Nerds Like It Hot

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  "Attention, everyone." Jared wielded the cordless microphone like a rock star. "I've had a request for an additional event here this morning."

  "You go, Jared, baby!" Nancy wiggled her hips and pointed a finger in his direction.

  Jared temporarily lost his focus. His eyes glazed over as he looked at Nancy and for a long moment he just stared at her and licked his lips.

  "Jared!" Nancy squealed and covered her face. "You're embarrassing me!"

  Blinking rapidly, Jared shook his head as if to clear it. "Uh, right. Where was I?"

  "An additional event," Nancy said.

  "Yes. Precisely." Jared straightened his tie and brought the microphone up to his mouth. "We're going to do a special singles event for those of you who were, shall we say, hampered by your partner."

  "Like me," Lex said.

  "Oh, stop it." Gillian squeezed his hand.

  "We'll divide it by gender," Jared said. "Ladies first. The prize is a manicure and pedicure in the spa. Then we'll let the men try it. We'll give the winning man a complimentary haircut and style."

  Gillian leaned close to Lex. "I don't want to take time for a manicure and pedicure. We could skip this if you want to."

  Her implication was clear. They could duck out of the singles limbo contest and go back to their cabin. The do not disturb sign was still on the door, and it could stay there for the duration of the cruise so far as Lex was concerned. They'd been too involved with each other to straighten the room in preparation for the maid. They'd barely made it to the limbo contest on time.

  God, he was tempted to take her up on her offer. They could make a quick detour past the gift shop to get a package of condoms. But that was his selfish side talking.

  No telling what would be in store for her beginning tomorrow. He should give her a chance to shine, even if she didn't care about the prize. And yet... an image of Gillian stretched out naked on one of the twin mattresses was very appealing.

  Right when he was ready to suggest they leave, Cora walked up beside Gillian. "A solo limbo contest! I am so there. Come on, Norma Jean. Let's go for it."

  "You know, Cora, I think I'll pass. I don't want the prize, and—"

  "If you win, you can give it to me. I'd love a manicure and pedicure. Lex, don't you think Norma Jean should be out there?"

  He thought about his new theory, that the Mafia guy was only watching to make sure Gillian had no intention of turning state's evidence. Getting into a limbo contest was better than disappearing into the room for long periods of time, much as he loved that idea. "I definitely do," he said.

  She gave him a long look. "Okay, you've got it. Hold my glasses." And off she went to join the other contestants, about twenty in all.

  He had it, all right. He had it bad. As he surveyed the group, which included Nancy, BJ, Dorothy of the short blond hair, and Emily from the lifeboat, he couldn't stop looking at Gillian. She was by far the most beautiful woman there.

  Dante sauntered over to stand beside him. "You might want to wipe the drool off your chin."

  "Can I help it if she's gorgeous?"

  "I'm assuming you're referring to Gillian."

  "Who else? Nobody holds a candle to her."

  "I beg to differ, buddy. BJ has them all beat."

  Lex shook his head. "You're no judge, Dante. You're prejudiced."

  "Oh, and you're not?"

  "It's perfectly obvious who's the most beautiful woman standing on this deck. Yeah, BJ is attractive, in a waifish sort of way."

  Dante turned to him. "Are you calling my girlfriend skinny?"

  "Your girlfriend?" Lex eyed his partner. No matter what Dante had said about his feelings for BJ, he was famous for hit-and-run romances. "Is that a shipboard term, or something that might last beyond Sunday morning?"

  Dante didn't answer right away. "Want to know something weird?" he said at last.

  "I'm not sure if I do or not. You're the grand master of TMI."

  "We've decided to put off having sex until we leave the ship. We both want to, but we're holding off, getting to know each other first. That's a little tough because I can't level with her about what I do. She still thinks I'm an exterminator."

  "Then let's hope that's not what's turning her on about you, Mr. Bug Thug."

  'Trust me, we don't talk about bugs."

  Lex was intrigued. "What do you talk about?"

  "The meaning of life."

  "You're kidding, right?" He'd never known Dante to have philosophical discussions with anyone, let alone a woman he was attracted to.

  "Nope, not kidding. BJ's deep. It's fun listening to her, and I'm learning all kinds of things. I mean, we've made out and stuff, but when it gets too intense, we stop and take a walk."

  "Huh." Lex couldn't help but compare that to how he'd behaved with Gillian. "I suppose that's easier if you aren't stuck alone together in a bedroom for any length of time."

  "Well, yeah. I can see why you caved."

  Dante had no clue the extent to which Lex had caved. "I'll bet you could have your and Cora's room tonight for the asking. For sure she'll be with Little Ben."

  "She's already told me that. But I think BJ and I won't test the system and stay together all night. We'd never make it, and it's kind of cool, holding off."

  "I guess." Lex wouldn't know. He hadn't intended to get sexually involved with Gillian, but he hadn't been strong enough not to.

  "I'm not passing any judgments, buddy, just so you know. You have an entirely different situation. Gillian will be gone by tomorrow. In your shoes, I'd take advantage of every opportunity, too. But for the first time in my life, I'm looking long-range."

  "That's good." Lex clapped him on the shoulder. "That's excellent." He wasn't going to say that he was thinking long-range, too, which would upset Dante no end. But if Dante had BJ, that would help him deal with Lex's taking off.

  "Looks like they're ready to start. Want to put some money on the line?"

  Lex was horrified. "You want to bet on how our girlfriends finish up?"

  "Sure. Why not?"

  "Oh, I don't know. Because it's unbelievably tacky?"

  "Hey, I bet on my favorite football team, don't I? What's the big deal?"

  "That's sports. This is..." Lex wasn't sure what to call it, except that he thought betting on the outcome wasn't cool.

  "This is about supporting your favorite limbo dancer. If I put a ten spot on BJ, that shows I have confidence in her. Don't you have confidence in Gillian?"

  "All the confidence in the world." He knew firsthand what kind of guts and determination that woman had. If he hadn't stopped her with a few well-placed kisses, she would have called the cops by now.

  Dante waved a ten-dollar bill in Lex's face. "Then don't be a wimp. Put your money where your mouth is."

  "Is somebody taking bets?" Little Ben hurried over. "Because my money's on Cora." He pulled out his wallet.

  "Emily can beat all of them." Irwin dug into his pocket and pulled out several crumpled bills. "What do I need to get into the pot?"

  'Ten." Dante collected money from Little Ben and Irwin. "Lex? You in?"

  "I'm in." Hector Michelangelo walked over holding a crisp bill. "Are we betting win, place, and show, the quinella, or what?"

  Dante coughed. "Just betting to win."

  "Okay, then. Put my ten on Dorothy."

  "I'm not actually keeping a list," Dante said. "I can remember who goes with who."

  "Fine." Hector waved a hand and walked away. "I trust you."

  "He trusts me," Dante muttered under his breath to Lex. "Did you catch all that bookie talk?" "Uh-huh."

  "Keep an eye on him. I agree with you that he's probably Mafia. The quinella. Sheesh."

  "Yeah, but I have a new theory. I'll tell you about it later."

  "Right. But keep an eye on him." Dante fanned out the bills in his hand and raised his voice. "Looks like everyone's ready to back his woman." Eyebrows lifted, he glanced at Lex.

  "Oh, for crying o
ut loud." Lex reached in his back pocket and took out his wallet. "Here." He held out a ten to Dante. After he handed it over, he checked to see if Gillian had seen the exchange.

  She was staring straight at him, so obviously she had. He couldn't tell from this distance how she'd reacted to it. He hoped she'd think it was funny.

  Jared raised the microphone. "We're ready to start! Music, maestro, please!" The sound of a steel band poured out of the speakers mounted on deck, and the first contestant shimmied under the bar as the crowd began to clap.

  Lex evaluated her performance and decided she wouldn't be a contender. He didn't care about his ten bucks, but he wanted Gillian to win. She'd had a tough time, and she deserved this.

  Dante nudged him in the ribs. "Here comes BJ." As she wiggled under the bar, Dante whooped and hollered in encouragement.

  BJ gave him a big smile when she was finished.

  A couple of contestants later, Emily came through and Irwin went crazy yelling for her. Lex was seeing a pattern. Although he wasn't the type to make a public spectacle of himself, he'd better do it in this case, or Gillian might never forgive him.

  As it turned out, cheering her on was easy. Once she started under that bar, her back arched to show off her breasts and her body moving to the beat, he not only shouted and clapped, he whistled.

  She was laughing by the time she stood upright again, and she waved at him before getting back in line for the next round.

  Lex punched Dante on the shoulder. "Did you see that? Did you see how good she looked? Wow! She's something!"

  Dante chuckled. "So are you, buddy. It's good to see you in the game."

  Lex barely heard him. He was too busy concentrating on the other contestants and looking for weaknesses. By the time the field had been cut down to ten, he was convinced that Gillian had it in the bag.

  And he could hardly wait to get her back to the room. She had moves on top of moves. As far as he was concerned, she was the sexiest woman to ever wiggle her way under a limbo stick. And he wanted some of that. Very soon. It was a damned shame they'd have to stop off for condoms on the way.

  A couple more rounds, and the field was down to five—Gillian, Cora, BJ, Dorothy, and Emily. Lex was surprised that Nancy was out. She'd had an awkward fall that eliminated her. He'd thought she might be the one to beat, but now that she was gone, he thought Gillian would walk away with it.

  On the next round, Dorothy lost her balance and fell, eliminating her chances.

  "I hope one of us gets to take home Hector's money," Dante said. "Just for the principle of the thing."

  Lex had already decided that if he won the pool, he'd leave the money for Dante. It wasn't much, but added to the value of Lex's car and a few other personal items, it might help the PI agency a little.

  He watched as Hector comforted Dorothy, and then the two of them melted into the crowd. "I can't see Hector anymore," he told Dante quietly.

  Dante lowered his voice. "He was with Dorothy, though, right?"

  "Yeah, but I don't know if that means anything. I suppose they could be working together."

  "That doesn't fit," Dante said. "I'm no expert, but I don't think the Mafia guys use women as partners. Anyway, it may not matter. We're out here with a ton of witnesses."

  "Good point." Lex did feel better when there was a crowd.

  "We can relax, I think. Nothing's going to happen right this minute."

  Lex grinned. "Except my girlfriend's going to whip your girlfriend's ass." "No way."

  "You watch how she goes under that pole like she owns it." Lex's grin widened as Gillian leaned back. How she kept her balance in that position he had no clue, but it was giving him ideas for later. He began to cheer her on.

  She was nearly under the pole when a funny rumble caught his attention. He wanted to keep watching Gillian, but some instinct told him to find the source of that rumble. He looked up in time to see a large metal drum topple from the catwalk. It was falling straight toward Gillian, and she didn't see it

  Twenty-two

  INSPIRED BY LEX'S CHEERS, GILLIAN WAS GIVING THE performance of her life. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the rhythm of the steel drum band and the delicate business of keeping her balance. She'd forgotten that balance had been one of her talents as a teenager. Recapturing that ability had been easier than she'd expected. She was going to win this limbo contest.

  Then Lex's happy cheers changed to a shout of alarm that ruined her concentration. She fell with a thump and her eyes popped open. That's when she saw the barrel heading in her direction. Even without her glasses she could see it was big enough to squish the life out of her.

  Before she could react, someone grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the way. The barrel smashed into the deck, splintering the boards as it landed. Gasping for breath, Gillian looked up to see who'd dragged her to safety.

  There was Lex, his face drained of all color as he stared at the barrel imbedded in the deck. He was clutching her arm so hard it hurt, but she didn't care. He'd saved her life.

  Pandemonium erupted after that. Jared rushed forward, still clutching his live mike, so his wails of concern carried all over the deck. Nancy was right behind him, along with Dante, BJ, Cora, and Little Ben. They crowded around so tightly that Gillian had no room to stand up.

  Maybe she shouldn't stand up. She was feeling a little woozy. Her throat constricted when she tried to speak, but finally she cleared it and got some words out. "Lex, I need some air."

  Immediately he lifted his head and began to shout orders. "Get back! Everyone step back. She needs to breathe!" Then he helped her up. "That's it. Take a deep breath. Another one." Although he loosened his grip on her arm, he didn't let go of her.

  She discovered that was a good thing, because now that she was standing, she was starting to shake. "M-maybe I should sit down."

  "Right over here." Lex guided her to a lounge chair. "It's an adrenaline rush. I'm feeling it, too." He made sure she was settled before crouching next to her.

  "How about water?" Cora edged closer, as if wanting to do something, anything, to help.

  "Thanks, Cora." She managed a smile. "Not right now."

  "Anything she wants, she can have." Jared hovered nearby. "I can't imagine what happened. One of the crew members has gone to get the captain. This is horrible. Terrible. All our equipment is inspected thoroughly before we sail. We take no chances with the safety of our passengers, I promise you that."

  "Shut up, Jared," Cora said. "We don't need your blathering to complicate the situation. Have you sent someone up to investigate how that barrel came loose?"

  Dante appeared beside Cora. "I just checked it out the cables were cut."

  Everyone gasped except for Gillian, Lex, and Cora.

  "Why, that's insane," Nancy said. "I've heard about sore losers, but this is ridiculous. It was only a silly limbo contest."

  "No kidding!" BJ said. "You really think somebody's that upset about missing out on a free manicure?"

  "You never know," Nancy said. "Some people can't stand to lose, no matter what's at stake."

  BJ moved closer to Dante and linked her arm through his. "In that case, we have a sicko on board, and we'd better find out who it is."

  Lex continued to concentrate on Gillian, massaging her hand and looking intently into her eyes. "What can I get you?"

  "My glasses."

  He reached in his shirt pocket and pulled them out "It's a miracle they didn't break when I dived for you." Opening the earpieces, he put them on with all the finesse of an optometrist.

  "Thanks." Her lips felt frozen.

  "Anything else? Water?"

  "Nothing, thanks." She was afraid to put anything in her mouth for fear she'd choke. "I'll be okay." But she doubted it. She'd thought the theft of her passport was a scary thing. That was baby stuff compared to this.

  Someone had tried to kill her. She gazed at Lex. It was good to have him in focus. "Did you... see what happened?"

  "No. I
heard a noise and looked up. The drum was already falling."

  Cora glanced around at the circle of passengers. "This is positively maddening. There are a bunch of us out here who witnessed this. Somebody must have seen something. There was obviously a person up on that catwalk. Did anyone notice who was up there?"

  "I saw some movement up there," Nancy said. "But I couldn't actually see a person, I mean, not well enough to tell if it was a man or a woman."

  Gillian's gaze came to rest on Nancy. Something about her wasn't right, and the comment about a man or a woman tickled a thought that had been bothering Gillian ever since she'd met their dinner companion. The limbo contest had caused Nancy to sweat, and the makeup along her jaw had come off.

  Because she worked in makeup, Gillian was familiar with the texture of a woman's skin, especially along the jawline where a man had a beard and a woman didn't. Nancy's skin where the makeup was gone had the rougher texture of a man's skin. There was a good chance that Nancy Roth was a man.

  That in itself wasn't particularly shocking. Hollywood was full of cross-dressers, and so Gillian shouldn't be surprised to find one on this cruise. Still, she thought Lex and Dante might want to know about this.

  As Gillian was contemplating how to make a graceful exit so she could talk to her bodyguards, the captain arrived looking suitably official with his gray hair, mustache, and spanking white uniform.

  "Hello, everyone. I'm Captain Hull. My sincere apologies for this terrible incident."

  "Wait a minute," Dante said. "Are you saying that you're a ship's captain with the last name of Hull?"

  "I'm afraid so." The captain shrugged. "One of life's strange coincidences. And to make things even more unbelievable, my first mate is Mr. Stern."

  Dante shook his head. "I'm in the middle of a Monty Python movie."

  Irwin raised his hand like a kid in elementary school. "My dentist is Dr. Payne. I thought that was kind of funny."

  Emily laughed on cue like a good girlfriend. "It is funny, Irwin."

  "That's nothing," BJ said. "I once went to a sex therapist named Lotta Qunmings."

  "You made that up," Dante said.

  "Nope."