From A Distance

by L. M. Carr

  “Thanks, Daddy.”

  I’m set back on my feet gently.

  “And lay off the sweets. You’re getting heavy.”

  “Dad!” My jaw drops open.

  “Oh, you know I’m just kidding! But you are getting a little wide right here.” He slides his hands down his own hips, slapping twice before smiling.

  I narrow my eyes in response.

  “I’m always wide right there! I have mom’s genes!”

  Tyler tosses his arm around my shoulder and announces that we’re leaving after thanking my parents for dinner and praising my mother for her scrumptious dessert.”

  “You’re such a flirt.”

  He feigns innocence. “Me? What did I do?”

  “The way you charm my mother.”

  “What can I say? I have a way with the Miller ladies.”

  Our short commute back to our house is interrupted by a phone call from Tre. Tyler taps the Bluetooth device, filling the cab of his truck with his nephew’s sweet and very excited voice.

  “Hi, Uncle T! Hi, Aunt Karrie!”

  “Hey, buddy! How are you?”

  Tre rambles on for a solid ten minutes about his new school in Georgia, the house they bought, his baseball team and how Jack is teaching him how to ride the dirt bike.

  “Can you come visit me when grandma comes?”

  I see the struggle on Tyler’s face.

  “We’ll see, buddy. It’s race season, remember?”

  Tre sighs dejectedly. “Can you come after that?”

  “I’ll try my best.”

  “Okay.”

  “Guess what, Tre! You’re going to have a cousin!”

  “I hope it’s a boy. I don’t really like girls.”

  I laugh and comment that girls are just as good as boys.

  “When I find out, I’ll tell you.”

  We say our goodbyes as we arrive at the house.

  “Don’t forget we have an appointment on Thursday.”

  Tyler smirks. “Like I’d forget that.”

  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man so excited to have a child.

  “You forgot about the appointment for the wedding venue.”

  “I didn’t forget. I got caught in traffic and besides, I didn’t like that place.”

  Confusion appears on my face. “Why didn’t you like it?”

  “I just didn’t.” He adds a quick shrug of his shoulders.

  “Well, since you’re already taking the day off, I figured we could go to lunch and look at another place. I hate that I’m going to be a pregnant bride.”

  “What? That’s ridiculous! You’re going to be a stunning bride. Especially because you’re my bride.”

  By Thursday morning, I’m anxious to hear the baby’s heart beat again and find out the sex. From all the tossing and turning, I’d say Tyler’s just as excited.

  The technician, a woman I used to work with, squirts a cold jelly on my belly and proceeds to search for our baby’s heartbeat.

  “I can’t believe you’re this far along and you didn’t know you were pregnant.”

  I detect the skepticism in her tone.

  “I got a period every month. Why would I think anything?” I retort.

  “I guess you were lucky. I swear I knew the second the egg was fertilized. I was a roaring bitch for nine months. My poor husband!”

  I glance at Tyler and smile, feeling thankful that my hormones haven’t caused any major catastrophes except for some late night runs to Susie’s for an éclair or two.

  “Are you going to breastfeed?”

  I drop my chin to my chest, eyeing my boobs, which are quickly becoming the size of cantaloupes.

  “I plan on it. I hope I don’t choke the poor kid with an overabundance of milk.”

  When I look at Tyler, he’s practically salivating at the sight of my boobs.

  We watch as she moves the wand around my belly with one hand, clicking the keyboard and mouse with the other.

  “There. See that?”

  I nod eagerly before I turn to Tyler whose eyes are squinted while trying to decipher the blurry image on the screen.

  “Unless this baby has a third leg, I’m pretty sure it’s a boy.”

  “What?” Tyler shrieks. “That’s my kid’s di—”

  “Penis!” The technician and I interject simultaneously.

  “That’s my kid’s penis?” he asks, overexaggerating the last word.

  I grin and nod as laughter erupts.

  “Yep! Like father like son.”

  Tyler’s hands move away from his mouth and reach up, encasing his head in disbelief.

  “You okay?” I pull my hand out from behind my head and tug at his T-shirt, drawing him closer. “I’m sure he’ll grow into it.”

  “It’s not that,” he breathes. “That’s my son. Our son.”

  The blue color of his eyes dominates as the tears well up.

  “Can we listen to his heart again?”

  The room stills as the sound of our child’s heart beats. The loud thumping and pumping indicates its health.

  “It’s so loud. So strong.”

  I pucker my lips in hopes of a kiss.

  “Just like his daddy’s.” I run my fingers over his heart, remembering how I held it in my hand.

  “I love you,” Tyler murmurs against my lips.

  The technician clears her throat and hands us printed copies of the ultrasound.

  “In just a few months, you’ll get to meet this little boy,” she says with a smile. “The doctor will be right in.”

  After a quick visit with the doctor, Tyler and I stop for lunch at a quaint, seaside restaurant and choose to sit outside on the patio. The ocean breeze offers a respite from the summer’s brutal temperature.

  “This place is really beautiful.” I look out at the ocean where sailboats move easily on the water. “This might be a really nice place for a wedding. Small, intimate, on the water.”

  I turn my attention to the man sitting across from me when I get no response. I smile, realizing he’s not heard a word I’ve said because he’s lost in the black and white image.

  “What are you thinking about?” I ask, curious to know what’s behind his expression.

  He slides his hand across the table and takes my ring finger between his, twisting my diamond from left to right before he sets it in its original position.

  “I never would’ve believed this could happen to me. To be marrying the girl of my dreams and for her to carry my child at the same time. I can’t believe I get to have this life with you.”

  “This is going to sound crazy so please don’t take it the wrong way.”

  He cocks an eyebrow.

  “I’m glad we didn’t have a relationship when we first met.”

  His eyes widen then fall with hurt.

  “Let me finish.” I smile. “Yes, it would’ve saved us both a lot of heartache and sorrow, but this is our time. Now is our time. I think going through what I did, what we did, made us so much stronger than we possibly could ever have been. There isn’t anything we can’t face.”

  The waiter brings our food and I stare at his entrée longingly, wishing I could have a bite of the fresh white fish.

  “Have a bite.” He offers a forkful.

  I lean over and open my mouth.

  “Why didn’t you order this instead of a salad?”

  “Two reasons. If I eat any more fish, I’m going to grow gills and… I need to watch my weight.”

  After giving me a stern look, Tyler switches our entrées and orders me to eat.

  “WHAT ARE YOU doing?” I ask cautiously, glancing over to find Odessa with her legs propped up on the arm rest of the sofa and an intense look on her face. Her eyes are laser focused on her phone.

  “Researching something.”

  I read Tyler’s text and sigh. A shy smile tickles my lips and warmth spreads through me at my carefully crafted words of response.

  “What are you doing?” she asks, rising fr
om her position and walking in my direction.

  I drag my eyes away from my phone.

  “Talking to the man I’m going to marry.”

  “Remember when you used to hate him?”

  I roll my eyes, snap my teeth and hiss, “Please don’t remind me.”

  “Here.” Odessa sets her phone down and taps the screen.

  The V in my forehead tightens in confusion as I look at the list of names.

  “What’s this?” I pick up her phone.

  “Nirmala. That’s a great name! It was my great grandmother’s name. You should name your kid that.”

  I burst out laughing at her suggestion.

  “I’m not naming my kid after your goat-eating grandmother.”

  I see the whites of her teeth when her full lips pull back and she howls with amusement.

  “Her nickname could be Mala.”

  “That means ‘bad,’ doesn’t it?”

  She nods firmly and releases a devious grin.

  “My great-grandmother was notorious in Guyana.”

  “Yeah, for killing goats maybe. Besides, I’m having a boy.”

  “Code Pink to NICU. Code Pink to NICU,” a monotone voice declares for several moments.

  My hand involuntarily reaches down and caresses my belly, protecting my unborn child. My heart races for the parents of the child whose life is in danger. I close my eyes and offer up a quick prayer for the tiny life who may have been born prematurely. Then I murmur one for my own baby.

  “Hey!” Odessa interrupts my quiet thoughts, causing me to open my eyes and look at her. “C’mon Teletubby! Break’s over.”

  I place a quick kiss on my fingertips and pat my belly twice.

  ***

  “HI!” I PRACTICALLY throw myself onto Tyler when I see him standing at the registration desk. He returns the embrace with one arm. “What are you doing here?”

  “I missed you.”

  I smile and kiss his lips before realization hits me.

  “What’s wrong with your arm?”

  From behind his back, he reveals a small bouquet of hand-picked lilacs.

  “For you,” he says with a smile.

  I exhale, nearly melting on the spot… as do the other triage nurses.

  Bringing the flowers to my nose, I close my eyes and breathe in, enjoying the scent of the purple flowers. It reminds me of early evenings sitting outside by the lilac bush, tangled up in Tyler’s arms as we make plans for our future.

  Our future.

  My eyes flutter open and I notice the white gauze around his bicep.

  “What happened?”

  Reaching out gently, my fingers graze his arm.

  He shrugs.

  “I got some new ink. Just a little something.”

  Based on the size of the bandage, it appears to be much larger than ‘just a little something.’

  “What is it?” I ask, taking him by the hand and leading him down a quiet hall to an empty room, away from prying eyes.

  “Words.”

  “I bet I can guess.” I laugh as his lips meet mine. “How many words?”

  “Three.”

  “I know!”

  I raise my index finger to accommodate the word “I.”

  A second goes up. “Love.”

  Then a third. “Karrie.”

  A delicious grin stretches across his face.

  “Not quite…although those three words are absolutely true.”

  “Let me try again.”

  He nods slowly as he smashes his mouth against mine, sliding his tongue in to silence me. My body kicks into overdrive as my hormones awaken. My nipples tighten and my core contracts. My need for this man has been insatiable these last few weeks. If I could lock him away in our bedroom, I would.

  “Karrie Ann Miller?” I ask, mumbling against his lips.

  He chuckles and again shakes his head.

  I love the twinkle in his eyes when he says “no.”

  “I’ll show you when you get home.”

  I huff playfully then add, “I have an appointment at eleven.”

  Nodding, he says he knows and he’ll meet me there.

  “Go get some sleep. I’m going to need you to have lots of energy and stamina later.”

  “Pfft! I can keep up. Trust me!”

  I link my arm with his and walk him to the sliding doors.

  “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  Tyler leans down to kiss me before bending at the waist. His hands cup my belly as he places a soft kiss followed by two light taps.

  My fingers run through the short hair at the back of his head and the close shave tickles my palm.

  “I love you both so much.” He presses his chest against mine on his rise to his full height. His breath rises and he whispers in my ear.

  I watch him stride to his truck parked in the lower lot.

  My hand finds its spot over my heart, knowing he’s taken it with him.

  The sound of someone whistling makes me turn around. I roll my eyes when I see Odessa mocking me.

  “Girl, you’ve got it bad!”

  “Shut up!” I say, breezing past her.

  “I was going to knock on the door and interrupt you.”

  “We were talking.”

  She pinches her lips and rolls her eyes. “Is that what you call it now?”

  “Ummm…have you seen that man?”

  “I know. He’s hot! I told you that a long time ago,” she counters with a smirk.

  I suppress a smile, remembering how much I hated him. I had to give him one thing…he was always nice to look at.

  ***

  “TAKE THIS SLIP down the hall. They’ll send the results back here. You should be there for about an hour or so.”

  “Thanks.” I fold the white paper in half and walk through the door as Tyler follows closely behind.

  “What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?”

  I chew on my bottom lip and cast my eyes on his. He knows I’m withholding something.

  “Tell me.”

  “I had a dream about him again.”

  His attempt to keep his countenance unaffected fails when I see his eyes tighten.

  “It was different this time. He kept showing up everywhere I went, saying that no matter where I go, he’ll be there. He said we’ll always be connected somehow.”

  Tyler reaches for my face, his rough hands cupping my jaw. His eyes are full of promise.

  “He’s gone. He can never hurt you again. He has no hold on you. I won’t let him.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my cheek against his chest. I can feel his heart pounding erratically.

  I’m still amazed that I held his heart in my hands.

  “I must’ve eaten something a little too acidic last night,” I joke, making light of the situation for his sake. “I’m fine. I know it was just a dream.”

  “Or maybe I need to pay more attention to you,” he counters, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

  “Oh, you pay me plenty of attention!”

  He kisses my lips softly.

  “Seriously, stop worrying about it.”

  I nod and slide through the open door, thanking him along the way.

  After sitting for ten minutes, my name is called and I proceed to drink the glucose solution to check for gestational diabetes.

  I gag and dry heave.

  “God this is disgusting!”

  “It can’t be that bad.”

  Tyler receives a terrible side eye.

  “Believe me, it’s bad.” I take a small sip, forcing myself to swallow.

  “As bad as the first time you tried—”

  I nearly spit the orange liquid on the floor.

  “Ty!”

  “What?”

  I glance around to see who might be listening.

  “I can’t believe you were going to say what you were going to say!”

  He grins. “I was going to say…the first time you tried a hot dog with mustard and relish.�
�

  I narrow my eyes and smirk. “Yeah, that’s totally what you were going to say!”

  He laughs and pulls out his phone, responding to his mom’s text.

  “And for the record, ketchup is much better on hot dogs!”

  “PLEASE BE CAREFUL,” I whisper in Tyler’s ear before he secures his race helmet and pulls up to the pre-staging area, revving the engine as he goes.

  Everyone and their mother is in attendance for this race. It’s the semi-finals and Tyler’s opponent is proving to be quite the competitor.

  I move away from the crowd and lean against the fence with my hands steepled around my nose as I pray for his safely and block out the fumes from the motorcycles’ exhausts. I know our son will spend endless hours here, but I’m going to protect him from all these pollutants and chemicals while he’s still in me.

  “Why are you so nervous? Afraid he’s going to lose?”

  I ignore Penny’s snide questions and keep my eyes focused on the man clad in black leather.

  “He’s not as good as Alex was. Not on the race track and certainly not in bed.”

  I force myself to remain calm, keeping my thoughts on the innocent little boy in my womb.

  White smoke fills the air as Tyler heats up the rear tire. Gabe does a final check and gives his approval, sending Tyler up to the line.

  The sound of his engine revs loudly indicating the growling bear is back, angrier than ever. One by one, starting from the top, the descending lights illuminate until they flash one solid color and Tyler launches like a bat out of hell. Flying down the straight track at an unbelievable speed, he becomes a tiny speck by the time he reaches the finish line with his opponent hot on his trail.

  “Ladies and gentleman, Tyler Strong has done it again!” The announcement bellows through the speaker.

  I release the breath I was holding and cheer along with the rest of the crowd.

  “Don’t jump around too much. You don’t want to hurt that kid. Is it even Tyler’s? I know mine is.”

  My heart sinks momentarily before my head snaps in her direction. Gone is the calm woman when the protective mother in me emerges and I verbally attack her.

  “Go fuck yourself. You’re nothing but trailer park trash! Tyler would never touch you! He thinks you’re disgusting!”

  She stands there with a scornful grin on her face, accepting my bombardment.