Caught up short by his own thoughts, Jesse shifted his weight so that all that was actually touching her was his arms. He knew better than to play with fire, and touching Hannah set off a fire he was more than certain would flame right out of control if he wasn’t careful.
And he’d always been a careful, cautious man.
There was no point imagining or fantasizing about what could never be. She belonged here in Saddle Falls, Nevada. He belonged in Texas. He surely wasn’t going to be around long enough to get involved with anything or anyone—especially a woman.
He couldn’t, he reminded himself. He’d come to Saddle Falls only because of a deathbed promise, and he wasn’t about to let himself get emotionally involved with anyone during the short time he planned to be here.
Not with Tommy.
Not with the rest of the Ryans.
And certainly not with Hannah.
He’d promised himself he’d stay detached and he would. Besides, it had never been a hardship before. He’d always had trouble forming attachments to people. It was the only thing about himself, about Jesse Garland, he’d never understood.
Until now, he’d never questioned his reserve, but simply accepted it as an inbred part of who he was.
When it came to emotional attachments, he simply balked and bailed. It was an action that had become a habit over so many years—with everyone, especially women. Perhaps that’s why he’d never married. He’d come close once, but knew in his heart it wasn’t right. He couldn’t seem to allow his heart to let go of the reservations he felt; the invisible walls he’d built to keep people at bay. He simply couldn’t allow himself to become emotionally attached. And so, not wanting to hurt the woman, he’d broken off the romance. After that, he made sure to keep all his relationships with women little more than superficial, not wanting to hurt anyone else. It had served him in good stead all these years and he wasn’t about to change things now.
“Jesse, if you and Tommy haven’t talked about how long you’ll be staying—”
“You mean haven’t talked about the fact that I’m not staying?”
“If you and Tommy haven’t talked about the future, Jesse, do you think you might avoid talking about it? At least for a few days?” she added hurriedly at the look on his face. “I mean, why not give him a chance to just enjoy this time with you? He’s waited so long to have you home again, I think it might be nice to give him a few days with nothing to worry or fret about.”
“Well, darlin’, I imagine I can do that.” He touched her chin, forcing her to look at him. “I told you before, I’m not going to do anything deliberately to hurt him. Or anyone,” he added softly. “It’s not my way, Hannah. I’ve always prided myself on being an honorable man, and if you’re worrying that I came here to hurt the Ryans or to stir up trouble, I do wish you’d put that thought out of your mind.” It bothered him to know she thought so little of him and his intentions. Obviously her past history with men must have made her judge their characters poorly. “I don’t intend to do anything of the kind.”
She heaved a sigh of relief, desperately wanting to believe him. “Then you won’t discuss your plans with Tommy, at least not for a while?”
He grinned, chucking her under the chin. She looked utterly adorable with worry in her eyes and concerned words on her mouth. She was, he decided, one incredibly caring woman, a woman of deep loyalty as well as passionate emotion. Her intensity touched him profoundly and he couldn’t help but admire her for it.
“Well, Hannah, I don’t reckon anyone can say you’re a pushover, now, can they?” He chuckled as her eyes lit with fire. “Now, don’t go getting all riled, darlin’. I give you my word.” He lifted his hand in the air as if taking an oath. “For the time being, I promise I won’t tell Tommy I’m not staying. I promise not to discuss how long I’m staying. And I promise not to discuss the future or do anything deliberately to hurt Tommy, the Ryans or anyone else.” His gaze searched hers. “I think that covers just about every eventuality, now, don’t you think?” He continued to study her eyes, realizing there were emotions here he didn’t reckon he understood. “Will that satisfy you, and remove those shadows of fear from those gorgeous eyes?” He slipped his hand from her chin, to stroke the silk of her cheek.
She was so close, and with her head tilted up like that, it put her luscious mouth right in his line of vision, making him ache.
For an instant, he wondered how Hannah would react if he dipped his head and pressed his lips to hers. Before he gave himself too much time to think about it, he decided to find out for himself.
“Hannah.” Her name was a soft caress as he tilted her chin farther upward and slowly lowered his head, his gaze never leaving hers. He saw the leap of fright in her eyes a moment before her hands pressed to his chest.
“Jesse.” His name came out a husky whisper because her throat was so dry. “I…I…” She never had a chance to finish her thought. Never had a chance to tell him this was not a good idea.
Jesse’s mouth, soft and coaxing, came down on hers, causing all thoughts to flee. She meant to push him away. She was sure of it. Instead, her hands slid from the broad expanse of his chest upward, to slide around him and cling.
She was certain the floor dipped, and then swayed, knocking her nearly off balance as Jesse’s mouth gently seduced hers. Her heart began to knock a quick, staccato rhythm as he continued the kiss, keeping it soft, gentle and oh-so-tender. She reacted more to the tenderness than if he’d merely pressed his mouth against hers and kissed her senseless.
There was something more here, she realized, than a light flirtation. Something much more. She could feel it in his arms, in the way he responded, the way he held her, as if she was something to be treasured and cherished.
She’d never known the feeling and regretted it, regretted that she might never know it.
Until now.
And that’s what scared her most. She’d yearned and longed to have a man treat her this way, as if she was special and important to him. And felt horribly guilty for her own selfish wanting.
But now, experiencing what she’d longed for all these years frightened Hannah simply because she knew it would not be easy to turn her back and walk away from the feelings.
But she knew she must.
For her sake. For his sake. And more importantly, for her daughter Riley’s sake. She knew how disastrous letting her emotions cloud her judgment could be. Knew and had promised herself she’d never allow it again.
“Jesse.” His name came out a husky whisper against his lips as Hannah savored the last moments of the kiss, then gently pulled back and away.
Heart hammering, she pushed her hair off her flushed face and forced herself to meet his gaze, praying he wouldn’t know how much one kiss had affected her.
“That shouldn’t have—we can’t do that—” She shook her head, trying to put a thought together. It was difficult with him standing there studying her with those glorious blue eyes that seemed to see all the things she’d never wanted a man to be able to see. “I don’t think this was a good idea.” Unable to resist, she touched her trembling fingertips to her lips. They were warmed from his kiss, and she could still taste him there, which sent a wicked shiver of delight through her.
Jesse frowned, slipping his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t reach for her again. Kissing her was far more pleasurable than he’d even imagined. Too pleasurable. It was something he could clearly get used to very quickly. He clenched his fists in his pockets so he wouldn’t reach for her again. Hannah surely packed a wallop. “Actually, darlin’, I think it was a great idea.” He grinned then, falling back into his customary role of keeping things light with women. But somehow with Hannah it seemed wrong. And he didn’t quite understand why. “The best I’ve had all day, actually.”
She shook her head. “No, Jesse, you have to understand something. I can’t get involved with you.”
“Something wrong with me?” he asked mildly, trying not to let male
pride get in the way.
“No,” she said quickly, too quickly. It had him grinning again. “Nothing’s wrong with you, Jesse. It’s just I can’t get involved with any man.”
“Don’t like men?” he asked with a frown, almost laughing at the horror that flashed across her face.
“Of course not.” Off balance, Hannah blew out a breath. “It’s just that I don’t have any room in my life for a man.”
“I see. Unless I miss my guess, though, you must have been involved with a man at some point.” At her questioning look he continued. “You have a daughter, Hannah, and unless you adopted her, and I doubt that since she’s the mirror image of you, you were involved with a man at some point.”
“Yes,” she admitted hesitantly, not wanting to go into an explanation about her past. “But that was in the past.” Stubbornly, she lifted her chin. “I…I… Jesse, it’s just not feasible for me to get involved with you. Please understand?”
The fear and pleading in her eyes made him back off. He’d obviously been right about someone hurting her deeply, but he had a feeling today with everyone’s emotions strung tight that it might not be the best time to get into it.
“Well, I don’t reckon I can understand something you haven’t clearly explained to me, but for the moment we’ll let it go.” At his words, her shoulders slumped in relief.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“You’re welcome.” He stepped back, dropping his arms to his sides. “Now, I came in here to rustle up something cool for Tommy and I to drink. Think you might be able to help me out with that?”
“Absolutely.” Turning out of his arms, she reached over her head to open a cabinet and remove two glasses, deciding to ignore how shaken she was. “Tommy usually likes a glass of cold lemonade in the afternoon.” She headed toward the fridge and pulled out the icy-cold pitcher of pink lemonade she’d just made. “If you’ll hand me that tray sitting on the shelf up there.” She pointed and he managed to reach it without the step stool she kept handy for just such occasions. She set the glasses and the pitcher on the tray, then scooted by Jesse to grab some white napkins from the counter before setting those on the tray as well.
“Would you like a snack or anything, Jesse? Are you hungry?”
He laughed, then shook his head as he took the tray from her. “No, darlin’, but thanks for the offer.” He cocked his head. “Are you really as good a cook as Tommy claims?”
“Absolutely,” she said proudly, slipping her hands into her apron pockets. “And I’m sure during the next few days you can judge for yourself.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” he said, lifting the tray and heading toward the door.
“Jesse?”
“Yes, darlin’, I know,” he said with a chuckle. “Mind my step or you’ll be measuring my head with one of your frying pans.”
“Count on it,” she said firmly, trying not to grin.
He stopped before going out the door. “And darlin’, you remember I said we would drop the subject. For the moment.” He hesitated. “That doesn’t mean we’re not gonna pick it up again sometime soon.”
The moment the back door closed behind him, Hannah gripped the counter tightly and pressed a hand to her heart, trying to gather her composure.
So many thoughts, feelings and emotions were rampaging through her, jumbling together in a confusing mix that had her more off base than she’d been in years.
She simply couldn’t understand her physical or emotional reaction to Jesse. Granted, she knew now he wasn’t the same Jesse she’d known as a child. He was a man now. A grown man. The kind of man that would make any woman’s head spin.
She shouldn’t allow herself to react to him like some silly, besotted schoolgirl. It was annoying and…exhilarating, she had to admit with a secret smile. It had been so long since she’d felt so alive simply because of a man’s touch, his look, his smile, or even his kiss. So it was hard not to let caution go by the wayside and allow herself to just enjoy the feelings.
Hannah frowned, pushing another loose pin back in her hair. On the other hand, she knew better than to allow herself to be guided by her emotions. She knew better than anyone the consequences of letting them overrule her intellect and common sense.
And there was a lot more at stake here than just her own feelings. She was flirting with disaster, and she knew it. Jesse wasn’t staying. He couldn’t have been more clear about that. So why on earth would she allow herself to let her feelings get involved?
She couldn’t and wouldn’t, she told herself firmly, resolving to get a grip on herself.
Hannah lifted her head and glanced out the window. She couldn’t help but smile at the joy on Tommy’s face. She couldn’t ever remember seeing that look in his eyes, and she knew Jesse was the reason.
But how was Tommy going to feel when he learned he’d found his grandson only to lose him again? Not by someone else’s hand this time, but by Jesse’s own rejection of his grandfather and his family.
Tommy was going to be devastated and she simply couldn’t bear to see him hurt. She knew firsthand what it felt like to have your own family reject you, and she would do anything in her power to save Tommy or any of the Ryans from such a fate. It was a devastation that etched deep scars in your heart, scars that never fully healed.
Tommy had done so much for her and Riley, surely she could think of something to help repay him.
Her gaze shifted to Jesse and her heart tumbled over in spite of her own cautions. A thought began bubbling in her mind and she felt her spirits slowly lift.
She didn’t have much time, but maybe, just maybe, she could show Jesse—teach Jesse—the importance of family. His family. She frowned suddenly, remembering another man she’d tried to teach the importance and value of family.
Hannah sighed, realizing regretfully that her own wounds still hadn’t healed. Riley’s father’s deception and betrayal had left her so deeply wounded, so deeply disillusioned, that she wasn’t certain she could ever trust another man who didn’t or couldn’t see the value and importance of family. Nor could she ever allow herself to fall in love with a man like that.
Like Jesse, she thought sadly.
But maybe it wasn’t that Jesse didn’t value family, maybe it was just that since he’s never really had a family—at least not one he could remember—he didn’t fully realize how wonderful being a part of a large, loving family could be.
Excited at the thought, Hannah’s mind began to spin. Maybe if she could find a way to get Jesse to realize just how important family was, then he would realize that he belonged with his family. Right here in Saddle Falls.
Pushing away from the counter, Hannah decided it was certainly worth a try. She glanced out the window. At this point, she had nothing to lose.
And if it worked, she would have given Tommy the one thing—the only thing he’d ever really wanted—the return of his grandson to the family home and fold.
Just as Tommy had always given her the one thing she’d always needed and wanted—a family. A place where she belonged.
It was definitely worth a try.
Chapter Four
“So, what do you think?” Hannah asked nervously as she put the finishing touches on the platter of prime rib she was preparing to carry into the dining room. Dinner was almost ready. Everyone had finally come home. Jake and his wife Rebecca who lived in a small carriage house behind the main ranch house. Josh and Emma who lived next door in the house Emma had inherited from her dad—while they built a new home of their own on the Ryan property. And Jared and his wife Natalie, who, along with their children lived in the main ranch house with Tommy.
The Ryan women had insisted on pitching in and helping to get dinner on the table, much to Hannah’s relief. But then again, they never treated her like the help. Instead, they’d always included her and treated her like family.
Jake’s wife, Rebecca, Jared’s wife, Natalie, and Josh’s wife, Emma, were just finishing setting the enormous
dining-room table as well as a smaller table in the corner for the children.
With a wicked grin, Jesse leaned his hip against the kitchen counter, his gaze still on the Ryan women bustling around in the dining room. He glanced at Hannah, amused by the way her gaze had been following him all day. It felt kind of nice to know she was watching him. Although he wished it was out of personal interest rather than a desire to make sure he wasn’t doing anything that would require her to grab one of her frying pans.
“Well, darlin’, what I think is that the Ryan men certainly have great taste in women.” He shook his head, his eyes twinkling in amusement. “They’re all lookers, every one of them.”
“True,” she admitted, realizing he was both teasing her and trying to avoid the issue. Hannah swatted him with the pot holder she had in her hand, making him chuckle. Warmed from all the heat in the kitchen, she pushed back several loose strands of hair with the back of her hand and let her gaze meet his. “But that’s not what I meant and you know it. How did it go with your brothers?”
Jesse shifted nervously, shifting his gaze to the living room where a football game was on and all the Ryan men—his brothers—were hooting and hollering and engaging in some good-natured arguing over what team was going to win.
He’d been sitting in there with them, enjoying the game, comfortable in spite of the circumstances. Almost by silent agreement, when everyone had returned to the house, men, wives, kids and dogs, no one had discussed anything heavy or asked any questions.
They’d merely greeted him with a handshake or a hug, sometimes both, and then basically let him be. And he appreciated that they were giving him time to adjust, time to feel comfortable. But Tommy had told him earlier during the day when they’d been sitting out on the patio that he’d asked everyone in the family to just let things develop at their own pace. Especially this first day.
A Family to Come Home To (Saddle Falls) Page 7
