“Why? It’s not Katrina again, is it?” Leigh said as she looked around. “I’m just about drunk enough to take her on.”
“See that woman over there behind the bar? She comes in to the library all the time.”
“Is that the woman you were telling me about? The one you like?” Leigh gave June an appraising once-over and nodded. “She’s very attractive. Quite the tall drink of water. Aren’t you going to go and say hello?”
“I don’t think so. Maybe we should go…”
“We just got here! You’re such a baby, wanting to run away.”
“Okay, okay,” Trish replied.
Trish watched as Andrew got to the front of the short line. Trish envied the steady eye June fixed him with as she served him. She wished that she’d gone to order the drinks, even if she was too shy to go and talk to June. When Andrew turned to walk back to them, he was grinning.
“Guess who just got drinks on the house! I guess all these years of coming here have finally paid off. I didn’t think she’d ever noticed that I’m a regular, she’s never bought me a round like that before.”
Leigh’s eyebrows shot up. “Honey, I’m sorry to tell you this but I don’t think the freebies were because of you. That barmaid and my sister are hot for one another.”
Andrew whipped back around to look at June. “Oh wow. Good for you, Trish. She’s very cool. I like her. And her mixing skills are superb.”
“Stop it,” said Trish. “I know why she did it, it’s just because I helped her out with something. By the way I’m not hot for her, I just find her mildly interesting.”
“Yeah, you’re mildly interested in having sex with her. You’ve been drooling over her since you realized she was here,” Leigh said, laughing at her own joke.
Andrew giggled into his glass of wine. “Yeah, I bet you helped her with a lot of things.”
“You’re both being idiots,” Trish said.
Trish slipped out of the booth. It would be rude to not go and thank June for the drinks, and she had always prided herself on having good manners. It was no big deal; she would only need to speak to her for a second.
June was serving the person directly in front of her, but she threw a quick smile at Trish. When it was Trish’s turn, she bent over the bar, trying to make herself heard. June leaned forward, too, looking at Trish intently. The collar of her shirt was open, and there was smooth skin underneath.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Trish said. “You already bought me coffee. Here, take this.”
Trish pushed a couple of notes across the bar. June’s hand pressed on top of hers, and Trish’s skin tingled when June gently pushed her hand back. Trish didn’t take her hand away, and June’s rested on hers for a few moments.
June smiled. “Just let me get this round, it’s no problem. Are you having a nice night?”
“Thank you. And yes, I am. I didn’t know that you worked here?”
“A girl has got to pay the bills somehow. I only teach one class, and obscure little books like mine are never going to pay much.”
Trish glanced at the woman who was standing impatiently beside her, waiting to order a drink. “Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.”
“No worries. That your boyfriend?” June asked.
“Who, Andrew? Oh no. He’s my brother-in-law. Or, he will be soon.”
June acknowledged the statement with a cool nod, like she already knew Trish was going to say no. “If you’re going to be here a while I get off in a couple of hours. Maybe we could have a drink?”
Trish’s eyes cut across to the woman, who was now openly glaring at them. It wasn’t a good idea. Trish was more than tipsy, she knew June from work and would have to see her there again. In a few more drinks she might be in a condition to make a fool of herself.
“I don’t know…”
“Don’t feel obligated, if you don’t want to it’s all good,” June said with a smile, finally turning to ask the woman what she would like. She turned up her smile for the woman, charming forgiveness from her.
Trish went back to the table. “So, Andrew, Leigh mentioned you had to work tomorrow, how’s it all going?” she said. Andrew smirked at Leigh, but he still answered Trish’s question.
As he spoke, Trish thought about June’s invitation. She couldn’t sit still, keyed up from the tension humming between them, but it was possible that she was being presumptuous. Maybe June was just being friendly, and it seemed likely that she was flirtatious with a lot of different people.
Trish tried to remember the last time she had done anything impulsive. It depressed her that her mind was so blank. She had so few people in her life these days, because she was just too guarded for her own good.
The three of them had another couple of drinks each. Trish refused to go back to the bar, despite Leigh’s prodding, but she never lost her intense awareness of June’s presence, often catching her out of the corner of her eye. And whenever their eyes met, Trish’s heart beat faster.
“I should be getting home,” Andrew finally said, sighing. “Work is going to hurt tomorrow.”
“I’m ready to head off too,” Leigh agreed.
“Thanks, you guys. I’ve had a great time. I think I’m going to stay a bit longer, so I can catch up with June once she’s done.”
Leigh gaped at her and Trish held up a finger to signal that she didn’t want to hear a word about it.
Leigh threw up her hands and kissed her goodbye on the cheek. “Okay, okay, just call me tomorrow. And be safe, don’t go walking around the city by yourself.”
When they were gone, Trish took her phone from her handbag and stared at the screen blankly. She tapped her foot under the table as she tried to fight the panic that had worked its way up from underneath the alcohol. It was stupid of her to stay here when she hadn’t even talked to June again to say she’d changed her mind. Maybe June didn’t even want to go anymore, maybe she had gone ahead and planned something else.
Trish looked over at June, who was shrugging on her jacket and picking up her backpack. When they made eye contact, June nodded at her, and Trish let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. They met in the middle, June leaning in again to make herself heard over the conversations around them.
“Do you mind if we go somewhere else? I kind of like to get out of here as soon as I’ve finished work.”
“Absolutely.”
Trish followed June up the stairs, watching the subtle swaying of June’s hips. It was surreal; she had never imagined that it was going to wind up like this.
They faced one another while June pulled the strap of her bag against her shoulder. She looked around the street at the drunken revelers.
“You know, I’m not sure about that drink. Actually, I’m sort of hungry. What do you think about getting something to eat instead?”
“I could eat.”
“Cool. There are a lot of great places in Chinatown that’ll still be open.”
June led the way as they walked through the streets. Trish was rarely out so late at night, but she loved the energy of the city. She felt buoyed by the backdrop of the bright lights against the dark sky. There were still people everywhere. The two of them talked now and then as they made their way, Trish asking about how June’s shift had been.
As they passed through the gate of Chinatown, Trish touched one of the red posts and looked up at the arched golden roof. She’d come here all the time when she was a student, when she and her friends sought out the cheapest places to eat. They pulled tricks like leaving a single steamed bun on the table as though they were still dining, so that they could stay and drink without being asked to leave. Trish smiled when they passed a karaoke bar, remembering how many times she and Leigh had stumbled up those stairs.
June stopped outside a restaurant with faded red Chinese script along the wall. There were pictures in the window of dishes, and June scanned it for a moment.
“How do you feel about dumplings?” June asked.
; The restaurant was busy, and they were seated on the end of a shared table. They were so close that Trish had to move her legs so that their feet wouldn’t brush.
“So, that girl that was with you, that was your sister?” June asked. “She looks a lot like you.”
“That’s right. Leigh, my big sister.”
“She’s very pretty. And what had you all been up to tonight?” June picked up the menu and started to scan it while she spoke.
Trish had caught that the compliment about Leigh’s looks was for her, too, and she shifted in her chair. “We had a few drinks at their place. Leigh’s been bugging me to go out for a long time.”
“Really? You’re not so into going out?”
“It’s been fun tonight, but no, not usually. I was in a relationship for a long time and she wasn’t that big on nightlife, either, so guess I turned into a bit of a homebody.”
June quickly glanced up at her and then down again at the menu. “How long were the two of you together?”
“Eight years.”
“That’s a long time. I’m sorry, a separation after that long must be rough.”
“Thanks. It was difficult, but I’m fine now.”
They ordered dumplings, spring onion pancakes, and a plate of pumpkin cakes. Trish looked around the table, at the groups of people chattering and laughing. There was a good mood in here tonight, a festive atmosphere, and she liked that she was a part of it for once.
“So, what made you want to be a librarian?” June asked, propping her hand under her chin.
“I’ve just always loved being around books. I explored a couple of things but I’m glad that I went down this path. Especially now that I like this job so much. And what about you, why did you choose literature to study?”
“Same as you. Books and reading have always been a passion of mine. Reading’s like breathing to me, a daily need. Only I don’t get as much time to do it as I’d like right now.”
Trish played with the menu under June’s steady gaze, opening and closing it though they’d already ordered. When she moved, her leg bumped up against June’s. “And your book topic? Why that in particular? Was it something that you’d been thinking about for a while?”
“Sure. I first heard about the idea of romantic friendships as an undergrad. The idea was taught to us like it was a fact, no critical thought about it, and that always stuck in my mind.”
“I can see why. Times have changed, we should be looking back at that stuff with a different lens now.”
“I completely agree.”
“But I mean, there must be…” Trish paused when the waiter laid their plates on the table. She picked up chopsticks, positioning them between her fingers before she continued. “There must have been cases where those women really didn’t intend for their letters to be read in that way. There’s so many different types of relationships. So many gray areas sometimes.”
June poured chili sauce into a bowl and offered it to Trish, who waved it away.
“Yes, but even if they didn’t intend it to sound that way, it doesn’t mean those women didn’t have desire for one another.”
“I suppose. Desire isn’t always acted upon, though. I think people can be friends and be attracted to one another, but not want to go there. There’s something kind of nice about the idea of it, don’t you think? I think a lot of people in general, men too, would like to be more demonstrative in their relationships. They’d like to be able to cuddle or hold hands, be more open with one another.”
June shrugged. “Okay. I guess some people feel like that. My biggest problem though is the idea that women didn’t know what they wanted because homosexuality wasn’t viewed like it is now. Women have been figuring out how to have sex with one another since the dawn of time. It’s natural. There’s nothing new about it.”
“Of course,” Trish said, clearing her throat.
“That’s interesting, though, that you think it’s a nice idea. It’s weird, that’s something I hadn’t even considered. That it could be an attractive prospect.”
“It’s a great topic. Maybe you’d even let me read it one day?”
June shrugged, but looked pleased in her low-key way. “If you wanted to read it, of course you could.”
Trish bit into the last remaining dish, the soft center of the pumpkin cake sweet on her tongue. June picked up the water jug and refilled each of their glasses, smiling when Trish thanked her.
When it was time to settle the check, Trish reached into her handbag, but June quickly laid her card down.
“This is on me,” June said.
“No, come on. I’d like to contribute.”
“You can get it next time.”
While June was taking care of it, chatting with the waiter, Trish’s thoughts lingered on the concept of romantic friendships. With some relationships there was that spark, a frisson that might never be named. Ambiguity could be appealing, and tonight was a fine example of that. She and June were just acquaintances who’d bumped into one another and shared a friendly meal, yet Trish had spent most of the last hour feeling like she was on the best first date she’d ever had.
The waiter left, and June turned to her. “Shall we?”
They stepped outside and Trish pulled her jacket closer against the cold.
“I should get a cab. It’s getting late. Thanks for having dinner with me, that was fun,” Trish said.
“Thank you for sticking around.” June put her hand on Trish’s shoulder for a moment before dropping it back to her side. Trish crossed her arms, staring down at the ground and stepping back a fraction.
When she glanced up at June, she was adjusting the strap of her backpack and looking down at the ground herself, and Trish knew that she’d gotten the message. It was embarrassing to realize just how scared she was that June might try to kiss her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t attracted to June, but still the thought terrified her.
She wasn’t ready.
“Listen, can I ask, would you like to hang out again sometime soon?” June asked.
“Sure. As friends?”
“Is that what you want?” June said.
“I think so. Yes.”
June looked back at her, and Trish could read the trace of regret in her eyes beyond her smile.
“Okay. Fair enough. I’ll see you next week at the library. Thanks again for the evening.”
While she spoke, June raised her hand to hail a cab that was coming toward them. When it pulled over she opened the door for Trish, and turned to her. Trish hesitated, but then said good night and got into the taxi. As she slid down into the seat they locked eyes.
June shut the door for her. Trish leaned forward to give the driver the address, and when she moved back into the seat, June was still looking at her through the window. She waved, and June waved back at her.
As they drove away, Trish had to remind herself that it had been her choice to leave.
Chapter Six
Trish had so much energy today. She’d slept in, then gone for a brisk walk. Her neighbor Eamonn was out walking his friendly German shepherd, Tucker. Though she usually passed by with a quick hello, she stopped and bent down to scratch Tucker behind his ears.
Last night, she’d caught a glimpse of what her life could be like if she opened herself up. June’s easy spontaneity inspired her. Trish would never think to propose a midnight dinner with a near stranger, and Trish figured that she could learn something from the way that June lived her life.
Trish’s Sundays were usually spent cooking and cleaning, full of chores that would help her to get everything ready for the week. That routine didn’t feel like it fit today, so she folded yesterday’s edition of The Saturday Paper into her handbag and walked around the corner to Gina’s Place. Settling into a chair at an outdoor table, Trish realized she hadn’t been here since the break-up. She ordered a long black and a croissant for breakfast, peeling off the soft buttery layers as she read the paper.
Trish turned to the crossword
but found herself daydreaming about when she might see June again. There was a dynamic between them that Trish wasn’t used to, a strange mixture of safety and danger. Their interactions were laced with a desire that she knew she would never act upon, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t just enjoy it.
When June had told her that she was a tutor at Holt and not a student, Trish was more than a little relieved. She would never do anything inappropriate, and that included violating her sense of ethics. From a young age, Trish’s feminist mother had drummed into her that relationships based on power imbalances were not okay. It meant that she’d always been hypersensitive about such things, and she’d never liked seeing people being taken advantage of. The idea of being attracted to a student horrified her, but now she could enjoy her feelings with no guilt.
For the rest of the day, June was never far from Trish’s thoughts. During dinner, June had dropped into conversation that she’d be writing at the library on Monday. So as she was getting ready for work, Trish spent a lot of time choosing her outfit. There was a top at the back of her closet that she hadn’t worn before and she pulled it out to examine it, deciding that it was time that it finally saw the light of day. The silk blouse wasn’t too different from what she’d typically wear, but the way it was cut accentuated her shape. Trish began pulling her hair up into a bun but let it drop down. She brushed it so that the waves fell over her shoulders.
At the beginning of her shift, Trish was busy repairing damaged books. When she was done, she made her way to the second floor, to the cubicles by the stacks where she knew June liked to work. She found June sitting in a corner desk, hunched over her laptop. Trish was reluctant to interrupt her while she worked, so she only lightly touched June’s back as she walked past. When June raised her head, she quickly looked Trish up and down, her gaze running up to Trish’s hair.
“Morning,” Trish whispered.
“Hey,” June replied. “Your hair looks so good like that.”
“Thank you.”
Trish went to the front loans counter and began to scan books, her hands shaking. She wanted to laugh at herself for having such an extreme reaction to the compliment. There was an intensity in the way that June looked at her that threw her, but it didn’t feel bad.
Like a Book Page 5
