The Gambler

by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

have been otherwise?

  Towards the hour of the train's departure I hastened to the

  station, and put the Grandmother into her compartment--she and

  her party occupying a reserved family saloon.

  "Thanks for your disinterested assistance," she said at

  parting. "Oh, and please remind Prascovia of what I said to her

  last night. I expect soon to see her."

  Then I returned home. As I was passing the door of the General's

  suite, I met the nursemaid, and inquired after her master.

  "There is nothing new to report, sir," she replied quietly.

  Nevertheless I decided to enter, and was just doing so when I

  halted thunderstruck on the threshold. For before me I beheld

  the General and Mlle. Blanche--laughing gaily at one another!--

  while beside them, on the sofa, there was seated her mother.

  Clearly the General was almost out of his mind with joy, for he

  was talking all sorts of nonsense, and bubbling over with a

  long-drawn, nervous laugh--a laugh which twisted his face into

  innumerable wrinkles, and caused his eyes almost to disappear.

  Afterwards I learnt from Mlle. Blanche herself that, after

  dismissing the Prince and hearing of the General's tears, she

  bethought her of going to comfort the old man, and had just

  arrived for the purpose when I entered. Fortunately, the poor

  General did not know that his fate had been decided--that Mlle.

  had long ago packed her trunks in readiness for the first

  morning train to Paris!

  Hesitating a moment on the threshold I changed my mind as to

  entering, and departed unnoticed. Ascending to my own room, and

  opening the door, I perceived in the semi-darkness a figure

  seated on a chair in the corner by the window. The figure did

  not rise when I entered, so I approached it swiftly, peered at

  it closely, and felt my heart almost stop beating. The figure

  was Polina!

  XIV

  The shock made me utter an exclamation.

  "What is the matter? What is the matter?" she asked in a

  strange voice. She was looking pale, and her eyes were dim.

  "What is the matter?" I re-echoed. "Why, the fact that you

  are HERE!"

  "If I am here, I have come with all that I have to bring," she

  said. "Such has always been my way, as you shall presently see.

  Please light a candle."

  I did so; whereupon she rose, approached the table, and laid

  upon it an open letter.

  "Read it," she added.

  "It is De Griers' handwriting!" I cried as I seized the

  document. My hands were so tremulous that the lines on the pages

  danced before my eyes. Although, at this distance of time, I

  have forgotten the exact phraseology of the missive, I append,

  if not the precise words, at all events the general sense.

  "Mademoiselle," the document ran, "certain untoward

  circumstances compel me to depart in haste. Of course, you have

  of yourself remarked that hitherto I have always refrained from

  having any final explanation with you, for the reason that I

  could not well state the whole circumstances; and now to my

  difficulties the advent of the aged Grandmother, coupled with

  her subsequent proceedings, has put the final touch. Also, the

  involved state of my affairs forbids me to write with any

  finality concerning those hopes of ultimate bliss upon which,

  for a long while past, I have permitted myself to feed. I regret

  the past, but at the same time hope that in my conduct you have

  never been able to detect anything that was unworthy of a

  gentleman and a man of honour. Having lost, however, almost the

  whole of my money in debts incurred by your stepfather, I find

  myself driven to the necessity of saving the remainder;

  wherefore, I have instructed certain friends of mine in St.

  Petersburg to arrange for the sale of all the property which has

  been mortgaged to myself. At the same time, knowing that, in

  addition, your frivolous stepfather has squandered money which

  is exclusively yours, I have decided to absolve him from a

  certain moiety of the mortgages on his property, in order that

  you may be in a position to recover of him what you have lost,

  by suing him in legal fashion. I trust, therefore, that, as

  matters now stand, this action of mine may bring you some

  advantage. I trust also that this same action leaves me in the

  position of having fulfilled every obligation which is incumbent

  upon a man of honour and refinement. Rest assured that your

  memory will for ever remain graven in my heart."

  "All this is clear enough," I commented. "Surely you did not

  expect aught else from him?" Somehow I was feeling annoyed.

  "I expected nothing at all from him," she replied--quietly

  enough, to all outward seeming, yet with a note of irritation in

  her tone. "Long ago I made up my mind on the subject, for I

  could read his thoughts, and knew what he was thinking. He

  thought that possibly I should sue him--that one day I might

  become a nuisance." Here Polina halted for a moment, and stood

  biting her lips. "So of set purpose I redoubled my contemptuous

  treatment of him, and waited to see what he would do. If a

  telegram to say that we had become legatees had arrived from,

  St. Petersburg, I should have flung at him a quittance for my

  foolish stepfather's debts, and then dismissed him. For a long

  time I have hated him. Even in earlier days he was not a man;

  and now!-- Oh, how gladly I could throw those fifty thousand

  roubles in his face, and spit in it, and then rub the spittle in!"

  "But the document returning the fifty-thousand rouble

  mortgage--has the General got it? If so, possess yourself of it,

  and send it to De Griers."

  "No, no; the General has not got it."

  "Just as I expected! Well, what is the General going to do?"

  Then an idea suddenly occurred to me. "What about the

  Grandmother?" I asked.

  Polina looked at me with impatience and bewilderment.

  "What makes you speak of HER?" was her irritable inquiry. "I

  cannot go and live with her. Nor," she added hotly, "will I go

  down upon my knees to ANY ONE."

  "Why should you?" I cried. "Yet to think that you should have

  loved De Griers! The villain, the villain! But I will kill him

  in a duel. Where is he now?"

  "In Frankfort, where he will be staying for the next three

  days."

  "Well, bid me do so, and I will go to him by the first train

  tomorrow," I exclaimed with enthusiasm.

  She smiled.

  "If you were to do that," she said, "he would merely

  tell you to be so good as first to return him the fifty

  thousand francs. What, then, would be the use of

  having a quarrel with him? You talk sheer nonsense."

  I ground my teeth.

  "The question," I went on, "is how to raise the fifty thousand

  francs. We cannot expect to find them lying about on the floor.

  Listen. What of Mr. Astley?" Even as I spoke a new and strange

  idea formed itself in my brain.

  Her eyes flashed fire.

  "What? YOU YOURSELF wish me to leave you for him?"
she cried

  with a scornful look and a proud smile. Never before had she

  addressed me thus.

  Then her head must have turned dizzy with emotion, for suddenly

  she seated herself upon the sofa, as though she were powerless

  any longer to stand.

  A flash of lightning seemed to strike me as I stood there. I

  could scarcely believe my eyes or my ears. She DID love me,

  then! It WAS to me, and not to Mr. Astley, that she had turned!

  Although she, an unprotected girl, had come to me in my room--in

  an hotel room--and had probably compromised herself thereby, I

  had not understood!

  Then a second mad idea flashed into my brain.

  "Polina," I said, "give me but an hour. Wait here just one

  hour until I return. Yes, you MUST do so. Do you not see what I

  mean? Just stay here for that time."

  And I rushed from the room without so much as answering her look

  of inquiry. She called something after me, but I did not return.

  Sometimes it happens that the most insane thought, the most

  impossible conception, will become so fixed in one's head that

  at length one believes the thought or the conception to be

  reality. Moreover, if with the thought or the conception there

  is combined a strong, a passionate, desire, one will come to

  look upon the said thought or conception as something fated,

  inevitable, and foreordained--something bound to happen. Whether

  by this there is connoted something in the nature of a

  combination of presentiments, or a great effort of will, or a

  self-annulment of one's true expectations, and so on, I do not

  know; but, at all events that night saw happen to me (a night

  which I shall never forget) something in the nature of the

  miraculous. Although the occurrence can easily be explained by

  arithmetic, I still believe it to have been a miracle. Yet why

  did this conviction take such a hold upon me at the time, and

  remain with me ever since? Previously, I had thought of the idea,

  not as an occurrence which was ever likely to come about, but as

  something which NEVER could come about.

  The time was a quarter past eleven o'clock when I entered the

  Casino in such a state of hope (though, at the same time, of

  agitation) as I had never before experienced. In the

  gaming-rooms there were still a large number of people, but not

  half as many as had been present in the morning.

  At eleven o'clock there usually remained behind only the real,

  the desperate gamblers--persons for whom, at spas, there existed

  nothing beyond roulette, and who went thither for that alone.

  These gamesters took little note of what was going on around

  them, and were interested in none of the appurtenances of the

  season, but played from morning till night, and would have been

  ready to play through the night until dawn had that been

  possible. As it was, they used to disperse unwillingly when, at

  midnight, roulette came to an end. Likewise, as soon as ever

  roulette was drawing to a close and the head croupier had called

  "Les trois derniers coups," most of them were ready to stake on

  the last three rounds all that they had in their pockets--and,

  for the most part, lost it. For my own part I proceeded towards

  the table at which the Grandmother had lately sat; and, since the

  crowd around it was not very large, I soon obtained standing

  room among the ring of gamblers, while directly in front of me,

  on the green cloth, I saw marked the word "Passe."

  "Passe" was a row of numbers from 19 to 36 inclusive; while a

  row of numbers from 1 to 18 inclusive was known as "Manque."

  But what had that to do with me? I had not noticed--I had not so

  much as heard the numbers upon which the previous coup had

  fallen, and so took no bearings when I began to play, as, in my

  place, any SYSTEMATIC gambler would have done. No, I merely

  extended my stock of twenty ten-gulden pieces, and threw them

  down upon the space "Passe" which happened to be confronting

  me.

  "Vingt-deux!" called the croupier.

  I had won! I staked upon the same again--both my original stake

  and my winnings.

  "Trente-et-un!" called the croupier.

  Again I had won, and was now in possession of eighty ten-gulden

  pieces. Next, I moved the whole eighty on to twelve middle

  numbers (a stake which, if successful, would bring me in a

  triple profit, but also involved a risk of two chances to one).

  The wheel revolved, and stopped at twenty-four. Upon this I was

  paid out notes and gold until I had by my side a total sum of

  two thousand gulden.

  It was as in a fever that I moved the pile, en bloc, on to the

  red. Then suddenly I came to myself (though that was the only

  time during the evening's play when fear cast its cold spell

  over me, and showed itself in a trembling of the hands and

  knees). For with horror I had realised that I MUST win, and that

  upon that stake there depended all my life.

  "Rouge!" called the croupier. I drew a long breath, and hot

  shivers went coursing over my body. I was paid out my winnings

  in bank-notes--amounting, of course, to a total of four thousand

  florins, eight hundred gulden (I could still calculate the

  amounts).

  After that, I remember, I again staked two thousand florins upon

  twelve middle numbers, and lost. Again I staked the whole of

  my gold, with eight hundred gulden, in notes, and lost. Then

  madness seemed to come upon me, and seizing my last two thousand

  florins, I staked them upon twelve of the first numbers--wholly

  by chance, and at random, and without any sort of reckoning.

  Upon my doing so there followed a moment of suspense only

  comparable to that which Madame Blanchard must have experienced

  when, in Paris, she was descending earthwards from a balloon.

  "Quatre!" called the croupier.

  Once more, with the addition of my original stake, I was in

  possession of six thousand florins! Once more I looked around me

  like a conqueror--once more I feared nothing as I threw down four

  thousand of these florins upon the black. The croupiers glanced

  around them, and exchanged a few words; the bystanders

  murmured expectantly.

  The black turned up. After that I do not exactly remember

  either my calculations or the order of my stakings. I only

  remember that, as in a dream, I won in one round sixteen

  thousand florins; that in the three following rounds, I lost

  twelve thousand; that I moved the remainder (four thousand) on

  to "Passe" (though quite unconscious of what I was doing--I was

  merely waiting, as it were, mechanically, and without

  reflection, for something) and won; and that, finally, four

  times in succession I lost. Yes, I can remember raking in money

  by thousands--but most frequently on the twelve, middle numbers,

  to which I constantly adhered, and which kept appearing in a

  sort of regular order--first, three or four times running, and

  then, after an interval of a couple of rounds, in another break

  of three or four appearances. Sometimes,
this astonishing

  regularity manifested itself in patches; a thing to upset all

  the calculations of note--taking gamblers who play with a

  pencil and a memorandum book in their hands Fortune perpetrates

  some terrible jests at roulette!

  Since my entry not more than half an hour could have elapsed.

  Suddenly a croupier informed me that I had, won thirty thousand

  florins, as well as that, since the latter was the limit for

  which, at any one time, the bank could make itself responsible,

  roulette at that table must close for the night. Accordingly, I

  caught up my pile of gold, stuffed it into my pocket, and,

  grasping my sheaf of bank-notes, moved to the table in an

  adjoining salon where a second game of roulette was in

  progress. The crowd followed me in a body, and cleared a place

  for me at the table; after which, I proceeded to stake as

  before--that is to say, at random and without calculating. What

  saved me from ruin I do not know.

  Of course there were times when fragmentary reckonings DID come

  flashing into my brain. For instance, there were times when I

  attached myself for a while to certain figures and coups--though

  always leaving them, again before long, without knowing what I

  was doing.

  In fact, I cannot have been in possession of all my faculties,

  for I can remember the croupiers correcting my play more than

  once, owing to my having made mistakes of the gravest order. My

  brows were damp with sweat, and my hands were shaking. Also,

  Poles came around me to proffer their services, but I heeded

  none of them. Nor did my luck fail me now. Suddenly, there arose

  around me a loud din of talking and laughter. " Bravo, bravo! "

  was the general shout, and some people even clapped their hands.

  I had raked in thirty thousand florins, and again the bank had

  had to close for the night!

  "Go away now, go away now," a voice whispered to me on my

  right. The person who had spoken to me was a certain Jew of

  Frankfurt--a man who had been standing beside me the whole while,

  and occasionally helping me in my play.

  "Yes, for God's sake go," whispered a second voice in my left

  ear. Glancing around, I perceived that the second voice had come

  from a modestly, plainly dressed lady of rather less than

  thirty--a woman whose face, though pale and sickly-looking, bore

  also very evident traces of former beauty. At the moment, I was

  stuffing the crumpled bank-notes into my pockets and collecting

  all the gold that was left on the table. Seizing up my last note

  for five hundred gulden, I contrived to insinuate it,

  unperceived, into the hand of the pale lady. An overpowering

  impulse had made me do so, and I remember how her thin little

  fingers pressed mine in token of her lively gratitude. The whole

  affair was the work of a moment.

  Then, collecting my belongings, I crossed to where trente et

  quarante was being played--a game which could boast of a more

  aristocratic public, and was played with cards instead of with a

  wheel. At this diversion the bank made itself responsible for a

  hundred thousand thalers as the limit, but the highest stake

  allowable was, as in roulette, four thousand florins. Although I

  knew nothing of the game--and I scarcely knew the stakes,

  except those on black and red--I joined the ring of players,

  while the rest of the crowd massed itself around me. At this

  distance of time I cannot remember whether I ever gave a thought

  to Polina; I seemed only to be conscious of a vague pleasure in

  seizing and raking in the bank-notes which kept massing

  themselves in a pile before me.

  But, as ever, fortune seemed to be at my back. As though of set

  purpose, there came to my aid a circumstance which not

  infrequently repeats itself in gaming. The circumstance is that

  not infrequently luck attaches itself to, say, the red, and does

  not leave it for a space of say, ten, or even fifteen, rounds

  in succession. Three days ago I had heard that, during the

  previous week there had been a run of twenty-two coups on the