What had changed that for her? If she was honest with herself, which she was now trying her best to be, she had to admit that it was Ryan. Yes, her decision to move back to Hope Falls and return to her roots had been solidified before she met him, but at that point she was still thinking of that being a good move for her artistically. A way to change the direction of her career.
Ryan had cast a different light on the situation. He had held up a mirror to her, and when she looked into it, she saw Karina Blackstone staring back at her. And it had shocked her. After becoming so used to looking into dressing room mirror after dressing room mirror for over a decade and seeing nothing but Karina Black there, to see her true self reflected in Ryan's eyes was a revelation.
Then, of course, there were the massive amounts of physical chemistry she and Ryan shared. Half the time she was around him, her hormones were raging as hot as an inferno, burning at such a dangerous temperature that she was afraid she might just spontaneously combust! When he looked at her, it felt like the rest of the world just melted away.
She had never met anyone like Ryan. He was confident, and funny. He didn't play games. Now that she had taken a good hard look at the life she had made for herself for the last ten years, and the people she had surrounded herself with, it seemed like a little glimpse of heaven to spend time around someone who was straightforward, who wasn't constantly watching for an opening, who wasn't always looking to manipulate and play an angle.
Then there was the way he loved his family. He was out here helping his grandmother run her business, that was a big sacrifice. It was clear when you saw the two of them together, as well, that he truly and deeply cared for her. Since Sue Ann was also one of Karina's favorite people in the world, this earned him major points with her.
She also loved the way that he got along with pretty much everyone he met, seemingly effortlessly. He had such an easygoing and engaging manner that people were just drawn to him naturally, and in turn, he seemed to see the best in those that he met.
Hell, even Kyle Austen Reed – a man that most guys in Ryan's position would see as a “rival” – Ryan saw him with clear eyes. As someone who was no threat to him. He saw Kyle's good and bad qualities for what they actually were.
If she had to boil down the quality to its essence, she guessed she would have to call it “confidence,” although the confidence that Ryan displayed bore no resemblance to the cocky self-assurance that she had always thought of as the embodiment of that quality.
No. With Ryan, it was something quieter, much more subtle. He was simply totally comfortable in his own skin. You could tell within minutes of meeting him that he knew exactly who he was, and he was satisfied with that. He didn't feel the need to inflate that sense of himself with aggrandizing, or the need to degrade it with false modesty. It simply was what it was.
She sighed to herself. Yes, all of Ryan's qualities were great. Spectacular. Amazing. Maybe even once in a lifetime. But none of that mattered, because Karina knew enough about how the world worked to know that, ultimately, this would never work out. No matter how strong her feelings, or Ryan's, or how fervently she wished it would.
When she looked at Ryan, at the kind of man he was, it was easy to look into the crystal ball ten years down the road and see the kind of woman he would end up with. A solid family woman, with roots as deep and pervasive as his own.
Was that going to be someone who was out on tour three quarters of the year? No. Was it going to be someone who didn't even know her parents, and who had a grandmother who wasn't currently speaking to her...BECAUSE of him, in fact? Again, no.
She strengthened her resolve. Again, she reminded herself, this is why it is very important to concentrate on just enjoying the time that she did have with Ryan, and not ruin it by constantly worrying about the future, and what would happen there. Just relish the here and now, she commanded herself, and let the future take care of itself.
As Ryan helped her down from the passenger seat of his truck, Old Man King came out of the office to greet them.“Hey, there, young people!” he called to them with a wide smile on his face, “You've got the place all to yourselves!”
Karina greeted him with a friendly embrace and said, “Mr. King, it was so kind of you to open up especially for us today. You didn't have to do that!”
The elderly man returned her embrace, saying, “It's good to see you, Karina. And as for opening up special for you all, well, now you know I'd do just about anything for Sue Ann. She's a mighty fine lady, she is.”
“She is,” Ryan agreed, looking a little uncomfortable, “I'll tell her that you said hello.”
“Yes, you do that now, hear? Well, I'll leave you to it. I'll be in the office if there's anything that you need. You kids have fun. When you’re finished up, go ahead and lock the gate on your way out.”
“Thanks, Mr. King!” they chorused as they headed off towards the ice.
The sound of Mr. King's voice followed them as they walked away down the path to the pond, “Now, you don't forget to say hello to your grandmother!”
Karina laughed and Ryan just shook his head.
“Ooo la la, she is a ‘mighty fine lady’!” she teased as they laced up their skates, “You know, there's a Barenaked Ladies line that comes to mind. The phrase is 'senior citizens in love' – appropriate, don't you think?”
Ryan groaned, “I don't want to think about someone having the hots for my Granny. I especially don't want to think about it while I'm on a date!”
Karina tied the last knot in her laces and stood, gracefully launching herself out onto the ice. Ryan watched, amazed, as she glided, spun, and jumped. Finally, she came to a stop in front of him, cheeks rosy from the enjoyment and the exertion.
“Come on, slowpoke, I thought we were skating!” she giggled.
Ryan, who had not even finished tying the laces on his skates yet, looked up at her and said, “Whoa, girl! If this music thing doesn't work out for you, at least you have a backup plan! Show skating!”
Karina laughed joyfully and turned a few more circles and said, “Oh, man, Ryan, I love to ice skate! I have ever since I was little. It's the closest thing I've ever felt to flying!”
Ryan looked at her thoughtfully, clearly realizing that this would be an opportune time to peel back another layer in the mystery that was Karina Blackstone.
“So, did you always know that you wanted to be a musician? And I don’t want to hear the canned answer that you've given in interviews. I want to know the real answer.”
Karina continued to glide in lazy circle eights, and Ryan was just opening his mouth to apologize if he had stepped over the line when she answered.
“Not professionally, no. Music has always been my escape, the place where I belonged. Music never judged me. And it was the one thing I could trust to be there no matter what. Music has never let me down. Now that it's a career, it has become more about money than music. Don't get me wrong. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to make music for a living.”
She looked down and paused. When she again raised her head, the sad expression on her face belied her words, “I'm very lucky, really.”
Her openness not only took Ryan by pleasant surprise, but also confused him a little. He figured that, since she was in an “opening up” sort of mood, now would be as good a time as any to ask about her parents. Go big or go home, right?
He tried to segue into it as seamlessly as possible so that the conversation would not begin to feel like an interrogation.
“Well, you're definitely a natural,” he said sincerely, “Were either of your parents musical?”
Karina shrugged, her studied attempt at nonchalance betraying the depth of her true feelings far more clearly than an emotional outburst would have done.
“I have no idea. Renata never talked about what my Mom was like, even as a child. I tried every way I knew how to get my Grandmother to tell me about my Mom. I begged, cried, demanded, I even went on a food strike for three days once. I
t didn’t matter what tactic I used every time I've asked her about my Mom or my Dad for that matter, she just changes the subject – and if I push her too hard, she just says it’s not the time to talk about it.”
“They're your parents, you have a right to know about them,” Ryan said softly, hoping that this would validate her feelings – feelings that she wasn't voicing, but that were written so clearly across her lovely face.
Karina spat out a bitter laugh, “You try to explain that to my Grandmother next time you see her, see how well that works out.”
Karina continued to skate in silence for a moment, then said worriedly, “I was kidding, you know – don't honestly bring it up to her...”
Ryan laughed, “Don't worry, I would never say that to her. In fact, I can't imagine myself ever not being too intimidated by her to say much more than 'Yes, ma'am' if we were to ever talk.”
“Probably for the best,” Karina said with a small smile.
“Have you ever thought about searching for your Dad, maybe he could give you some answers?”
Karina nodded, “Sure, of course. I've given it some thought. I used to think that as soon as I turned 18, I'd go looking for him. But by my 18th birthday I was already started on the roller coaster ride that is my career. I just never got around to doing it.”
Ryan mulled that over, letting the silence hang in the air for a moment to give her space to process the fact that she had just shared personal information with him, had been vulnerable. Ryan realized that there was definitely more to the story, but that could wait for another day. For right now, he was merely grateful that she had felt safe enough with him to share as much as she had.
When the heaviness in the air began to dissipate, Ryan stood and started to stiffly shuffle over to her on the ice, nearly losing his balance with every small movement he made, and flailing his arms wildly in an attempt to remain on his feet.
Karina watched this for a moment and then doubled over with laughter.
“Hey, now!” he cried, in mock indignation, “I'm just as good as you! I just have a different style....”
She stood up, still laughing, and wiping tears from her eyes.
“I'm sorry,” she gasped between bursts of hilarity, “It's just...oh, man...I thought you said you'd skated before.”
“I've roller skated!” Ryan defended, “I just figured...how different could it be?”
“Well, you're in the process of finding out exactly how different!”
Ryan smiled affectionately as he drew closer to her, “Hey, watch it, lady. I think that you're taking entirely too much pleasure from my humiliation. How do you know I won't reach out and take you down with me?”
He made a swipe at her, mainly for show, and she squealed delightedly and spun expertly away from him. She made a huge show of skating all around him at high speed, zooming in close and then zipping away when he made a show of trying to grab her.
Finally, she came to a stop right next to him, her smooth skin flush and glowing from the exertion.
“Had enough?” she said playfully.
“More than enough,” he admitted with a grin, “I have to bow to your prowess. You are, in fact, better than me.”
Karina smiled brightly as she turned so she was standing directly in front of him. Facing Ryan she took his hands as she began skating backwards, pulling him along with her, “The trick is to push off and glide, smooth and steady that’s the key.”
Ryan followed her directions and after a while, although he was nowhere near as graceful as Karina he was making it around the rink unassisted, becoming steadier and more confident with each lap.
He may, however, have overestimated his budding ability, when he decided to pick up the pace to catch up with Karina who was a few feet in front of him, his legs were suddenly not underneath him and the next thing he knew he was flat on his back looking up at the sky.
Hearing the loud thud as Ryan hit the ice Karina spun around quickly. Trying her best to repress the laughter that was bubbling up inside her at the sight of Ryan sprawled out comically on the ice she rushed to his side, “Are you OK?”
A huge smile spread across Ryan’s face as he looked up at Karina, equal parts amusement and concern written all over her beautiful face, “Yep, but I don’t think the Ice Capades will be calling anytime soon.”
She grinned back just as widely, “Well, if you've had enough icy torture...by which I mean, humiliation...do you want to head over to my place for some hot cocoa? I make the best.”
“Hmmmm....” he said, pretending to consider the offer, “I have to say, watching your cute little butt as you spin around the ice isn't as torturous as you seem to think it is. That having been said, yes. I could definitely go for some hot cocoa.”
They made their way back to the bench and began to unlace their skates. As their gloved fingers worked the laces, Ryan said casually, “I got a call from Davis at Spintown.”
Karina jerked upright and looked at him, shocked.
“They want to meet with me.”
Karina said slowly, “Is that what you want?”
Ryan shrugged, “I don't know what I want.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I said I'd get back to him by the end of the week. I wanted to talk to you first.”
Karina was taken aback, “Really? Why?”
This, in turn, took Ryan aback, “Well, there are a lot of reasons. First of all, it's just plain common courtesy. Spintown is your label. I need to know how you feel about me entering that part of your world. Secondly, I don't know these people. You do. If I do end up meeting with them, obviously I'd want your perspective on them before that happens.”
Karina was legitimately speechless, so bowled over by this turn of events. No other man she had ever dated – hell, had ever met – would have given her feelings a second thought if he were presented with an opportunity like the one that had been offered to Ryan.
In her world, if a man had an opportunity to advance his career, he would steamroll over her so fast her newly-flat head would spin. And in that world, that sort of behavior was expected. It's not that it was considered OK, really – it still hurt. But it was considered par for the course.
Ryan had been presented with a chance of a lifetime – the chance to take a meeting that hundreds of thousands of starving artists would have killed for, let alone stabbed Karina in the back. And what had his first inclination been? To think of her feelings first.
She stared at him mutely, a slow tear running down her face.
Ryan looked up at her when it registered with him that she had stopped unlacing her skates and was sitting stock still. When he saw the tear, something close to panic flashed in his eyes.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked, his voice full of concern, “I'm sorry, I don't know the protocol...I didn’t mean to upset you, that’s the last thing in the world I would ever do.”
Instead of answering, she leaned over and kissed him long and hard. This kiss was different than any they had shared yet, and both Ryan and Karina could feel the difference. This kiss wasn't about lust, it wasn't about anything physical. It was Karina, laying her heart bare to him, expressing an emotion that was too deep to put into words. This kiss was about their souls intertwining.
When they finally broke apart, something had changed between them. Ryan knew it. Karina knew it.
There was a new depth in her eyes, a new tenderness, as she said haltingly, wiping away her tear, “You, Ryan Perkins, are a truly quality human being.”
“Let’s get out of here.” Ryan stood grabbing Karina’s hand and headed purposefully towards his truck.
Chapter 21
Ryan pulled his truck into the driveway of Karina's house and went around to the passenger side to open the door for Karina. He held out his hand and helped her down, all the while debating furiously what he was going to do when they got up to the front door.
Dammit, he had lost himself at the ice rink. He had forgotten about going
slow. He had forgotten about The Plan. He had forgotten about everything but being lost in her big, dark eyes and mesmerized by every word coming out of her mouth. She seemed to have that effect on him quite a lot.
And the thing was, he didn't even feel the need to keep himself from her anymore, to go slow, to get to know her better without sex getting in the way. He felt, on a deep level, that they were connected now, that they understood each other, that they cared about each other. But, when you looked at the chronology, it was so fast! So much faster than he was used to moving, that was for damn sure. In fact, if his usual pace was a casual stroll, this relationship felt more like rushing headlong. But, oh man...it was such a thrilling rush!
So, the question he struggled with was – would he adhere to his normal pattern and stick to the 'slow and steady wins the race' ideal he had always clung to? Or would he surrender to this heady mix of affection, connection and just plain old lust he felt for Karina?
When they got to the door, Karina took out her keys and started to reach her hand toward the lock. She froze and sighed, then turned around to face him regretfully.
“I can't believe I'm about to say this,” she said, her mouth twisting in a mirthless little grin, “but when you talked to Davis, you put my feelings first. I feel like putting your feelings first now is the least I can do. Look, Ryan. I don't have much experience with this whole 'go slow' thing you're into, I'll admit I don't even really understand the point of it. But I know it's important to you. So if you want to call it a day right now I'll understand. I won't try to tempt you inside.”
This sealed it for Ryan. He now knew exactly what he wanted to do, and it sure as hell wasn't to get in his truck and drive away.
Ryan stepped forward, looking into Karina's eyes intently, moving toward her slowly and inexorably, the intensity crackling between them making her back up a step. Her back bumped up against the door and her eyes widened, but he kept moving forward. He reached his arms out, placing his hands on the door, one on each side of her, trapping her between his arms.
Sweet Harmonies Page 22
