Sweet Harmonies

by Melanie Shawn

  Ryan said, “Well...I guess I would need a manager. If this goes forward.”

  “You do.”

  “OK,” Ryan said, “I tell you what. I will admit that I'm interested in this. The idea to be able to play music for people, on a larger scale...I like that idea.”

  “So, you're in!” Davis said with finality.

  “I'm in-TERESTED. Big difference,” Ryan responded.

  “Great, kid, great...” Davis said distractedly as he and Bernie got up to leave. He was already pulling out his phone and punching buttons.

  As Davis and Bernie retreated down the hall, Ryan heard Davis say into the phone, “Yeah, it's me. The kid's in!”

  Ryan laughed. He could tell that setting and keeping boundaries professionally with these two was going to be as hard as it was personally with Karina. What was it about show business people, that they could just envision the world that they wanted, and then make it come to pass? Charisma? Unwavering belief? The subconscious certainty that things would work out? Possibly a combination of all those things.

  Whatever it was, Ryan admitted to being slightly pulled in by their magic. He knew he needed to keep his feet on the ground and his head out of the clouds, to not count his chickens before they were hatched – but damn, even now he could see a crystal clear vision of himself, playing and singing on a stage in front of thousands of people.

  And, he was honest with himself. He admitted it. He liked that picture. He wanted that life. And, in spite of himself, he was starting to feel a little excited that Bernie and Davis might be able to give it to him.

  The only variable, the only thing up in the air in Ryan's mind, was how Karina would actually feel about the whole thing. Yes, sure, Davis and Bernie had seemed certain she would love it. But he had a feeling that Davis and Bernie would have seemed equally certain that the sky was red if it would help to close a deal.

  Ryan knew that, regardless of what those two said about the process of deals getting done, he needed to talk to Karina himself to find out her feelings.

  He pulled out his cell phone and pressed the speed dial button that caused it to call her. He listened to the ringing on the other end, and then heard her voice, but it was only her outgoing message.

  He debated leaving a message on her voice mail, but decided that this was something it would be better to talk to her about in person.

  He pressed the button to end the call and, far too wired now to ever concentrate on QuickBooks, put his phone back in his pocket and grabbed his apartment keys, heading up the stairs to go do the one thing which always, without fail, helped him sort through things in his head, and put things into perspective. Play his guitar.

  --- ~ ---

  Karina dropped into bed that night at eight pm, exhausted, and closed her eyes. She had woken up at six that morning, after her amazing wall-and-shower night with Ryan, and felt inspiration thrumming through her like a current of power. She had hopped out of bed and literally run down the stairs and into her studio, where she had been holed up for the past 14 hours.

  She hadn't eaten, she hadn't showered, she hadn't changed her clothes – she was right now falling back to sleep in the same boxers and tank top combo she had been wearing when she jolted out of bed that morning.

  Now that she had worked through the creative energy, letting it out by writing and polishing three new songs that she thought would work really wonderfully on her new project, the adrenaline which had kept her so alert throughout the entire day had suddenly fled, and she felt like a marionette whose strings had suddenly been cut.

  As she drifted off, she vaguely realized that she had been out of touch that day and wondered if anyone had tried to get a hold of her. Her studio was sound-proofed. She couldn't hear the doorbell in there, and she hadn't brought her phone in. The idea had been to shut out the outside world.

  The thought occurred to her that she should probably at least look at the message screen on her phone to see if anything urgent had come up, but she simply couldn't muster the will to move her leaden limbs to carry her to the phone and pick it up, and she certainly didn't have the desire to open her eyes to look at it.

  Just as she was about to drift away entirely, severing the very last gossamer thread anchoring her to consciousness and thought, she was startled awake by the ringing of that infernal doorbell.

  She was too tired to even be angry. What she felt was more like despair, or defeat. She was resigning herself to the possibility of a life where she might never again get even one decent night's sleep, uninterrupted by the sound of her own God damn doorbell.

  She blearily opened the door to find Sam and Lauren on her stoop, smiling. Their smiles faded when they saw her.

  “Oh, God,” Sam said, dismayed.

  “What?” Karina asked, annoyed.

  “You're a hot mess,” said Lauren matter of factly, “Did you even brush your hair today?”

  “I put it in a ponytail,” was Karina's defensive reply.

  “Not the same thing,” Lauren said flatly.

  “Are you...sick? Can we help?” Sam asked, concerned.

  Karina sighed, “Do you two want something?” she asked crossly.

  Sam came into the entryway with Lauren following, “Okay Miss Sunshine, bite our heads off why don't you!”

  Karina took a deep breath, knowing that the bulk of her annoyance was coming from exhaustion and not her friends' actions, and attempted to modulate her tone.

  “Sorry, guys,” she said evenly, “I was in the studio all day today, I'm exhausted, and I haven't eaten. I was just about to go to bed. That's why I'm in a shitty mood. Don't mind me.”

  “Well, then, first things first, let's get you some soup, or toast or something,” said Lauren, moving into the kitchen.

  At the mention of these specific foods, Karina's stomach let out a loud growl, and she laughed, “Guess I can't argue with that. Lead the way.”

  Karina started to move into the kitchen, but Lauren called cheerfully back to her, “We've got things covered in here, go change clothes and run a brush through your hair. We'll wait.”

  “You guys act like I was expecting company or something!” Karina shot back as she trudged back up the stairs, “Maybe this'll teach you not to just drop by! You never know when you'll find me unkempt and unbathed!”

  “We'll take our chances,” called Sam after her.

  Karina grinned inwardly. Sam was never going to agree to stop just dropping by.

  When Karina appeared in the kitchen fifteen minutes later, freshly showered and wearing a pair of soft cotton stretch pajama pants and a matching t-shirt, she did have to admit that she felt like a whole new woman.

  She dropped into one of her kitchen table chairs and Lauren set a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich in front of her. Suddenly, she was ravenous, and she dug eagerly into the food.

  “God, this is good!” she enthused, “Thanks, you guys!”

  “It was all Lauren,” Sam admitted, “While she was making it, I went into your living room to enjoy the view. Which leads me to my next question...”

  “The flowers?” Karina guessed.“The flowers,” Sam confirmed, “What is up with all the gigantic flower arrangements in there? Did somebody die?”

  Karina snorted, “Frickin' Kyle Austen Reed. He's living out some movie in his mind, and he's cast me as the leading lady.”

  “Have you disabused him of that notion?” Lauren asked.

  This made Karina laugh out loud, “First off, no, because I never see him. All those flowers are apology flowers or something, explaining to me how busy he's going to be that day with all the weirdo personal appearances he keeps scheduling around town. Then, he'll promise to see me the next day. However, as I think you can see by the volume of flower arrangements sitting in my living room, that hasn't happened yet.

  Secondly, even if I did try to explain to him that I don't want to see him anymore, I have serious doubts about whether or not he would receive that message. Or if he's even
capable of receiving any message that doesn't line up with his view of his life.

  I'm just sort of letting that situation play out, and hoping he gets distracted by the next shiny object so that our faux-lationship can just die a natural death,” she concluded.

  “Likelihood of that?” Lauren asked.

  Karina shrugged, “50/50?” she guessed, “I honestly have no idea.”

  “What about Ryan?” Sam asked.

  Karina's face lit up involuntarily and before she even opened her mouth to speak, both of the girls started laughing.

  “What?” Karina asked.

  “I think we got our answer from the look on your face,” Sam giggled.

  Karina leaned back in her chair, smiling and happily munching on her grilled cheese sandwich. She tried to think of the right words to describe what she felt, “I don't know, you guys. This isn't like anything I've felt before. I mean...it's sort of like this weird combination of excitement and contentment, you know? Like...it's thrilling. But at the same time it's safe. When I see him, I want to rip his clothes off and go crazy. But I also kind of want to just snuggle and watch a movie, too. I want to say everything in the world to him all at once, but at the same time, I just want to be quiet together, too. It's the weirdest thing.”

  “How does he feel?”

  Karina shrugged, “I don't know! I mean, I'm pretty sure the same. I think I can trust what he's telling me. It's not like he's one of these LA douchebags who'll just say anything if it furthers their ambitions, either to get ahead in their career or to get down my pants.”

  Sam and Lauren exchanged a look, and Karina's spidey sense went on high alert.

  “What?” she asked, “What was that look?”

  “I'm sure it's nothing,” Sam assured her quickly. Too quickly, Karina thought.

  She set her grilled cheese back down on the plate, filled now with trepidation.

  “Just tell me,” she insisted, somewhat grimly.

  Lauren said, “Look, Karina, I'm sure it really is no big deal. It's just that we saw Bernie and some other guy going into Sue Ann's cafe today...”

  “My Bernie?” Karina asked, surprised.

  “Yeah. So, we figured you were meeting him there. We went in after them, figuring we'd spy on your meeting from a nearby table, and hang out to talk to you afterward in case you needed moral support, like Amanda did for you that time.”

  “Thanks, guys,” Karina said, touched.

  “You're welcome! At any rate, they weren't there to meet you, obviously. And they weren't even there to eat. They made a beeline straight back to Ryan's office,” Lauren finished.

  “And stayed there for a half an hour,” Sam finished.

  “Hmm...” said Karina, considering this information. She wasn't quite sure what to think.

  They were all silent for a moment, and then Sam asked, “So did you know that Bernie was in town, or that he was talking to Ryan?”

  Karina shook her head silently. “No, but he mentioned Davis had called him.”

  After a moment, Lauren put in gently, “It's just, Kar, I mean...how sure are you, really, that he's NOT using you as some sort of stepping stone to a career of his own?”

  Karina looked out the window, thinking.

  “Pretty sure, I think. I mean, my label contacted him after they saw the video, and he put off talking to them until after he'd gotten my take on it. To me, that says he puts our relationship first, before whatever career gain it could net him.”

  “Then I'm sure it's nothing,” Sam concluded.

  Karina wished she could be so sure. As much as she hated to admit it, there was now a little niggling doubt in the back of her mind. Was Ryan using her?

  She hated to think so. She didn't actually REALLY think so. She just wished that she could be sure.

  Chapter 23

  After Sam and Lauren left, sleep was the furthest thing from Karina's mind. She paced around her bedroom, obsessing about the possibility that Ryan was using her. She couldn't stop her mind from spinning possible nefarious scenarios, and then her emotions from reacting as if they were actually true.

  Finally, she realized that she was making herself crazy. A lifetime of spending her time with people who couldn't be trusted to give her a straight answer had made her see manipulation and machinations in every interaction, as if her life were a series of battles and her acquaintances were all street corner Machiavellis.

  But, Ryan? He wasn't like that. That's one thing she knew for sure. She just needed to talk to him, to hear his voice, to ask him what was going on. If she heard his voice, she would know if he was being straight with her.

  She snatched her phone up from the nightstand and poised to call Ryan. As she swiped her thumb across it to bring it to life, however, she saw that she had four missed calls.

  She smacked her palm to her forehead. Of course! In the emotional maelstrom she had been enveloped in since hearing about Bernie's visit to Ryan, she had totally forgotten that she had been out of touch all day!

  She clicked the icon to look at her incoming calls list, hoping against hope that at least one of the calls was from Ryan. When she saw the list, she relaxed, breathing out a huge sigh of relief. Yes. Two of the calls were from Ryan, one was from Bernie, and one from Davis, the head of her label.

  “See, Karina?” she chided herself, “Everyone's not plotting against you. Soon you'll be wearing a tin foil hat!”

  She pressed Ryan's name on the call list, initiating a return call to his number. No answer. She didn't leave a message, as she wasn't even sure what it was that she wanted to ask or say. Five minutes passed, and she felt herself getting nuts again. She placed another call. Again, no answer. She waited ten minutes, no answer. So she waited fifteen minutes, and again no answer. She continued this maddening pattern of waiting, calling, waiting, calling for more than an hour, Ryan never picked up.

  God, she wondered frantically, is he mad at me? Or has he decided he has no further use for me, now that he has Bernie? WHAT IS GOING ON?

  At a loss for what else to do, she continued calling. The crazy part was everytime she placed a call to him she really expected that THIS would be the time he would pick up. Wasn’t that the very definition of insanity, repeating the exact same behavior and expecting different results?

  Realizing even as she did it she was being completely insane but not able to care that much, she tore off her pajamas and threw on the first articles of clothing she laid hands on – a pair of jeans and a long sleeved thermal shirt. She then quickly slid her feet into the last piece of footwear that she had tossed into her closet, which was therefore on top of the pile, a pair of bright red Converse sneakers.

  She pounded down the stairs, grabbed her keys off of the front hall table, and ran out the door, letting it slam shut behind her. She hurried to her car and jumped in, firing it off and roaring down the mountain.

  She just felt as if she HAD to see Ryan, right then. Part of her felt as if she were watching herself from outside her body, making an objective judgment that she was behaving like a loon. That part also reminded her that she usually had no patience for, and mocked mercilessly, women who lost their heads this way over a man.

  But not only was Karina not able to summon the will to let that rational part of her brain take charge of her actions, she actually had no interest in even trying. In a weird way, it actually felt sort of liberating to let the nutty, Ryan-crazed part of her brain take over. It felt honest, at least. It acknowledged the true strength of her feelings for him.

  She tried to pull into the back parking lot but it was blocked off by a chain. She screeched up in front of Sue Ann's cafe and jumped out, running toward the front door. She pulled on it and it didn't give.

  “Great!” she cried, smacking the flat of her palm against the door in frustration. Of course. The cafe was closed, this explains the back lot being closed.

  What was she even doing here, this was crazy. She never behaved this way.

  She turned and lean
ed her back against the door, sliding down until her butt hit the pavement, and started to cry from the sheer force of the emotional roller coaster that she had been riding for the past couple of hours. She knew that she was in public, dressed horribly, acting crazy. Even though there was no one else on the street at the moment, she knew that at any moment, someone could be snapping a picture on their phones. She could wake up the next morning to headlines in TMZ and Perez Hilton...”Karina Black Public Breakdown!”

  She knew she should pull it together. She just couldn't seem to do it. So she sat there with tears rolling down her face.

  All of a sudden, she felt herself tumbling backwards, and the next thing she knew, she was lying flat on her back, looking up into the very concerned face of Sue Ann Perkins.

  Sue Ann reached down and helped her up, apologizing all the while. “Sorry, honey! I was calling your name while I unlocked the door! I thought you would have heard me!”

  Karina sniffled, wiping the tears from her face.

  “No, sorry,” she said, embarrassed, “I guess I didn't hear you. I...um...I hope I didn't disturb you....I know you're closed....”

  “We are, I just came back to bring Ryan some soup and crackers. He came down with the most horrible bug this afternoon. I'm hoping it's just one of those 24 hour things.”

  Karina's eyes widened, “He's sick?”

  Sue Ann nodded, “Oh, yes, poor thing. He's got fever, chills, sore throat, headache...it hit him all of a sudden this afternoon, and I was too busy with the dinner crowd to go take care of him! So I was just making some soup to take up to him, to make sure he at least eats something.”

  Karina tried to say something in response, but as she tried to put words together, her breath began to hitch and she just started to cry again.

  “I'm sorry,” she wailed through her tears, “I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm losing my mind!”

  Sue Ann wrapped her arms around her and made comforting noises as she led Karina to one of the tables and set her down in a chair in front of it. Sue Ann sat opposite her and waited for Karina's tears to subside.