From A Distance

by L. M. Carr

  I remove the gold sticker holding the lid in place and open the box, revealing an assortment of scrumptious treats.

  “Thanks,” he says, picking up a mini éclair, plopping the entire thing into his mouth. He moans his pleasure and I cross my legs, quelling the budding sensation. “Oh my god. So good,” he says with a mouthful of a second helping. “So sweet.”

  I squeeze tighter.

  “Aren’t you going to have one?”

  I chuckle at the playful tone in his voice. With a quick shake of my head and roll of my eyes, I point to the powdered sugar on his T-shirt.

  “You’re making a mess.”

  He glances down and then back up with a grin.

  “I’m not always a messy eater.”

  Needing to remove myself from the heat of his stare, I cross the room and grab a few paper towels, offering them while carefully avoiding physical contact.

  “Thanks.” Tyler wipes his face and crumples the paper towel into a tight ball. “That was delicious! Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I stand there, mentally suppressing the bubbling questions about what I am doing here visiting this man.

  “Sit.” Tyler points to the chair his girlfriend vacated minutes before.

  “I’m fine,” I retort.

  “Do you have anywhere to be for the next few hours?”

  His question floors me and I cock an eyebrow with inquisitiveness.

  “Why?” I don’t attempt to hide the suspicion in my voice.

  “We need to talk. I was hoping you would’ve come by sooner, but three weeks is better than a month.”

  Embarrassed that he mentioned the length of my most recent absence, I sigh before explaining I’ve been busy with work, but that his mom has kept me updated with phone calls and text messages.

  “You don’t always answer your phone.”

  “What?” I question. “How would you—”

  He shrugs. “I tried calling you a few times, but you didn’t answer.”

  “Oh.” I blink, trying to think of something better to say. “Sorry. Your mom kind of went overboard with the phone calls.”

  “I needed to talk to you.”

  “Needed?” I tease.

  “Yes. Needed,” he reiterates firmly.

  I finally concede, sit in the chair and wait for him to begin.

  With a soft clearing of his throat, Tyler begins.

  “How’ve you been? How are you dealing with everything?”

  I inhale and answer honestly, meeting his serious gaze.

  “I’ve been better. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a nightmare.”

  “Me too.”

  Although sadness tries to overwhelms me, I conjure up the strength to muscle through.

  “I can’t believe he’s really gone.”

  “I know. I think about him every day. Why me? Why did I survive the wreck, yet he didn’t? It’s not fair. He had so much to live for.”

  “And you don’t?” I ask, tipping my head to the side, offering a sense of empathy.

  “Alex,” Tyler utters somberly, “he had everything.”

  I prepare my heart for the words I’m sure are going to follow.

  Tyler exhales loudly, pushing the air from his lungs.

  “Roger came to see me.”

  “I know,” I admit quietly. My eyes fill with tears that quickly threaten to spill over.

  “Alex changed his will. He left —”

  “I know, Tyler.” I interrupt and reach for his hand. “I know everything.” My heart aches for the pain and confusion I see on his face. He genuinely seems to have been unaware of my husband’s plans.

  Running his hand over his short hair, Tyler exhales sharply and groans his irritation, cursing under his breath.

  “I don’t understand. Why would he do this to me? Why would he do this to you? You of all people.”

  He focuses on something across the room and sighs, lowering his head as his shoulders sag. A hush of quiet finds its way into the room until Tyler slowly drags his remorseful eyes upward to look at me once again.

  “I don’t want it,” he announces. “I don’t want anything of Alex’s.” His words are laced with an unexpected fierceness. With the bridge of his nose pinched between his thumb and index finger, Tyler wards off emotion that’s brewing just below the surface.

  “But it’s all yours. Everything that was his is now yours.”

  “Not everything,” he mumbles.

  Tyler, taking my hand in his, shakes his head adamantly as if that alone could reject the truth. “I’m so sorry he did this to you.”

  The sight of his hand enclosed around mine demands my attention. His thumb moves rhythmically in a circular pattern.

  “I don’t understand it either, but I’m learning to accept it.”

  “How?” he asks before stammering through questions about why I’m not angry.

  “Oh, believe me. I’m angry and devastated, but more that than, I’m confused and I’m hurt. But it’s not like I can ask him what he was thinking.”

  My small effort at light-heartedness does not go unnoticed.

  “This isn’t really something to joke around about. It affects so much,” Tyler chastises me. “So many lives.”

  I narrow my eyes and purse my lips in response.

  “Well, what else can I do?” A broken, weak voice asks, dislodging itself from behind the boulder in my throat.

  Tyler leans back on the pillow and looks up toward the ceiling.

  “Selfish bastard.”

  The deluge of questions and accusations that I had prepared for the past few months are nowhere to be found. The anger and betrayal I felt toward this man before me has dissipated.

  Alex Parker hurt the ones he claimed to love.

  “I wish I could understand. I don’t know how things got so…fucked up!”

  The sound of Tyler’s surprising amusement rings in my ears.

  “I don’t think I ever heard you swear before.”

  I release his hand and reach for the balled up paper towel, wiping my nose then eyes.

  “You’ve never seen me mad then.”

  “No, I guess I haven’t.” The seriousness of his tone returns.

  “Why did you always wait outside? Why didn’t you ever come into the house?

  His Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows hard then shrugs.

  “I thought it was best to… keep my distance.”

  “Keep your distance?” I shriek. “Why? Why would you need to keep your distance? And from whom?”

  With a hard stare, his eyes gaze into mine.

  “I just had to.”

  I blink rapidly, trying to understand the meaning behind his words.

  “That doesn’t make sense. You were the best man at our wedding and you helped me find Alex when he disappeared for almost an hour at the reception.”

  Tyler’s eyes close and he clenches his jaw tightly as he swallows hard.

  “Karrie, it was best for everyone.”

  Something in me snaps and I respond harshly. “Well I think that’s rude. As a matter of fact, come to think of it you’ve always been rude. I remember looking at you as I walked down the aisle and even then, even on my wedding day, you had a goddamn scowl on your face.”

  The grave look on his face softens when he cracks a smile.

  “You swore again.”

  “Because I’m mad!”

  I rise to my feet and pace the room, running my fingers through my shoulder length hair.

  “Please sit down or I’m going to hobble on my good leg and force you to sit down.”

  “Can’t you see where I’m coming from though? There was never a reason for you to stay away. Why couldn’t we have been friends? I wanted to like you. I tried so hard to like you, but then all the stories began.” I roll my eyes as disgust mars my face.

  “What stories?” He looks at me as if I’m insane.

  “Oh, come on! Don’t act like you’re Mr. Innocent. Alex told me all about how
you are. You’ve got quite the reputation, Loverboy. Let’s hope you’ll settle down now that you have a baby on the way.”

  “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about. What stories?” he demands.

  “You and all those women!” A surge of jealousy races through me.

  Tyler could win an Academy award with the look of shock and surprise on his face.

  “Karrie,” he pleads as he begins to shake his head back and forth, possibly trying to deny the facts.

  “I don’t care what you did, but you dragged Alex down and put him in those situations.”

  “Is that what you think? Is that the kind of person you think I am?” Each word is articulated and enunciated slowly.

  My feet stomp over angrily to where Tyler is sitting up, my face merely inches away from his.

  “I don’t think. I know.”

  Enraged with quiet fury, we stare at one another, eye to eye, until his gaze falls to my lips.

  Without warning, Tyler’s hands fly up and grab my head, tilting it as his mouth crashes against mine. My body responds immediately as my mind tells me to pull away yet one hand finds its way to the nape of his neck and the other cradles his head. The feel of his warm lips against mine electrifies my core, reminding me that I am a woman. A woman in need.

  Slowly yet desperately, he moves his lips against mine, opening his mouth enough to allow his tongue to slip through, inviting my tongue to join in. Exploring the warmth and taste of his kiss, I lose myself completely, forgetting momentarily who I am and of who he is. And despite the repercussions I may face, I relish this once in a lifetime opportunity to kiss Tyler Strong. With each tangle of his tongue against mine, Tyler deepens the kiss, pouring raw and sensual lust into it.

  I moan with unexpected pleasure.

  Running his hands through my hair, he manages to hold me in place as he continues to kiss me senseless with a long-forgotten passion. I claw my way against his chest, wanting, needing to be closer to him. With our breaths now ragged pants, Tyler brings the kiss to an end, pressing his forehead against mine.

  Licking my lips, I savor the taste of forbidden fruit,

  “Karrie, I—”

  “Oh, sorry!” Stacy’s high-pitched voice interrupts his words as she backtracks out of the room. I pull away from his hold without a second thought.

  And immediately I feel a sense of regret and great loss.

  My hands cover my face as shame washes over me and my chin begins to quiver.

  “Oh God. What did I do? I’m sorry! Oh my God! I’m so stupid. What is wrong with me? Oh God!”

  Tyler reaches for my hand and gently pulls it away from my face, encouraging me to stop berating myself.

  “Look at me.”

  I close my eyes and shake my head.

  “I can’t.”

  The tickle of his lips on my knuckles forces my eyes open. I watch as he continues to kiss each one.

  “What are you doing, Tyler? What is happening?”

  Ignoring my frantic questions, Tyler continues to press his lips against my skin.

  “I don’t understand what that just was.”

  From beneath his eyelashes, he looks up.

  “That was the best kiss I’ve ever had in my entire life.”

  “But it shouldn’t have happened!”

  Guilt seeps in for having lost all sense of self-control. I could blame it on a moment of temporary insanity. Perhaps I could claim I kissed him under duress at having recently lost my husband.

  But the truth is I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel his lips against mine.

  I wanted…him.

  “I have to go,” I utter in alarm, pulling my hand from his grasp.

  “You don’t have to go. Stay here.”

  Wordlessly, I beg for mercy, hoping he’ll have compassion and let me leave with a small amount of dignity.

  “Have dinner with me.”

  “I’m so confused,” I sigh heavily.

  “So stay and talk to me.”

  My chest shudders when I lean back against his bed, burying my head in the palm of my hands, wanting to disappear into thin air.

  “If you won’t talk to me, will you at least listen to me?”

  I look over my shoulder and find him waiting for a reply.

  “Tyler, this is wrong on so many levels. Alex was your best friend. And you’re having a baby.”

  With a firm shake of his head, he refutes my words before adding, “A friend wouldn’t do what he did to me or to you.”

  “And what about Penny? You’re not together anymore?”

  “What? God no! I’m not with her!”

  “Tyler, you’re having a child together. That’s got to mean something to you.”

  “She is not my problem!” Anger seeps through his deepened voice.

  The memory of seeing Tyler have sex with her outside the bar rushes forward.

  “But I saw you.”

  “What do you mean ‘You saw me?’ ” he asks.

  “I saw you two having sex in the doorway of your truck at The Black Horse.”

  His expression transforms to one of bewilderment.

  “What are you talking about?”

  My head bobs continuously, reiterating my statement and what my eyes witnessed.

  Tyler blinks rapidly as if he’s remembering something important.

  A light knock on the door is followed by a hesitant Stacy whose grin quickly gives way to a full-blown smile.

  “Hi. Hope I’m… not interrupting.” She smiles, casting a quick knowing glance between the two of us.

  “You’re alright, Ma. We were just talking.”

  I bite the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from laughing.

  “Ah…I see…talking.”

  Stacy places a large cardboard box on the side table and proceeds to cut the tape.

  “I thought you might want something different for dinner. I know the food’s not the best here. I would’ve preferred you to be at the other place.”

  Tyler nods in appreciation.

  “It’s fine, Ma. It’s not so bad here, and besides, I won’t be here much longer anyway.”

  My head snaps in his direction and my eyebrows rise up.

  “You’re going home?”

  “Against my doctor’s wishes.” Tyler shrugs. “I have to continue physical therapy, but I don’t want to stay here. I’m going stir crazy.”

  Stacy serves his dinner on a flimsy paper plate which gives way, almost spilling the entire plate of spaghetti and marinara sauce on Tyler’s lap. Flustered by the near accident, she grabs the serving of food and sets it down.

  “These people…they can’t even give me real plates to use.” She continues mumbling as she rushes out of the room in search of sturdier dinnerware.

  “Is she okay?” I ask.

  He shrugs.

  “She’s worried about me going home. She’s afraid I won’t be able to take care of myself in the apartment or get out if there’s a fire.”

  My expression displays my agreement with her concerns. “You do live above the garage on the second floor,” I point out with raised eyebrows and a smirk. “She is kind of right.”

  “I’ll manage.”

  “Why can’t you stay with her?”

  “Her place is tiny and Tre spends a lot of time there in the afternoon if his mom has to work late. There’s no room.

  A million scenarios race around my brain, all competing for what makes the most sense for Tyler’s situation.

  “You could stay with me. I mean,” I force a deep swallow, “You could stay at my house until your leg heals and the cast comes off.”

  Disbelief spreads across his face.

  “Really?”

  “For the love of God,” Stacy storms back into the room. “A Styrofoam tray. That’s what they gave me!”

  “Ma, relax. I told you it’s fine.” Tyler reaches for his dinner and eats every last morsel.

  After dinner and another two éclairs, Tyler’s eyes gr
ow heavy and sleep beckons him.

  “I have to work tomorrow, but I’ll call you,” I say, standing awkwardly beside his bed. My fingers clench into tight fists and I bite down on my bottom lip, restraining myself from leaning over to kiss him. But God do I want to kiss him.

  His hand slips from its place against his flat stomach and brushes against mine. He uncurls my fist and tugs on my loosened fingers.

  “Thank you,” he whispers.

  Keeping his eyes locked with mine, Tyler lifts my hand and brings it to his lips and kisses it gently.

  I gnaw on my lower lip once again.

  “Good night,” I whisper, leaning over to offer a long and lingering kiss on his cheek.

  I hug his mother goodbye before I leave.

  With my head hung low, I walk down the long narrow hallway, bypassing the other patients varying in ages and ailments. I clutch at my chest hidden beneath my jacket as an ache takes up residence.

  What am I doing?

  There’s a vortex of emotions swirling inside of me, the tension continuing to rise and finally spill from my eyes.

  “Karrie?”

  At the sound of my name, I stop and turn around to face Stacy.

  “Sweetheart.” She opens her arms and I walk right in. “What’s the matter?”

  As the floodgates open, I fall apart and sob like a lost child in this woman’s arms. I cry for Alex. I cry for the demise of our marriage. I cry for the life we won’t ever have. I cry for the beautiful man lying in the bed a few doors back. I cry for the betrayal of Alex’s friendship and love. I cry for the feelings deep in my heart. I cry for the guilt which I don’t think I can bear. I cry for the desire I can no longer ignore.

  I’m falling in love with Tyler Strong.

  Stacy offers a cocoon of support along with added words of encouragement.

  “I told you that boy doesn’t hate you.” She pulls back to look at my face which is covered in hot, painful tears.

  I pull out of her hold and lean back, letting her hands slowly move along my arm until she clutches my fingertips. ““I’m sorry. I just don’t understand what is happening.”

  “You don’t need to apologize to me. You need to listen to your heart.”

  “But my heart is so confused.”

  Stacy narrows her eyes with question.

  “What’s so confusing?”

  “How did this happen? How could it happen? My God, I didn’t even like Tyler.”