The Fleetwood Gang and the Magic Concert

by Chris Timothy

“Are you sure?” asked someone else.

  “Yes! I’m not stupid… look! There it is!”

  A little green frog was hopping away in the grass.

  Mrs. Fleetwood and Mrs. Lopez looked at each other, and then looked at Grandma Fleetwood who was shaking with laughter, slapping her legs. Actually she was laughing so hard that she started coughing, trying to breathe at the same time.

  “Hello Mother,” said Mrs. Fleetwood, “you seem in a very good mood today.”

  “Ah Caroline!” answered Grandma with a last blast of coughing, “did you bring a gang with you? Who are all those kids?”

  “Mother, here is my friend Rosita Lopez. Rosita is a fully competent Paranormal Engineer.”

  “Don’t give me some fancy name, a witch is a witch,” squealed grandma spitting in her hankie.

  “Mother, please!”

  Mrs. Lopez stepped forward, “I’m very happy to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you…”

  “I hate that Marge nurse,” rambled Grandma, paying no attention to Mrs. Lopez.

  “What has she done wrong Mother?”

  “She refused to push me to the top of the hill this morning, nasty woman!”

  “Mother, your legs are perfectly fine, you should be ashamed of yourself,” said Mrs. Fleetwood indignantly.

  “They are not fine, they’re all wobbly,” replied Grandma crossly, “I want to see the children!”

  The children in question were just coming back from trying to catch the frog.

  “Hi Grandma!” James kissed his Grandmother’s wrinkly cheek.

  “Hello my beautiful boy, how are you?”Grandma was

  happy again and all smiles again – not many teeth left though.

  “Good. These are my friends Maria and Richard.”

  “You’re staying for a cup of tea, are you? Did you bring a cake?” asked Grandma.

  “Yes we did, Mother,” said Mrs. Fleetwood, “coconut and pineapple cake.”

  “NURSE !” shouted Grandma, “nurse where are you?”

  “She’s upset, she won’t come back,” replied a voice.

  The voice belonged to Gladys. Gladys was accompanied by two friends; Olive and Harrison. Gladys was an eighty years old, plump and jolly person with a bright sense of fashion. Olive, small and nimble and about the same age, was more casual in her clothing and a great fan of aerobics classes. The last one of the trio was the charming Harrison. Tall, slim, ever so distinguished with a mass of snow white hair and an impressive moustache.

  “Can we join you?” asked Gladys, “you’re a cheerful lot, nice to have some children around.”

  “Of course you can,” invited Grandma.

  People introduced themselves to one another, shook hands, smiled and commented on the weather. The afternoon was promising.

  Another nurse brought out cups and a big pot of tea. With lots of noise and babbling every one managed to find a seat around the table.

  Mrs. Fleetwood and Mrs. Lopez were on each side of Grandma, James and Maria sat with Harrison. As for Richard, he got kidnapped by Olive and Gladys.

  “What have you been doing lately, Caroline?” asked Grandma.

  “Mum has started some cooking lessons at Grey Shadow School,” answered James promptly.

  Grandma choked on a piece of the cake. She tapped her hands on her chest trying to breathe, but the pineapple was in the wrong tube.

  Once again Mrs. Lopez displayed her life saving skills. She gave a sharp slap on Grandmas’ back, which spat out the rebellious bit of pineapple.

  “Ooooh my goodness gracious me!” croaked Grandma, “what happened to me?”

  “You choked, Mother. How are you feeling now?” asked Mrs. Fleetwood, concerned.

  “Well, you won’t get rid of me today,” snorted Grandma.

  “Mother!”

  “What’s that Grey Shadow School business?” asked Grandma.

  “I am learning a bit of cooking Mother and…”

  “And?”

  “Er… also a bit of magic to be honest…”

  “Right, right,” Grandma was getting excited, “are you learning magic potions?”

  “Er… yes… but.”

  “How long have you been learning?”

  “About one month.”

  “ONE MONTH!!” fulminated Grandma, “and you didn’t tell me. NO ONE EVER TELLS ME ANYTHING!”

  “Please Mother, let’s not start with that again.”

  Grandma was looking very cross. She grabbed the tea pot and put it in front of her daughter.

  “There,” she said, “turn that tea into wine.”

  “What!?!”

  “You heard me!”

  “Please Mother, don’t be ridiculous.”

  “QUIET!” roared Grandma Fleetwood, banging on the table with her fist making pieces of cake somersault in their plates.

  Everyone stopped eating.

  Grandma rummaged under her shawl and extracted a little stick.

  “Oh, a magic wand!” exclaimed Maria clearly impressed.

  “Now people watch and learn!” commanded Grandma.

  She stood up firmly on her wobbly legs, put on a dramatic face and twirled her wand twice over the teapot.

  Nothing happened.

  “Wacky, wacky!” said Olive.

  Richard started laughing and slopped his tea all over his clean T-shirt.

  Grandma cleared her throat, fiddled with her dress and started again. This time the wand farted loudly with a puff of black smoke.

  “Cranky old thing, just like its owner,” whispered Harrison to Maria and James.

  Maria snorted in her hand and James cracked up laughing. Mrs. Fleetwood pretended not to notice.

  Grandma was showing signs of impatience. The tea pot hadn’t changed a bit and the wand was polluting the air.

  “Bother!” she snapped, and she whacked the tea pot with the wand.

  The poor old tea pot made a great leap forward, sitting itself in front of Harrison.

  At that point everyone was coughing and wind milling the black smoke with their arms and hands.

  “You’re quite in a mood today, old girl!” said Harrison laughing and picking up the tea pot.

  Still laughing he filled his cup to the rim.

  “Hello, hello, what have we got there?” he asked staring at his cup. “I swear to shave my moustache if it isn’t wine!”

  Harrison smelt the beverage cautiously, and then dipped his bushy upper lip in it.

  “IT’S WINE!” he exclaimed. “You did it old girl!”

  The company applauded loudly.

  “And not any wine!” added Harrison, “it’s BEAUJOLAIS!”

  The company cheered.

  Grandma was blushing like a young lady.

  “Pass on the tea pot,” squealed Gladys.

  “Not for the children!” boomed Mrs. Lopez’s voice through the hubbub.

  “Let’s have a toast!” said Harrison.

  “A toast for Grandma!” echoed James.

  “HIP HIP HOURAY!”

  Much later in the afternoon Mrs. Fleetwood, Mrs. Lopez, James, Richard and Maria went back to the car accompanied by Grandma, Gladys, Olive and Harrison. A brilliant team indeed!

  Grandma, who was now in a sentimental mood, kissed every one goodbye. So did Olive and Gladys smearing large amounts of lipstick on the children’s cheeks.

  Grandma hugged her daughter and eventually said.

  “What you need, Caroline, is a magic wand.”

  “No, thank you very much Mother,” replied Mrs. Fleetwood, “I’d rather not.”

  “We’ll see about that,” retorted Grandma winking at James.

  They all got in the car. Windows went down. Hands waved furiously.

  “BYE,” shouted the children.

  “Come again!” sobbed Gladys clutching the little hands.

  “We will, don’t worry!”

  ***

  5 CHEESE SOUFFLÉ

  Summer school holidays had arrived and James’
birthday was only two weeks away.

  But there were no holidays at Grey Shadow School, and Mrs. Fleetwood kept learning new potions, memorizing new recipes, practicing transformation. She always practiced transformation in the garden with stray cats, changing them into birds. And judging by the number of birds chirping in the garden she was significantly improving. On the other hand, potions were a bit of a problem, as she would not dare taste them. The color, the smell and even the texture were not inviting, let alone the smoke. So they were used as snails and slugs repellent, very effective as a weed killer too.

  James was confident that his mother would make a beautiful birthday cake. He was now sitting in the garden with Richard, making a list of friends he was going to invite.

  “And what about Helena Bogart?” asked James.

  “Oh no,” answered Richard who was unwrapping a ham sandwich, “take Oliver Stud, he’s all right.”

  “Yeah, I forgot about him.”

  “Now you could invite Mustafa Patel,” suggested Richard.

  “Yes, and Stephanie Walker,” said James writing her name on the list. “There is Grandma of course and Marias’ Mum, I’m also inviting Gladys, Olive and Harrison.”

  “Yeah, they’re cool,” answered Richard, contemplating his sandwich.

  “What about your father?” asked James.

  “What about my father?”

  “Can I invite him?”

  “Sure.”

  “Right then!” said James happily, “there is going to be quite lot of us.”

  “What about the food?” asked Richard suddenly concerned.

  “My Mum is doing it,” replied James casually.

  “All by herself?”

  “Yeah, we’ll have a barbecue and one of her Grey Shadow birthday cakes, is that all right with you?” asked James stiffly.

  At that moment the little Scottish terrier from next door made his entrance. He had dug a hole under the fence. He went straight for Richard’s sandwich.

  “Get off dog, get off!” cried Richard alarmed.

  “His name is Henry,” said James.

  “Go awaaaaay!” pleaded Richard trying to save his sandwich.

  Henry’s little jaws snapped!

  “Oh no! He’s gobbling half of my sandwich!” cried Richard.

  “You can share, can you? You’re a bit too fat anyway.”

  So Henry-dog enjoyed the sandwich. Then he went towards the kitchen.

  “Henry, I wouldn’t go there if I were you.” said James.

  Henry the dog turned, looked at James and waved his tail.

  “What’s your mother doing?” asked Richard wiping his hands on his t-shirt.

  “She’s trying a recipe from her Magical cooking book, CHEESE SOUFFLÉ, I think it is,” said James thoughtfully.

  “Let’s have a peep through the window,” suggested Richard.

  “All right! Henry-dog, stay with us please.” James took him in his arm.

  Craning their necks through the window, they saw that the kitchen was in full swing. Broom was on stand by, ready to sweep. A heavy cook book was hanging in mid-air at Mrs. Fleetwood’s eye level. She was reading something aloud. With a wooden spoon she was poking at what looked like a pan-cake.

  The pan-cake quivered.

  Suddenly it started to expand. In less than ten seconds the frail looking pan-cake was now the size of a football. And it continued to grow. A nice cheesy smell was now floating around.

  The pan-cake had become a CHEESE SOUFFLÉ and a rather large one at that, and to be honest it looked really tasty.

  “That’s it!” said Mrs. Fleetwood with a last little tap on the top of the soufflé.

  Then, for no apparent raison, the blasted thing deflated noisily like a pierced balloon “Pshyyyyy”

  “Oh nooo!” moaned James.

  “That’s a shame!” said Richard.

  Mrs. Fleetwood flopped on a chair.

  James, Richard and Henry-dog came in the kitchen.

  “What went wrong, Mum?” asked James.

  “The wooden spoon,” said Mrs. Fleetwood with a sigh.

  “Why the wooden spoon? What about it?”

  Mrs. Fleetwood looked at the boys sadly and said, “I am not supposed to use a wooden spoon”.

  “You could try a spatula,” suggested Richard.

  “No, no, you don’t understand, I should use a magic wand,” admitted Mrs. Fleetwood.

  “I see,” said James thinking. “So Grandma was right after all.”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “What about a chop stick?” asked Richard.

  “Richard!” snapped James, “we’re trying to have a serious conversation here!”

  “Just trying to help,” said Richard casually studying the remain of the soufflé. It now resembled the pan-cake it was earlier on, only a lot larger.

  Mrs. Fleetwood’s spirits were low.

  “I don’t even know where to buy a magic wand.”

  “Why don’t you ask for one from the GREY SHADOW SCHOOL?”

  “The School gives wands to second year students and not before,” said Mrs. Fleetwood with a big sigh, “otherwise I’d already have one.”

  “You know what, Mum, I’ll go see Grandma. She might be able to help, what do you think?”

  “Yes she might,” said Mrs. Fleetwood far from being convinced.

  “Actually, I could go now. Do you want to come Richard?”

  “Yeah, good idea,” said Richard, “let’s go.”

  ***

  James and Richard dumped their bicycles inside Lady Bird Rest Home courtyard. They casually walked into the garden.

  “What have you got in there?” asked James eyeing Richard’s bulging pocket.

  “Jelly beans,” answered Richard tapping his pocket.

  “Can I have one?”

  “Nope!”

  “Why not?” asked James surprised.

  “Because it’s not for me, it’s for Gladys.”

  “Yeah right!”

  “Yes, that’s right, two bags of Jelly beans for a turn on her scooter.”

  “What!?!”

  “Business, business,” said Richard seriously. “See you later and good luck with your Grandma.”

  James spotted his Grandmother in her favorite place giving a hard time to Marge the nurse.

  “What’s she doing again?” whispered James to himself, “Hello Grandma.”

  She startled. “Dear me, you want to give me a heart-attack… Oh it’s you.”

  Marge the nurse took the opportunity to sneak away.

  “Are you all right Grandma?” asked James, giving her a big hug.

  “Yes, very good. Did you come alone?”

  “I came with Richard, but he is doing business with Gladys.”

  “Have a chocolate biscuit,” offered Grandma.

  “I want to ask you something for Mum…” started James.

  “What does she want?” asked Grandma raising an eyebrow.

  “I think she needs a magic wand.”

  “Indeed she does!” said Grandma with a little tone of triumph.

  “But she doesn’t know where to buy one.”

  “No, of course, she doesn’t,” replied Grandma, “awfully difficult to buy a magic wand nowadays, has to be ordered from London, hand made, huge waiting list, and takes ages to get one.”

  “That’s not good at all,” said James very disappointed, “she really needs one now.”

  They ate their chocolate biscuit silently for a minute.

  “Could she use a conductor-stick instead?” asked James suddenly.

  “Conductor-stick?” repeated Grandma.

  “Yes, you know… the longish stick she uses with the orchestra.”

  “I see, I see, but it’s got nothing to do with a wand… apart from the shape perhaps,” said Grandma who was studying her own wand.

  “What’s it made of?”

  “Er… fiberglass I think,” answered James who took the wand from G
randma’s hand.

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s a bit like plastic…”

  Grandma chuckled. “A plastic wand! You’re out of your mind my boy.”

  James looked sadly at the old wand now smeared with chocolate.

  “I am only trying to help Mum.”

  Grandma pulled her face and fiddled with her shawl.

  James sighed deeply.

  Grandma sighed even more deeply.

  Suddenly a strange humming noise distracted them from their dull thought.

  The humming noise grew louder and closer.

  “Look!” exclaimed James jumping and pointing at Richard who was riding Gladys’ mobility scooter at 5km an hour.

  Body bent forward, teeth clenched, eyes narrowed, muscles tensed… you’d think he was riding a Harley.

  “OY! RICHARD, COME OVER THERE!” yelled James.

  Richard made an impressive U turn and stopped abruptly near James and Grandma.

  “Wow, is this Gladys’ scooter?” asked James.

  “Yeah! Pretty cool!”

  “Grandma,” said James turning towards the grumpy old lady, “you should have a scooter too!”

  “Oh, god, no! Nasty contraption if you ask me,” groaned Grandma.

  Gladys arrived, plodding along and out of breath.

  “It’s very handy,” she panted out, “you can borrow it any time, Grandma. Who wants some jelly beans? They’re good for the heart”.

  “Meeee!”

  “And me!”

  “So?” whispered Richard in James’ ear.

  “Nothing,” nagged James loudly, “Grandma can do nothing to help my Mum.”

  “WHAT!” burst Grandma, spitting out a yellow jelly bean, “of course I CAN do something!”

  “Yes, what?”

  “You bring me that conductor-stick of yours and I will bewitch it. That’s what I am going to do. Gladys, can I have one or two of your jelly beans, I already feel an improvement around the chest – thank you.”

  The boys looked at each other.

  “Well, now, I’ll have to pinch my Mum’s stick and bring it here. It’s going to be tough.”

  “Richard looked concerned. “You reckon?”

  “When do you want it Grandma?” asked James.

  “Whenever,” replied Grandma, “and I would like Rosita Lopez’s phone number… just in case,” finished Grandma.

  James thought for a moment.

  “I know,” he said, “we need to have the magic conductor-stick ready for the concert next week.”

  “Why is that, my boy?”

  “Because my Mum could do with some magic with the orchestra.”

  “Yes it’s really bad,” added Richard, “my Dad plays the trumpet, he said that the first cello is a real nuisance and the clarinet…”

  “All right, all right!” interrupted Grandma, “the stick will be ready for the concert, I promise.”