Nerds Like It Hot

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  Gillian couldn't help smiling. "Not much of a fan, are you?"

  "No." Cora left the red Naugahyde booth and walked over to pour herself fresh coffee. "Only child, graduated from Harvard at the age of eighteen, geeky as they come. Even the millions he'll inherit someday haven't attracted any women, so he dreamed up this nerd love boat idea and talked his grandparents into letting him orchestrate it. God knows what we're in for."

  Gillian slid into the booth opposite where Cora had been sitting. "I thought you loved the idea."

  "I love the idea of a boat full of nerds, especially after I found out that Jared's grandparents had beefed up the passenger list with retired UCLA professors." Cora returned with her coffee. "I'm not getting any younger, you know."

  Gillian gazed at her across the expanse of table. "I think you are. I hope that I—"

  "If this is the speech about hoping you look as good as I do when you're my age, I'm here to tell you that you can look better. Forget the exciting alpha men out there. They'll give you nothing but grief and wrinkles."

  "You're not all that wrinkled."

  "Plastic surgery, darling. Take my advice. Once you're settled in South America, find yourself a good nerd and stick with him. I wish I'd been smart enough to figure that out at your age, but better late than never."

  Gillian cradled her coffee mug and wished she could make this cozy moment last, instead of having to think about saving her skin. "Do you suppose they have nerds in South America?"

  "Nerds are everywhere, but you might not want to stay in South America, come to think of it. I've heard the Finnish nerds are outstanding."

  Gillian tried to picture herself traveling the world searching for the perfect nerd. She'd much rather comb the wilds of Southern California, but that option was no longer open. "Listen, while you were on the phone, I thought of something. By not showing up for work this morning, won't I be considered a suspect?"

  Cora's gray eyes widened. "I didn't think of that."

  "Me, either, until now."

  "Call on your cell phone. Tell them you have horrible cramps but you'll try to come in this afternoon. Chances are they won't take much time to listen. Someone's probably discovered the body by now."

  The coffee didn't taste good anymore. Gillian pushed her mug aside. "Probably. I didn't like Theo, but I hate that he died."

  "And that you had to be right there. That's what I hate." Cora got up and came around to scoot in beside Gillian. She put her arm around her. "You're going to be fine, though. And you'll have resources. I'm giving you money to live on for a few months, until you get settled."

  Cora's generosity brought a lump to Gillian's throat. Swallowing, she turned to face her. "No you're not. I'm strong and able. I'll be okay."

  "Of course you will." Cora squeezed Gillian's shoulder. "But you need traveling money, and cash to rent a place to live, and maybe buy a car."

  "My car!" Gillian had been in such shock she hadn't considered all the ramifications of leaving town. "Okay, you can have my car. I'll sign the title over to you today. You can give me whatever it's worth. And I'll write you a check for the balance in my checking account. I'll accept that much."

  "Fine."

  "But no more than that."

  "We'll see." Cora gave her another hug. "Now go make your call."

  CORA STACKED THE PAPERS FOR THE CRUISE AND rinsed out her coffee cup. Let Gillian think the value of her car and the contents of her checking account would equal what Cora would give her. Cora planned to give her ten times that amount and she wouldn't take no for an answer.

  At her age, she didn't need much money, anyway. And maybe she'd meet a wealthy geezer on the cruise, someone who was willing to share pleasant conversation, still remembered how to make love, and had a healthy bank account. With Gillian gone, Cora would need someone around to take up the slack. She was going to miss that girl more than she wanted to think about.

  As she reached for the dishcloth to wipe the table, the phone she'd left lying there rang. She put down the dishcloth and picked it up.

  "Cora, it's Lex. I've been monitoring the news, expecting a report about Theo. Nothing."

  "I'm surprised." Cora had left the TV off on purpose, not wanting Gillian to be treated to gory news coverage of Theo's murder.

  "Is there any chance he was only knocked unconscious? I can imagine the studio trying to keep the lid on it, in that case."

  "I don't know, Lex. She said he was definitely dead. Not breathing. Eyes rolled back in his head. I'll ask her again, but I think—hold on a minute. Here she comes. She just called the studio to report in sick. She should have some info."

  "Why don't you put her on?"

  "Okay. Sure." Cora thought Gillian looked pale as she handed her the phone. "Lex is on the line. He hasn't seen any news coverage about Theo."

  "That's because there's no …" Gillian cleared her throat. "No dead body." Her voice quivered. "Heather said the place's in an uproar because Theo was a no-show for his morning call. He's not in his dressing room, and he's not answering his cell or Ms doorbell. They all figure he took a few days off without bothering to tell anybody. It's a Theo kind of thing to do."

  Cora stared at her for a long moment. "Okay." She was very afraid of what this meant. "Tell Lex that."

  While Gillian repeated her story to Lex, Cora tried to think like a gangster. Sure as the world, Neil's Mob friends had come along behind him and cleaned up the mess. Once they got rid of Gillian, Theo would become just another unsolved missing person case.

  She and Gillian needed to start packing immediately. They'd board the boat early. Cora might have to make another phone call to that obnoxious dweeb Jared to arrange that, but she'd do whatever was necessary to get Gillian out of sight. The boat sailed at six. Cora prayed that would be soon enough.

  Gillian clutched the phone. "I understand," she said. "Yes, we can be ready fast. Here's Cora."

  Cora took the phone back. "We have to get our butts on that boat ASAP, right?"

  "Right." Lex sounded tense. "If Theo's body's gone, that means Neil's friends are on the job. Can you get the okay for all of us to be on board by noon today?"

  "Definitely."

  "We'll get Gillian's stuff and be there to pick you up in two hours."

  "We'll be ready." Cora disconnected the phone and turned.

  Gillian stood with her back straight and her gaze determined. Only the slight tremble of her lower lip betrayed any fear. "We'd better get moving, huh?"

  "Yes. I'm mostly packed, so we can concentrate on you. So far we know the silver dress fits, but—"

  "I'm not taking the silver dress." She gulped. "Something could happen to it."

  Cora gazed at her. "Nothing's going to happen to it, and nothing's going to happen to you."

  Gillian met her gaze as if wanting desperately to believe that.

  "Take the dress," Cora said. "When you had it on last night, you looked as if you could conquer the world."

  Slowly Gillian drew in a breath and let it out again. "Okay, I'll take it."

  "AFTER THIS GIG I'M GOING TO BURN ALL THE CLOTHES we bought." Dressed in a khaki jumpsuit identical to Lex's, Dante rode in the passenger seat of the white utility van they'd rented a half hour ago.

  "I'm just glad we found a twenty-four-hour Wal-Mart last night." Lex wasn't particularly happy with their purchases, either, but he kept focusing on the goal of protecting Gillian, and that helped. Thanks to some discount shopping, they now had nerd clothes, nerd glasses, and something that resembled a uniform.

  In the lawn and garden department they'd found a serious-looking tank-and-wand arrangement that would substantiate the exterminator disguise. With the magnetic signs advertising Bobbie's bug thugs, Lex thought they had a chance of passing muster.

  Dante, being Dante, was still running his mouth. "And let me go on the record to say that I also hate this haircut." He opened the window and leaned out to see himself in the side-view mirror. "Horrible! No wonder that barbershop was
open so early. They must need to stay open longer hours in order to get any business at all. I had no idea my hair could look this bad. My stylist is going to shit a brick when she sees this."

  Lex had to admit he wasn't all that comfortable with the nerd thing, either, but listening to Dante bitch was cathartic. "I guess when we started this PI firm, you didn't think about going undercover."

  "Of course I thought about it! I thought we'd go undercover as international playboys! I can't say that being an undercover nerd ever crossed my mind. I mean, what are the chances?"

  "Pretty good, apparently."

  "Yeah, well, it's not my dream assignment, okay? Turn here. This is Gillian's apartment complex on the corner. Building B, number 208."

  Lex followed the signs and parked in front of Gillian's building. "See anything out of the ordinary?"

  "If you're talking about the black sedan with the goon sitting in the driver's seat, yeah, I see something out of the ordinary."

  Lex considered the implications. "I don't think we should go in there. They're watching that apartment, and they could end up following us."

  "Couldn't you lose them?"

  "I might, but he'd alert all his friends." Lex cruised past the black sedan. "It's tough to be inconspicuous with bobbie's bug thugs on the side of the van."

  "But what about Gillian's contacts? What about her underwear?"

  "At least she has her glasses, and as for underwear... I guess you make a call to Cora's and find out the sizes, and then we go shopping."

  "You and me together in the lingerie department?

  That'll look weird, buddy. You'd better let me. I'm more of an expert on these things."

  Lex had to admit that could be true, but he didn't want Dante picking out Gillian's underwear. "No, I'll do it." The thought made him nervous, but he'd brave the lingerie store rather than have Dante choosing styles and colors, which might give him ideas once they were on the cruise. A guy like Dante didn't need much encouragement to get ideas. Lex had far more control.

  Dante shook his head. "I'm telling you, you need to turn that over to me."

  "Nope." Lex pulled back on the street and headed for the nearest mall. "Logically it has to be me."

  "How do you figure?"

  "Gillian should have nice stuff, right? Like from Victoria's Secret?"

  Dante blinked. "I'm surprised you know the brand name. But yeah, I guess you're right."

  "Then that settles it. I have more room on my credit card." He glanced at Dante in triumph.

  Dante opened his mouth, then closed it again. "You have a point," he said, "but I'm still amazed that you worked so hard to make that point" He grinned at Lex. "Want to know what I think?"

  "Not particularly."

  "I think you really like her."

  Five

  when cora's doorbell chimed, gillian leaped up from the sofa where she'd been waiting, a small rolling suitcase by her side. She still couldn't believe she'd given Lex her bra and panty size so that he could shop for her. No use in pretending to be a skinny minnie now. He knew her deepest underwear secrets.

  How embarrassing, in an exciting sort of way. If he was to be her bodyguard, he knew exactly the type of body he would be guarding. Zaftig. Maybe he was drawn to that type. The sparks flying between them the night before made her think he might be.

  But when Lex walked through the door carrying the signature pink and white striped bag from Victoria's Secret, she forgot about the undies. Lex and Dante had a whole new look, and because she'd chosen to wear her glasses, she had a clear view of their transformation. This was serious business, so she shouldn't laugh, but it wasn't easy to keep a straight face.

  They'd followed her advice and were both sporting really bad haircuts—super short around the ears and finished on top with a bowl cut. By adding the black-framed glasses, the plaid short-sleeved shirts, and the ill-fitting khaki pants, they'd made the switch from studly to nerdy in a matter of hours. They'd even bought pocket protectors and stuffed them with pens. And all to keep her safe.

  She was unexpectedly touched by that. "Thanks, guys. You look really—"

  "Hideous," Dante said. "If this is how the rest of the passengers show up, they need to schedule a visit with Queer Eye. Are you sure all nerds are fashion challenged?"

  "Probably not." Gillian smiled. "But you couldn't have gone the way you were. If you've overcompensated, it won't be a problem." The more she studied Lex, the more she liked the glasses on him. The clothes were ugly and the haircut silly, but the glasses gave him Clark Kent panache.

  "Lex seemed to think this was the right uniform. I went along with it, because as we all determined last night, Lex is a better judge of what's nerdy and what's—"

  "Give it a rest, Dante." Lex held out the Victoria's Secret bag. "I hope these work."

  Now that the attention was back on her underwear, her cheeks warmed. "I'm sure they will. Thanks for doing that." She was torn between chagrin and fascination. No man had ever made such an intimate purchase for her. It had a certain bonding effect.

  "You'll like them," Dante said. "I double-checked everything on the way over here."

  "Which I tried to prevent him doing." Lex glared at his partner. "But I was hit with heavy traffic."

  "It's okay," Gillian said. She thought it was cute that Lex was taking such a protective stance toward her underwear.

  "See?" Dante smiled in triumph. "I told you she wouldn't be upset. And let me assure you, Gillian, that's primo stuff. I didn't know the Lexter had it in him to pick something that sex—" He caught his partner's warning look. "I, uh, mean, that nice. Really nice. Say, where's Cora?"

  Cora bustied out of her bedroom pulling a suitcase that barely fit through the door. "Right here. I see you've been shopping."

  "Lex handled it," Dante said. "I would give anything for a video of his shopping experience."

  "And we need to be going," Lex said.

  "Yes, we do." Gillian stuffed the bag into a zippered pocket in the front of the suitcase. "Tell me how much I owe you."

  "It'll be calculated as part of their fee," Cora said. "Lex is right. We need to get this show on the road."

  "Yes, ma'am," Dante said. "Just let me get my forklift so we can load your suitcase."

  "Smartass." Cora laughed and turned the handle of the suitcase over to him. "You can't catch a fish without bait."

  "Then you must be stalking a whale." Dante pretended to stagger as he pulled the suitcase toward the door.

  "Hold it." Lex stepped to the window and pulled aside the curtain. "Before we go out there, let's make sure we don't have company."

  Just like that, Gillian stopped smiling. She might feel a tingle whenever she looked at Lex. She might find Dante's teasing funny. But the bottom line was that these two hadn't been hired to keep her amused. They'd been hired to keep her alive.

  Lex moved away from the window. "Cora, take a look. Tell me if the car parked two houses down belongs to anybody you know, or if the guy sitting in the driver's seat seems familiar."

  "Sure thing." Cora edged over to the window and peered out. "I don't know that car or the guy sitting in it."

  "Damn. I was hoping you'd recognize him."

  "Lex, dear, I wouldn't recognize him if he lived next door. I don't keep track of the neighbors. I have a life to live, you know."

  Lex glanced at her in surprise. "You used to keep track. Hell, we had Christmas block parties, trick-or-treating on Halloween. Everybody knew everybody."

  "True, when your parents and Dante's parents still lived around here. Everyone got older, grew up, moved. I have a bunch of new neighbors, but I'm not the kind to show up at the door with a welcome casserole."

  Dante laughed. "No, I guess not. I remember you used to give out Godiva for Halloween. Which we didn't value nearly enough at the time."

  "So we don't know if someone's watching the house or not." Lex moved back to the window. "But I can't imagine why a person would be just sitting there in the car on a
hot August day. Looks suspicious to me."

  "Let me look." Gillian walked over to the window, which put her in close proximity to Lex. He didn't smell like a nerd. She didn't really know how a nerd was supposed to smell, but she doubted they'd choose such a manly aftershave, one that made her think of dark woods, a secluded cabin, and two people naked on a bearskin rag.

  "That's a good idea." Lex's voice sounded a little rough around the edges, as if his vocal cords had been affected by ... well, thoughts of sex.

  She glanced up at him, startled. Was he a mind reader? "What's a good idea?"

  "You checking out this guy. You saw the man who was at the studio last night. Do you think that's him?"

  "Oh." For a minute there she'd thought the two of them were occupying some alternate universe where they could indulge their passions. "Right." Her senses were on high alert from standing so close to Lex she could hear him breathing. Trying to block his impact, Gillian looked out the window.

  The black sedan was two houses down, and the man in the driver's seat had dark hair and sunglasses. He could be the man she'd bumped into, but he also could be somebody's noncustodial father sitting at the curb waiting for his kids because this was his week to have them.

  "I don't know," she confessed at last. "It's possible, but then again—"

  "Then again, all mobsters look alike," Dante said. "I can say that because my ancestors actually came from Sicily, so it's like a Polish guy making Polish jokes."

  "You don't look like a mobster," Cora said.

  "That's the point," Dante said. "Mobsters come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. You have your blond mobster and your dark-haired mobster. You even have your red-haired mobster."

  Gillian stared at the car. The longer she did, the more nervous she became. "I don't think we should take any chances."

  "Neither do I," Lex said. "So let's mix this up. Cora, I think you need to drive your car and leave first with Dante. Take your suitcase and Gillian's. You can act like he's your boy toy for the weekend."

  "I don't have boy toys!"