Lone Star Refuge

by Mae Nunn

  “Just voicing my dying wish.”

  “You’re not dying. But you also shouldn’t be alone tonight. Doctor’s orders.” She laid her head on his broad chest, wrapping one arm around him, and snuggled him tightly.

  Joiner sighed with contentment. “I’ve never loved Kelli Robertson more than I do in this moment.”

  Stella raised her head and looked at him incredulously.

  He continued. “Although this is not what I had in mind for our first sleepover.”

  “You’re going to tell me how much you love another woman right now, really?”

  Joiner laughed deeply—Stella’s favorite sound ever. She laid her head back on his chest and pretty soon he became quiet. She could hear his heart beating; feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. He ran his fingers through her hair.

  “I love you, Stella Jane Scout. You, and no other.”

  “And I love you. You and no other.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  ALTHOUGH HE ENJOYED being babied by Stella, the next three weeks were torture for Joiner. He had never been so bored in his life. All he could manage to do was walk outside, sit at the school—but not touch the horses or a rake or saddle or anything—watch the mares and Pistol in the pasture, and walk back to the RV. For meals he walked to the house to eat with Buster and Stella, or he ate whatever his brothers and Alma brought him. It was nice having them visit. Occasionally one of them also took him on a nice, smooth car ride. But by the end of the three weeks Joiner was about to lose his mind.

  And one of the things he missed most was going to the arena with Buster to ride broncs. As it was looking as if that might never happen again, Joiner was also battling a touch of depression. He didn’t like being sidelined—again.

  It didn’t help that the heat of late summer in Texas was bearing down on Kilgore. It seemed as if the very air was oppressive.

  Finally there was an evening toward the end of the three-week hell that seemed a little bit cooler. It was the night before he was scheduled to go see Dr. Robertson, in fact. He was so hoping she would release him to be normal again.

  Buster was at the arena, giving lessons, and Joiner and Stella ordered pizza. They both liked their crust paper-thin and their pizza covered with pepperoni. It had been hilarious the first time they had pizza delivered to the RV. The young guy knocked on the door, obviously expecting someone different than Joiner and Stella to answer. But by now they’d done it enough times the delivery people were unfazed.

  They ate it out of the box on the couch and watched Downton Abbey, which to Joiner was mindless activity, therefore safe for his injured brain, though to Stella it was edge-of-your-red-couch thrilling.

  “I have plans for you,” she said when Downton was over and it was dusk outside.

  “Thank God,” said Joiner. “Please tell me it involves danger, or at least something risky.”

  She rolled her eyes. “This is me we’re talking about here, cowboy. Now where’s a quilt?”

  “A quilt? Are we building an indoor fort?” He rubbed his hands together.

  “Okay, now you’re just being downright rude.”

  He feigned innocence. “An indoor fort would be fine with me if we could get into it and kiss.”

  “That’s too strenuous. At least for one more day. Now do you have a quilt?”

  “In the closet in my room. Top shelf.” He followed her in there, and found her standing on her tiptoes, unable to quite reach.

  “Here, let me exert myself just a little.” He extended his arm, feet flat, and grabbed the quilt.

  “Thank you. Now get on your boots and come outside with me.”

  Joiner obeyed.

  She spread out the quilt in the area away from the trees with patchy grass in front of the RV, which they laughably called his front yard. Then she went back in and retrieved a pillow for his head, turning off the outside light of the RV so it was darker. She took his hand, leading him to the quilt, and said, “Come on. Lay down here with me.”

  Joiner began to feel some of the restlessness ebbing out of him as he lay beside her on the quilt. The last time they’d laid on a blanket, deep in the meadow, acres away, they’d been like two pieces of flint, igniting a fire as they touched. But in the weeks since his accident, he’d come to appreciate the comfort of her presence, as well.

  He nuzzled her neck. The scent of rain, the softness, the sweetness, of her was equally alluring—at least equal—as the fiery passion. She was a safe place for him to land. With her, he almost felt as though he was home.

  “Look eastward.”

  Joiner glanced up. As the dusk deepened he noticed sparkling blue-white star clusters. Haunting nebulae spread their gossamer beauty across the sky. It was breathtaking. He reached out and found Stella’s hand. “I never really saw the stars before you.”

  She rubbed his arm. “Summer is ebbing into fall. There’s a change of positions with the change of seasons. See Vega, shining the brightest in the summer triangle?”

  “I do now.”

  “I feel like some changes are happening between us, too, Joiner. Can I talk to you about something important?”

  “As long as you’re not breaking up with me.”

  She hit him playfully on the arm. “Be serious for once.”

  “I was being serious.” If only she knew how seriously he meant it.

  “Okay, well. I’ve been thinking.”

  Why did stuff like this always make him so nervous?

  “You remember how you told me you love me? Me and no other?”

  “No, I cannot remember saying that. Something must have been wrong with my head.”

  “What about all of the other times since then?”

  “I don’t remember them, either. But for the purposes of this conversation, since it is obviously an integral part, allow me to say it once again. I love you. You and no other.”

  “Okay. Well. I’ve been thinking about you, and about us, and I need to tell you two important things.”

  He could hear the fear in her voice, and it helped him get control of his own, and quit joking around. Her voice was shaking but she was pressing on anyway. That was brave. “Whatever it is, it’s okay, Stella.”

  “The first thing is that I’ve changed my mind about the bronco busting.”

  “Okay…”

  “Remember when I emailed you, and I said I would support you in it even though it made me nervous, because I wanted not to be controlled by fear so I could really live, and I wanted to encourage you to do the same?”

  “Yeah…?”

  “Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I really did give up fear that night. I mean, as much as I could. I’m sure it will always be a struggle. But as far as you and Pops were concerned with the broncos, I let it go.”

  Joiner agreed. “I did notice. And I appreciated it.”

  “Well, I’ve changed my mind, Joiner.”

  He felt a churning start up in his stomach. “Why? Just because of my accident?”

  “Yes, because of your accident.”

  “Listen, I’ve done a lot of reading on the internet, and I think Kelli went a little over-the-top about all of this seizure stuff.”

  “Joiner, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to listen to that.”

  “Why not? She’s just one doctor, and she’s probably being overprotective because she’s a friend.”

  “No, I believe she’s right.”

  “Stella, you are letting your fear cloud your judgment on this. It’s like you were looking for an excuse.”

  “Joiner, listen to me.” Stella’s voice didn’t waver. “You are wrong about me in this situation, and you are wrong about the bronc riding. You can live in your crazy little world if you want to, but I’m not going there with you.”

  He lay still and quiet for a long time, feeling sick to his stomach. Finally, he said, “I thought you said there were two things.”

  “I’m not sure the other one matters anymore.”

&nbs
p; “Try me.” He hated that he sounded so mad.

  “It was just that I love you. More than anyone or anything. I know our relationship has kind of happened fast, and maybe we need more time, maybe…” Her voice cracked. She was crying.

  Joiner reached out to her in the starlight. He wiped her tears with his thumbs. “I’m sorry for being angry. I’ll consider what you said. I don’t want to live in a crazy little world all by myself.”

  Stella laughed.

  He laughed, too, relieved. “And whatever else you need to say matters. I want to hear it. And I hate it when you cry. So would you please do me the honor of finishing your second thing?”

  Stella took a deep breath. “I just wanted to say that I think we could make a go of it, together. The school could be ours. It’s ours already, but—”

  “You want me to be your business partner?”

  “I’m going to knock you in the head myself.”

  “I love you, Stella Jane Scout. And I can say for sure that I love at least one of your ideas.” He’d have to think about the rest. Was he ready to give up his own plans? Joiner wasn’t sure. But he knew he loved her.

  He kissed her then, and neither cared whether it was too strenuous or not.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  STELLA WASN’T SURE whether Joiner had taken her seriously or not. She knew he loved her. Yes, she knew that. And she thought that he wanted to be with her in the future, though she couldn’t be sure he was ready to settle down in Kilgore right now. While he was so authentic, so “real,” as she’d said to Cha Cha that time, there was something about him that was an enigma, too.

  For example, why was it hard for him to give up something that could kill him? He seemed such a rational, intelligent person. And yet he still wanted to ride broncs even though it could mess up his brain.

  It didn’t make any sense. Stella stabbed a Granny Smith apple with her paring knife, and peeled for all there was in it. She did this for six apples, and then sliced them all ever-so-thinly.

  During their visit, Cha Cha had posed the question, “Why do any of us need what we need?” Stella had thought Cha Cha’s question had pertained to her. She’d needed Joiner to be safe because she was afraid of something happening to him, but her fear was misplaced. Too demanding. Too controlling. That’s why she had let it go. And it had given her the freedom she needed.

  Sprinkling sugar and cinnamon over the apples, she tossed them around in the bowl, coating them with the mixture, and none too gently, either. Oh well, they’d all turn to mushy yumminess when they cooked anyway.

  She had let her fear go in other areas of her life—with Buster, as much as she could, and with clients and she even worried less about funding for the school. But Joiner’s accident had taught her there had to be a balance. The right amount of fear is not wrong. It’s responsible. And bronc riding, at this point for Joiner, was irresponsible. So why did he still feel as if he had to do it? That was a question he would have to answer before they could move forward. And she wasn’t even sure he could.

  Stella measured three cups of flour, added a pinch of salt and began to cut butter into it with a pastry cutter. She obliterated more than two sticks of butter by the time her mixture was the right consistency. Then she tossed in a few tablespoons of ice water and stirred.

  At least Buster was on her side. After Dr. Robertson released Joiner for all “reasonable and normal” activity, he told Joiner he refused to give him any more bronc-riding lessons because he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if Joiner got hurt again. That was pretty big stuff coming from Buster. But would it be big enough to get Joiner’s attention?

  Stella rolled out the dough for her pie crust. Her phone rang beside her, so she put it on speaker.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello there!”

  “Cha Cha! What’s happening?”

  “I’m on the way to Little Rock for another round of chemo so I thought I’d call and check in. What is that sound?”

  “I’m rolling out some pie crust. My occupational therapy assistant, Daune, dared me to enter the pie baking contest at the Kilgore fall fair.”

  “Well, it sounds like you’re beating it to death.”

  “Have to take out my aggression some way.”

  “I’m getting ready to take out some aggression myself if Steve doesn’t watch the road!” Cha Cha shrieked out the last part.

  “Hey, Stevie!”

  “Hey, Stella!”

  Uncle Steve’s voice. Then laughter.

  “How many more of these treatments till the surgery?”

  “Two more, they think.”

  “I bet you’re so ready.”

  “Well, I hate the chemo, but I’m not exactly looking forward to getting my boobs cut off, either.”

  “No kidding. I wouldn’t be, either, especially when you put it that way.”

  Cha Cha laughed. “Well, it is what it is.”

  “I know.”

  “But I just take things one step at a time. Have to view it all as part of the process…steps I have to take in order to get rid of this junk and be healthy.”

  “You amaze me with your attitude.”

  “What choice do I have?”

  “Plenty. You could choose to be sad, mad, bitter—”

  “Well, I can be all of those things on any given day, just ask Steve.”

  Steve said, “I’m not saying a word.”

  “But you don’t stay there,” Stella commented.

  “Nope. Not gonna stay there.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, sweet girl. Now tell me about you. What’s going on at Star Stables?”

  “Things are great. It’s hard work, but I love it. My only worry is keeping the doors open. Seems like there is never enough funding.”

  “And the violet-eyed cowboy?”

  “He’s back at work, which is great. I never fully realized how much he does around there before we had to do it without him.”

  “I bet he’s glad to be back.”

  “Yeah, he is. He was getting pretty bored having to take it so easy.”

  “Must’ve been tough.” Cha Cha chuckled.

  “Yeah!”

  “How about the bronc-busting thing?”

  “Just waiting to see what he’ll do, I guess. He’s noncommittal. Buster refused to teach him any more, but Joiner’s still keeping his options open.”

  “Good for Buster!”

  “I know, right?”

  “Well, I was thinking about you and him and all of that and I had an idea. Why doesn’t he play some polo?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, if he’s got to have a hobby on a horse, why not play some polo just for fun? You could even try it.”

  “I’m not sure about that. For one thing, he’s the only polo player I’ve ever heard of from Kilgore.”

  “There has to be more. Or at least there should be some in the area. Why couldn’t you guys start a little polo club?”

  Stella had never thought of this. “I guess I could talk to him about it.”

  “At least it might be worth a try.”

  “Cha Cha, you’re either crazy or a genius.”

  *

  JOINER RANG THE DOORBELL as if it was a regular date. Mugsy and Mitzi barked and ran to the front door as if they were in a race. When Stella opened it, her heart skipped a beat. She felt like a silly schoolgirl for being so thrilled to see him, but there it was.

  She was so glad she’d splurged on the new Miss Me jean shorts to go with her full blossom boots from Old Gringo. They were her favorite short boots, red leather emblazoned with a free fall of embroidered flowers. Paired with a new chambray shirt with cutwork lace and her red Justin, Stella felt presentable.

  Joiner tipped his black Justin and smiled, eyes crinkling in the corners. The week outside working had brought color back to his face. He smelled like leather again instead of soap, which for Stella was much preferred. His eyes, always that intense,
exotic color, held so much acceptance, so much approval of her. She was instantly put at ease.

  “Evenin’, gorgeous.”

  “Good evening to you, cowboy.” She invited him in for a moment so she could go retrieve her pie from the kitchen.

  When she returned he admired it, breathing its intoxicating smell in deeply. “You know, we could always stay here and just eat that pie, and maybe go for a ride out to the north forty.”

  “No. I promised Daune. Besides, we should look at the stock to see if we want to buy something for the ranch. Buster is interested in a pig, as well as a few new chickens.”

  She’d said “we” but Joiner still hadn’t said how he felt about settling down and making a go of things together. She hoped he would decide to stay, but with or without him, she had to keep moving on.

  With that in mind, she’d decided on something else. “I’m thinking of going into the cattle business.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Well, at least a few cows, maybe. For beef.”

  “Like, to eat?”

  “It’s just an idea right now, but I want to be more self-sufficient. You know, farm-to-table, all of that good stuff.”

  “You’re always thinking, aren’t you?”

  “I have to, if I want to stay solvent.”

  “You’re full of surprises.” He grinned. “Well, whatever you say. Your chariot awaits.” He opened the door for her, and they walked to his truck.

  On the way she talked to him about Cha Cha’s idea of starting a polo club as a substitute for bronc busting. Joiner was seemingly touched by the offer, but he didn’t seem too excited. “It’s not the same,” he told her. “That would be like giving more riding lessons.”

  “How?” She genuinely wanted to understand.

  “I mean, it’s cool and all, and I get that it’s a way to share my passion for the game with others. But it won’t challenge me. Push my limits.”

  Stella groaned inwardly. Would he never get over the need to live on the edge?

  The Gregg County Fairgrounds were just outside Kilgore. Joiner and Stella registered her pie before walking over to watch the livestock show. On the way he bought her a snow cone. She picked the rainbow flavor, and they shared it.