Gothic Warrior and the Dark Man

by Billy Wong

  #

  When they were leaving for the day, Sloth approached Lincoln in the parking lot. "Hey man wait, I want to talk to you. Why does Freya think I'm not fit? Everyone is on her side but I don't get it. I can bench press three of her. I think that's pretty badass."

  Convenient. Lincoln had been thinking about helping Freya set him on a better path. "That's strong, in a sense, but badass? Being huge and able to push around some weight doesn't make you badass. Look at the boxing greats, are they four hundred eighty pounds? Are the most legendary MMA champions four hundred eighty pounds? What about the greatest kickboxers, are they four hundred eighty pounds? Look at a guy like Ali. Big guy, right? But quick as lightning and tough as nails too. The total package—that's badass."

  "I'm only three hundred eighty pounds," Sloth pointed out.

  "It was an exaggeration. Besides, benching three of Freya ain't hot shit. You almost weigh that much."

  Sloth's voice grew high with agitation. "But why would you compare me to boxers, MMA champs, kickboxers and all that shit? I'm not a fighter. The only fighting I do is in video games, and fake fights in videos. I don't need to be super athletic."

  "Maybe you don't need to be 'super athletic,' but I saw you getting tired after five minutes of wrestling where Freya was doing most of the work. That's not healthy. Listen, do you want to get married, have kids, raise a family one day?"

  "Yes... I don't have to be skinny to do that. I have other talents. Sure Gunner and Loki get most of the girls, but I'm no virgin."

  Lincoln's eyebrows rose. "Your need to tell me that says something. But then, do you want to see your kids grow up?"

  "Geez, not this argument again... everybody says I'm going to die. How do you know I'm going to die. I'm not dead yet am I?"

  "Ask yourself this. How many five hundred pound old men do you see on the street? You're approaching deadly territory."

  Sloth bowed his head. "Okay, okay, maybe I could stand to lose a few pounds. But how can I? I can't even run. I get exhausted after a couple minutes."

  "Well, you have to be responsible for controlling what you eat. But for the exercise, I could show you some things."

  "You'll teach me how to box? Even though I said I'm not a fighter, that's cool! Think maybe I could take Freya if I picked up a few tricks, with my size advantage?"

  Lincoln chuckled. "You could train for twenty years without aging and she'd probably still annihilate you."

  "Oh. Well, learning to box is still cool! Which combo are you going to teach me first?"

  "We'll probably start with jump rope."