’d extended to him sincere. The fatherless and sullen kid, who had plenty of smarts but just one friend, had fallen helplessly for her. She’d been his point of hope, the one aspect of life in Martinsburg he treasured. She’d treated him as a friend for the next two years but his feelings for her had never wavered.

  Then one night in the winter of their senior year, when he’d been helping her study for a math test, he’d sensed that things between them had shifted. He’d gathered his courage and taken hold of her hand. She’d squeezed his hand in response. He could still remember the way his heart had pounded and his thoughts had blown out of the water, sitting there next to her at that table with a math textbook open between them, her hand in his.

  He’d been introduced to faith as a kid, but Holly was the closest thing to a miracle his teenage self had ever experienced. During the months they’d dated, he’d looked into her eyes and seen God’s love
for him looking back. She’d taken him to church and talked through spiritual things with him.

  Then the girl who’d strengthened his belief had also become the one who’d most tested it when she’d broken his heart. It had taken him a few years to find God again after that. But eventually, he had. His relationship with God had been his life’s anchor ever since.

  Josh sliced a glance across the restaurant and saw Rob lean toward Holly to say something. Holly tilted her head to listen.

  Pain and wanting washed through Josh so powerfully that he had to brace against it.

  “Look away,” Ben said.

  Josh did.

  “How come you didn’t tell me you’d seen her?” Ben set down his burger and wiped his hands on a napkin.

  “Because I haven’t been able to decide in my own head if seeing her is a good idea or not.”

  “What was she saying about looking for rehearsal dinner locations? You’ve had that Olive Oil place booked for six months.”

  “I lied to her. I ran into her on the street and I asked her if she’d help me look for a location. I wanted to see her again and that was the only reason I could come up with on the spot.”

  Ben’s forehead creased. “Let me get this straight. You’ve been driving around town searching for a place to hold the rehearsal dinner when you already have a place? Because you want to spend time with Holly?”

  “Yes.”

  Ben clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Tell her the truth. About all of it.”

  “I can’t. I don’t want to get involved with her.”

  Ben’s expression turned pitying. “You’ve got it bad, dude. Seriously bad.”

  Chapter 6

  “This is delicious.” Holly pointed her fork at a plate containing melt-in-your-mouth spare ribs. Oh, how she adored spare ribs. Maybe today hadn’t been the best day to wear a snug belt with her jeans.

  Josh finished chewing. “I agree.”

  Five days had passed since their discussion at Das Lokal, two since their first visit to the caterer.