Hit & Mrs.

by Lesley Crewe

  “Ma, are you okay? I feel awful.”

  “I told you I’d be dead when you got back, but no one ever listens to me.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone. Can you forgive me?”

  “Well, I’ll try. Let that be a lesson to you. Your mother is your mother. You only ever have one, and once I’m gone…”

  Her voice disappeared and her father was on the line. “Never mind that nonsense, Bette. We’re trying to tell you that the guy who attacked us was looking for you.”

  “What?” Bette put her hand over the receiver and looked at Linda.

  “The guy who attacked them was looking for me.”

  Linda’s eyes bugged out of her head. “Are you joking?”

  Bette went back on the phone. “I don’t understand. What did he say?”

  “I don’t know. Here’s your mother.”

  “Bette? He said, tell me where I can find Bette Weinberg and I said never and he hit me and then he asked me again and I said never…”

  “You did?”

  “That’s what got me these shiners. So then he pulled a knife on your father and said he’d kill him if I didn’t tell him, so I said you were at the Waldorf and it was all Linda Keaton’s fault.”

  She looked at Linda. “She told him we were here.”

  Linda pressed her fingers into her forehead. “Great.”

  Bette’s mother continued. “Yes, I did. I said just because she lives in Pointe Claire and has a plastic surgeon for a husband she thinks she’s better than anyone else.”

  “Ma!”

  “Well, it’s true. So then he looked in our address book and he ripped out a page.”

  “Why did he do that?”

  “I have no idea. I wasn’t about to engage him in small talk, was I?”

  “What page did he rip out?”

  Ida yelled for someone. “What page did he rip out of that book? The K’s.”

  “He must have been looking for Linda’s address.”

  Linda shoved her. “Who? Who was looking for my address?”

  “The guy who’s dead.” She went back on the phone. “How did you kill the guy, anyway?”

  “I pushed him down the stairs.”

  “You walked?”

  “With my chair, you idiot.”

  “Oh.”

  “So come home right now. You may be in danger. Did you do something to someone? What sorts of things do you get up to in that precious car of yours? Are you on drugs?”

  “Of course not. Look, Ma, I want you to know that I love you and Da, but I have to go now.”

  “I tell her I’m almost killed and she has to go. What’s so pressing?”

  “I’ll call you again soon. I promise.”

  “But wait! We need to know…”

  Bette hung up and ran to the bathroom, Linda behind her. Linda held her hair as Bette got sick in the toilet. She finally raised her head, threw water on her face, and rinsed out her mouth. Linda passed her a towel.

  “Oh my God, something’s going on and I can’t figure it out.”

  Linda led her back to the bed. Bette told her what her mother had said. They didn’t speak for a few minutes as they tried to process the information.

  “Okay,” Linda said. “All this can’t be coincidence. Ever since we got on that plane, it’s been nothing but disaster. There’s no way in a million years that all this stuff isn’t related. There has to be an explanation.”

  “What? What could it be? I mean, we didn’t do anything. We got in a taxi and left for the city. That’s when things started to unravel.”

  “Who would be looking for you, Bette? No one.”

  “Thanks.”

  Linda waved her away. “You know what I mean. You don’t have an enemy in the world, and then some guy is looking for you and asks for my address and suddenly my home is broken into. We only got here yesterday, so something had to happen between now and then.”

  “We had a guy try to kill us. We saw an attempted robbery, you ran into Stuart, we lived through a bomb threat, Gemma was accused of shoplifting, they’ve disappeared, and I lost my bag. I lost my bag. That’s the first thing that happened.”

  “Everything went downhill from the airport on.”

  “But it’s not like I mixed up my bag up with someone from the mob. It was a young girl and a baby. She had diapers and a teddy bear. What’s so strange about that? And she obviously tried to return it to me today.”

  “That’s true. But you know what still bugs me? How did that driver know our names and where we were going if he didn’t work for the cab company?”

  Bette’s cellphone rang again. She nearly jumped out of her skin. “You get it. I can’t take any more bad news.”

  “Oh, please let this be Augusta,” Linda prayed as she raced to the phone on the dresser. “Hello?”

  “Where’s the stuff?” a voice growled at her.

  “Hello? Who is this?”

  “Don’t mess with me. You know damn well who it is. Now where’s Blue?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What’s blue?”

  “You better bring the stuff tonight or you’re all dead, do you hear me?”

  “Yes. Yes, I hear you. Where do you want it dropped off?” Linda looked at Bette and appealed to her silently. Bette hopped up and down and was no help at all.

  “Washington Square Park, near the arch.”

  “Where’s that?”

  “You’re shitting me, right? Be there at midnight. Fuck this up and you and everyone you know are dead meat.” The phone slammed down in her ear.

  Linda looked at Bette in horror. “He said…”

  “…who said?”

  “Some horrible man said if we didn’t bring him the stuff by midnight, everyone we know will be dead, and then he asked where blue was. What the hell is blue?”

  Bette jumped around the room shaking her hands. “Oh my God, oh my God. They must have Augusta and Gemma. That’s why they’re not here. They’ve been kidnapped.”

  “But why? What stuff? We don’t have stuff. What do they want?”

  “I don’t know. What do we do? We have to call the police. We need help, Linda.”

  “This is a nightmare.” Linda paced the floor. “Some guy beats up your parents to find you. Then they go to my house and rob it, but we have no idea why. Your mother tells the guy we’re at the Waldorf. They tell someone, and that someone comes and takes Gemma and Augusta away. Then they call and say to give them the stuff or everyone’s dead.”

  Bette nodded.

  “So that means only one thing. We must have something they want. We don’t know we have it, but we must have it.”

  “Well, the only thing that’s not ours is the baby’s bag. But I still don’t see how she could be involved.”

  “Look, does it matter? It sounds like she must have been. There’s no other explanation. Where is it?.”

  Bette ran over and got the bag from the floor beside the closet. She threw it on the bed as if it were on fire. Linda picked it up and turned it upside down. The teddy bear dropped on the bed with a sweater, a few diapers, a soother, a couple of safety pins, some Mentos, a People magazine, and a package of baby wipes. Linda looked in there first. She pulled the whole roll out. Nothing.

  Then she leafed through the magazine, pushed all the Mentos out of the wrapper, manhandled the soother, flipped the sweater inside out, opened and ripped up the diapers, and even unclasped the safety pins. Then she picked up the bear and shook him. She listened as she did.

  “Does this bear seem normal to you?”

  “Normal? Yeah.”

  “It feels a little heavy.” Linda examined the seams. “I can’t see where they might have opened it up and put something in, but this must be it. There’s nothing else.”

  “Should we open it?”

  “God, do you really want to know what’s in here? If it’s enough to get people killed, I don’t want any part of it.”

  Bette bit her nails. “
But what if we’re wrong and we get there and this isn’t what they want?”

  Linda considered it. “I suppose you’re right. We can’t take any chances.”

  “But what if they kill us for opening it?”

  Linda rolled her eyes. “You just said…”

  “I know what I said! I’m not sure, that’s all.”

  They stared at the bear and the bear smiled back at them. Linda turned him over and over. “He’s not too squishy, so we can’t feel for a lump. His arms and legs move on hinges. Should I try to take a limb off?”

  “You might not get it back on.”

  “Then do you have any nail scissors? I had some in my luggage— but of course my luggage is off in sunny Spain at the moment.”

  Bette hurried over to her suitcase, lifted the lid, and rummaged through the pockets to produce a nail kit. She unzipped it and sat back down on the bed before handing Linda a pair of cuticle scissors. “But how are we going to sew him back up?”

  “Look in the bathroom. They sometimes leave those little sewing kits in there.”

  Bette rushed to the bathroom and searched through the toiletries. “Eureka, there’s one here.” She dashed back to the bed.

  Linda looked up with the scissors in her hand. “So are we doing the right thing?”

  “How the hell should I know? Do we have a choice?”

  “Okay.” She proceeded to snip one tiny seam thread at a time. When she had an opening about as wide as her finger, she gingerly poked around inside. “I don’t feel anything. Oh God, if it’s not the bear, then what is it?”

  “Cut a little more. You can’t get a good feel.”

  So she did. This time she put two fingers in as deep as she could and suddenly she froze. “I think I feel something.”

  Bette held her breath.

  “I’ve got something.” Linda worked very carefully, not wanting to remove any unnecessary stuffing. Sweat poured down her face as she inched what felt like a plastic bag closer to the hole. “I’m not going to be able to get it out. It’s too big.”

  “Here, then.” Bette scampered over to her suitcase and took out a small flashlight.

  “Why did you bring that?”

  “In case of a hotel fire, but so far that’s been the only thing that hasn’t happened, knock on wood.” She handed it over.

  They pulled the bear over to the light and shone the flashlight inside. “It’s crystals or something,” Bette said.

  “Look at that shine. Those are diamonds.”

  They sat back on the bed in shock.

  “This must be Blue. The bear.”

  “That’s it,” Bette whispered. “That young girl was carrying diamonds through customs. No wonder she threw her guts up in the bathroom.”

  “And when you walked out with her bag, she called the driver in a panic and told him my name and where we were going—you told her that in the bathroom. That’s why he pulled a gun on us and told us to give him the bags.”

  Bette jumped up and began to pace. “It’s all my fault.”

  “It’s not your fault, Bette. No one in a million years would expect something like this to happen.”

  “But two of my best friends are in mortal danger, my parents were assaulted, your house was broken into. It’s too much.”

  Linda got up and took Bette by the shoulders. “Snap out of it, Bette. We need to stay focused. The girls’ lives are at stake.”

  Bette reached for a Kleenex in her pocket and blew her nose. “Okay, I’m okay.”

  Linda reached down and picked up the bear from the bed. “Wait a minute. That young girl came to us today. I wonder if she set a trap or wanted to warn us?”

  “She must have set a trap, because obviously Augusta and Gemma walked right into it.”

  Linda shook her head. “She’s only a child herself. How does a young girl’s life go so wrong?”

  “Who knows?”

  “Okay. At least we have some explanation for why all this horrible stuff is happening. Now all we have to do is sew Blue back together, go to this Washington Square Park, give them the diamonds, and get Gemma and Augusta out of there.” She put Blue on the bed, went over to her guidebook, and looked up the park. “Oh, fabulous. It’s about forty-three blocks from here. I have no idea how long that’s going to take.”

  “I think we should call the police.”

  “They’ve been such a big help so far. It’ll take ages to explain everything, and by then it may be too late.”

  “Oh, don’t say that.”

  “Oh shit, how much money do I have?” She raced over to her purse and opened her wallet. “Damn. How are we going to get a taxi?”

  “You don’t have enough?”

  “Oh wait, I know. I’ll call Stuart. He’s got money.”

  “Maybe he should come with us. He’s a big, strong guy.”

  “That’s all I need. Stuart mouthing off about how I’m always screwing up.”

  “We don’t have a choice, Linda. We need him.”

  “You’re right. We need all the help we can get, even if it is from a two-timing skunk.” She ran to her cellphone. “You sew Blue up and I’ll call him.”

  Stuart and Ryan were in the middle of a fancy restaurant. Stuart was doing his best to put the upsetting episode with Linda out of his mind. It was easier as the night went on, now that the first bottle of champagne was turned upside down in the ice bucket.

  Ryan looked spectacular in her little black number. When she sashayed to the restroom at one point, he watched other men give her a second and third glance. It made him feel pretty special. He tried to ignore the women who gave him the once over, to see who the gorgeous young thing was with. He could tell by the looks on their faces they thought he was old enough to be her father.

  Ryan sat across from him and picked up a cherry from her dessert. She licked it with her tongue. “I love cherries, don’t you?”

  “Stop, you’re making me crazy.”

  Ryan acted surprised. “How?”

  “Let’s get outta here.”

  She reached under the table with her foot and put it between his legs. “I don’t think you can wait.”

  His cell went off, which definitely broke the mood. They both sat up straighter in their chairs. Ryan was exasperated. “Don’t answer it.”

  “I have to. There might be a change in tomorrow’s venue.”

  She folded her arms. “Big whoop.”

  “Stuart Keaton.”

  “It’s me.”

  Stuart started to rise from the table and then quickly sat down and adjusted his napkin. Ryan looked at him and smirked.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Everything, and I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, but can you help me?”

  “Linda, what’s going on?”

  Ryan made a face. She leaned toward him and waved. “Excuse me, your lady’s getting cold.”

  He held the phone to his lapel. “I’m sorry, I have to take this.”

  Ryan stood up and grabbed her clutch. “I’ll wait by the bar, shall I?” She stormed off.

  Stuart couldn’t very well run after her. It was unseemly. He put the phone back to his ear and heard, “Stuart? Are you there?”

  “Yes. I’m here.”

  “Where are you, anyway?”

  “We’re…I’m at the Tavern on the Green.”

  “Get in a cab and pick me up at the Waldorf and bring lots of money with you.”

  “What? I’m not going to do anything until you tell me what this is about.”

  “Augusta and Gemma are missing, and Bette and I have got to go to Washington Square Park and get them back.”

  “Missing?”

  “I’m not playing twenty questions with you! I’ll explain it in the taxi. Now are you going to help me or not?”

  “Fine, I’ll help you. I’ll leave now.”

  “We’ll meet you at the front doors of the hotel.”

  She hung up.

  Stuart looked at his cellphon
e and frowned. What in God’s name was going on? And how was he going to explain all this to Ryan?

  CHAPTER TEN

  While Blue was still out like a light, a girl came in and smoked a joint on one end of the mattress. She kicked him a couple of times to make sure he wasn’t dead, but that was as much as she was willing to do. He eventually woke up and could hardly move his neck, what with having been slumped over for a couple of hours. He slowly pushed himself up on his elbow and looked around.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey.”

  “Where’s Starr?”

  She shrugged.

  He scratched his gelled, spiky hair, yawned, and then took a drink from the bottle of bourbon he still clutched in his hand. “What time is it?”

  She looked at her watch. “Almost eleven.”

  “Morning or night?”

  “Geez, how long have you been wasted?”

  “Twelve years.” He frowned. “I think I’m supposed to be doin’ something right about now, but I can’t remember what it is.” He looked around and then his eyes went to the ceiling.

  “Aw, shit.” He struggled to get up, but he was so shaky he nearly fell over. He staggered over to a chair and pulled it into the middle of the room.

  “Whatcha doin? Gonna hang yourself?”

  “Nah, maybe later.” He stood up on the chair and had to balance himself for a few moments before he reached up and pushed a tile over slightly. That’s when his cellphone rang. He pointed to it on the mattress. “Get that.” He meant for her to give it to him. The girl picked it up and answered it instead.

  “Hello?”

  “We’re going to kill your friends unless you bring the bear to

  Central Park. Go to 97th and 5th. Walk towards the East Meadow, near the bridge. Have you got that?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  They hung up. The girl clicked off the phone and tossed it on the bed. Blue waited for her to say something. She went back to smoking her joint.

  “Well?”

  “Well what?”

  “Who was it?”

  “How the hell should I know?”

  Blue jumped from the chair, nearly breaking his neck in the process. He grabbed the girl by her arm. “What did they say? I’ve been waiting for a phone call.”