Paranormal is Relative

by S.J. Drew

garment but it had a ring of silver around its head.

  "Um," she said again.

  It turned to the waiting crowd and said something to them. The crowd looked a little angry and frustrated but then the blue one said something else that seemed to appease them. The crowd dispersed and the blue one flew up to eye level with Maryann.

  "Well, we'd better talk."

  "Hey, how come you know English?"

  "That's really your first question? Come on, human," it ordered.

  "Where?"

  It sighed. "Honestly." It had a small pouch she didn't notice before and it pulled out some green dust and threw it at her.

  She sneezed.

  "Oh, very nice. We need to talk privately. My people for the most part don't understand your language but I don't want them to see you get scared."

  "What?" she exclaimed.

  "You'll find out. Give me your hand."

  "Um, okay," she said, extending her hand.

  It clutched one of her fingers and to her surprise pulled them both into the air and headed to the tree tops.

  "Was that green stuff fairy dust?" she asked.

  "Yes and no. Yes, in that I guess we are fairy kind, but no, as in we are not what you humans tend to think of as fairies, which are little tiny human women with bug wings. But it does temporarily make you light enough to fly, which is fine."

  The blue one flew up about a hundred feet and set her down at the crux of four thick tree branches. There was so much room she could stand up, walk around a bit, and look down, although she did not want to do that.

  "Sit down. We need to talk," it said, and sat in a notch carved into one of the branches. "This is my council chamber. I'm the king, as you can see," he said, pointing to his blue skin, not the ring of silver.

  "The king is blue?" she said, puzzled.

  The king sighed. "You know, just because we aren't pretty and don't do flashy magic doesn't mean we should be so neglected in the fairy lore. It's for the best, I suppose. It's not good attracting the attention of the Seelie Court or you silly humans, or worse the Unseelies. Anyway, I guess you can call us the greenlings, although I am of course blue, which is the sign of royalty."

  "And the ring?" she asked, seeing that it really was a ring meant for the finger of a human or human-like creature.

  "It's an heirloom, but I don't have to wear it. I just like it because it's shiny. Also, the silver has some useful properties against certain other creatures."

  "So what's your name?"

  "Just call me King Greenling, if you have to call me anything except 'king,'" he said. "Names are too valuable to our kind to give them out so freely."

  "Okay, King Greenling, why did your people kidnap me? Are you going to let me go? And my friends are going to come looking for me."

  "Are they?" he said, frowning deeply. "Hm. Well, I suppose I'll send out a scout to fetch them so they don't accidentally lead something bad to the Hidden Hollow." He snapped his fingers and a thin vine with a pink bell-shaped flower snaked over to his perch. He barked some kind of order into the flower in his own language and then the flower snaked away. "I'm not opening the door for them, though."

  "Oh, it's fine. We can open doors if we can find them, and a mushroom ring is pretty obvious."

  "Hm. Well, I suppose maybe this should wait until your friends get here. So the lot of you is in tune with the magical world?"

  "Sure! I guess. Well, it's not like we're trying to get involved in this stuff. It just sort of happens, you know? Leah calls us weirdness magnets."

  "What's a magnet?"

  "Oh, it's a piece of iron that is magnetized. I, um, don't know the science so well but basically magnets attract each other or other pieces of iron, even if those other pieces aren't magnetized." That reminded Maryann of the iron ring in her purse and she slipped it on. "But instead of attracting iron, we attract weirdness."

  The king's purple eyes were sharp. "An iron ring?"

  "I'm not trying to be insulting or anything."

  "It's fine." He hopped off his perch and flew over to her to look at the ring. "This is an old nail? But don't assume all of us have the same allergies," he said, and put his hand on the ring without any harm. Then he flew back to his perch.

  "Oh, that's good to know."

  He smiled a very toothy smile. "Well, tell me about yourself, human, while we wait for your friends, and then I'll tell you all why I ordered my people to bring you here."

  Leah fetched the emergency kit, they all put on their rings, and Isabella opened the door.

  "I'm really beginning to dislike fairies," Nora said.

  "You and me both," Leah agreed as they stepped through the circle.

  The world shimmered and changed but seemed less glamorous than they expected. The trees were at least two hundred feet tall with so many branches that very little sunlight penetrated the canopy. They could hear birds and other forest sounds. The air seemed heavy and slightly stale. The place had a less wholesome feel to it than the real world.

  "So, I'm guessing this isn't one of the nicer parts of the fairy realms?" Nora asked.

  "No," Isabella answered. "It's downright unfriendly in here. Maybe those things were closer to goblins than what we think of as fairies."

  "Is that a problem?" Nora asked.

  "In most fantasy books it sure is. Goblins are nasty, violent things that use weapons, which means they probably aren't allergic to iron," Leah said. "Of course, I'm only going by Tolkien."

  "That's not a bad assumption for now," Isabella replied. "Now, we need to figure out how to find Maryann."

  Suddenly one of the odd green creatures darted out of a bush and stood right in front of them, gabbling madly and pointing.

  "Or we could get a guide," Nora said. "I think it wants us to follow it."

  "Is that a good idea?" Leah asked. "These things kidnapped Maryann! It could be a trap."

  "Well, it's follow this thing or wander around in one of the more unfriendly neighborhoods of Fairyland."

  "We'll follow it; we'll just be careful," Isabella said.

  The creature seemed relieved when they finally started to go where it was indicating and soon enough they were walking past the mushroom houses.

  "La la la la la, la la la la," Leah hummed softly.

  "They're green, not blue," Nora said, rolling her eyes.

  They were lead to the stump and the creature said something into a flower on a vine. In a moment, a blue flying creature flew down to eye level.

  "That one looks blue to me," Leah said.

  "One blue one doesn't justify 'The Smurfs' theme," Nora replied.

  The blue one threw the green dust at them. They all sneezed.

  "What the heck?" Leah coughed.

  "Your friend is up in my council chamber. I'll take you up there," the king said.

  "Is that thing speaking English?"

  "That thing is speaking human," he said stiffly.

  "Habla Español?" Leah asked, annoyed.

  "English, Español whatever you humans call your language. Come on," he said, and took Isabella by the hand and flew her up to the tree.

  "Oh, no, no, I am not going up there," Nora said as he left.

  "Come on, you'll be safe," Leah said. "I mean, as safe as we can be."

  "I do not do heights."

  "Nora, please, we need to stay together. Just close your eyes. Maryann and Isabella will catch you."

  The king returned. "Is there a problem?"

  "Nora doesn't like flying or heights."

  "Well, that's odd for a creature who can't fly."

  "It's really the potential for falling that worries me," she snapped.

  "Oh, you won't fall. You'll float to the ground harmlessly," the king replied.

  "Nora, please. We have to stay together," Leah said.

  "Fine. But I am not happy." She held out her hand. The king took it and pulled her into the air. "I am really really
not happy," she muttered, trying not to look down. Not soon enough, he set her next to the other two and fetched Leah.

  "I'm glad you're here!" Maryann said. "These are greenlings, and this is the king. He says we can call him King Greenling."

  "But he's blue," Leah said.

  "Very observant," the king said sarcastically. "We are not actually greenlings; it's merely a convenient name. Blue is the color of royalty and I went over this already with your Maryann. Now we get down to business."

  "Yeah, why did you kidnap Maryann?" Leah asked.

  "It's the prophecy."

  "What prophecy?" Nora replied.

  The king sighed. "Honestly, have some patience. I must fetch the scroll." He flew off and in a moment returned with a tiny and what appeared to be quite old wooden case. "This is the prophecy," he said, opening up the case. Nestled in silk was an old scroll. "Now, see, I don't put much stock in most prophecy," the king said. "Most prophecy is really vague. After the fact, it's obvious the subject of the prophecy fits the description."

  "Well, that's because prophecies are usually cons by people pretending to be psychic," Nora said. "They have to make it vague or else someone will call them out when the prophecy isn't correct, especially if they are using their so-called precognitive powers to get some sort of political power or lots of money."

  "And normally I'd agree with you. I tend to think most prophecy is latrine fodder," the king replied. "Then again, this one was written by my people, which makes it special. My people hold the written word in the highest regard. Any written words are magic to my people, even those that are not spells."

  "Why?" Maryann asked.

  "Because even ordinary words contain ideas. Once you read those ideas, they're in your head. That seems like magic to me," the king said.

  "I can see that," Isabella said. "Humans