Calamity Rayne: Gets A Life

by Lydia Michaels

  “You sound crazy. Miles and I were just hanging out and all of you Davenports are out of your minds.”

  “Hale saw you two together, predictably got jealous, and suddenly you aren’t speaking, and you somehow changed your mind about having dinner with a man who is openly interested in you. Even if you weren’t intentionally provoking him with Miles, you knew exactly what you were getting into having dinner with Wes tonight. My son won’t apologize now.”

  Seething, I snapped, “I had dinner because it’s my job to attend these functions with you.”

  “I gave you the option not to go.”

  He was turning everything around! “This has absolutely nothing to do with my question about Jasmine.”

  “It has everything to do with it. If not for women like her and men like Wes, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.”

  “And you take no accountability for this predicament?”

  “Oh, I hold the lion’s share.”

  He glanced at his watch and sighed, his attention turning to the traffic passing by. “Rachel was gentle. She never expected anything from me but my loyalty. She was devoted, kind, everything women like Jasmine will never be. Hale knew the kind of woman Jasmine was, which was why he got involved with her—no messy emotions. In the end, she got her pay off and now she’s satisfied.”

  “But why jeopardize what you had with Rachel for a woman like that?”

  “Because I’m a man. We want it all.”

  I couldn’t wait to get out of this car. “That’s you, not every man.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  No, I wasn’t sure about anything. Sometimes Hale was vulnerable, other times he was strong. Gentle, demanding, forgiving or rigid, there were many sides to the same man.

  The other night he’d upset me, coming in like a dog ready to mark his territory. It bothered me, but also made me feel like a hypocrite, when the night before I’d let him use every part of me and encouraged every second of his intense possession. I didn’t understand what made both situations so different, but they were.

  By the time we returned to the house I was more confused than ever. I helped Remington to bed, but didn’t linger.

  “Meyers?”

  I gritted my teeth and paused at the door. So close. “I’m tired Remington.”

  “There’s something incredibly alluring about a woman strong enough to surrender. Don’t mistake it for weakness.”

  I was so sick of strategizing. “And there’s something to be said for a man big enough to apologize when he hurts someone he loves.”

  “Also true, but not a trait you’ll find in any Davenport. When things are too rigid, they break. Don’t be ashamed of bending where he can’t.”

  Making no comment, I shut the door, but Remington’s words stuck with me. I didn’t want us to break. I just wanted Hale, uncomplicated and at my side.

  After pacing for over an hour, wondering which one of us was the bigger stubborn ass, I decided nothing was worth missing him this much and someone had to make the first move. I found my phone and texted him.

  Are you awake?

  My phone rang as his number flashed on the screen. “Hey.” His voice was monotone, giving me no indication of his feelings at the moment.

  “Can we be done with our fight now? I don’t want to be mad anymore.”

  He was silent for a moment. “I’m not mad at you, Rayne. I was giving you time.”

  “Time for what?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know if I can change certain things about me, Rayne. I’m fucked up for good reason. If you can’t handle this…” He paused. “You’re not the only one afraid of being hurt.”

  I understood his reasoning, but he also had to understand my background. He hurt me. “One of my closest friends is a guy, Hale. You can’t expect me to only have female friends and you can’t turn into a jerk every time I’m around other men.”

  “I don’t expect you to only have female friends.”

  “Then what is it you want?”

  “I want to know you’re mine and that nothing will threaten what we have.”

  Oh, was that all? Because I’d misplaced my crystal ball and the future remained a mystery, I gave the little assurance I had. “I’ve never cheated on anyone, Hale.”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about.”

  “Then what? It’s been days and you haven’t called.”

  “I know what I want, Rayne, but you have to figure out what you want. Don’t think this week wasn’t torture for me, but I endured it so you could have some time to decide what it is you want. I have no interest in moving backwards, but the biggest threat to us right now seems to be this impulse you have to bolt whenever things get too real.”

  “I wasn’t bolting.”

  “But you were avoiding, not just my mom, but me. I know my life’s complicated, but I can’t filter it for you. I don’t want to. Nor do I want some censored version of you. It’s like I said, I want all of you.”

  Was that some sort of code for anal sex? Because I definitely wasn’t ready for that. “I’m not sure I follow.”

  “I don’t know how else to explain it other than I want all of you.”

  “Um…” He was going to have to give me more information than that.

  “Look, Rayne, I know this is moving fast, but I’ve never felt so strongly about another person. When you’re not around, I can’t breathe. You’re always on my mind and when I’m with you I don’t want to let go. The thought of anything threatening that…”

  I frowned, not used to anyone taking my actions so personally. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “If I need you, I want you here. I want you to be there for me and, damn it, I want you to let me be there for you. This thing you do, closing yourself off from me every time things get a little intense, I won’t have it. I love you. I trust you, but you have to be honest with me about how you’re feeling.”

  I understood what he was saying. No masks. No more façades. “I try to always be honest with you.”

  “Do you?”

  Okay, maybe that wasn’t one hundred percent true. “I wasn’t trying to upset you the other night. I just… needed space.”

  “Why?”

  Holding the phone close to my ear, I lowered my gaze. “I don’t know. I get scared. The other night was…a lot.”

  He paused. “I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”

  “You didn’t—I mean, maybe you did, but I loved it. But then your mom arrived and…I don’t know how to meet people’s expectations. I always screw up.”

  “Nobody expects you to be anyone other than you, baby. She just wants to meet you, because I love you.”

  Love was such a big word and it didn’t extend through degrees of separation. Just because Hale loved me didn’t mean his mother would. Parental rejection was painful and I was terrified possibly being rejected by Naomi Davenport would tear open old wounds.

  He signed and I wished I could see him. “Some scars take lifetimes to heal, Rayne, and I think we both have some pretty deep ones. It was never my intention to scare you. I just…need you. And when I fear you pulling away I tend to hold on tighter than I probably should.”

  Closing my eyes, I let myself believe him for a moment. Warmth bloomed in my chest, pronouncing the empty ache that had always been there before meeting Hale.

  Not being the most flexible person, the first bend hurt. “No one’s ever needed me.”

  Five simple words, but they gutted me. I hated depending on others, because that dependency eventually became a crutch and when it disappeared I fell hard.

  “I need you,” he repeated. “All of you.”

  “Tell me how to do this, Hale. I have limited experience with relationships, and zero experience with guys like you.”

  “Come to the house.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes. It’s dark, so take a car. I’d come pick you up, but Elara’s sleeping.”

  “What about your mom?”

>   “She’s sleeping in the guesthouse.”

  “Okay, but I want to keep talking about this—”

  “The conversation’s far from over, Rayne.”

  “Good.” Holy shit, I actually wanted to communicate. And now I was sweating. But I could do this. Hale was worth it. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  As I drove, I considered everything Remington said over the past few weeks. I wanted to be what Hale needed and I wanted to prove that honest men didn’t need to stray to have it all. He asked for all of me and I wanted to try to give him just that, overlooking my fears that I might somehow come up short.

  When I pulled into his driveway I drew in a slow breath, unsure what I was walking into. I pulled the keys from the ignition and let myself into his house. The hall lights were on, but all the rooms were dark.

  Dropping my purse on the side table, I quietly called for him. “Hale?”

  “I’m in the den.”

  I stepped around the corner and paused as my eyes took him in. He sat on the chair next to the couch, shirt off, a weathered pair of jeans covering his legs. His expression was neutral and I waited for him to invite me further into the room.

  The fleeting thought that this was a mistake crossed my mind when he still didn’t rise to greet me. But I fought the urge to bolt.

  “Parking was a bitch,” I joked, but he didn’t laugh. He actually didn’t look happy at all.

  “You’re dressed up.”

  I glanced at my clothing. “I—”

  “You went to dinner with them. With Wes.”

  Yes, and I totally Lewinskied the future president and the entire wait staff during appetizers. This was what I couldn’t deal with. “Maybe I should go.”

  “Stay.”

  “So you can make me feel guilty for doing absolutely nothing wrong? No thanks.”

  I turned and he said, “Please stay. I’m not upset you went to dinner.”

  Pivoting, I looked at him in surprise. “You’re…you’re not?”

  “No. Did he ask you out?”

  “He gave me his card.” I had no reason to lie. I wasn’t going to use it.

  “Before or after you told him we were involved?”

  My brows lifted at his arrogance. But part of me was glad he knew I’d mention our relationship. “After.”

  “Did he touch you?”

  “He shook my hand.”

  “I won’t pretend that doesn’t make me jealous, thinking of him even brushing his fingers to yours, but I trust you, Rayne. It’s other men I don’t trust.”

  It was almost comical, talking about something as simple as a handshake, but I couldn’t resist. “It meant nothing to me.”

  His eyes gentled as he smiled. “I missed you.”

  I shook my head. “All you Davenports are nuts.”

  He pushed out of the chair, his body unfolding with the grace of a jaguar as he slowly stalked across the room. “He’ll try again. Persistent little fuck that he is.”

  “I have no interest in him, Hale.”

  “I know.” He approached and I took a small step back.

  “Or Miles.”

  “I know that too. I was a shmuck the other night. I wanted you, plain and simple, but I let my own insecurities cloud my judgment.”

  My hand pressed to his chest as he leaned closer. “You need to understand that sex is a private thing for me. I’ve recently gone from having inadequate sex with myself to mind-blowing sex with a man I actually like. I’m not a toy for you to show off to the other boys, and if you ever make me feel like that again, I’ll disappear for good. You hurt me.”

  He stilled, his posture drawing back as all playfulness left his expression. True regret reflected in his eyes as he bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”

  And there it was. His father was wrong. Hale was man enough to apologize when he hurt those he loved, because he would always be more honorable than the man who raised him.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I let his apology wash over me, patching many uncertainties and building back my confidence in him. “Thank you for saying that.”

  He caught my hand and squeezed my fingers. “I was jealous. Scared you were pulling away.”

  “That side of me…it’s for you, Hale. No one else.”

  His eyes reflected contrition, removing any further need for apology. “It wasn’t my best moment. I hate that I hurt you.”

  “You say you want all of me…fine. But don’t set unobtainable standards. You don’t have to trust everyone, but you absolutely have to trust me. I’ll give you whatever I can in private, but you respect that those moments are private. They’re ours, no one else’s.”

  “Understood.”

  I relaxed, rather impressed with my ability to negotiate and communicate my feelings like an adult woman. I was growing. Maybe we both were. “Okay then.”

  He looked at me as if waiting for permission to move.

  I shrugged. “I forgive you.”

  He smiled and looked into my eyes then hesitated. “I’m going to kiss you. Don’t run.”

  “Smart ass.”

  Pulling me into his arms, he toppled to the couch and hugged me tight. His lips pressed into mine and all my tension faded away.

  “I love you, Rayne. I don’t like when we’re apart.”

  “I love you too. And this week absolutely sucked without you.”

  His hold tightened around me. “This is new territory.”

  I nuzzled my nose into his chest and pressed a kiss to his chin. “I think we can handle it—together.”

  “Together,” he repeated and kissed me softly.

  “Hale…” It took courage to open up to another person, but I trusted him. “I’ve never been good at depending on others.”

  His fingertips brushed tenderly over my cheek. “You can depend on me, baby. I’m not going anywhere. I wasn’t lying when I said I want all of you. I want the crazy. I want the sexy. I want the secrets you keep from everyone else. And I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more.”

  The first man I’d ever wanted to love wouldn’t love me back, so trusting such a promise didn’t come easily. I snuggled into him, resting my ear over his steadily beating heart. “I love you.” They weren’t just words. “But you should know, there’s more crazy than sexy.”

  He chuckled. “I want it all, Rayne. Every piece of your heart, even the broken ones.” Tipping up my chin he brushed his lips to mine. “You don’t have to hide yourself away from me.”

  I kissed him, my mouth moving slowly against his as the weight of all my loneliness, all the heavy emptiness, changed shape inside of me. This was forward and there would be no going back.

  Hale wasn’t like other guys. He was undeniably a Davenport, but he wasn’t all Remington. He was determined and patient and all the things I struggled to be. Simply put, he was the other half of my puzzle, the one I’d been trying to solve for the last thirty years.

  Once we made it upstairs, Hale checked on Elara. I no longer looked at his situation as a complication, but as another facet of Hale. Elara represented all of his honorability, his desire to do the right thing. She represented the unchartered distance his love braved to travel.

  Hale might not always be right, but he held himself to a standard his father would never reach. And though I cared deeply for Remington, I was so grateful Hale was not a carbon copy of the man.

  Resting with our heads on the pillows, our faces only inches apart, I told him, “I’m ready to meet your mother.”

  His smile was unguarded and genuine. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and whispered, “I’ll introduce you tomorrow.”

  As he drifted off to sleep I knew he was satisfied, content in a way he hadn’t been in a long time. So was I.

  Chapter Thirty

  Shel Silverstein Warned Me of Big Emotions

  All of my hopes to make a decent first impression were crushed when Hale’s mom walked in on us the following morning.
Thank the fucking saints we weren’t doing more than sleeping. She was extremely apologetic for barging in, repeatedly apologizing for assuming Hale was alone.

  “Mom,” Hale grumbled, when she continued to apologize throughout breakfast. “It’s fine. Let it go.”

  I endured the meal wearing one of Hale’s dress shirts and a pair of his briefs, while my hair had its own eighties revival going on. Naomi was polite enough not to notice—or at least pretend my hair didn’t resemble a bird’s nest.

  Elara suckled her fingers and burped as I held her in one arm. I was totally impressed by my ability to not drop her while using my other hand to eat.

  Once I got over the embarrassment of being caught in Hale’s bed by his mother, I came to terms with letting this woman see exactly who I was. It was much easier than I expected, being that Naomi was a fairly easygoing lady.

  “So do you like working for Remmy?”

  My face lit up. “You call him Remmy?” I’d asked if I could call him that and he’d said no.

  “Remmy’s the man I know. Remington is someone he became.”

  Interesting. “How did you two meet?” I could get all kinds of juicy gossip from this woman.

  “In college,” Naomi said, clearing the plates off the table and refilling our coffee. “I never wanted the life he has now. I couldn’t handle all the politics and upper class mingling. I just wanted to be a wife.”

  This was the woman Remington said he never understood? She seemed pretty cut and dried to me. “Do you ever regret leaving?”

  “God, no!” She laughed. “I’ll always love him, but he loved himself way too much to spare what little I needed. I’d rather be alone than always coming second to whoever could do him a favor at the moment.” Her smile turned, not sad, but accepting. “I learned a long time ago the one thing sadder than loneliness is feeling alone when you have a ‘partner’.”

  And wasn’t that the truth. Remington always kept a bead on those he loved, but he never put business aside. Never. I couldn’t fault this woman for getting away from that sort of unsatisfying partnership. Part of me respected her for loving herself enough to leave.