Morning's Refrain

by Tracie Peterson

  “Then take your own advice and remember that Christ will give you the strength to do all things. Even face the horrors of the past.”

  Lydia drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her aunt was right. She just had to be strong—not in her own strength, but in God’s.

  “Sounds like Kjell is bringing the wagon around.” Zee pushed her toward the door. “Now, get on out of here. The girls and I have plans. I’ve sent them to find their quilt squares, and we will have a regular quilting party after we eat.”

  “I hope you have fun,” Lydia said. “We won’t be late.”

  She made her way outside as Kjell brought the wagon to a halt. He got down and helped her up onto the wagon seat, then joined her with a smile that stretched nearly from ear to ear.

  “I have you to myself.” He leaned over and surprised her with a passionate kiss. Lydia melted against him with a sigh, causing Kjell to chuckle. “Well, now that I have your attention, my dear, where would you like to go?”

  “Anywhere, as long as you are with me.” She smiled at him and looped her arm through his. “We can just take a nice ride, and then when the light is completely gone, we can have a bite to eat.”

  “I like the sound of that.” Kjell slapped the reins lightly against the rumps of the horses. “Get along now.”

  Lydia enjoyed the view of the harbor as the road came closer to the coast. There had been a great deal of trouble some years earlier, when Sheldon Jackson had supposedly infringed upon the passage into Sitka. It was basically a property dispute blown out of proportion, but the truth of the matter was that Jackson had grieved some of the men in power, and they, in turn, had tried to see his reputation completely ruined. And they had nearly succeeded. The native school quickly emptied of children, and Jackson was arrested. But cooler heads prevailed, and the man was released. Most of the men who’d tried to rid Sitka of Jackson were now instead gone themselves.

  “You seem deep in thought.”

  Lydia looked up at Kjell and nodded. “There’s been a lot on my mind of late.”

  “Dalton and Evie?”

  “Among other things,” she replied rather defensively.

  “Liddie, I know you pretty well after nineteen years.”

  “Well, I do think about other things and people,” she replied with a sheepish smile.

  “But Dalton is weighing down your heart. Come on, Liddie. Admit it.”

  Lydia pulled back. “Well, what decent mother wouldn’t be worried? We know how evil Marston is.”

  “He could have changed,” Kjell offered.

  “Oh, you are the eternal optimist,” she replied, crossing her arms.

  Laughing at this, Kjell continued. “You are most likely right in assuming that Marston is the same. However, even if he’s just as bad as he’s always been, it doesn’t matter. Dalton is a man who seeks God’s heart. He won’t be easily swayed. You have to account for the fact that he has grown up. He’s able to look out for himself, Liddie.”

  She sighed. “I know what you say is true. He is a good man, and I have to trust that God has His hand on Dalton—no matter where he goes or who he encounters. God is faithful.”

  “Yes, He is. We have to remember that sometimes things seem wrong because they are out of our control, but they are never out of God’s control.”

  “Do you think Dalton will be better for this trip?”

  Kjell said nothing for a few moments, and Lydia could see he was giving careful consideration to her question. This was something he often did when matters were of the utmost importance.

  Lydia looked out across the water at the sunset. There was such a peace about the way the water lapped gently upon the shore— constant, steady, reassuring.

  “I think God allows us to go through so many things that don’t seem likely to benefit us, but in hindsight, we can see where they did. Even the tragedies we’ve suffered over the years.” He slowed the horses. “I think if Dalton will let Him, God will reveal important things about himself and life through this experience.”

  The words had a calming effect on her heart. “I know you’re right.”

  “So what else has you concerned tonight?” He looked over at her with a grin. “You’re not fretting over the girls, are you?”

  “No, not really. Although I will say that Kjerstin has been making it quite clear she wants to be a nurse like Zee. That will require she go south for schooling.”

  “But not for another ten years or so. She might change her mind twenty times by then.”

  “I know, but the time will slip by faster than we think. But … well … there’s actually another girl who’s been on my mind a lot of late.”

  He raised a brow. “Who?”

  “Phoebe Robbins.”

  “Why is that? Is there a problem with her flute playing? She still wants to perform with us, doesn’t she?”

  “Yes. I mean no, there isn’t a problem, and yes, she still wants to perform.” Lydia paused a moment before plunging ahead. “What has been on my mind—and please don’t think me silly—but it has to do with her and Dalton.”

  His expression was one of pure confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  Lydia’s mind rushed with memories of Dalton and Phoebe, as well as her own prayers. “Before Dalton left for Kansas City, I could tell from some things he said that he found her quite interesting. Phoebe has also made it clear in our conversations that she misses him and she finds ways to ask me roundabout questions about him. Not only that, but I’ve long been praying for Dalton to find the right woman to marry someday, and the more I pray about it, the more I feel God laying Phoebe on my heart. I can’t really say why, but I believe they are destined for each other.”

  As was typical, Kjell fell silent while he again considered what she’d said. They made their way into town, nodding or waving to those they knew. Kjell finally brought the wagon to a stop. “Let’s walk a bit.”

  Lydia allowed him to help her down, and they strolled on a path near the main dock and held hands as the light faded bit by bit from the horizon.

  “I think if God has really put this on your heart, Liddie, then you should seek His wisdom in what to do with it. Obviously the matter of falling in love will be between Phoebe and Dalton.”

  “But I’m worried about them doing just that. I like Phoebe a great deal and I think she’s a lovely young woman, but she hates Sitka. You know Dalton loves it here. He’s always said he would never live anywhere but here.”

  “Up until now he’s never been anywhere but here. Now that he’s seen the States and had a chance to experience life in the city, he may have a different opinion.”

  Lydia frowned to think that her husband might be right. Yet it was hard to imagine that Dalton would fall under the spell of the city. His love of solitude—which he could only seem to find up in the mountains—made even Sitka seem too big for him.

  “What are you chewing on?” Kjell asked.

  She shook her head. “I just can’t see Dalton giving up this place. In fact, I could more easily see Phoebe coming to love Sitka than Dalton agreeing to move.”

  “A man will do strange things when it comes to the woman he loves,” Kjell replied. “Look at me. I never intended to remarry, and I’d certainly given up on having a family. I figured I’d own the mill until I died. Then you came into my life.”

  He smiled at her in a way that caused Lydia’s heart to skip a beat. My, but he was still the best-looking man she’d ever known.

  “Dalton may come to realize, as I did with you, that nothing matters as much as loving Phoebe and being with her.”

  “I know you’re right. When Phoebe told me how hard it was to be happy here, I reminded her of Paul’s words in Philippians on contentment. I suggested she pray and ask God to help her find things to love about Sitka.” Lydia stepped around a puddle. “I suppose I didn’t want to suggest that Dalton could change his mind and desire to move away with her. Oh, Kjell, I think my heart would break if he left us.” />
  Kjell put his arm around Lydia’s shoulders. “I know it would be hard, but darling, we need to realize it’s a possibility. We cannot put a harness on the boy. He will have to make his own decisions and seek the direction God specifically has for his life.” He paused and pulled Lydia into his arms. “But don’t be afraid. I’ll be here with you every step of the way. I will bear this with you—you will never be alone. You and I have faced much worse than this.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “We can do this together.”

  “You seem completely out of sorts,” Evie said as she joined Dalton on the garden patio. The sun had long since descended from the Kansas City sky, but several gas lamps had been lit to softly illuminate the garden.

  “I just don’t feel like I accomplished what I set out to do in coming here,” he said. “I had hoped to find a real connection to my father and my heritage. I expected to feel at least a slight attachment to the family. Instead, I feel nothing but sadness when I think of them.”

  Pulling a metal case from her pocket, Evie handed it to Dalton. “Open it.”

  He did as she suggested and looked down on a tintype of a man who very much resembled Marston and Mitchell. He glanced up at Evie with a questioning look in his eyes.

  “That is our father, Floyd Gray. I thought perhaps you might like to have it.”

  Dalton looked at the picture again. “Do I look like him?”

  “No. You don’t look like him at all. You resemble your mother.”

  “He looks so hard—unfeeling. Just like Marston and Mitchell.” He closed the case. “How can they be that way? Have they no heart at all?”

  Evie sighed. “I think Father was raised with stern and unyielding temperaments. My mother was a gentle spirit, and her love and kind ways were my inspiration. Jeannette, however, was jealous of the attention Father gave the boys and she strived to do anything that might impress him—even if that meant becoming like him. Where our brothers could utilize that nature for business, it only served to make Jeannette appear shrewish.”

  “I’m glad you took after your mother,” Dalton said with just a hint of a smile. He looked away and fixed his gaze on the lawn. “I suppose there will always be an empty place inside of me. Not knowing my father or understanding his ways leaves me with a void.”

  Evie considered something for a moment. “I know we will leave tomorrow, but the train doesn’t depart until close to noon. I have an idea. I’d like to take you to the house where we grew up. Jeannette owns it now and much has been left as it was. I can even show you a painting of my mother. Everyone says I look just like her.”

  Dalton nodded. “I’d like that.”

  “Perhaps you will be able to see something of our father when you are there. Who can say? But no matter, I want you to be able to return to Sitka with a sense of accomplishment. I know this trip was important to you, just as it was to me.”

  He looked at her and frowned. “I hope this journey brought you peace of mind.”

  “It did. I find that so many doors can now be closed. I have a huge sense of relief in Thomas’s passing. I didn’t wish the man dead, but neither did I want things to go on as they were. I had planned to seek a divorce if I came here and found that he was really quite well and Jeannette had made up the entire story.”

  “I know that would have been very hard for you to do,” Dalton said.

  “Yes, but certainly no harder than what I’d already endured. To live all these years as a wife without a husband … well, that was difficult to say the least. Thomas didn’t want me or the love I had to offer. Now I’m free to find someone who does.”

  “And I know just the man,” Dalton said, his expression changing to amusement. “Poor Joshua. He won’t know what hit him when you get home.”

  “Dalton Lindquist!” she declared in mock horror. “How can you even say such things?”

  Her brother laughed heartily at this, and that made her smile, as well. She was glad to see he could find joy in something.

  “All I know,” Dalton finally answered, “is that Joshua is mad about you, and you are just as smitten with him. If you want my advice, Evie, don’t waste any time with silly traditions of mourning or courtship. March right into Josh’s office and tell him how you feel. You’ve waited long enough for love.”

  She felt her cheeks flush at the image she had in her head. What if she’d misread Josh’s feelings for her? What if in her absence he had sought another? Evie forced the questions out of her mind. What if he had? She wouldn’t know the answer if she didn’t pose the question. Dalton was right. She needed to step up and try for what really mattered most of all.

  Chapter 15

  I must say this is short notice,” Jeannette said, eyeing Evie and Dalton.

  Dalton thought she looked like a nervous hen as she moved around the sitting room. Her lavender day dress seemed much too snug, adding to her awkward appearance.

  “I’m sorry, but we leave in less than three hours,” Evie told Jeannette. “That’s why I called you last night.”

  “Still, it was a very brief warning.”

  “I didn’t know that you needed me to warn you of our arrival. We aren’t here on a hostile mission,” Evie replied, pulling off her gloves.

  “Why are you here?” Jeannette asked. “You said very little last night.”

  “Dalton wanted to see the home where his mother and father shared their life together.”

  “To what purpose?” She sounded suspicious.

  Dalton smiled. “Just the satisfaction of connecting to the past.”

  Jeannette’s expression was one of annoyance. She looked back to Evie. “I suppose if you must. I’ll take you on a tour of the place and then we can have tea.”

  “If you don’t mind, Jeannette, I’d rather take Dalton around on my own. We can stay out of any room you’d rather us not see.”

  Jeannette looked offended, and Evie quickly added, “After that, we should have time to share tea with you.”

  “I … well … it’s most unusual,” Jeannette declared.

  “We can leave if you’d prefer,” Dalton told her.

  “No!” Jeannette replied quickly. “I put all of my other plans aside for this morning. You might as well stay.”

  Jeannette seemed very lonely to him, and Dalton couldn’t help but wonder if she really had had any other plans. She clearly didn’t want their company, but she desperately needed someone.

  “Go ahead and see the house. All of the rooms are open,”

  Jeannette said. “I will arrange for our refreshments.” She waited for Evie to nod before hurrying out of the room.

  Dalton glanced around at the opulent room. The furnishings were a bit worn, but in every corner and flat surface there were a wide variety of knickknacks. He knew little about art or collectibles, but he figured their worth to be quite great.

  “Are these things left over from your childhood?” he asked Evie.

  “No. Jeannette has her own style and taste. Our mother liked things elegant, but not too overstated. I think the portrait is the only thing I recognize as hers,” Evie said, studying the painting that still hung over the fireplace.

  “I thought that was you,” Dalton said in surprise. He looked again at the picture. “I noticed it when we came in. The resemblance is uncanny.”

  Evie was momentarily lost in thought. Dalton could see that the portrait had some strange affect on her. He said nothing more, waiting for her to begin the conversation when she was ready.

  Evie clearly had adored her mother. The memories she’d shared proved as much. Then added to this depth of feeling was the fact that Evie had seen her father—their father—kill her mother.

  “And years later his son tried to kill mine,” he murmured.

  Evie turned as if suddenly aware of him. “What?”

  “I was just thinking about how our father killed her. Then years later his son—our brother—tried to kill my mother.”

  “It is a strange bond to share, don’t you think
?” Evie said, gazing into his eyes. “Funny, but I never shared a closeness with my other siblings. You are the only one who truly seems like a brother to me. You and I have these wonderful memories of good times and laughter. I have none of that with my older brothers. I don’t even have it with Jeannette.

  “I know that moving to Sitka saved my life in a way,” she continued. “Not that I think anyone would have tried to kill me physically, but emotionally, every day they seemed to rob me of something precious. It was as if they knew they could take bits and pieces of my spirit, just a little at a time, and eventually they would have it all. I would simply fail to exist.”

  Dalton could see the pain in her eyes. He felt an overwhelming sorrow for Evie. Her life here had been a cruel hoax. There had been the pretense of a family but none of the love and joy that should have been present.

  Evie hugged her arms to her dark blue traveling suit. Her gaze traveled back up to the painting of the blond-haired woman. “She was just a year older than I am now, yet she looks so ancient. Her eyes are haunting and hollow. This wasn’t how she had been with me. This is a portrait she had made for our father. It was her Christmas gift to him. That and her death.”

  Putting his arm around Evie’s shoulders, Dalton felt her tremble. “He can’t hurt you anymore. None of them can.”

  She looked at him as if begging him to assure her. He hugged her closer. “We’ll soon be home, Evie. We won’t have to be influenced by any of them.”

  “I want to believe that,” she said, giving the slightest nod. “It’s just much harder than I thought.”

  “Coming here?”

  “Yes.”

  “Evie, we can go. I don’t need to see anything more,” Dalton told her.

  “Maybe not. But I do.” She glanced upward. “I need to go back to the attic. I haven’t been there since … that day.”

  “Are you certain you want to do this?”

  She nodded. “I think I must. It will free me from the past.”

  “Then by all means, lead the way. I will go with you, and we will face it together.”