by Ria
situation. She borrowed Esme's car that morning and drove into the city to
do the odd bit of shopping she had been neglecting because of Andrew's
fretfulness. Rudolph had told her once that he hardly ever went out for
lunch, so, with her shopping done, she telephoned him from a booth at the
corner of a street just after twelve-thirty, with the intention of asking him to
meet her in town somewhere for lunch. Perhaps, in the busy atmosphere of a
restaurant, they might be able to come to some agreement about their
relationship.
'Mr Brink's office, good afternoon,' a feminine voice answered briskly.
'Good afternoon,' Janey began, clutching nervously at the receiver with
both hands. 'May I speak to my husband, please?'
Tm sorry, Mrs Brink, but your husband left the office a few minutes ago
to keep a luncheon appointment with Miss Rampling.'
'I see,' Janey murmured stiffly as her hopes lay in fragments about her.
After a slight hesitation, Rudolph's secretary continued : 'If you like I
can find out the name of the restaurant for you?'
'No ... no, thank you, that won't be necessary.'
To walk in on them while they were having a tete-a-tete lunch was the
last thing she wanted to do at that moment.
'I'll tell him that you telephoned when he comes in.'
'Please don't do that,' Janey begged swiftly. 'It wasn't important.'
Her temples were pounding when she replaced the receiver and left the
telephone booth, while a slow anger began to simmer within her, an anger
that dulled the pain of her discovery momentarily. If Rudolph had no con-
sideration for her feelings, then he could at least consider his mother, and
the considerable strain this situation was placing on her.
She walked blindly into the nearest cafe and ordered a cup of tea. In the
state she was in, food would choke her, she told herself as she sat staring
at the people walking by in the street, yet noticing nothing as she
struggled to regain her composure. If Rudolph wanted to continue with
this cold war between them, then she was equally willing to oblige him.
To her surprise, Rudolph did not go out that evening, and when Esme
excused herself from the dinner table, Janey followed her example. But
Rudolph's strong fingers curled about her wrist as she passed his* chair,
drawing her to his side as he rose to his feet.
'I understand you telephoned me at the office earlier today,' he began
without preamble, releasing her as she stood calmly before him.
'Yes, I did, but you were out to lunch.'
'With Sybil, yes,' he. admitted smoothly, moving away from her to light a
cigarette, and allowing her the time to recover from the painful knowledge
that he had no qualms about flaunting his affair to her face.
'So I understood,' she said quietly.
'Why did you want to speak to me?'
'It wasn't important.'
He turned suddenly and she felt trapped between the velvet curtain behind
her and his rapier-sharp glance. 'My dear Janey, wild horses wouldn't have
forced you to telephone me if it hadn't been of some importance, so let's
have the truth.'
She fought down her panic and replied with a coolness she was far from
experiencing. 'If you must know, I was concerned about your mother. I was
hoping we could have lunch together somewhere in town in order to come
to some agreement which would relieve the situation slightly for her.'
'We could discuss it now, if you like.'
'It's no longer necessary,' she told him, raising her glance no higher than the
attractive cleft in his chin. 'I shall manage somehow without your help.'
For some moments neither of them spoke, then he gestured vaguely and
turned away. 'As you wish.'
Dismissed, she fled from the dining-room and almost collided with Esme
on the stairs. She steadied herself against the balustrade and fought against
the tears that threatened to spill from her lashes.
'Mother would like to see you before she goes to bed,' Esm6 said, glancing
at her curiously.
Janey nodded, turning to mount the rest of the stairs.
'And, Janey she hesitated briefly as Janey turned slowly to face her, 'if you
need someone to talk to, I can be a good listener if I apply myself.’
A glow of warmth dispelled the chill in Janey’s heart, and the tears in her
eyes blurred her vision as she retraced her steps to Esme's side fo embrace
her impulsively.
'Thank you, Esme. I—I'll remember that,’ she stammered before making
her way up the stairs to Mrs Brink's bedroom.
Mrs Brink looked frail and weary where she lay in bed, reclining against
the pillows with her eyes closed. Janey's glance softened as she stood
looking down at her for several minutes, taking in the wavy grey hair which
was always styled so neatly and simply, the smooth white forehead, and the
permanent wrinkles about the eyes and mouth. A book lay face down upon
her chest, forgotten when the tiredness overcame her.
Her eyelids fluttered as if she sensed that she was no longer alone, and
Janey leaned forward instantly. 'Mother ... you wanted to see me?’
'Yes, child.’ Her voice sounded tired as she placed the book on the bedside
table and gestured that Janey should sit down beside her on the bed.
'Is there anything I can do for you?' Janey asked with concern.
'Yes, my dear,’ she nodded slightly, her glance searching as it met Janey's.
'Tell me why you're allowing Sybil to come between Rudolph and yourself?’
Janey's heart lurched violently, but she smoothed down the sheets and
smiled reassuringly. 'It's not as bad as it seems.’
'If another woman had flirted with my husband the way Sybil is flirting
with Rudolph lately, I would have thrown her out of my house and made
sure that she never returned.' Her breathing was shallow and fast with
agitation. 'As Rudolph's wife, you are now mistress of this 'house, Janey,
with every right to choose your own guests.'
'Don't upset yourself, Mother,' Janey spoke soothingly as she gripped the
veined hands.
'I want you to be happy, Janey,' Mrs Brink said at length when she
managed to calm herself, 'and it's only natural that I should want my son to
be happy. Rudolph deserves happiness, heaven knows he slaved himself
almost to death, for months after my husband's death, to provide for Esme
and myself, while at the same time trying to save the business.' She shook
her head as if the memories were painful to her. 'He was absolutely
relentless as far as his own health was concerned, working twenty-four
hours a day and snatching only an hour's rest when the pressure became too
much.'
Janey's throat tightened. 'Was it... that bad?'
'It couldn't have been worse, child,' Mrs Brink admitted, her grip on
Janey's hands tightening. 'We were on the verge of bankruptcy and in danger
of losing everything we possessed. Everyone advised Rudolph to sell before
we were left penniless, but his sense of duty, his loyalty and determination
wouldn't allow him to give up without a fight. And I thank God for it,
because within a year the business was flourishing once more, and
&n
bsp; expanding to such an extent that it makes my mind boggle just to think of it.'
While Mrs Brink spoke, Janey recalled, with a growing sense of guilt, the
sound of Rudolph's voice on the telephone during those weeks after he had
been recalled to Johannesburg. Was it possible that she could have mistaken
exhaustion for his declining interest? That would explain the lack of vitality
and enthusiasm in his voice at the time, but it did not explain away the fact
that Sybil had telephoned her to say that Rudolph would be relieved to end
their association, and she had had no reason to doubt that
statement.
'Mother ...' she began, groping helplessly for the right words. 'Was there
ever an understanding between Rudolph and Sybil?'
'If there was, then I think it was purely on our side,' . Mrs Brink replied
thoughtfully. 'Rudolph and Sybil practically grew up together. She was
one of the few women he seemed to have time for, and we more or less
took it for granted that they would eventually marry, as Sybil often hinted
at it.' She leaned forward urgently, her glance sharpening. 'Janey, did
Rudolph know you were expecting his child?'
'No.'
'Why didn't you tell him?'
The anguish of those days after discovering that she was to have a child
returned to Janey with such force that she drew a shuddering breath and
bit down hard on a trembling lip before trusting herself to speak.
'For one thing, I didn't want to become an added burden to Rudolph, and
for another, I... thought he was going to marry Sybil.'
'What on earth gave you that idea?' Mrs Brink demanded.
'It doesn't matter now, Mother.'
The hands clutching hers trembled slightly. 'Janey ... forgive my
impertinence, but... do you love my son?'
Janey felt her cheeks grow hot, but she sustained the older woman's
glance unwaveringly. 'Yes, Mother. For two years I tried to convince
myself that there was nothing left of what I felt for him, and even now,
after our marriage, I've fought against it. But I've discovered that love isn't
something you turn on and off at will. You either love someone or you
don't.' Choking back the tears, she added: 'At the moment we seem unable
to reach each other, but I still love Rudolph very much.'
Tm happy to hear that, my dear,' Mrs Brink sighed, leaning back against
the pillows and closing her eyes for a brief moment. ‘Your love will find a
way to bridge the gap between you; to clear up the misunderstandings that
prevent you from tasting the fruits of your love.'
Janey rose to her feet and walked across to the window, hiding her tears
from the frail old woman reclining in the old-fashioned bed with its brass
trimmings. A movement down on the patio caught her eye and, brushing
the tears from her eyelids, she realised that it was Rudolph, one hand
thrust deep into the pocket of his trousers while the other held a cigarette
to his lips. He turned suddenly and, in the light that shone out from the
living-room, his expression was harsh and unrelenting, his brow furrowed
as if his thoughts had angered him.
'You're very understanding and perceptive. Mother,' she said, turning
swiftly from the window to return to Mrs. Brink's side.
'I know my son, and I think I'm beginning to know you, Janey,' she
smiled briefly. 'I could help you, but I've learnt from experience that it's
better to find your own solutions to your problems. Only then can the slate
be wiped clean in preparation for the new beginning.'
The new beginnings Janey recalled her words much later. Would there
ever be a new beginning for her and Rudolph while there was still so much
doubt in her mind about his sincerity? Of one thing she was certain, Sybil
would never willingly relinquish her hold on him.
Rudolph arrived late from the office the following evening and went
directly to his study after barely touching his dinner. Esm6 went up to her
room to do some studying, while Janey sought the seclusion of her own
room. Andrew was asleep, and the silence settled about her until she could
no longer resist the temptation to pay a visit to her favourite room in the
attic. Glancing swiftly down the length of the passage, she hastened up the
narrow steps and slipped behind the curtain. Once inside, she closed the
door firmly behind her before attempting to switch on the light.
The portrait looked strangely different in this artificial light. There was
actual laughter in those grey eyes, and a gentleness about those curved lips
which Janey had not noticed before, making her wonder whether her own
emotional state had not made her place an entirely different interpretation
on the portrait. The woman looking down at her appeared to be absolutely
radiant with happiness, she noticed with a certain amount of shock. She
reminded Janey of someone ... but who? She searched the hidden recesses
of her mind for the answer, but it continued to evade her.
Lost in thought, she jumped violently as she heard the sound of a step
behind her, and, catching her breath sharply, she swung round to find
herself face to face with Rudolph. His perceptive glance took in the guilty
flush on her cheeks, and a faint smile of mockery hovered on his lips.
‘I ... suppose I shouldn't be here, her words came out in a breathless
rush as she clasped her trembling hands behind her back.
The key is always left on the hook beside the door for anyone who
wishes to enter this room.'
'I'm afraid that I come here often,' she admitted, lower- - ing her glance
to the silk scarf tied about his strong neck and tucked so cleverly into his
shirt.
There was a tense little silence during which she wondered whether she
was about to be scolded by this tall, fiercely silent man confronting her.
'Does that portrait interest you?’ he asked so suddenly that her nerves
reacted sharply. She glanced at him blankly for a moment, and he was
forced to repeat his question derisively.
Her cheeks were hot as she turned away from him and faced the portrait.
'There's something so terribly familiar about her, but I just can't discover
what it is.'
Again there was that tense silence that set her nerves quivering frantically.
With every fibre of her being she was aware of Rudolph's lean, muscular
frame standing close behind her. The temptation to lean back against him
was incredibly strong, while the desire to feel those strong arms about her
almost proved her undoing.
'Come here,' he commanded, the deep timbre of his voice shivering along
her nerves as he gripped her arm and drew her towards the dressing-table.
With his hands on her shoulders he turned her towards the mirror so that she
was forced to see her own image. 'Take a good look at yourself,' he said
harshly. 'Now look at the portrait and tell me what you see.'
Janey trembled as she stared at herself, noticing for the first time the
disturbing similarities between herself and that woman in the portrait. It just
could not be possible, she decided stubbornly as she turned away from her
own reflection to face the portrait.
'But
I don't look like her, I
'
'Of course you do,' Rudolph interrupted impatiently. 'Same colour hair,
same eyes, similar bone structure.' He moved away from her then, thrusting
his hands into his pockets as he leaned against the wall beside the portrait
and allowed his glance to sweep over her cynically. 'Her name was Porua de
Waal. Coincidence, isn't it, her surname being the same as yours was.'
Portia de Waal! The name reverberated through her mind, hammering at
the door of her memory, but finding no response. Janey's cheeks were pale
as she raised her glance to the laughing eyes in the portrait once more.
Should she know her, or was it all merely coincidence?
'I'm flying down to Cape Town next week for three days,' Rudolph
interrupted her turbulent thoughts. 'I thought you might want to come with
me. Would you?'
'M-May I?' she asked, regaining her composure as she lowered her glance
to his.
'I'm asking you, aren't I?'
The harsh mockery in his voice did not escape her, but she chose to ignore
it. 'What about Andrew?'
'He will go with us, naturally. I'm sure his grandparents would want to see
him.'
Thoroughly unnerved, she lowered her glance swiftly. 'Thank you,
Rudolph, I—I should like to go very much.'
She bit her lip fiercely, wishing that she could refrain from stammering
foolishly like an erring schoolgirl. The silence was unbearable between
them, and she wondered frantically whether there was something she had
neglected to say.
There was a touch of impatience in Rudolph's manner as he pushed
himself away from the wall and prepared to leave. 'I'll telephone your
parents and make the necessary arrangements.'
Surfacing from her state of confusion, she wondered whether fye would
object if she asked to speak to her parents.
'Rudolph ...' she began hesitantly as the door swung open beneath his hand.
'Yes?'
He waited patiently for her to speak, but somehow she could not bring
herself to voice her request. Instead, she shook her head and murmured
apologetically, 'It doesn't matter.'
His eyes seemed to glitter strangely as he faced her with that inevitable
twist of cynicism about his lips. ‘If you come down to my study in about
thirty minutes' time you can speak to them yourself.'
He was gone before she could recover sufficiently to remark upon the
