“I wasn't going to comment on the irony,” Sam lied.
“Really?” Karina said skeptically.
“I was going to suggest you add a foot stomp for emphasis or use a shortcut to that sentiment by just putting your hands over your ears and yelling 'lalalalalalalala I'm not listening to you' next time, but I certainly wasn't going to comment on the irony!”
Karina shook her head, too frustrated to appreciate what she had to admit, had been a pretty funny joke.
She sighed, “Don't mind me; I'm just up too early and feeling sorry for myself. I'll be all perked up after my cup of coffee and shower.”
As if in answer to this admission, Sam set a mug of coffee in front of Karina, which she took a nice long swig of, feeling the elixir seeping life into her cells. She stretched, already feeling a little more frisky.
She smiled mischievously, “Now back to your big dilemma. Why don't you go down to Mountain Ridge Outdoor Adventures and pester...I mean, help....Amanda.”
Sam laughed, “Oh, you got jokes, huh? Because here's the truth – I did go down there. Several times. As it turns out, everything there is under control. And those two? When they're off the clock they're on each other!”
Sam waited a beat before saying, “Get it? Off the clock? On each other?”
Karina nodded, “I get it. At the office, Amanda is on top of things. At home, she's on top of Justin.”
Sam considered, then nodded, “Yours is better.”
Karina shook her head, “They were both medium strength. Anyway, I hate to kick your bored behind out of my house, but I have to get ready. Ryan's picking me up at 11, and I still have to get ready, and I have some work to do before that as well.”
“Wait!” Sam protested as Karina was ushering her towards the front door, “I was going to ask you more questions about Ryan, and about Kyle Austen Reed, and...”
“Great, email them to me!” Karina said amiably, shutting the door with finality.
“You don't read your email or you would have gotten my book club questionnaire!” Sam yelled through the closed door, getting the final word in before turning and jogging off across the street.
Chapter 19
Ryan stood up from his desk in the back office of Sue Ann's cafe at 10:30 with an air of equal parts satisfaction and anticipation. The anticipation came, of course, from the fact that he was taking the afternoon off to go and spend with Karina. The thought of that caused a thrill of excitement every time it crossed his mind.
The satisfaction came from being able to leave knowing that everything here was well under control. He had spent the morning wrestling with the books, and was finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel where that was concerned. He had even called Kelly in early to help cover the lunch rush, so he didn't have to feel guilty about leaving his Granny in the lurch.
In fact, he had spent the morning so completely engrossed in the business of the cafe that he had almost completely forgotten about YouTube videos and record deals. Almost.
He locked the door to the office behind him and turned around to head down the hall and out the door. As he turned and took his first step, however, he bumped directly into Kelly, who he realized must have padded up the hall quietly and stationed herself about an inch behind him as soon as she heard him start to lock the office door.
“Whoa there!” he exclaimed, trying to take a step backward but finding himself blocked by the office door.
“Hey, Ryan,” Kelly said, tilting her head to the side flirtatiously and batting her eyelashes a little, “I was SO excited when you called me this morning.”
Ryan struggled to keep his voice neutral, “I'm glad you were happy about the extra shift.”
Kelly laughed as if this were the funniest joke she'd heard in a long time. She slapped his arm playfully, “Oh, Ryan, you're so silly!”
Ryan shook his head and attempted to sidestep her as he said, “Not really.”
Kelly also stepped to the side to block his path again, “So, where are you off to in such a hurry?”
He groaned inwardly. He didn't want to tell her. He really didn't want to get caught up in the middle of some girl drama right now. But he didn't feel right about outright lying about seeing Karina, either. That felt wrong, as if he were ashamed of it, and nothing could be further from the truth!
He sighed, and settled on telling half the truth. He said, “I'm going ice skating.”
“Ooooo!” Kelly squealed, as Ryan again tried to squeeze past her, “We should go ice skating sometime! I bet you'd like to see me in my little sequined ice skating dress.”
Ryan couldn't help himself, this brought him up short. He asked disbelievingly, “You actually own one of those?”
Kelly leaned in and whispered seductively, “I would by the time we went ice skating.”
Ryan, exasperated by this time, took her firmly by the upper arms and set her aside, saying as he passed her, “Look, Kelly, I really have to go now.”
Kelly scampered after him and managed to get ahead of him again in just a few steps. Trying to salvage the situation, she wheedled, “You know Ryan we don't even have to do anything. We could just stay in, keep it casual. I could cook.”
Reluctantly, Ryan realized he was probably going to need to get firm. He hated that. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, and he didn't want to make their working relationship awkward. But she really didn't seem to be responding to anything more subtle.
As he was still trying to piece together the right words to let her down gently but conclusively, Sue Ann stepped into the mouth of the small hallway and cheerfully called out, “Kelly! You've got tables out here wanting your attention, hon!”
Kelly, disappointed, scurried off to the dining room and Ryan walked over to Sue Ann.
“Thanks for the assist, Granny,” he whispered conspiratorially as he leaned down to plant a kiss on her cheek.
“No problem, honey,” Sue Ann said, looking worried.
Ryan paused, “What's wrong?”
Sue Ann shook her head reluctantly, but then said slowly, “You be careful with Karina now, hear?”
Ryan started laughing, “Granny, if this is the birds and the bees talk...”
Sue Ann smacked his shoulder, “You!”
“Seriously, though, what brought this on? I thought you were all for me and Karina dating. You practically fixed us up! Why the sudden turnabout?”
Sue Ann nodded, “You're right, and I am for it, 100%. She's a wonderful girl, and I think you two are a great match. I'm just a little concerned because, well...I just didn't expect you to fall so far so fast, you know?”
“Granny, come on, you can't know what I feel,” Ryan argued.
“Sonny, anyone with ears and eyes and an internet connection knows what you feel, it's written all over you every time you look at the girl! My only concern is that she's always been a little closed off, you know? About everything but her music. She's got walls up.
“And you? You're really openhearted. So I don't want you to jump in with both feet, and then look behind you to see that she's just testing the waters, do you see what I mean?”
Ryan smiled and hugged his grandmother gratefully, “Aw, Granny. You're the best for worrying about me, honestly. But I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself, I promise. Still, I love you for caring!”
“Oh, now!” Sue Ann said, a little flustered, “OK, you just get going and go on your date before I drop this coffeepot. It's getting heavy!”
Ryan walked out to his truck, pulling his keys out of his pocket. He mulled over what Sue Ann had said. What would make a little girl in a community of people that loved her and protected her put walls up? She seemed close to Renata, so he was fairly certain that her childhood with her grandmother had been happy. So why the need to guard her heart so carefully?
He realized that her letting down her guard and allowing him inside her heart was a critical component of their moving forward in a relationship together, but he also realized that it would do little good to press h
er on the reasons for her habit of distancing herself from relationships. No. What he needed to do was simply show her that he was a safe person to confide in when she was ready and that, in turn, he was also a safe person to let into her heart.
--- ~ ---
Ryan walked up to Karina's door and raised his fist to knock, but then he noticed a delivery van pulling into her driveway. Interested, he watched as a teenage boy, probably around 16 or 17, climbed out of the truck. His long, gangly legs and awkward gait made Ryan distinctly UN-nostalgic for the so-called 'golden years' of high school. Ryan shuddered inwardly. Awkward was more like it.
Ryan watched as the kid went around the back of the van and then reappeared a moment later with an impressively large and stunning bouquet of wildflowers.
When the kid came up the walkway and Ryan got a closer look, he added manic gum popping and an acne-pocked complexion to the kids' unfortunate attributes. Ryan felt bad for him, and was seized by the sudden urge to tell him that this, too, would pass – but realized that this would make him come off looking creepy. At best.
The kid shouldered past Ryan with barely a glance and rang the doorbell. Ryan smiled a little, admiring his moxie.
Karina opened the door, the excited look on her face clearly indicating that she thought her visitor was going to be Ryan. Instead, she was greeted by the sight of the delivery boy, holding the large flower arrangement, which was currently blocking her view of Ryan.
She hid her disappointment well, and said cheerfully, “Hey, Pete, how you doing?
“Hey, Karina,” replied the kid, whose name was apparently Pete, “do you want me to bring these inside like the others?”
“Yes, on the living room coffee table will be good.”
“What do you want me to do with this guy who's been hanging out on your porch? You want me to get rid of him for you?” Pete continued with bravado as he stepped into the entryway.
Startled, Karina glanced back at the porch, where Ryan was now standing fully in her field of vision since the flowers had been moved. He gave her a small wave and she began to laugh.
“No, thanks, Pete. I'm expecting him,” she said good-naturedly, and then teased under her breath as Ryan passed her in the doorway, “You better watch it, mister, or I'll have my bodyguard Pete here take care of you.”
Ryan stood in the entryway as Karina tipped Pete and sent him on his way. Pete shuffled out toward his van with a friendly call of, “See you tomorrow, Karina!”
Ryan looked at her, puzzled, “See you tomorrow?”
Karina gestured in frustration to the living room, and Ryan took a couple of steps forward, expanding his view of the room enough to include several large flower arrangements which had been set around on the various flat surfaces, all as uniquely beautiful as the one Pete had just carried in.
“Whoa, I see you have quite a few admirers,” he said, taken aback.
“Nope, just one.”
“Should I be worried?” he asked lightly.
She rolled her eyes in exasperation, “Oh, it's just Kyle...”
“...Austen Reed,” Ryan put in with a wink.
“Precisely,” Karina finished with a laugh, “Every single day I get a flower arrangement, with a card that says roughly the same thing. Let's check out today's, shall we?”
They crossed to the flower arrangement and Ryan pulled out the card.
“Karina, my love,” he read with something approaching Kyle Austen Reed's flair for the dramatic, “I apologize but I have been asked to go to the library and read a book to the children for the literacy program there, and I will be attending a dinner held in my honor at the Veterans Hall. I will see you tomorrow, my angel. All my best, Kyle Austen Reed.”
“Yep,” Karina laughed, “And yesterday it was serving dinner at the soup kitchen...let's see, what else? He's given a devotional reading at Hope Falls Community, he's spoken at the high school – either opposing drugs or supporting staying in school, I can't remember which – and he's filmed a PSA for the local animal shelter. I think he's decided to abandon his career as an actor and take up the role of Patron Saint of Hope Falls.”
Ryan laughed, and then adopted a more serious air. He stepped closer to Karina, looking directly into her eyes, “You were wrong, you know.”
She froze, and her eyes widened, “About what?” she breathed.
He reached up and brushed her hair behind her ear, “About having only one admirer.”
Karina laughed, “Who are my others?” she said coyly.
Instead of answering, he simply leaned down and kissed her.
As they broke apart, he smiled, “OK, go get your jacket, we're going to be late.”
As she hurried off down the hall, he worked to tamp down his irritation about the flowers. I mean, did it annoy him to high hell that another man was sending 'his' Karina flowers on a daily basis? Yes. Yes, it did.
But did he actually think that Kyle Austen Reed posed some sort of real threat to him? No. No, he didn't.
So, having made that differentiation, he realized that the only sensible thing to do, the only course of action that fit with 'Operation Convince Karina Blackstone That Ryan Perkins is Worth Settling Down With,' was to swallow his petty pride and play it off like he didn't care.
But, damn, did that guy get under his skin with little stunts like this!
“So, where are we going ice skating?” he heard Karina call as her footsteps announced her return from down the hall. She appeared in the doorway looking fresh and rosy-cheeked, adorned now with a sleek jacket and a coordinating cap and gloves set. He smiled. She was stunning, as always.
“Well, King's Pond is supposed to be the best in the area,” he responded.
Karina looked disappointed, and responded, “Oh, Ryan, I hate to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure King's Pond is the one outdoor rink not open yet. As Mr. King gets on in years, the season keeps getting shorter and shorter. I don't think he's opening up until after Thanksgiving this year.”
Ryan smiled, “It's not actually open to the public yet, but when Granny found out I invited you, she called Mr. King and he agreed to open up just for us.”
Karina clapped her hands in front of her chest, delighted, “Oh, Ryan, how fun!” she exclaimed.
Ryan nodded, “Yep, and we'd better get a move on, too. I think he's waiting on us.”
As they hurried out to Ryan's truck, Karina smiled wickedly, “So, Mr. King agreed to come in and open up for us just because Sue Ann asked him to, huh? I guess I'm not the only one with 'admirers' to my name.”
Ryan playfully swatted her rear and she laughed and ran on ahead. He chased her and she squealed as he caught up to her and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up from behind and spinning her around.
“You're lucky you stayed on your feet during that move, it would have been sooo much less suave if you'd fallen,” she remarked playfully.
“Oh, I had that contingency all mapped out,” he assured her confidently, “Then we would have just rolled together playfully, laughing movie-montage style, and it would have ended in a kiss.”
She smiled up at him, “No reason not to use that ending anyway.”
Chapter 20
As Karina and Ryan made the drive to King's Pond in companionable silence, Karina struggled to process the feelings that Ryan engendered in her.
On one hand, being with Ryan made her feel like she could just...be. She loved that feeling. Her career being what it was, it wasn't one that she was used to. She was generally used to being told how to act and what to portray, the feeling of being able to relax and just say what was on her mind at any given moment, without worrying about how it made her look or what the repercussions might be...it was everything.
Not only that, but Ryan really got her sense of humor. Karina had spent the last 10 years joking around with the people she was forced to surround herself with, only to have them tell her, in concerned voices, that of course she understood she shouldn't talk that way in public, right?
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For the past 10 years, her self-esteem had been slowly etched away, one jab at a time, by people who told her time and time again, with the best of intentions, that her personality wasn't quite fit for public consumption. That, of course, THEY understood “what she was like.” But that she must never show her true self to anyone else, because they just wouldn't get it.
And yet, for ten years, she had put up with it. Why?
Certainly not the money. For the past, probably, seven of those ten years, she had had enough money socked away to support herself for the rest of her life, if she lived modestly. And Karina really didn't care about all the trappings of excess – the private jets, the bling, the ridiculously expensive champagne and caviar, the hotel rooms that cost more for one night than most people made in a year. Those things made Karina sick, truth be told. Nope. Her one extravagance was the shining home high on the hill that she had just purchased, from which she could look out upon the lights of her hometown and feel comforted, and she was perfectly happy with that.
So was it the music? Of course, she lived for her music. But the truth was that, since the advent of the internet age, she could have self-produced the music that she wanted. She could have done that for a long time. With her name recognition, she could have even made a very nice living at it. Even if her name had meant nothing because the fans of her pop music didn't translate to the new material, she could have been happy as a clam just living off of her savings and making music for passion. So, to say that she'd ridden the fame wagon all this time because it was the only way to make her music was also disingenuous.
So, why, then? She wasn't quite sure, herself. But the closest answer she could come up with was one that, while it didn't cast her in a very flattering light, at least felt honest.
She thought that the reason that she had never taken a good look at her life and decided to hop off the fame train and tell all those soul-suckers to find a new victim was that...it just never occurred to her.
Yep. As simple as that. She cringed inside. She literally just never stopped and thought about it long enough to consider that the life she was living might not be good for her. She had never thought enough of herself as a person – not as a commodity, but as a human being – to consider that her feelings might be as important as her talent.
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