Indeed, he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, as he stared at her while her words tore through him.
Eternity seemed to pass as they stood just a foot apart with her words hanging like a pall between them.
“Nay,” he said at last. “You can’t love me.”
“Why not?” she asked, her voice filled with the same pain he saw reflected in her amber eyes.
“Because you can’t.”
Before she could move, he turned about and left the stable in search of a way to cope with the news she had given him.
But all he could focus on was the raw agony tearing through his soul. He didn’t want her to love him. He didn’t want any woman to love him, at least not for any longer than an hour or two.
Dear saints, how had this happened?
And why?
Braden paused at the edge of the stable and leaned back against the faded wood as he covered his eyes with his hand. The rain wasn’t quite as bad as it had been earlier, but it still soaked him as he sought someplace safe from her clutches.
Over and over, her words echoed in his mind. She loved him. Loved him and knew things about him that he didn’t think any woman had ever known. Not even his mother.
And all the while, he had ignored her. Had never paid a bit of attention to her.
He didn’t know which made him feel worse.
Pain sliced through his heart. Emotions he couldn’t define assailed him. Dear God, it felt as if someone were cleaving his chest in two.
“Braden?” he heard Maggie calling to him.
“Saints preserve me,” he whispered, torn between the desire to make love to her and to run as fast as he could.
Before he could make his decision, she came rushing to his side.
Braden glared at her and cursed. “Woman, have you no sense, to be running back out into the rain?”
She arched a brow at him as she crossed her arms over her chest in a feeble effort to keep herself warm. “I could say the same of you.”
“One would think you’d know I wanted to be alone.”
“Why?”
“Because I do. Now go back inside and dry off.”
She lifted her chin stubbornly. “I’ll go in when you do.”
Exasperation filled him. “I canna believe you’ve made it to adulthood without one of your brothers choking the life out of your stubborn throat.”
She took his angry words without flinching. “They have little room to talk since they were such good teachers on that account. Now I would have an answer from you.”
Braden closed his eyes as he struggled for control of himself. He didn’t know what to do or say. “Go back inside.”
“Answer me.”
Braden wished it were that simple. His feelings were complex and deep. All his life he had been loved. Every woman he’d ever known had whispered her undying devotion to him while they frolicked and played, and at the end of the day they had all married someone else.
At ten-and-six he had made the mistake of asking Nera ingen Alward to marry him. Two weeks later, she had sworn herself to Colum.
Her reason stung him to this day: Braden, why would I marry you? You’ve a pretty face and are a hot tumble between my legs, but Colum has money the likes of which you canna fathom. Besides, he travels much, which will leave us time aplenty to play.
He ground his teeth. He had shown her in the end. His current assets made a mockery of Colum’s puny home. Even so, it had never erased the pain in his youthful, broken heart.
Nay, women were fickle, faithless creatures. And unlike his brothers, he would never believe their honied lies.
But therein was the problem. When such words came from the lips of Maggie, he wanted to believe them.
Why that was so, he didn’t know. He only knew that it would destroy what little was left of his heart to find out she was playing him falsely.
Maggie narrowed her gaze on him. “You call me stubborn, yet here you stand, more ready to drown yourself than answer a simple question.”
Against his will, Braden reached out to her. He cupped her icy cheek in his hand. “You’re freezing.”
“I know.”
He gave a half laugh at her matter-of-fact tone. “If you have loved me for so long, why have you never spoken of it?”
“Because I didn’t think you’d want to hear it.”
Maggie was far too astute. But then, she’d always been that way.
Her eyes turned dull. “Look, Braden, I’m not a fool. I know I can never have you. I know you don’t share my feelings and I wish I’d never spoken of them. Unfortunately, I can’t take them back. Can we just forget what I said and go back inside before both of us catch our deaths?”
Braden nodded. Not because he was afraid for himself—he’d survived much worse conditions than this—but because he didn’t want to see her sick. The depths to which he would go to keep her safe didn’t bear investigating. In truth, that place in his heart where he found concern for her frightened him more than anything else ever had.
Reluctantly, he took her by the arm and led her inside.
When they entered the stable, Sin’s voice rang out, “Guess you two will have to run around naked for a bit, since all your clothes are now wet.”
“Actually,” Braden said as he wrung the rain from his hair, “I was thinking of raiding your pack for some clothes.”
“I somehow thought as much.”
Braden handed Maggie one of Sin’s plaids and his spare shirt.
Maggie took them and quickly changed in private, all the while her thoughts churning. Why had she ever spoken those words? And why did they torment Braden so?
The man had always been an enigma to her, but no more so than he was tonight. Shouldn’t love make someone happy?
She scoffed at the thought. When had loving Braden ever made her happy? The sad truth of the matter was that loving Braden had only caused her misery. Nothing but misery.
Crestfallen, she belted the plaid.
When she returned to the center of the stable, she saw Braden wrapped only in a plaid, his chest bare and glistening in the low light. Her throat dried at the sight.
It was going to be a long, long night.
Before she could give the matter any more thought, Sin jumped to the floor. “Hope there’s a way to bolt the doors.”
Maggie frowned at his odd behavior and comment. “Why?”
“There’s a sortie of women headed our way, and by the looks of them, we could be in for a nasty battle,” Sin said as he made his way to the door.
Maggie’s frown deepened. What was he talking about?
Braden cursed as he reached the door first and searched for a latch. “Wouldn’t you know it,” he said bitterly.
“There’s nothing to bar it,” Sin finished for him. “Well, doesn’t this beat the devil?”
Even more perplexed, she stared at them. They looked as if the angel of death were upon them and they had forgotten to get last rites. “They’re just women. Tell them you’re not interested—”
“And they’ll try and change our minds,” Braden interrupted.
Maggie rolled her eyes at his dire tone. “No, they won’t. You forget I’m a woman. I know how they think.”
“And I know how they act,” Braden said as he returned to her side. “They’ll not leave until they get what they want.”
Maggie laughed at his ego. “You’re being ridiculous, Braden. You’re not that irresistible.”
His look bore into hers. “You think not? Then explain to me why Tara is on her way here after I already told her I had no interest in taking her.”
Before she could think to respond, Seamus’s three eldest daughters threw back the doors to the stable.
“Knock, knock, lads,” Tara said, her hands on her hips as she surveyed them. “We’ve come to see to your comfort.”
Chapter 14
Sin darted away from the women to the back of the stable.
The I told you so look from Braden was such that Maggie a
lmost laughed. Until the youngest of the women headed straight toward her with a swing to her hips and a look in her eyes that told Maggie exactly what the woman was after.
Her.
Oh, bother me! She’d better move—fast.
Maggie started for the stall behind her, but tripped and fell.
“Och, now,” the girl said as she bent over Maggie and pressed one pale hand to Maggie’s forehead. “Do you have a boo-boo I need be kissing?”
The girl’s lips were dangerously close to her own as the girl pressed her breasts against Maggie’s arm.
Seeking a way to pry the hoyden off her, Maggie curled her lips in disgust.
“Uh, nay,” Maggie said, dropping her voice an octave as she struggled to roll out from under the girl. “My boo-boo is just fine. Thanks.”
“Now, ladies,” Braden said as he sidestepped Tara’s outstretched arms. “What would your da be saying if he caught you out here?”
Tara backed him against the wall.
Undaunted by Braden’s evasive tactics, Tara laughed. “Oh, he’d be after the lot of you for sure. But he’s off asleep already. Now,” she said, grabbing his plaid and pulling his face closer to hers. “How bout another taste of those sweet lips of yours?”
Braden ducked and twisted out of her clutches.
Maggie was appalled. Never in her life had she seen such. Braden had been right about the women.
Mo chreach! They were in serious trouble.
Just as the girl reached to grope Maggie, strong arms pulled Maggie back.
In one fluid motion, Sin lifted her from the ground, tossed her up on a horse and smacked the rear of the beast. The horse shrieked, then bolted from the stable at a dead run.
Struggling to bring the horse under control, Maggie panicked.
The horse flew into the woods with the bit between its teeth. She pulled at the reins, but the horse paid her no heed as it dashed through limbs that clawed at her, threatening to knock her out of the saddle. Her heart pounding, she leaned forward and latched on to the horse’s neck, praying she didn’t fall off and kill herself.
It was probably a good five minutes before Sin and Braden caught up to her and brought her horse under control. Braden leaned over and took the bridle in his hand, then used his horse to slow hers. Her heart still pounded in her ears as she gave a quick prayer of thanks for the deliverance.
“Are you all right?” Braden asked her.
Still too terrified to speak, Maggie took deep breaths and nodded.
Braden patted her arm comfortingly, then turned on his brother with a furious glare. “Och, man, what have you done to us now?”
“I saved your bloody arse. What do you think would have happened had the women discovered Maggie wasn’t a lad? Were you ready to explain?”
A tic started in Braden’s jaw. “Now we’ll be hanged for horse thievery!”
Sin shook his head. “I left more than enough gold for these nags. Their owners will be thrilled to have it.”
Maggie watched as some of the tenseness faded from Braden. “My thanks, then.”
Sin shifted in his saddle and cast a pitying glance to Braden. “You know, little brother, it seems to me you must live in eternal hell. I can’t take you anywhere that the women don’t seize upon you like the last morsel of their last supper.”
Braden reached up and raked his hand over his own neck. “Aye, I just wished you’d acted sooner. That Tara had nails like a hawk. I swear, I think I’m bleeding.”
It was then Maggie realized the truth of Braden. He wasn’t a conscienceless rapscallion out to seduce any woman he found. Indeed, other than a little flirting, he hadn’t really done anything to make Tara pursue him.
And though both he and Sin had tried to tell her that, it wasn’t until this moment that she actually believed it.
“Where are we to sleep now?” she asked the men as they slowly picked their way through the dark woods on horseback and with their hastily gathered belongings. “And what are we going to do with the horses?”
It was Braden who answered her. “Since we have the horses, I say we ride them into the MacDouglas lands until we start to draw notice, then we leave them to graze. As for the night, anyone feel up to riding through it?”
Sin growled. “Now you think to ride? Where was that thought two days ago before I wore my legs out walking?”
Braden laughed. “You should be grateful. Better these nags be stolen than your warhorse or my Deamhan.”
Sin grudgingly ceded the point.
“I would just as soon see this behind us,” Maggie said quietly. In truth, too much had already happened on this journey and all she really wanted was to get this last confrontation over and done with.
So they rode in silence.
Long after midnight, and once the rain had ceased to fall, Maggie began to doze in the saddle.
Braden paused as he saw her nodding off. Afraid she might fall and hurt herself, he pulled her into his own saddle.
She awoke with a start.
“Shhh,” he said. “I didn’t want you to fall. Go back to sleep.”
Instead of the argument he’d expected, she nodded once, rested her head against his chest and instantly renewed her sleeping.
Her trust amazed him. But not nearly as much as the strange tenderness he felt in his heart as he gazed down at her russet head leaning against his bare chest. Her breath tickled ever so slightly as she breathed against his shoulder. And it was all he could do not to cover her lips with his own and run his hand through her short curls.
His body roared to life, demanding her soft form.
For once, Braden took comfort in it. After what had transpired with Tara, he had begun to wonder foolishly if perhaps something were wrong with him. But the fire in his groin for her confirmed his earlier suspicion. It was Maggie he wanted. Maggie alone.
He shook his head.
Who would have ever thought that he, Braden MacAllister, would be pining away for plain little Maggie ingen Blar and her ugly shoes?
Marry her.
The words flitted across his mind so fast that he almost missed them. And for a minute, he allowed the thought to tempt him.
But it was impossible. He refused to marry a woman he might be in love with. ’Twould be suicide.
“What is on your mind?” Sin asked all of a sudden.
Startled, Braden looked up to see Sin turned around in the saddle, watching him. “What’s that?”
“You’re looking a bit pensive back there and I was wondering what thought you had tormenting you.”
“Who says I’m being tormented?”
Sin reined his horse to where they could ride apace of each other. “Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps that death grip you have on Maggie and the way you’re looking at her as if you can’t decide whether to cradle her or to toss her from your horse.”
Braden hated the way Sin could read him so easily. “That is one uncanny ability you have there, brother. No wonder those English friends of yours swear you sold your soul to the devil.”
Sin looked at him stoically. “A man has to have a soul before he can sell it.”
Braden grew quiet. There was a lot hidden in those words. Years of pain and suffering. His brother had lived through the worst life had to offer and his strength was amazing. But more than that, Braden felt guilty for it. The other lairds had sent their youngest sons as hostages to the English. And by rights it should have been him who suffered in Sin’s stead.
If he lived to be a thousand years old, he would never come to terms with the fact that Sin had gone while he had stayed.
“Is there any way you will ever forgive my mother for what she did?” Braden asked at last.
Even in the dark, Braden could feel Sin’s hatred. “They tell me anything is possible. But since I can’t forgive my own mother for what she did, why should I ever forgive yours?”
Braden said nothing. He remembered that fateful day every bit as well as Sin did. The day King David had come to th
eir castle and demanded a son to help make peace with the English king after the war they had waged for northern England.
His father had turned a wary, thoughtful eye to each of his sons. The five of them had collectively held their breaths in fear, knowing one of them would have to go.
Lochlan had bravely taken a step forward when all of a sudden their mother grabbed him and pulled him back. She gathered her four sons to her side and left Sin standing alone. Isolated.
“You take a son of mine and I swear I’ll kill myself,” she had said.
His father, who had loved her with all his being, had offered no argument. And to this day, Braden could still see the horrified look on Sin’s face as he realized his father was about to betray him.
And why.
“Go ahead, old man,” Sin had snarled bravely, balling up his fists. “Send the mongrel bastard back to England while you coddle your Scottish whore.”
Their father had answered Sin’s angry words with a vicious backhand that had made the boy stagger. “No son of mine insults my wife.”
“Then I’m no son of yours.” His eyes filled with rage and loathing, Sin had straightened from the blow that had left blood trailing down his face.
Then he had spat his blood at his father.
Their father had raked the blood off his face, his lips curled in disgust. “You’re nothing to me, boy,” he had said coldly.
The pain on Sin’s face at that moment was forever etched in Braden’s memory. “Tell me something, old man, that I don’t already know.”
King David’s men had taken Sin then, and only Braden and his brothers had screamed out in protest.
His father had merely turned his back and called for their nurse to take them to their room.
Not once had his father looked back at Sin, or even mentioned his name. From that day forward, his father had lived as if Sin had never existed.
Braden had never forgiven his father for that.
And it had been on that day when his eldest brother had left that Braden had sworn never to fall in love. He’d never allow a woman to mean more to him than his own blood. Never turn his back on a son because of a woman’s vindictiveness.
It was for that reason alone he’d been careful over the years. Careful not to leave behind a child to suffer for his actions, for he knew of the nightmares Sin had lived through. And hell would surely freeze before Braden allowed a child of his to suffer in such a manner.
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