by Ria
the wall for support. A holiday romance! It had been nothing but a holiday
romance, this woman had said. Could it be true? Could she have been so
mistaken in Rudolph's sincerity? She recalled some of their telephone
conversations during the past weeks, hearing' again that peculiar abruptness
in his voice. She could not deny that she had begun to doubt him before
Sybil had confirmed her fears. It was over! She had given herself because
she had loved him, but to Rudolph it had been nothing more than a
flirtation.
She could not bear the thought of telephoning Rudolph, instead she spent
that evening writing the most difficult letter of her life. After several
unsuccessful attempts, she decided to keep the letter abrupt, and to the
point. She could not marry him because she had discovered that her feelings
for him had been nothing more than infatuation. She was sorry, but it would
be better for both of them if they ceased whatever relationship existed
between them.
Afterwards, she confronted her parents with the news that she was tp have
a child. They could not have been more shattered if a bomb had exploded in
the house.
'Is it this man you met while you were on holiday? The one who's been
telephoning you?' her mother wanted to know when she finally found her
voice.
'Yes.'
'Who is he?' her father demanded, puffing furiously at his pipe.
'Does his name matter?'
It was strange how calm she felt at that moment, completely devoid of any
feelings as though she were discussing someone else's problems and not her
own.
Mrs de Waal dabbed at her eyes and drew a deep breath to steady herself.
'You are going to marry him, aren't you?'
'No.'
Her parents exchanged glances as though they were seeking help from
each other, and Janey realised that her attitude was not helping them in this
delicate situation. If only she did not feel so dead inside; if only she could
cry and rid herself of this terrible tension that gripped her.
'But, my dear, you'll have to,' her mother persisted gently, as if she sensed
the struggle Janey was having with herself. 'Does he know you're expecting
his child?'
'No ... and I'm not going to tell him either.'
'I don't understand your reasoning, Janey,' her father stated sternly. 'Surely
you loved this man when you ... when you ...?' he faltered, dabbing at his
mouth with a clean handkerchief to hide his embarrassment.
'Yes, Daddy. I loved him ... very much, but ...' Janey felt her control
snapping. 'I've changed my mind. I don't want to marry him.'
'But I insist, Janey,' her father spluttered angrily, but her mother's
restraining hand on his arm calmed him instantly.
'If you continue insisting, Daddy, I shall have to leave and make my home
elsewhere.' The silence in the small lounge was almost deafening as they
faced each other. Janey stood erect, her grey eyes wide and frightened in her
pale face, her hands gesturing pleadingly. 'I shall need you both very much
in the future. Don't force me to leave, because, if I do, you won't know
where to find me.'
'Janey dear, I can't pretend that this hasn't been a tremendous shock to us.
You've always been such an exemplary daughter that we never expected this
of you. But you know we'll stand by you, no matter what happens.' Her
mother's, eyes were gentle and compassionate, and for the first time Janey
felt the tears swell in her throat. 'Have; you considered the consequences if
you don't marry the father of your child?'
Janey swallowed with difficulty and steadied herself. 'Yes, I have thought
about it; about the scandal and the shame I'm bringing down upon us as a
family, but it will eventually blow over, and I think we can weather the
storm together.'
It had been far from easy to approach the Education Department with her
problem, but by humbling herself she had managed to obtain a transfer to a
school that was closer to the city, where she called herself Mrs de Waal. She
was given three months' dispensationary leave to have her child, and she
returned to work almost immediately afterwards.
Alison and her parents, after receiving Janey's news and being sworn to
secrecy concerning Rudolph's identity, offered their home on the farm as a
retreat for Janey and her baby son during the school holidays. She had made
use of their offer on two occasions, grateful for their understanding and the
fact that they did not reject her. *
She never heard from Rudolph again, and presumed that he had married
Sybil Rampling, the woman who had telephoned her. He was part of her
past, and she intended to keep him there, locked away in a place where not
even she dared to trespass.
But now her past had caught up with her in a way she had never expected,
for, dwarfing the small lounge, was Rudolph Brink. His hair was the same
burnished copper, and those piercing eyes still had the power to shake her,
but the two years had etched lines of weariness from nose to mouth, and a
touch of cruelty to those firm lips.
Those years had altered Janey as well. Still remarkably slender, there was
a maturity about her one could not fail to notice as she stood in the doorway
with the child in her arms. Her grey eyes were calm as she surveyed their
unexpected guest, and her features, though pale, appeared tranquil, hiding
successfully the emotional turmoil within her. It was a protective mask she
had been forced to acquire, and behind which she hid the pain and
disillusionment. She was grateful for it at that moment as she faced Rudolph
Brink across the small room, for his presence had exposed the old wounds
and left them vulnerable.
'May I have a few minutes alone with Janey?' he asked her parents, and the
deep silk of his voice stabbed at her memory.
They left the room silently, taking Andrew with them and closing the door
firmly behind them. She was alone with Rudolph, alone with the man who
had used her and destroyed her, and she hated and despised him for it. In his
grey, tailored suit and expensive leather shoes, he looked out of place in her
parents' lounge with the carpet and furniture showing signs of wear, and she
hated him all the more for making her notice the simplicity of the home she
loved.
'Why are you here?' she demanded.
'I've been in Cape Town all week,' he explained, his eyes dwelling on the
simple lines of her cotton frock where it accentuated her slender waist.
'We've opened up a branch here and, with a few hours to spare, I thought it
might be a good idea to pay a visit to someone I once knew.'
'What do you want?' Her abruptness bordered on rudeness, but she did not
care.
'I want the truth.'
'We have nothing to say to each other.'
'On the contrary, we have a great deal to say to each other.’ There was a
harshness in his voice, and a coldness in those usually warm eyes that set her
nerves fluttering. ‘Why didn't you tell me at the time that you were going to
have my child?’
'How can you be sure that Andre
w is your child?' There was a cynical
twist to his lips as he walked across, to the small table where a recent
photograph of Andrew took pride of place. 'Remind me to show you a
photograph of myself at this age. The resemblance is remarkable.’ He stared
at it for interminable seconds before turning to her. 'Why didn't you tell me?’
'There was no point in telling you when I'd already decided that there was
no future for us together.’
'So you chose to leave me ignorant of the fact that I was to be a father?’
There was an incredible anger in his glance as he came towards her, but she
stood motionless as he towered above her. 'I could thrash you! What kind of
man do you think I am? Do you think that, even though you had no desire to
marry me, I would have left you to shoulder the responsibility yourself?’
His eyes blazed down into hers, and she lowered her lashes guiltily. 'What
does it matter what I thought?'
'It matters a great deal. It matters that, up to an hour ago, your parents
thought me the kind of man who spent his time seducing young girls and
then leaving them to face the consequences alone.' He drew his breath in
sharply and lowered his voice as he regained control of himself. 'That kind
of reputation doesn't appeal to me because, God knows, I'm not a
philanderer. I may be all kinds of a heel, but I'm not that!'
Janey felt as though she were being suffocated as ^she moved away from
him and walked across to the window, staring out into the small sunlit
garden while she struggled to retain her outward serenity.
'I never gave them the impression that you were a philanderer,’ she said
with her back to him.
'You never told them anything—that's the worst part of it all.’ He was
standing behind her, close enough for her to smell his particular brand of
shaving cream. 'You left them to draw their own conclusions, and I can't
blame them for thinking the worst of me.'
'Now that you've convinced them to the contrary, will you go away and
leave me to live my life as I want to?'
'I wish I could, Janey,' he said roughly as he moved away from her and lit a
cigarette. 'I wish I could walk through that door and out of your life, but it's
not as simple as that. I have a responsibility towards you and Andrew, a
responsibility that I don't intend to shirk in the future.'
'We've managed perfectly well in the past, and we shall continue to do so
in the future,' she said proudly, turning to face him. 'I don't need any help
from you.'
'I'm not offering you help, I'm offering you marriage. Andrew has a right to
my name, and everything that goes with it. And you can't deny him this.'
Startled by this unexpected disclosure, her thoughts turned instantly to the
husky-voiced Sybil Rampling. 'Aren't you married already?'
'No,' he smiled cynically. 'I've been too busy , to contemplate the delights
of matrimony, but now it's become a necessity.'
Janey shrank inwardly from the thought of marrying him for the sake of
the child, and it was clear that this was his only motive for suggesting it. 'I
don't want to marry you.'
Those grey-green eyes, so like Andrew's, were like splinters of ice raking
her. 'I'm afraid you have no choice. Our feelings are irrelevant at the
moment, and it's Andrew's future we have to think about.'
'Andrew will be perfectly happy
'
'Until he discovers that he's illegitimate,' Rudolph interrupted brutally.
'People can be cruel, as you know, and, if you want only the best for
Andrew, can you deny him his birthright?'
Her hands trembled, but it was the only outward sign that she was
disturbed. 'When you put it like that... no, I don't suppose I can.'
'Do I take it, then, that you'll marry me?'
'No! Never!' she burst out defiantly, finding the whole idea repulsive.
'Are you. going to force me to use my influence to pressure you into this
marriage?'
'Do you think that Andrew will one day appreciate the fact that you
married me out of a sense of duty?' she counter-questioned with calm
acceptance as she realised that she was fighting the inevitable.
'If I have nothing else, Janey, I shall have his respect,' Rudolph said coldly,
white about the mouth. 'How soon can you be released from your post at the
school?'
'Mr Williams, our Headmaster, has been very kind to me, but I can't see
him letting me go with less than a month's notice, provided someone can be
found to replace me.'
'I'm afraid I'm not going to give you the opportunity to wriggle out of it
this time, Janey,' he said harshly, drawing hard on his cigarette. 'I'll make
arrangements for us to be married as soon as possible, and then, when you're
free, I'll arrange for you to travel by air to Johannesburg.'
'I can't marry you in such haste,' she argued helplessly.
'You'll do as you're told!' His voice sliced through the tense atmosphere
and silenced her effectively. 'Contact your Mr Williams. I'll be back this
evening to find out the results, and to let you know how far I've progressed
with the arrangements.'
Subdued by his commanding attitude, she nodded. 'Very well'
'And, Janey ...' he put out his cigarette and straightened, 'don't try running
away, because this time I'll come after you as I should have done two years
ago.'
'I didn't run away,' she reminded him calmly.
'What you did was equivalent to it.'
Their eyes met and she experienced again that old magnetism which had
held her in his power, but this time she was able to withstand it, to look at
him coldly and analytically. There was an unrelenting harshness about him
that frightened her, and a coldness in those heavy-lidded eyes that sent a
chill up her spine. Those eyes had once caressed her with a glance, but now
they pierced her like swords, tearing at her mask of indifference, and almost
succeeding in finding the warm heart that continued to beat below the
surface.
'My reasons for not wanting to marry you are the same now as they were
then, but I can't afford further scandal at the moment,' she told him, breaking
the tense silence, 'and it seems as though I have no choice, as you say.'
'You would do well to remember that.'
There was an underlying threat in his voice that remained with her long
after he had gone, and it left her in a state of confusion. For some
inexplicable reason she had given him to understand that she would marry
him, and she had done so without much protest. This was perhaps her
opportunity to make him suffer just a fraction of the agony she had gone
through, but she would have to assess the situation at his home before
deciding what to do.
'Such a nice man,' her mother kept saying. 'I can't understand why you
didn't want to marry him.'
'He went terribly pale when he saw Andrew,' her father remarked. 'He
started asking questions, and then eventually admitted that he was Andrew's
father. I've never seen a man so angry before, and it was just as well it was
some time before you arrived home.'
Janey sat with Andrew on her lap while her mo
ther poured the tea, but her
father sat frowning at the scrubbed wooden table with his pipe clenched
between his teeth. They had stood by her wonderfully during these past two
years, but the strain had left its mark on them. The grey in their hair had
become more prominent, their faces more lined. They had worked so hard to
give her the education she had desired, and she had repaid them with
degradation and shame. Perhaps, for their sakes, it was just as well that
Rudolph had arrived so unexpectedly and was so insistent that she should
marry him. Her parents were not getting any younger, and the responsibility
of looking after Andrew would eventually become too much for them.
'Rudolph has asked me to marry him, and I've accepted,' she told them, and
she knew instantly that this was what they had been waiting to hear.
'We're so happy for you, my dear,' her mother exclaimed, while her father
nodded in agreement. 'When is the wedding to take place?'
'I shall know this evening, but possibly within the next few days,' she told
them, rescuing her beads from Andrew's chubby hands.
She explained briefly what had been decided before she telephoned Mr
Williams at his home. He was astounded to hear her news, but he was as
helpful as she knew he would be. Her letter of resignation had to be on his
desk the following morning, and he would immediately endeavour to get a
replacement so that she could leave within a month.
Her comfortable, orderly life was suddenly chaotic. Rudolph arrived that
evening to say that he had arranged for them to be married the following
afternoon. There was no tenderness or excitement involved in this
arrangement; it was merely a business transaction that had to be carried out
as soon as possible.
Their marriage had a touch of unreality about it, for it was a simple
ceremony that lasted only a few minutes, and the only people present were
her parents. Her mother wept silently as Rudolph slipped the wedding ring
on to her finger, but Janey felt coldly detached from it all. It was like
standing beside a stranger while they took their marriage vows, and it was
difficult to believe that she had once cared so deeply for this man with the
stern face.
Rudolph returned to Johannesburg that same evening, leaving her behind
to continue with her work until she was eventually released from her duties
at the school. The; events of the past two days had the quality of a
