by Ria
She fell silent, submerged in her own thoughts of despair and
despondency, and a growing fear she could not help acknowledging when
he eventually parked the car and ushered her towards the main entrance of a
well-lit building. They took the lift up to the third floor and he unlocked the
door to a flat that was unmistakably a man's domain, judging by the sturdy
leather furniture and the books on engineering that lay scattered on a small
table.
'Jerry isn't the tidiest person I know,' Rudolph apologised as he caught her
glance straying from the half-filled ashtrays to the empty beer cans on the'
floor beside a chair. 'He does keep a well-stocked drinks cabinet, I've
noticed.' . He filled two long-stemmed glasses with wine, and joined her on
the couch. Her fingers shook as she took the glass from him and brought it
to her lips, the fiery liquid stinging her throat and flowing warmly through
her veins to steady her slightly.
'When will I see you again?' she asked, her throat tightening as she met
his glance over the rim of her glass.
'I'll fly down to Cape Town as soon as there's an improvement in my
father's health.' He drained his glass and placed it on the table, leaning
forward to clasp his hands between his knees. 'You must understand, Janey,
that while my father is ill, I shall have to take charge of die business. I'm
not trying to make excuses, or to find a way out of coming to you as soon as
possible, but we must face the fact that it may be quite some time before I
have the opportunity. If my father had been well, it would have been the
easiest thing on earth to fly down to you whenever possible, but his illness
has changed all that.'
'I understand,' she whispered, his explanation sending a chill through her
that made her shiver uncontrollably. It was as though their love was doomed
before it had even started, a promise of joy that would never materialise.
'Don't look like that!' he said harshly, taking the glass from her fingers and
placing it on the table beside his own before drawing her fiercely into his
arms. ‘I’ll find a way, my darling. I'll find a way for us.'
‘I know, I know,' she cried into his shoulder, no longer able to check the
tears which had threatened all evening.
'I'll telephone you as soon as I've been able to assess matters at home,' he
promised, stroking her hair away from her face and running his fingers
through the silken strands.
'Yes,' she whispered brokenly.
He forced her face into the open and covered her trembling lips with his
own. For a time she lay quietly in his arms, conscious only of those lips
moving against her own, and the throbbing of her pulses.
'Darling, come with me to Johannesburg,' he murmured with impulsive
urgency against her throat. 'We could be married immediately/and
'
'No.' She shook her head, fighting against the tears that returned instantly
to her eyes. 'It wouldn't be fair to my parents, and neither will it be fair to
yours at the moment. Your family needs you now, and it would be selfish to
think only of ourselves while your father lies ill.'
'Janey/ he whispered with deep concern, brushing a finger along her warm,
wet cheek. 'Don't cry, my darling. Please don't cry.'
'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry like this, but I—I'm so afraid, Rudolph.' His
face swam before her eyes. 'Hold me, please. Hold me close.'
'Janey, what is it?' he demanded hoarsely, crushing her against him in an
effort to restrain the tremors that shook through her slender body.
'I don't know,' she sobbed helplessly, her voice muffled against his jacket.
'I just have this terrible feeling that our happiness is in danger. Perhaps it's
all been too sudden, and too perfect. Oh, I wish I could explain!'
'You have nothing to fear, Janey. I'll come and fetch you as soon as I can.'
His strong fingers forced her face from its hiding place against his shoulder,
and she flinched at the passion and pain of his glance. 'Do you think I'm
finding it any easier to part from you like this?'
'I'm sorry,' she whispered tremulously, shaken by what she had seen in his
eyes, and ashamed of her own behaviour 'I'm being terribly silly, and at a
time when you can well do without this sort of thing.'
'My darling P he exclaimed with a touch of exasperation, and her ribs were
in danger of cracking in his grasp, while he covered her face with passionate
kisses.
'I must look awful,' she moaned after a time, extricating herself from his
arms. 'Is there somewhere I could go to restore some order to my face?'
'Jerry's bedroom is through there, and the bathroom leads off it,' he said,
gesturing towards a door at the other end of the room while he lit a cigarette.
'Help yourself.'
Janey was grateful for those few moments alone to compose herself. If it
had not been for her unreasonable fear of losing Rudolph, this parting would
not have been so traumatic, she realised while she bathed her hot face in the
cool refreshing water. Where and when this fear had materialised, she could
not explain, but it had come with a suddenness that had shaken her, and it
had grown with every passing minute.
Anxious grey eyes stared back at her in the mirror above the basin. Her
skin was blotchy with weeping, and it would, take more than a touch of
lipstick and powder to disguise the fact, she realised sadly, making a face
at herself as she got to work.
She was inspecting herself in the full-length bedroom mirror when she
realised that she was no longer alone. Rudolph stood leaning against the
door. He had discarded his jacket and tie, and the tanned column of his
throat contrasted sharply with the whiteness of his shirt. His glance slid
appreciatively down the length of her, taking in the apricot-coloured dress
that hugged her slender waist and flared out to just below her knees, and
the shapely feet decked in silver sandals. He raised those heavy-lidded
eyes and his glance lingered for a moment on the slender straps of her
dress as they nestled against her creamy shoulders.
She held her breath as he came towards her, aware of a strange new
element in the air which she was unable to define. His hands were on her
shoulders, moving caressingly against her skin, and she welcomed the
pleasurable sensations that always accompanied his touch.
'Janey?’ His voice was strained, his body as tense as her own when he
held her against him. 'In a few months' time you'll be my wife, then
there'll be no , need to part again. You trust me, don't you?'
'Yes,' she breathed against his lips, and then she was lost. ^ Lost in the
urgency of his hands against her back, and the demanding pressure of his
lips that forced her own apart.
A tremor shook through him and her subconscious instantly sounded a
warning which, in her innocence, she chose to ignore. She had her fear to
contend with; a fear that their love would eventually be nothing but a
beautiful dream and, added to this, the bitter-sweet knowledge that the
hour of parting drew near.
His lips moved caressingly from her neck to her shoulder, brushing aside
the flimsy strap before exploring lower. She clung to him, his name on her
lips while she felt herself being submerged in a well of sensations that sent
shivers of fire along her veins. Her legs gave way beneath her, and she was
vaguely aware that he was lowering her on to the bed, his eyes dark with
passionate desire, the heat of his demanding body against her own.
Sanity returned for a brief moment, and then it was too late. The voice of
her conscience was drowned by the touch of his hands and his hoarsely
murmured endearments; the rapture of her love a driving force that swept
aside all barriers of resistance.
'Oh, my God, Janey. What have I done!'
It was a hoarse cry of remorse that came from Rudolph as he sat on the
edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Janey flinched inwardly, asking
herself the same question. What had she done? She could have stopped him,
but she had allowed herself to be swept along on a tide of emotions until
they had become impossible to control. She loved Rudolph desperately, but
it was no excuse for the way she had behaved.
Tm as much to blame for—for what happened.'
He turned instantly, lifting her hand to his lips. 'My darling, I'm no longer
a child. I'm thirty-two, and I should have known better. God knows, Janey,
but I didn't bring you here for this reason.'
'I know you didn't.' His eyes were dark with angry remorse, and her own
tears of regret caught at her throat. 'I—I realise now that I could have
prevented it, but at the time I—I allowed that moment of sanity to pass.'
'Janey, you're so blessedly innocent and, cad that I am, I lost control
because of it.' With a groan he gathered her into his arms and buried his face
against her throat. 'Forgive me, darling.'
'Don't!' she whispered urgently, marvelling at the softness of his hair as she
pushed her fingers through it in a comforting gesture. 'If I didn't love you so
much, it would never have happened. You do know that, don't you?'
'I know, and I hate myself for taking advantage of your love.' He raised his
head, and her heart lurched at the resolute expression in his eyes and about
his mouth, 'You must marry me now—immediately!'
It was a tempting thought, but one she refused to contemplate with the
shadow of his father's illness hovering over them.
'No, Rudolph, we can't,' she contradicted gently. 'My parents would never
forgive me if I married you without their knowledge, and it wouldn't be right
to produce an unexpected wife to your family at a time when you're all so
concerned about your father's health.'
'I have a responsibility towards you.'
'You have a responsibility towards your family,' she argued sensibly. It
would not have been difficult to agree to his suggestion, for it would have
made her the happiest woman in the world to be his wife. But, despite what
had happened between them, she could not consider her own happiness at
this moment.
'Have you thought of what might happen if our foolishness this evening
has serious repercussions?' he interrupted her thoughts, and she blushed
profusely as she understood what he was referring to.
'I believe it very rarely does happen—the first time,' she replied, avoiding
the hint of humour in his glance.
'And if it does?'
She considered this a moment before replying, 'I think we should cross that
bridge when we come to it.'
'Janey,’ he murmured against her lips. 'I hate leaving you now.’
'I hate the thought of you leaving me, but we must be sensible.'
The tenderness-of his lips and arms was like a pain lodging in her heart.
'I shall be there to fetch you, Janey, as soon as I can,' he promised, brushing
her eyes with his lips. 'Yes, my darling ... as soon as you can.'CHAPTER
THREE
THERE was no way of guessing that the future would become a nightmare,
instead of the dream of fulfilment she had hoped for. For reasons she could
not explain, she told her parents very little about. Rudolph, and always with-
held his name. She had been home barely a week when he telephoned one
evening to say that his father was not progressing as well as they had hoped.
Problems had also arisen in his father's business, but he did not elaborate on
the subject, and she did not question him. The only information that
remained predominantly in her thoughts throughout that conversation was
the fact that he would have to postpone his flight to Cape Town indefinitely.
Two months passed in this fashion, with only the occasional telephone call
to brighten her existence, and finally the family doctor confirmed her worst
fears. She was to have Rudolph's child! It was something she had refrained
from telling her parents until she had had the opportunity to speak to
Rudolph again, but she was fast developing a nagging fear that his love for
her had cooled. She tried to brush this thought aside, but it persisted
relentlessly.
His call came a week later, and Janey prepared herself mentally for what
she had to say. Would he be pleased, or would she feel the stinging lash of
his anger?
'Janey?' His voice, as usual, sounded tired and abrupt. 'My father had a
second thrombosis a few days ago, and this time it was fatal.'
'I'm so sorry,' she said inadequately, wondering nervously whether this was
the appropriate time to confront him with the devastating news she had
carried about within her for so long.
'It's come as a tremendous shock to us all, most especially the discovery I
made during the past weeks. The family business has been sliding
downward rapidly over the past two years.' He paused for a moment,
obviously finding it difficult to divulge this information. 'If I'm to save the
business and our home, which has been in the family for four generations,
then I shall have to work practically day and night. There's Esme to consider
as well. She has two years at school before she attends university, and my
mother is too frail to withstand the added shock of losing her home.'
'Will you be able to save it?'
'I have to,' he said harshly, and for endless moments there was a tense
silence. 'If you're prepared to rough it for a while, we could be married as
soon as I can arrange it.'
The lack of enthusiasm in his voice was a sword-thrust to her heart. With
so much on his plate, could she add to his problems by thrusting herself and
their unborn child upon him? Would their love withstand the tension and
strain of such a situation?
'Will you give me a little time to think about it?' she asked eventually, and
imagined she heard him sigh. Was he perhaps relieved that she had not
accepted his unen- thusiastic proposal?
'You're a sensible person, Janey,' he said swiftly, but she was no longer
listening as the misery in her heart clamoured to the surface. 'I shall abide
by whatever you decide.'
Her well-rehearsed speech forgotten, she kept her discovery to herself as
she replaced the receiver and went to her room. She slept badly that night,
listening to her bedside clock ticking away the minutes as she tossed until
the
early hours of the morning, her mind lashed with indecision.
She struggled through her classes at school the following day, but she
eventually reached the only decision that could be made under the
circumstances. Rudolph had to be told.
With this load off her mind, she returned home that afternoon, but her
intentions were never carried out. The telephone rang, and her mother
answered it.
'Someone called Sybil Rampling wants to speak to you,' she told Janey,
casting her a questioning glance before returning to the kitchen.
Janey's heart drummed heavily against her ribs with sudden fear. Was it
possible that something could have happened to Rudolph? she though in
alarm.
'Forgive me for telephoning you like this,' a voice with a touch of
huskiness said, 'but you will understand once I've explained.'
'Is there something the matter with Rudolph?'
'No, my dear, but I've taken it upon myself to save you possible heartache.'
There was a tense silence before she continued. 'Rudolph and I have known
each other for many years, and there's been an understanding between us for
some time. You see, my dear, our marriage is inevitable, and I would hate to
think that you took any promises he might have made seriously.' Again there
was that brief silence while she allowed her statement the time to take the
desired effect. 'Rudolph is a very' attractive man, and I can understand that
most women must fall over themselves for his favours. Naturally, he's
flattered by it all, but, when it comes to marriage, he has very definite ideas
about the kind of wife he'll choose.'
Janey felt as though someone had slammed the freezer door on her. 'Miss
Rampling,' she said through stiff lips, 'what do you want me to do?'
'Telephone Rudolph and explain to him that you considered your
relationship nothing more than a holiday romance. I can promise you he'll be
tremendously relieved to know that you feel the same about it.'
The world had crashed about Janey with a violence that left her numb and
chilled. ‘I'll do as you say,' she heard herself reply, but her voice sounded
strangely stilted to her own ears.
'Do be tactful enough not to mention that I telephoned you,' the voice
warned pleasantly. 'Can I depend on that?'
'Yes.'
For some time after she had replaced the receiver, Janey stood clutching at
