Paranormal is Relative

by S.J. Drew

Paranormal is Relative

  By S.J. Drew

  Story and Cover Copyright 2013 S.J. Drew

  Table of Contents:

  Introduction

  Track 1 - Beyond the Grave

  Track 2 - Ghost Writer

  Track 3 - Green-eyed Monster

  Track 4 - Don’t Quoth Me

  Track 5 - Cathedral of the Soul

  Track 6 - Lovecraftian Horror

  Track 7 - The Brother of Sleep

  Track 8 - Bad Seed

  Track 9 - Calm Before the Storm

  Track 10 - How You Play the Game

  Track 11 - Not a Murder (Only an Unkindness)

  Track 12 - Like a Writing Desk

  Track 13 - Howl at the Moon

  Wrap-Up

  Introduction:

  Kelly: Hello everyone and welcome to “Top 45 Revolutions!” I'm Kelly Kellem!

  Bryan: And I'm Bryan Highwave! This week after breaking into the Top 45 with three songs from their new album, “Paranormal is Relative,” we got a chance to sit down and interview the band Nevermore and the Ravens.

  Kelly: The band is notorious for being evasive and mysterious about their real lives and the inspiration for their songs.”

  Bryan: But we thought we'd be able to get through that tough exterior and find out what makes them so successful.

  Kelly: The whole interview will be available for download tomorrow. We’ll also include the song lyrics for context.

  Bryan: And you can find out if we got the inside story or not. As usual, they did not tell us their real names, but insisted on being called by their stage names of Anna, Belle, Lee, and Lenore.

  Kelly: By the way, we'd like to point out that even though this is a radio show, the band showed up in full costume. They looked like they're wearing a punk take on a tuxedo, complete with top hats, and everyone had long black hair partially covering their faces.

  Bryan: They were dressed identically, which is one of their trademarks, in addition to crediting the whole band for each song and switching up who plays and who sings. In fact, the only person with any specific credit is Dave Rafel, and we'll get to that during the interview

  Kelly: So, let's get this show started!

  Track 1 - Beyond the Grave

  The Interview:

  Bryan: We're glad to have you on our show!

  Anna: Thanks! We're glad to be here!

  Bryan: So we're here to discuss your second album, “Paranormal is Relative.”

  Kelly: Your first album, “Necromancy for the Greater Good,” was of course a break-out success. It's been called everything from innovative to odd but definitely not mainstream.

  Bryan: Some of the tracks on this album might be considered mainstream.

  Lenore: Is that necessarily a problem?

  Kelly: You know, people may accuse you of selling out.

  Lee: That would be great!

  Bryan: It would? Really?

  Lenore: Sure. It means people are paying attention.

  Belle: It means there are enough people who have listened to us and liked us to form an opinion on what they think our music should be.

  Anna: It's one of the signs that we've really made it big.

  Kelly: Really? What's another sign?

  Lee: When someone like Weird Al does a parody of one of our songs.

  Bryan: That's fair.

  Kelly: So, the first track here, “Beyond the Grave,” is hard rock with a metal edge but judging by the lyrics, it seems to be a love song, except it seems like the opposite of a love song, kind of like “Blood-Sucking Fiend.”

  Lenore: Sure, let's go with whatever that means.

  Bryan: Why do you feel inspired to write songs that seem to make fun of love?

  Belle: We aren't making fun, as such. We're just pointing out the flaws in common perceptions of love. We did it in “Blood-Sucking Fiend” with vampires, and here we're just taking on the idea of love lasting beyond death.

  Kelly: But why?

  Lee: Regular love songs are boring. We don't like boring.

  Bryan: [laughs] That's obvious. So what was your inspiration for this song?

  Anna: Life, and death, and stuff.

  Kelly: You aren't going to give us any details, are you?

  Lee: Nope.

  Bryan: Do we have any chance of getting the inside story?

  Lee: Probably not. But you can keep asking anyway.

 

  The Inside Story:

  "A show in Salem around Halloween?" Leah said, reviewing their itinerary. "That's totally appropriate. Did Mr. Rafel book this one or did Dave?" she asked, referring to their agent and his son.

  "I think Dave booked this one for us," Isabella answered as she steered their van.

  "I would have guessed that. Mr. Rafel still doesn't get our music," Nora sighed from her usual spot in the front passenger seat.

  "I know this town really revels in its history, but it is actually kind of gloomy this time of year," Maryann said. "We missed all the pretty autumn leaves."

  "Maybe next time around," Leah said. "So where are we staying for this gig?"

  "Gable House Bed and Breakfast," Isabella replied.

  "Probably it's some kind of touristy thing," Nora said dryly. "Genuine haunted house with a real live ghost and all that."

  "Actually, no," Maryann returned, looking at reviews of the place on her phone. "Apparently it's not haunted at all. That's also apparently a bad thing here."

  "How come everyone's so sure it's not haunted?"

  "Well, it used to have a reputation for being haunted. You know, the usual stuff like cold spots, odd breezes, things falling off of shelves by themselves. But about twenty years ago, all that stuff stopped happening. Looks like the owners have hired ghost hunters to prove the place really is haunted and no one has turned up anything."

  "Wait, the owners want their B&B to be haunted?" Leah asked. "Well, I guess in a town built on supernatural tourism, an un-haunted house is not a draw. So let me guess, the rates are really low?"

  Isabella shrugged. "It works out for us."

  "And it would be nice to stay in a definitely un-haunted house for once," Maryann said.

  "You just totally jinxed us," Leah replied.

  "Oh, honestly."

  "Hey, I've jinxed us before. Remember the Battle of the Bands and I said nothing was going to happen on Halloween because that's too cliché? I was wrong, and I'm not ashamed to admit it."

  "So you're saying this house is definitely not not-haunted?"

  "I'm saying a double-negative equals proof-positive," Leah answered. She waited a moment. "No one got that? It's from Clue."

  After a quick online search Nora said, "What is it with you and '80s pop culture? You weren't even alive in the '80s."

  "I have three older brothers who were and they loved that movie. Specifically, they loved watching the busty French maid."

  "Boys," Maryann said, shaking her head.

  Gable House Bed and Breakfast was actually a little outside the Salem city limits. The house was large and built in a kind of Gothic style. There was a very large American elm tree in the front yard that looked easily as old as the house. Everything about it was old and sprawling.

  "Are you sure those reviews say this place isn't haunted?" Leah asked. "I mean, look at it."

  "It looks like my great-aunt Victoria's house," Nora said. "Although I think her house is probably older."

  "I think it looks nice," Maryann said brightly. "I like all the trim and the pointy roof bits."

  The band checked into their rooms. Nora and Isabella shared one, as normal, and Maryann and Leah shared another. They dropped off their luggage, got into costume, and headed bac
k out almost immediately for their first gig. They returned late and went to sleep as soon as they could.

  Isabella woke up to the sound of thunder. Her eyes popped open and very carefully felt for her glasses, which she always kept under her pillow. It was annoying being near-sighted, and as a natural medium who was often awakened by things that went bump in the night, it was downright frustrating at times. She tried to put her frame-less glasses on without being too obvious about it and reflected again on the idea of getting laser vision correction. She carefully looked around the room. Standing near the door was a ghost of a man. He was translucent but other than that didn't look very corpse-like. He was a little past middle-age and was wearing very old-fashioned clothes. He was just kind of staring at Isabella and seemed unaware she could see him. She rolled over and cast a spell on Nora to allow her to see spirits.

  "Nora! Nora!" she said in a harsh whisper.

  "What?" she replied fuzzily.

  "Look at the door."

  Nora sighed and sat up in her bed.

  The ghost looked startled but didn't move.

  "What do you think you're doing here?" Nora demanded.

  The ghost and Isabella looked very surprised.

  "Yes, you in the corner. What are you doing in the room of two single young ladies at this hour?"

  "I-I-I," he stuttered.

  "Nora?" Isabella said in disbelief.

  "Aren't you a gentleman? How dare you! This isn't appropriate. This is scandalous. Scandalous!" she said.

  "My apologies.