The Actor

by Maya Brooks

Right now, I wish I were somewhere else. He didn’t want to go alone, I understand that, but this is their moment.

  Glancing around, she saw Anne approach with a beautiful girl.

  Teenager… Might be tougher.

  The girl roamed closer.

  “Hey dad. Who’s this?”

  Marc looked up.

  “Alannah… Come here.”

  She let herself be hugged, but looked about as willing as a wooden board. Marc glanced back and smiled.

  “That’s Laura.”

  Aidan’s eyes darted over.

  “Are you marrying my dad? Will that make you my new mom?”

  Anne frowned and chewed her lip.

  Oh crap. I need to handle this really well.

  “You already have a mom, and I don’t think you need two. I can be your aunt if you want to.”

  Alannah rolled her eyes.

  “Don’t be an idiot and get attached to her. He’ll just cheat on her and she’ll be gone.”

  Aidan looked confused.

  Poor kids. This is going SO well…

  “Aidan, is it? Don’t you worry about all that. Your dad brought you presents.”

  The boy squealed, and Laura took the opportunity to stand up.

  “I’m getting some more coffee. Anyone want anything?”

  Anne shook her head.

  “We’re not staying.”

  She still accompanied Laura to the counter, and murmured, “I… I have to apologize for some things I said the first time we met.”

  Laura shrugged.

  “I don’t blame you. I would probably have said and thought something much worse.”

  “He’s looking good. I guess you’re good for him.”

  This is a much more civil response than I could have managed.

  “Thank you. I try to be.”

  *****

  For the rest of the holiday, Marc did his best to be cheerful.

  It was their first Christmas together, and Laura deserved it to be magical. He snuck away to dress like Santa, and she giggled when he showed up with champagne and a present.

  “I hear you’ve been a very good girl this year.”

  “Why thank you, Santa.”

  “Come sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas.”

  She giggled, but obeyed. It ended with kissing and making love by the Christmas tree.

  The next morning, Marc woke her early with breakfast in bed. She yawned and mumbled, “What time is it?”

  He made sure to look enthusiastic. Even if he didn’t feel it, he should be cheery.

  “It’s Christmas. It’s present time.”

  Laura let herself be dazzled, and to his surprise, his faked good mood turned into a real one. The day seemed as enchanted as the decorations and lights on the tree. It would have been better with the kids around, but the holiday was still magical.

  Boxing Day brought a less pleasant surprise. They chased each other around the house in a wild pillow war when someone banged on the door. Laura dropped the pillow and bounced onto the sofa.

  “Whoa, I think someone’s trying to go right through it.”

  “They don’t sound like they’ll go away. I’ll check it out.”

  He looked out and wished that he hadn’t.

  Damn. Probably should have pretended we’re not home.

  Joel’s skin had the color and texture of old paper, accentuated by dark rings under his eyes. His forehead shone from beads of sweat, and the entire man trembled.

  “Dude, I need a favor. Can I come in?”

  Marc shrugged and stepped to the side.

  “Go to my office.”

  Laura still sat on the sofa, and her eyes turned wide and round when Joel walked past her.

  Oh yeah, she remembers him.

  “Would you get us some coffee, babe?”

  She bit her lip and looked uncertain. He brushed his lips over her cheek and whispered, “I know, he looks like something from night of the living dead. Don’t worry, I’ll deal with it.”

  “You’ll be okay, right?”

  The smile didn’t come easy, but he was an actor.

  “Of course.”

  Joel slumped in a chair and Marc leaned against the edge of his desk.

  What happened to you? Did I use to look that bad?

  Joel had sure gotten him into a lot of trouble, enough to nearly cost his life.

  “You don’t look so good.”

  “I need a hit so bad. Can I have a drink, man?”

  Shaking his head slowly, Marc lied.

  “I don’t have anything.” He added the truth. “I’m clean now.”

  His past as full time junkie ended only months earlier, but he’d rather push that knowledge to the side.

  “I need some money, dude.”

  Marc ran a hand over his forehead and went around the large desk. The comfortable chair greeted him like an old friend.

  “I’ll pay your bills if you bring them here. I’ll pay rehab for you if you need to go, but I can’t give you any cash.”

  The word rehab wanted to stick on his tongue, but he got it out there.

  I guess I can see the other side of the coin now. Who would have thought…

  Joel groaned, and Marc was more relieved than he’d like to admit when the door opened and Laura came in. She balanced a tray with coffee mugs and cinnamon rolls. She was getting better at using the coffee machine.

  “Thank you, sweetheart.”

  She met his eyes with a gaze burning with questions and he shook his head ever so slightly. When she was about to leave, he reached for her hand and gave it a soft kiss.

  I wish I could ask you to stay.

  Joel sat in silence as long as she was in the room and didn’t even eye her when she left. Marc pushed the plate closer to him.

  “Have something to eat. Do you want some real food?”

  “You know what I need, and it’s not food.”

  He sounded almost comically pleading

  “Come on, man, I know you have some, somewhere. Or, borrow me a hundred. I’ll get more cash soon.”

  Marc held his eyes fixed on the coffee.

  Yes, I do have some.

  The stash had waited untouched in a drawer since Laura arrived. It wasn’t on his mind constantly, but a lot of the time.

  Using it would make it go away.

  A part of him claimed it was the greatest idea he ever had. The coffee and cinnamon rolls anchored him and kept him from ripping the drawer open. Strange how small things and smells could mean so much.

  Giving it to Joel might be an even better way to get it out of the house.

  Moving his head ever so little allowed his eyes to fall on a photo of Laura instead. She laughed with her head tilted back. Beautiful.

  “Maybe you should go. Come back if you want something I can help you with.”

  “Are you kicking me out? Come on, man, with all the shit I have on you?”

  “That’s an empty threat, and you know it. She knows more about me than I do.”

  It was true; they must have held hundreds of phone conversations he couldn’t remember.

  “You don’t look good. You should go home, get some sleep and some food. Come back in the morning.”

  Joel clenched his jaw but got out of the chair, and Marc followed him to the door. He caught a glance of Laura in the kitchen. She bit her lip and looked at the floor.

  I can’t blame her for worrying. It was close in there. If I had been alone in the house it might not have worked out so well.

  Once Joel was out and the door locked behind him, Marc returned to the office, sinking down in his chair.

  He needed to go talk to Laura.

  Rising to his feet seemed a superhuman effort.

  It’s there, it’s right there, all you have to do is pull the drawer out and…

  Laura stood in the doorway, watching him. Saved by the bell.

  “Come over here, babe.”

  She hesitated, and he fought down a w
ave of unreasonable anger. It wasn’t her fault. Who wouldn’t be cautious?

  “It’s okay. I’m not drunk, I’m not high, just… Come over here, will you.”

  The words came out in a quiet voice, not much more than a whisper.

  This time she obeyed, leaning against the edge of the desk just like he did earlier. He brushed his hair out of his eyes.

  “Did I ever look that bad?”

  She didn’t need to answer; he could see the truth on her face.

  “I see.”

  He reached out to pull her closer and was relieved when she let him. Feeling her weight on his lap soothed him. Her face was still serious, but she wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed his cheek.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  But I want a drink. I want to be so high I don’t remember my name.

  Burying his face in Laura’s hair, he struggled to think about sane, everyday things. She smelled good, and she was real.

  “I need help with something.”

  *****

  Marc rarely asked for help, and it sent a chill down Laura’s spine.

  “What do you need, handsome?”

  “I need to get out of this room. Come on.”

  He exploded with energy, pushed her off his lap, grabbed her hand, and pulled her towards the kitchen. Once there, he tugged on her until they stood side by side, looking out the large window. He seemed sober, but acted strange.

  “That’s a little better… Want to go outside?”

  “Not really.”

  “You’re right. Joel might still be out there.”

  Not exactly what I’m worried about, but a good point.

  Marc grabbed her hand and pulled her close. His arms around her felt so good, making it impossible to worry.

  “I have… something… from before you came here. I need you to get rid of it for me.”

  There it was again; worry.

  “What… How?”

  He nuzzled his face even closer to hers and sounded amused.

  “Flush it down the toilet. That’s what most people do.”

  “Oh.”

  I must be incredibly naïve.

  “Look in all my drawers, pull them out, and look behind and under them. I don’t think there’s anything there, but I don’t know for sure. And under the sink.”

  Like, right now? I guess right now…

  She moseyed back to his study and pulled out a drawer.

  “What? Were you a pharmacist in a previous life?”

  She didn’t expect an answer, but Marc’s voice came from the door.

  “I don’t know. I am jumping off a cliff in a scene tomorrow, and it will probably go better without all… that.”

  What is all this crap? What does it do?

  “Babe.”

  She nodded, but couldn’t tear her eyes off the drawer.

  “Look at me.”

  His voice was close now, and his hand on her shoulder ripped her out of the paralysis.

  “For the love of God, don’t try anything. Don’t breathe it in, try not to even get it on your hands, okay?”

  I’m afraid of the drawer and you think I might try something? After seeing what it does to you?

  The anguish on his face was real. It was a time for reassurance, not sarcasm.

  “Of course not.”

  He kissed her and fled. Normally, she barely entered the room. It was his domain and going through all the drawers and all his things seemed an invasion of privacy.

  She lifted a trophy in the bookshelf and found a bag with white powder taped to the back of the golden statue.

  Okay, better look under everything…

  Over an hour later, she found Marc in the kitchen, leaning against a wall, looking out at the snowy yard.

  “Is it gone?”

  “Yes. I think I got it all.”

  Taking a couple of tentative steps into the kitchen, she saw an untouched glass with ice and whiskey on the counter.

  Not a bad idea. Maybe I should take up drinking.

  Marc glanced back over his shoulder with a wry smile when she snatched it and took a gulp.

  Say something.

  “Finders keepers, this is mine now.”

  He turned around and ran his hands over her arms.

  “All yours.” He paused, and added, “Thank you.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Laura feared that Joel would return, but he didn’t.

  Maybe he crawled off and died somewhere. Good riddance.

  She scolded herself for thinking such mean thoughts, but was unable to suppress them.

  On New Year’s Eve, Marc said, “This is the first time for… I don’t know, a decade, when I know where I am and who I’m with. It’s weird, but nice.”

  The next morning Laura slept in. She didn’t mean to, but her body didn’t want to wake up. When she opened one eye, Marc sat next to her on top of the bed, wearing those reading glasses he didn’t want people to know he needed, leafing through a thick script.

  “What time is it?”

  He flashed a million dollar smile, charm turned up way beyond max.

  “Good morning sleeping beauty. It’s a New Year, that’s what time it is.”

  Lifting her head so she could see the clock revealed early afternoon.

  “I slept all day?”

  “I’m making lasagna. You totally want some, right?”

  Not the first thing on my mind, but sure…

  The workweek returned all too quickly. Marc went back to filming, and Laura started school. Days ticked by, turning into weeks, and for the time being she forgot all about his problems, children, and former wife.

  One Sunday afternoon, someone banged on the door.

  Oh shit, don’t let it be Joel again.

  “I’ll get it.”

  Outside stood Anne, next to a sulking teenage girl carrying a large bag.

  “She thinks life would be awesome with her dad. Well, let’s give it a try and see how fun it is.” She patted the girl’s shoulder. “Behave.”

  Well, this is unusual.

  Anne trotted towards the car, and Laura opened the door wider. “C’mon in.”

  “I hate grown-ups.”

  “That’s normal.”

  Alannah sent her a sideways glance. “You are so weird.”

  “Thank you. I aim to be.”

  Marc stepped into the living room when they passed.

  “Hey, sweetheart. What are you doing here?”

  The girl gave him the finger.

  “I hate you. I hate mom, I hate everyone.”

  “Alannah…”

  She headed for her old room and slammed the door. Marc rubbed his forehead, looking weary.

  “Well, that went well. I guess I should go talk to her.”

  Laura frowned. “You know what? I’ll try first, and when I fail miserably maybe she’ll be happier to talk to you.”

  She kissed his cheek. “It’ll be alright, she just needs some time.”

  Another five or ten years, or so. Maybe fifteen…

  “Is it always like this? Is this normal?”

  “Teenagers? Probably.”

  He cupped her face in his hands.

  “Thank you.”

  Marc’s eyes burned on her back when she walked towards the room and knocked on the door.

  No pressure…

  “Alannah?”

  “Go away.”

  Yeah, that’s not happening.

  She pushed the door open and stepped in, half expecting having to duck for flying objects.

  “Didn’t you hear me? Go away.”

  “How old are you?”

  Fourteen? Fifteen?

  “That’s none of your fucking business.”

  “Okay, let’s settle for something-teen. That means that you’re old enough to want people to treat you like an adult. If you want to be an adult you also need to learn to listen a little bit.”

  Because you have such good rol
e models when it comes to that. Poor kid.

  The girl looked confused, but it disappeared after a second.

  “What did you do to my room?”

  Laura closed the door behind her and took a seat.

  “There was nothing here, just a lamp and a notebook. I saved them for you, and I haven’t opened the notebook.”

  “Why? People are always snooping around in my life.”

  “To be honest, I’m not all that interested in your life. Besides, it would be an invasion of your privacy and that’s not how I roll.”

  “How you roll?”

  “I know I’m old and foreign. I can’t talk like people do up here.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “Florida. It’s a long way from home. Hey, we made you a new room.”

  “I don’t care. I wanted my room.”

  “Alannah, when your mother left this house there wasn’t anything here but a… gaping hole.”

  I want to take your hand, but that would be counterproductive, wouldn’t it?

  Every instinct told her to lean closer, so she leaned back.

  “Your dad knew he failed as a husband, and he failed you and your brother. Seeing these big empty rooms drove him crazy. He almost killed himself.”

  “He almost killed himself while we were still here.”

  “I know. He was very unhappy. Do you have a boyfriend?”

  “None of your business.”

  “Fair enough, but if you do I bet you sometimes fight. Relationships don’t become any easier just because you grow older. I’d say they grow harder because you get so many new problems. Your dad and your mom just didn’t work out. It might have been his fault, and he probably tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal, but it was. He thought you and your brother hated him. He talked about you all the time.”

  Please listen to me. You can stay here as long as you want, and it would mean the world to him.

  “Well, I hate him. Aidan hates him too.”

  Anne, Alannah, and Aidan. Way to go with the names... Was I like this when I was your age?

  “I’m sorry to hear that, because he loves you very much. I bet he never told you, but he loves you more than his own life. He thought he lost you and he didn’t know how to live without you. He was very lonely.”

  “Bullshit, he’s never alone. There’s always some woman and a gang of drinking guys.”

  Laura laughed.

  “We’re all surrounded by people all the time, that doesn’t mean you want to make all of them your best friend. I bet you have thirty people in your class at school, and there are hundreds or thousands of people in the school. You don’t want to tell all of them your deepest secrets. Maybe you trust one.”