Snow Covered Moon

by L M Adams

  “He’s got it, baby, it’s out. I’m going to let you up, then you can be angry at me, but only me. Is that understood?” Lucien says voice deep with emotion.

  “Jack go,” Lucien commands. I hear Jack gather his things; he turns and leaves as quietly as he’d come. Lucien lets me go.

  I turn around hissing at him. He just stands there and looks at me crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes dance with fire but looking at his profile you wouldn’t think he had a care in any world. I stand here seething with anger; how dare he… How dare he, heal me? Well that doesn’t really give me a leg to stand on. I huff out a breath and lean on the table.

  “This is the part where you yell at me and call me a beast, maybe slap me, grab your bra and stomp off and not talk to me for the rest of the day.” Is he standing there, instructing me on how to be angry at him?

  “You could’ve asked, Lucien. You didn’t have to trick me!” I knew I could find something to be angry about. I just had to put my mind to it. He shrugs his shoulder as I yell. He really does infuriate me like no other. I grab my bra and put it on, fucking beasts the both of them! Sun demigods and meddlesome blood lord vampires, I’m done!

  “Go find a shirt and if I see you rub on Peterus again, I’m taking him aside to have a conversation about him touching what belongs to me.” He turns on his heel and walks out. I stand with my mouth hanging open; the fucker just give me an order?

  I cut my eyes and follow him to go back outside. We’ll be having our own conversation about this shit later. For now, I need to finish seeing to the cleanup. I step over the sleeping bodies again. I notice then the one that has the ninja throwing star eyes has his throat cut now. Did Lucien go behind my back and kill him anyway!? He is so getting it when we get home!

  The rest of the healing and cleanup effort goes smoothly. Lighting the piles of not-wolf on fire makes everyone look a little gray. Even me, there’s only one thing worse than burning not-wolf.

  I refuse to think about it with a force of will, not to think of Sheba’s body dying under me as I sucked down her soul. The things I did to Jack… I’ll have nightmares again, I know, as my sub-consciousness tries to work through everything that has happened. I’m hoping because I’ve only been here a short time that it’ll pass quickly.

  Jack hands me a shirt and my sword in its scabbard. I shrug the shirt on quickly and put the sword back on. Lucien’s been staring murderous looks at me the entire time, he nods his head once when I put the shirt on and turns to issue orders about collecting the human body parts. I roll my eyes but smile.

  Peterus and his Reaper team make their way back to us after a bit, a little bloody, but not so much. Still, I see the look in their eyes. The look every Reaper gets after a good bloodletting. Some cross between horror and satisfaction, leaning towards more of the satisfaction side of things.

  Both the wolves and the vampires start making their way out of hell. I even see a few telling each other goodbye. Funny how death can bring people together.

  Peter transfers the pack back to Big Mike, it’s a relief. I don’t want that responsibility tied to me in any way.

  I ask Annette for a final number; it has grown sadly, forty-three wolves dead in the battle of the not-wolves. We hug our sad goodbye. There are no words of comfort; for now we just mourn.

  I haven’t talked to Peter still, or rather talked at him since the battle. His vocal cords in wolf form can’t make human sounds. I want to hug him and tell him thank you. I don’t know what he’s doing or where he’s gone. I really don’t want to let my imagination run wild with Minx and Peter in their animal forms, together. Ew. That’s just not right.

  Tabari finally makes his way over to me, his hands are bloodied. Not from killing, from healing. He’s been working laboriously on werewolf and vampire alike. Our numbers of dead are better than anything I could expect. I know much of that is because of him and Jack. Still the wolves took the most of the damage.

  I need to find Tabari a girlfriend, I think suddenly. He needs someone to share his life with. He has friends in abundance but I’ve never seen him with someone like that. I wonder if he’s a virgin. But I think it would be embarrassing for us both for me to ask, so I won’t. He hasn’t been named a Kindred mate, I think the Elders are waiting for someone just right. He is after all, the most powerful Magi of our generation. They want to be sure they can breed the power.

  “We still have one more thing to see to before we can go, Jae,” he says to me with a sigh

  “Let’s go wake them up,” I say. I will not torture them, I will not torture them. Yeah positive thoughts that’s the way to go.

  “Yes, that also, there are not-wolves and coven in the basement. I put them to sleep. I think I can fix some of the not-wolves,” he says low, trying to make sure no one hears. I nod my head; this is a conversation best had out of hearing range.

  “I have other things we need to talk about, at home alone.” I say and turn to look for Jack and Lucien.

  I turn and make my way back up the stairs, waving them over.

  We go back in the same building and Tabari wakes up the ones still alive. Lucien looks away when I cut my eyes after the one with the ninja star eyes doesn’t get up. I know you did it Beast, I think towards him.

  Jack collects his stars, there’s a wet sucking sound as he pulls them loose. He wipes them on the dead soldier’s pants and puts them back in the specially made belt that hangs on his waist over his thick leather pants.

  “Clean death, that’s all I can offer you for your cooperation.” I say down to the soldiers still kneeling at my feet.

  The four of them look up to me, horrified. I don’t know why, a clean death is a high prize. Don’t they know how generous I’m being? I can’t leave them alive; they know too much, they’ve seen too much now.

  “There may be another way,” Tabari says slowly. “If they swear their loyalty to you under pain of death. I can cast a spell to make it stick, first time they betray you they will die… very painfully.”

  I look to him, he shrugs his shoulder. He knows that’s against the Kindred Law. But he really doesn’t care.

  “We need spies.” Practical Tabari, that’s him.

  “Fine!” I shout, against my better judgment.

  “One thought of telling our existence, saying it, writing it, miming it, it does not matter, you will die. One thought of killing Jae, hurting her in any manner, you will die. You can never lie to her, deceive her or in any way be disloyal to her, or you will die. You cannot harm any under her protection, lie to them or be disloyal to them. If she orders you to kill someone under her protection and you do it, you die. If you don’t do it, you die. Be sure what I ask of you. Because if she has need and calls you, you will come, you do what she says or…” He holds his ear and leans towards them.

  And together like puppets, “We will die,” they all say in unison.

  “Each of you give me your agreement to this, or Lucien will end your lives and we will go home and none of this will matter.” Tabari’s voice is cold and unfeeling. He’s not doing this because he cares for their lives. He’s doing this so we’ll have spies within the CNAE. He’s not hiding his motive at all.

  Each of them agrees. Then there’s the smell of ozone and Tabari’s eyes are glowing he says a few words in Elvish. God, an incantation? How powerful is this spell that he has to say words in Elvish, out loud, to give the power purpose? I hear my name and more Elvish. Then each of the soldier’s eyes glow purple, the color of my power, and dim.

  “Test it, Jae,” Lucien says. I think he wants to kill them anyway. I look at him, now I know he wants to kill them anyway.

  “Shoot yourselves in the leg,” I say without emotion. I watch as three of them scramble to get a gun.

  One doesn’t move, he stares at me, eyes full of evil. He falls to his side and begins screaming, a keening horrible sound. His body seizes and rolls to his other side. I think he tries to say something. Bitch maybe? There’s blood leaking from h
is nose and spittle running from his mouth. I hear the pop of three bullets and screams of pain. The third man still does not die.

  “How long will he stay like this, Tabari?” I whisper, horrified, as I hear bones breaking in him.

  “A long time, Jae, I left the killing at the tail end of the spell. He won’t pass out either, I wrote it into the spell. You can stop the spell if you wish; just say ‘I forgive you’ to him. It will grant him a clean death.” Forgiveness in death? I know he wants it badly as one of his legs snaps at the knee, breaking, sending more pain through him. His eyes beg me. I refuse. There is a lesson here. I need to learn it. To make sure whatever I ask of them is fair and just as much as possible. I remember begging for death. I remember no one granting it. And so I hold on to the words as he screams at my feet as every bone in his body is broken, slowly.

  I turn my head to the last three, “Look at your friend, watch him die.”

  I stand there and force myself to watch what I’d agreed to. Everyone watches. His body is misshapen now. Organs bloated, Tabari has written a very nasty fucking spell; even his last breath is filled with pain.

  Chapter Fifty-six

  The will to live again

  We finally make it to the basement, the three soldiers trailing behind us, limping. None of them complain, however.

  Did I do the right thing letting Tabari cast that spell? It seems worse than being made into a slave. Which is the only other option I have open to me if I wish to grant them their lives. I could’ve sent them to the Kindred Palace to be made into slaves.

  I feel confused and haunted inside now. I found no enjoyment in watching that soldier die; his pain, it’s not like me. I only feel the weight of another decision I’ve made. That and the questions that come after such decisions. For the umpteenth time I ask myself, am I evil? Can evil love? There’s no answer.

  It smells like not-wolf down here. A lot of not-wolf, and pain and despair. My stomach does a flop. I’m reaching the end of my rope now. I’m tired I just want to go home. But there always seems to be one more thing left to do. One more horror left to endure, one more decision left to make.

  We walk into a large room, the dungeon. I don’t even dare turn and look at Jack terrified of what I would see. How much does he remember?

  We remember it all.

  There are a few not-wolves lock in the cage, they snap and growl.

  “I already released the Bâtardi that were here. I think I can help some of the not-wolves.”

  “How can you fix them?” I ask, looking at a not-wolf that’s mostly wolf form, not nearly as big as a true werewolf.

  He keeps walking. I follow him, I guess he wasn’t talking about these. We walk through a set of doors. This should be the kitchen area, there are marks on the floor where stoves and refrigerators once were. But they are all gone.

  Instead there are gynecologist chairs, with female not-wolves strapped to them. I haven’t seen many female versions of the abominations. Now I know why.

  Their legs are spread wide in the stirrups. Left exposed, in pain.

  I walk to the closest one. She has wolf front legs for her arms, human hands jutting from them. The rest of her is mostly human even if it has wolf pelt covering her skin. Even her human face is covered in pelt. I feel a wash of pity. She’s been abused badly.

  “They turned on wolf genes but not real werewolf parts. That takes magic, they don’t have it. That’s why the not-wolves that turned mostly wolf didn’t have the bulk of a true werewolf. They also don’t seem to live very long. Like something in them knows it’s wrong. When I say fix, I can turn on the rest of the genes to make them into true wolves. They’ll still have human minds,” Tabari says quietly.

  “I spent the night you were gone studying the gem, and the pack magic the Witch was trying to create. I think I can finish the process, but I can’t turn them back human. Some of them, they refused to fight and kill. I talked to one or two that lay here, the ones they were still experimenting on. The soldiers killed most of the ones that wouldn’t follow orders quickly. They did it painfully.”

  “They were trying to get this one pregnant by another not-wolf to see what she would produce. Her name is Brandi Greene.” His voice hitches and he looks away. Oh, god; tears gather in my eyes, she’s been used badly. They could have used insemination; they didn’t even give her that kindness. They just tore her apart again and again, hoping someone’s seed would take root.

  “Wake her up, Tabari.” I cry and walk over to her side, looking down at her. “Get me a sheet!” I yell to no one in particular. Jack covers her up a moment later.

  Her human, blue, sad eyes blink up to me with fear and hurt. They’ve hurt her so badly. I rub her head, fingers combing through the speckled brown and black wolf pelt there.

  “Can you talk, my dear?” I ask softly.

  “Yes,” she says softly.

  I sniff and smile down to her, pulling the sheet up to tuck under her chin. I want to kill them all again. But I can’t; they’re already all dead. She jumps when I move my hand pulling the sheet up, like she’s expecting pain. I feel the tears fall from my eyes. I can’t stop them.

  “My name is Jae, I know your fiancé. He’s so worried for you,” I say sniffing.

  She only blinks up at me, confused.

  “I don’t want him to see me like this. I just want to die now, please.”

  She looks around seeing the group of men standing over her. She mews deep in her throat. That sound when you know bad things are coming but can’t do anything to stop it. I know that sound, I know that feeling. I’ve made that sound. I’ve felt those feelings, I’ve caused those feelings in others.

  “Get out!” I yell hoarsely.

  “Tabari only, the rest of you get out!”

  Jack takes a step towards me. “Get out!” I turn, yelling with righteous furry. They all clear out; the three soldiers are the first hurrying from the room.

  “Did any of those soldiers hurt you, my dear?” I turn, asking her softly.

  She shakes her head no.

  “Ok because I would kill them if they had. I will kill anyone that has ever hurt you.” I pledge to her with my heart.

  “Jae, please she’s in pain,” Tabari says softly behind me. I wipe my face.

  “He can turn you to a wolf, but you can’t ever be human again. You’ll still have a human mind, but you’ll be trapped as a wolf forever. Or you can go to sleep and never wake up again.”

  “I want to go to sleep,” she whispers up at me and turns her face away. I can’t hold the tears any longer.

  “Please Brandi,” Tabari takes a step towards us. “You can live. You just have to want to.”

  I know what she feels. She doesn’t want to live. Sometimes things are worse than death. Something deep in me stirs. Some lost part of my heart. The parts that make me want to have hope again.

  “Brandi,” I start smiling at her, she doesn’t turn her head. “Did you see me before with Sheba?” I ask her quietly.

  She nods her head but says nothing.

  “I was not always this way. She made me beg for death many times, and I wanted deep in my heart just to die. She made me hurt things, hurt people. I can’t ever make amends to many of them, but I can help you. Maybe bad things happen and we hurt and we hate and that is just the way it is. I can’t tell you that coldness will not live in your heart,” my voice breaks. “But as long as you are alive, there is hope. The worst is hating ourselves for giving up. That’s the part that aches. That we weren’t strong enough to fight for ourselves.”

  I sniffle again as I see the tears run from her eyes. “Sometimes you need to be saved. The beauty in that is realizing someone is strong enough and loves you enough to save you when you can’t save yourself. I love you, your fiancé loves you, Tabari loves you. We are enough. So, if you aren’t strong enough right now, that’s ok. We can be strong enough for you. But we need just a nod, a small bit of the old Brandi to want to try at least.” My voice has gone up high
, caught on a sob.

  Her body shakes with hurt and I unbuckle her arms and pull her as tight to me as I can. I hold her as she cries. I cry with her, letting the evil things in me seep out to die. The evil thoughts of wanting to die, of not thinking anyone loved me, of not fighting for my own life and forcing the most basic parts of my psyche to take control, to save me from me. The self-hatred, the hurt, I let it spill from me.

  Then a strangled whisper comes from her. “I want to live.”

  I laugh and cry and turn to Tabari, ushering him forward. He steps up with power already oozing from him. Eyes glowing, hair lifted, he grabs my hand and her hand and then I see the world as Tabari sees it. All auras, all energy, all power. I feel the pull through him, I feel him concentrate. I feel his heart beating with slow thumps.

  I hear Brandi yell as her bones snap and reform to be a wolf, I feel her fear and I think. Don’t be afraid, my dear. We are here. I push every bit of fight I have in me into her. Willing her to want to live. To dare to find the power to go on when everything in the world seems to want to destroy you. I fill her with my will; I feel her own answer mine. I feel Tabari push again. I hear Brandi howl. I feel the dam I’ve built around my own pain by sheer force of will, shatter. Then I feel nothing.

  Chapter Fifty-seven

  Those things that are broken can mend again

  When I wake up, I’m home in bed. Someone is snoring gently beside me. It’s Lucien. I already know it so I snuggle back and let sleep take me again.

  I rouse again, I must’ve slept an entire day away, because it is nighttime. I’m in bed alone. I stumble up and go get a shower. I don’t yell for anyone, the alone time much appreciated.

  I get cleaned up quickly and put on a pair of stretch pants, a tank top and a fluffy sweater; it’s not really cold, but I want the comfort. I slip my feet in some flip-flops and go to find coffee. I’m in deep withdrawal.

  I shuffle down the stairs; the house is empty. I go to the kitchen and get the coffeemaker going. I find some cannolis in the fridge and grab a couple; the sugar is glorious. I make a cup of coffee and turn as the back door opens, it’s Jack. I smile.