1979 - You Must Be Kidding

by James Hadley Chase

  You will discover that when Crispin realizes he is no longer dependent on you, he will show his true colours as you did to me.

  When you read this, I will be dead, but Crispin will be very much alive. Tread carefully, Amelia. He will be a hard taskmaster, and this thought gratifies me. You have been so selfishly obsessed with your power over our son that you have failed to realize that Crispin is not as other men. You will discover the truth of this when he comes into my money.

  Cyrus Gregg.

  When Amelia read this letter, she burst out laughing.

  What drivel this old fool had written!

  Independent? Crispin? Again she laughed. Crispin was totally dependent on her, and always would be. She had controlled him for more than twenty years with rigid discipline. She hadn’t allowed him to go to a school or to a university. He had been educated at home by expensive tutors. The idea of Crispin mixing with immoral, vicious, drug-taking youthful troublemakers was not to be considered.

  At an early age, Crispin had shown a remarkable talent for painting in oils. This she encouraged as, working in a specially constructed studio on the top floor of the enormous house, she was able to be constantly in touch with him.

  She was unable to understand nor to appreciate his strange, wild paintings. His skies were black, his moons were scarlet and his seas were orange. An art expert who she had consulted had spent some time examining dozens of Crispin’s landscapes. Because of the big fee that Amelia paid him, he had guardedly said that Crispin had an unusual talent, but he refrained from saying that, in his opinion, these landscapes, in spite of considerable talent, revealed a diseased mind.

  What was this drivel that Crispin was not as other men?

  Again she laughed. Not as other men! She knew that! He was a great artist, and he was her son! Of course, he wasn’t like other men!

  But what her husband had said about her son becoming independent once he had money nagged her. It was a stupid suggestion, but all the same, it nagged her.

  She decided to settle this insinuous suggestion once and for all.

  She had gone to Crispin’s studio to find him not there.

  Facing her was a big canvas on an easel. The half-finished painting was of a woman, lying on orange coloured sand, her legs spread, her arms out stretched, a ribbon of blood coming from her vagina.

  Amelia stood transfixed, staring at the painting in horror. Modern art was modern art, but this . . . ! Her face hardened. Crispin must stop this kind of thing! But where was he?

  She found Reynolds standing in the vast hall.

  Reynolds had been in her service for some twenty-five years. Her husband had disliked him and had wanted to get rid of him, but Amelia would have none of it. Reynolds had served her faithfully, and he had been good with Crispin. Over the years, she had begun to confide in Reynolds, consulting him how best she could handle her husband, and, as Crispin grew up, how best to handle him.

  Reynolds offered advice that suited her. He never made suggestions unless consulted. Later, she was to discover that he was a hopeless alcoholic and, being shrewd, she knew his one hope of survival was to remain her servant, and this pleased her. She never questioned the disappearing Scotch. She had long ago realized she needed him as he needed her.

  ‘Where is Mr. Crispin?’ she demanded. ‘He is not in his studio.’

  Reynolds regarded her, his eyes, as always, like wet stones.

  ‘He is in Mr. Gregg’s study, madam.’

  Amelia stiffened.

  ‘In the study? What is he doing there?’

  Reynolds lifted his shaggy eyebrows. He was a man of few words.

  Her face hardening, Amelia walked down the long corridor to her husband’s study, pushed open the door and paused in the doorway.

  This big, comfortably furnished room had been Cyrus Gregg’s retreat. In this room, at a vast desk, he had manipulated his business deals, arranged his real estate transactions and juggled successfully in stocks.

  Amelia seldom entered the room, and it came as a shock to see her son seated in his father’s executive chair, the big desk covered with documents, stock quotations and various other papers.

  ‘What are you doing in your father’s study?’ Amelia had demanded, her voice domineering and harsh.

  Pencil between his artistic, long fingers, Crispin made a note, then, with a little frown, looked up.

  His eyes were the colour of opals: eyes that would give warning to anyone less confident of her power over him than Amelia.

  ‘My father is dead. This is now my study,’ he said. His voice was low pitched: a metallic voice of a robot.

  Amelia felt a little chill run through her. Her son had never spoken to her before in such a voice.

  ‘What do you imagine you are doing?’ she blustered. ‘Now, Crispin, you must leave all this to me. You don’t understand your father’s affairs. I do. Although your father has foolishly left you his estate, without my help, you won’t be able to manage it. Money needs, managing. If it interests you, we will work together, but I think it is better for you to continue with your art, and leave the estate to me.’

  ‘I leave nothing to you,’ Crispin said quietly. ‘You have had your reign. Now it is my turn, and I have waited long enough!’

  Shocked, fury sending blood in a purple flush to her heavy face, Amelia shouted, ‘How dare you speak to me like this! Crispin! Go immediately to your studio, and remember, I am your mother!’

  Crispin put down his pencil, folded his hands on the desk and leaned forward. His opal coloured eyes lit up.

  There was such a demoniac expression in them that Amelia recoiled.

  Her son looked exactly like her uncle, Martin, dead these forty odd years. Staring at him, she felt stricken.

  At the age of ten, Martin, uncle on her mother’s side, had attempted to sexually assault her. Staring at her son and seeing the frightening resemblance, she vividly recalled the happening. Her parents had gone off for the day to some social affair. Uncle Martin, they told her, would take her out to lunch. This had delighted her as Uncle Martin, although eccentric, was fun. He was tall, slim with corn coloured hair, so much like Crispin. He used to dabble in art and dressed even in those days eccentrically. His preference was white frilly shirts and bottle green velvet suits. He was often suspected by his friends to be gay, that was far from the truth. He had a sexual compulsion for young girls, but at the age of ten, Amelia thought he was dashingly romantic.

  On his arrival, and after the coloured butler had left them together, Uncle Martin had asked her where she would like to be taken for lunch. Even at that age, Amelia had developed the taste for luxury. She named the most expensive restaurant in the city. There was a strange expression on her uncle’s face as he agreed.

  ‘Pretty little girls who ask for expensive outings must give as well as take,’ he said, and with a fixed smile that turned him into a terrifying stranger, he caught hold of her. The next few moments still remained a nightmare to Amelia. At the age of ten, she was sturdy. As his hand thrust up her dress and between her thighs, she had lashed out at his face. Her wild screams had brought the butler and the footman into the room. They had great difficulty in dragging Uncle Martin away from her. While the struggle went on, Amelia fled to her bedroom and locked herself in. Sometime later, the footman who was on friendly terms with her had told her that Uncle Martin had been certified, and had been put in an asylum where later, he killed himself. Her parents had said nothing to her, nor did she to them.

  Now here was her son, glaring at her, the spitting image of Uncle Martin.

  She recalled what her husband had written: You have failed to realize that Crispin is not as other men. You will find the truth when he comes into my money.

  Looking at her son now she realized that her power over him had gone. As he continued to glare at her, she also realized that he not only had become a stranger, but as mad as Uncle Martin.

  ‘Here . . .’ He picked up a sheet of paper. ‘Take this and read it
. It is for you to decide. Now, leave me!’

  With trembling fingers, she took the sheet of paper and went unsteadily to the lounge.

  Reynolds, white faced, had been listening at the door.

  He watched Amelia as she walked into the lounge: her arrogance gone, looking like a fat, drooping old woman of eighty.

  He went silently to his room and poured himself a treble Scotch. He drank the spirit in one long gulp. Then he took out his handkerchief and mopped his white, sweating face, stiffened, pulled down the points of his black and yellow waistcoat, adjusted his tie, then walked to the lounge. He paused in the doorway.

  Amelia looked up and motioned him to come in.

  Reynolds quietly closed the door, advanced and took the sheet of paper she held out to him.

  ‘Read it,’ she said.

  Crispin’s instructions had been drawn up by Abel Lewishon, his father’s attorney. The instructions stated that Amelia had a choice: she could either remain to take over the running of her Son’s new home with an income of fifty thousand dollars a year for her services, or if this arrangement was not agreeable to her, she would receive an income of ten thousand dollars a year and live where she liked.

  The house was to be sold. All the ten members of the staff were to be dismissed with the exception of Reynolds who would be expected to run the new, much smaller establishment with the aid of a cook/maid who Crispin would supply. Reynold’s salary would be increased by one thousand dollars a year. If he didn’t agree to this, he was to be dismissed.

  ‘He has gone mad!’ Amelia whispered. ‘He has gone the same dreadful way his uncle went. What am I to do?’

  Reynolds thought of all the Scotch he could buy with the extra one thousand dollars a year. He thought too of the awful prospects of being unemployed.

  ‘I would suggest, madam, you accept these terms,’ he said. ‘May I say, madam that I have often suspected that Mr. Crispin is far from normal. We can but wait and hope.’

  For the first time in her married life, Amelia wept.

  This conversation, between Amelia and Reynolds had taken place some six months ago. During these months, the big house had been sold. Crispin, Amelia, Reynolds and a thin, elderly coloured woman named Chrissy had moved into a villa on Acacia Drive. The villa had been found and purchased on Crispin’s behalf by Lewishon.

  Although prejudiced, Amelia had to admit that the villa was a success. She had a bedroom and a sitting room on the ground floor. Reynolds had a bed/sitting room, also on the ground floor to the rear of the villa. Chrissy had a small bedroom, leading off the kitchen. The whole of the top floor was taken over by Crispin. He had a bedroom, a big living room and a bigger studio. An oak door, at the head of the stairs, leading to his apartment, was kept locked. Only Chrissy was allowed up there to clean once a week.

  Chrissy was a deaf-mute. Neither Amelia nor Reynolds could communicate with her, and Amelia suspected that Crispin had deliberately engaged this woman because of her affliction. She did her work and was an excellent cook, and in her spare time, she was content to watch T.V., only going out to do the marketing. Reynolds guessed she could lip-read. He warned Amelia to be careful what she said to him when Chrissy was around.

  Amelia only caught occasional glimpses of her son. For the past months neither had exchanged a word. Outside the locked door leading to Crispin’s apartment was a table.

  Reynolds had been instructed to take up Crispin’s meals on a tray, knock on the door, then go away. Crispin ate very little. His lunch consisted of a fish salad or an omelette, his dinner a small steak or the breast of a chicken.

  From time to time, he left his studio and drove away in the Rolls. Watching from behind the curtain, Amelia assumed he was going to see Lewishon. She also assumed that when Crispin was locked in his studio, he was painting.

  By now she had accepted the bitter fact that she no longer had any power over her son, but at least she had fifty thousand dollars a year, spending money. She had always lived an active, sociable life. She was an expert bridge player. In her big circle of friends, the news had got around that Crispin had inherited his father’s fortune. Eyebrows had been raised when the big house had been sold.

  Amelia had explained that Crispin had become a great, dedicated artist. On no account was he to be disturbed.

  She had hinted that Picasso might have a rival. Her friends secretly jeered. She was often invited to her friends’ homes for cocktails or dinner. As a quid pro quo, she invited them to one of the many luxury restaurants in Paradise City, again explaining that Crispin was so sensitive, she could now no longer entertain at home.

  But she kept wondering what Crispin was doing, locked away, month after month. Her curiosity became so overpowering, she decided she must find out. One day, she had the opportunity. Chrissy had gone out, shopping. Crispin had already driven away in the Rolls. She called Reynolds.

  ‘Do you think you could get in up there, Reynolds?’

  ‘I believe so, madam. I have already examined the lock. I could arrange it.’

  ‘Then let us go at once!’

  It took Reynolds only a few minutes, with the aid of a stiff piece of wire to unlock the door, and together, they entered the studio.

  It was like walking into a nightmare world of revolting horror.

  Hanging on the walls were big canvasses of such ghastly scenes that Amelia turned faint. The theme of these realistic paintings were always the same: a naked girl, depicted with astonishing photographic detail, lying on a beach with a red blood moon, a black, threatening sky and an orange beach. The girl was either decapitated or disemboweled or hacked in pieces.

  In a corner of the room stood an easel on which was a large portrait, completely life-like, of Amelia. Between her bloodstained teeth hung a pair of male legs, clad in white and red striped trousers—her husband’s weekend casual dress. From her black dyed hair, sprouted a pair of fur covered horns.

  For a long moment, Amelia stared at the painting, then half fainting, she allowed Reynolds to support her down the stairs.

  Leaving her in the lounge, Reynolds walked unsteadily to his room and drank a big Scotch. Then, revived, but still shaken, he returned upstairs and relocked the apartment door.

  He entered the lounge and poured Amelia a stiff brandy.

  ‘What are we going to do?’ she asked, after sipping the drink. ‘This is dreadful! He is utterly mad! He could be dangerous!’

  Again Reynolds thought of the nightmare his life would become if he lost this sinecure of a job.

  ‘I think, madam, there is nothing we can do but wait and hope.’

  Amelia, thinking what life would be like to live on a mere ten thousand dollars a year, nodded agreement.

  So they waited, but without any hope.

  Then on the evening after Janie Bandler’s murder, Reynolds made a horrifying discovery. He went immediately to where Amelia was watching T.V. after an excellent dinner.

  ‘Madam,’ he said huskily, ‘I must ask you to come with me to the boiler room.’

  ‘The boiler room?’ Amelia stared at him, then seeing his white, sweating face, she felt a stab of fear. ‘What is it?’

  ‘Please, madam, please come,’ and he turned and began walking down the corridor. After a moment’s hesitation, now feeling dread, Amelia followed him down the stairs and into the boiler room.

  ‘Look, madam,’ Reynolds whispered and pointed..

  Amelia regarded the heap of clothes lying by the furnace. She recognized her husband’s golf ball jacket which Crispin had taken a liking to and often wore, also Crispin’s grey slacks, his blue and white check shirt and his suede shoes. She stared with mounting horror at the unmistakable bloodstains. There was a sheet of paper pinned to the jacket. In Crispin’s artistic writing was the message: Destroy these clothes immediately.

  They looked at each other, then Amelia turned and stumbled up the stairs and back into the lounge. Reynolds hurried into his room and poured himself a vast Scotch.

  He s
wallowed the drink, then went unsteadily to the lounge.

  Amelia was staring transfixed at the T.V. screen. Pete Hamilton was talking. Like statues, Amelia and Reynolds listened to Hamilton’s lurid description of the finding of Janie Bandler’s mutilated body.

  ‘Someone must be shielding this maniac,’ he concluded. ‘His clothes must be heavily blood stained.’ To Amelia, Hamilton seemed to be staring directly at her. ‘I earnestly ask whoever it is who is giving this dangerous maniac sanctuary—whether wife, mother, father or friend—to communicate immediately with the police. This vicious maniac could strike again! Until he is apprehended, no woman in our city is safe.’

  Shaking, Reynolds turned off the set.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ Amelia moaned. ‘God! If Crispin did this! No! He would never do such a thing!’ Then she recalled those dreadful paintings in Crispin’s studio, and she shuddered. ‘Reynolds! We must say nothing! If he has done this dreadful thing, I couldn’t face the disgrace! My friends! They would all desert me! What would my life become? I won’t believe it!’ Then stiffening, she looked wildly at Reynolds. ‘Get rid of those clothes! Burn them! Do it now!’

  It was at this moment that Lepski and Jacoby arrived.

  * * *

  The following morning, Max Jacoby called on Mr. Levine, the tailor and borrowed one of his golf ball button jackets. He then drove to the Salvation Army depot and talked to Jim Craddock who was in charge of distributing the many gifts sent in by the city’s rich.

  Craddock was emphatic that the jacket had not been sent with Cyrus Gregg’s other clothes.

  ‘I would have remembered a jacket like this,’ he said.

  ‘No. I didn’t receive it.’

  ‘This is important, Mr. Craddock,’ Jacoby said. ‘Are you absolutely certain this jacket wasn’t among Mr. Gregg’s clothes?’

  Craddock nodded.

  ‘I am absolutely certain Mr. Gregg’s clothes were so good, I sold them to a clothes dealer and the money went to our fund. They were far too good to give away, and this jacket was not among them.’